Every mom deserves a trophy a day | Karen Jonz | TEDxSaoPauloSalon

Karen Jonz talks about her experience as a skateboarder, a mother, and a professional athlete.

Karen is a four-time vert skateboarding world champion, and she was the first Brazilian woman to win a gold medal in the X Games. She's also a composer, an artist, an entrepreneur, and Sky's mom.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

I never planned to be
a professional skateboarder,

and I never planned to be a mother.

Most things I planned
ended up not happening,

and the things that happened,
I never planned.

When I started to skateboard,

I was one of the only girls on the track,

in the championships,
and all the places I went to.

So I didn't have a reference.

I was the only girl in a pack of boys.

All big: we were children then;
now everyone's grown up.

One is a world champion,
another is a Brazilian champion.

Everyone's skating a lot.

But I had no reference.

And more than this, people saw me,

a blonde little girl,

and they said, "You skateboard?

That's a boys' thing.

You can't skateboard."

"No, it's a boys' thing,
but I skateboard."

So I never stopped
because it was what I wanted.

The thing I liked most to do
was skateboarding.

I continued skateboarding,

and today I'm a four-time
vert skateboarding world champion.

I was the first Brazilian woman
to win a gold medal in the X Games.

Later other girls did this as well,

but in 2006, I opened doors.

And I think I proved it was possible
to be a girl and to skateboard.

After all the glory
and many championships,

I went through a phase where I ended up
going to the other extreme -

partying, drinking -

and I went this opposite way
to find balance,

to find my middle ground,

to not be super-restricted,
super-responsible,

waking up early,
taking proteins, eating right.

It was a phase where I messed up,

trying to be a skateboarder
with a little more levity.

So when I got myself right,
I met this handsome guy in the photo.

He's my husband, Lucas,
and I'm not sure if you know him.

He's the vocalist of the band Fresno.

We hadn't planned it,
but I was pregnant with Sky.

Motherhood, for me, was just childbirth.

I knew that I wanted
to have a humane childbirth.

And I had one, but I didn't know
anything about babies.

I read childbirth books,

but when Sky was born,
I picked her up and said,

"And now what do I do with this?

I didn't read or see anything about this.

I don't know what to do."

In my head, I thought that, in two weeks,
I'd put Sky in a little corner,

I'd go back to skateboarding,

and she'd be cheering me,
"Go, Mommy, do tricks! So cool!"

Of course, this never happened.

I thought that, in two or three months,
I'd have my former body back

because, after all,
I'd had a normal birth,

and after a normal birth you get
your body back super-quick, right?

After six months,
every time I'd climb stairs,

I'd remember the moment
she ripped through my birth canal.

(Laughter)

Seriously, it took six months
for the perineum to contract

and for me to stop feeling pain
when I climbed stairs or walked.

It took a long time.

And then people doubted -

because I was a skateboarder,
how could I be a good mother?

So we adopted the hospital's
whole hippie package:

(Laughter)

the front pack, naked baby
in Vila Madalena at Carnaval,

breastfeed on demand, shared bed, BLW.

I said yes to everything you can imagine.

This left me very, very, very tired.

Tired at a level

no international or world championship
had left me before.

You can't put it on the same scale.

Every day when I woke up,

along with my coffee and scrambled eggs,

I'd like to have had,
a trophy with the inscription,

"You're so awesome.
Congratulations for another night."

I'd put it next to my collection
of skateboard trophies.

This never happened.

I wake up, put on makeup,

my husband looks at me and says,

"How was your night?
I think it's all good."

"No, it isn't all good.

I'm pretty because I put on
tons of base makeup,

but I'm wiped out -

you can't imagine how tired I am."

And sometimes I ask myself,

"How is it that I'm still standing?
Where does my strength come from?"

I don't know.

The mothers in this room
recognize what I'm saying.

I don't know where we draw
the strength from.

I wonder, "How am I standing?
I'm not supposed to stand."

This is what happened to me
last night and in recent days:

a child with a fever,
breastfeeding all day.

I don't know how we manage, but we do.

And we don't succeed because it's easy.

Because it's not easy.

I'm a high-level professional athlete,

so I've undergone many challenges

and conquered many things.

I don't slack off.

Because for us to perform at a high level,

we have to strive,
and there is no easy way.

About the things I've done,
I can tell you,

"It's not easy, but it's possible."

With a lot of help,
with a support network,

with a husband, a wife,
a father, or a grandfather

who does their part,

everything is much easier.

So we decided to deconstruct motherhood.

Now we let Sky cry.

And we play Galinha Pintadinha
kids' song videos at lunchtime -

I want to eat too.

(Laughter)

Not always, only sometimes.

And it's OK.

One thing I learned being an athlete

is that a podium is a place
on which you stand for 30 seconds,

and then you go down.

And what's left?

The rest of your life.

To make those 30 seconds worthwhile,

you need to have enjoyed
the rest of your life.

And today I relate this to my motherhood.

Every cry, every fever,
every time I'm irritated with Sky,

I try to make the most of it

because if I focus on the moment

that she'll start to walk, to talk,
to skateboard with me,

and to become a human being

who communicates
and fulfills my expectations,

this moment will never come.

Then, when I look around,
life will have passed by,

and I'll not have deeply imprinted

any of those very subtle
moments that go by,

the collection of which
is the mother's experience.

They doubted I could be a skateboarder
because I was a girl,

but I did it.

They doubted I could be a good mother
because I was a professional skateboarder,

but I did that too.

And now I think the grand challenge

is managing to be a mother
and a professional athlete

at the same time,

being the mother my daughter deserves,

and continuing to be the person -

with and without my daughter -

who is a reference for other girls.

Just like I was the first of my generation

to plant the seed

and show that it's possible
to be a professional skateboarder,

I believe that I'm already
constructing the pathway

of being an athlete,
continuing to be myself,

and being Sky's mom.

That's it, guys.

Bye-bye.

(Applause)

(Cheers)

(Applause)