How to make work-life balance work
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0:00 - 0:02What I thought I would do
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0:02 - 0:04is I would start with a simple request.
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0:05 - 0:07I'd like all of you
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0:07 - 0:09to pause for a moment,
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0:09 - 0:11you wretched weaklings,
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0:11 - 0:14and take stock of your miserable existence.
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0:14 - 0:16(Laughter)
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0:18 - 0:20Now that was the advice
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0:20 - 0:22that St. Benedict gave his rather startled followers
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0:22 - 0:24in the fifth century.
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0:24 - 0:26It was the advice that I decided to follow myself
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0:26 - 0:29when I turned 40.
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0:29 - 0:32Up until that moment, I had been that classic corporate warrior --
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0:32 - 0:34I was eating too much, I was drinking too much,
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0:34 - 0:36I was working too hard
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0:36 - 0:38and I was neglecting the family.
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0:38 - 0:40And I decided that I would try
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0:40 - 0:42and turn my life around.
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0:42 - 0:44In particular, I decided
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0:44 - 0:46I would try to address the thorny issue
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0:46 - 0:49of work-life balance.
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0:49 - 0:52So I stepped back from the workforce,
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0:52 - 0:55and I spent a year at home
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0:55 - 0:58with my wife and four young children.
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0:58 - 1:00But all I learned about work-life balance
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1:00 - 1:02from that year
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1:02 - 1:04was that I found it quite easy
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1:04 - 1:06to balance work and life
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1:06 - 1:08when I didn't have any work.
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1:08 - 1:12(Laughter)
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1:12 - 1:14Not a very useful skill,
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1:14 - 1:17especially when the money runs out.
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1:17 - 1:19So I went back to work,
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1:19 - 1:22and I've spent these seven years since
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1:22 - 1:25struggling with, studying
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1:25 - 1:28and writing about work-life balance.
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1:28 - 1:30And I have four observations
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1:30 - 1:32I'd like to share with you today.
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1:32 - 1:34The first is:
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1:34 - 1:37if society's to make any progress on this issue,
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1:37 - 1:40we need an honest debate.
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1:40 - 1:42But the trouble is
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1:42 - 1:44so many people talk so much rubbish
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1:44 - 1:46about work-life balance.
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1:47 - 1:49All the discussions about flexi-time
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1:49 - 1:52or dress-down Fridays
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1:52 - 1:54or paternity leave
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1:54 - 1:57only serve to mask the core issue,
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1:57 - 1:59which is
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1:59 - 2:02that certain job and career choices
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2:02 - 2:05are fundamentally incompatible
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2:05 - 2:07with being meaningfully engaged
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2:07 - 2:09on a day-to-day basis
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2:09 - 2:11with a young family.
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2:13 - 2:15Now the first step in solving any problem
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2:15 - 2:18is acknowledging the reality of the situation you're in.
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2:18 - 2:22And the reality of the society that we're in
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2:22 - 2:24is there are thousands and thousands
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2:24 - 2:26of people out there
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2:26 - 2:30leading lives of quiet, screaming desperation,
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2:30 - 2:32where they work long, hard hours
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2:32 - 2:34at jobs they hate
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2:34 - 2:36to enable them to buy things they don't need
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2:36 - 2:38to impress people they don't like.
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2:38 - 2:40(Laughter)
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2:40 - 2:43(Applause)
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2:43 - 2:47It's my contention that going to work on Friday in jeans and [a] T-shirt
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2:47 - 2:49isn't really getting to the nub of the issue.
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2:49 - 2:52(Laughter)
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2:53 - 2:55The second observation I'd like to make
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2:55 - 2:57is we need to face the truth
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2:57 - 2:59that governments and corporations
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2:59 - 3:02aren't going to solve this issue for us.
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3:02 - 3:04We should stop looking outside.
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3:04 - 3:06It's up to us as individuals
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3:06 - 3:09to take control and responsibility
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3:09 - 3:12for the type of lives that we want to lead.
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3:12 - 3:14If you don't design your life,
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3:14 - 3:17someone else will design it for you,
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3:17 - 3:19and you may just not like
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3:19 - 3:21their idea of balance.
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3:21 - 3:24It's particularly important --
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3:24 - 3:26this isn't on the World Wide Web, is it? I'm about to get fired --
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3:26 - 3:28it's particularly important
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3:28 - 3:31that you never put the quality of your life
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3:31 - 3:34in the hands of a commercial corporation.
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3:35 - 3:38Now I'm not talking here just about the bad companies --
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3:38 - 3:41the "abattoirs of the human soul," as I call them.
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3:41 - 3:43(Laughter)
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3:43 - 3:46I'm talking about all companies.
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3:46 - 3:48Because commercial companies
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3:48 - 3:50are inherently designed
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3:50 - 3:52to get as much out of you [as]
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3:52 - 3:54they can get away with.
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3:54 - 3:56It's in their nature; it's in their DNA;
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3:56 - 3:58it's what they do --
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3:58 - 4:01even the good, well-intentioned companies.
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4:01 - 4:03On the one hand,
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4:03 - 4:05putting childcare facilities in the workplace
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4:05 - 4:07is wonderful and enlightened.
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4:07 - 4:09On the other hand, it's a nightmare --
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4:09 - 4:12it just means you spend more time at the bloody office.
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4:14 - 4:16We have to be responsible
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4:16 - 4:18for setting and enforcing
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4:18 - 4:21the boundaries that we want in our life.
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4:22 - 4:24The third observation is
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4:24 - 4:26we have to be careful
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4:26 - 4:29with the time frame that we choose
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4:29 - 4:32upon which to judge our balance.
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4:33 - 4:35Before I went back to work
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4:35 - 4:37after my year at home,
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4:37 - 4:39I sat down
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4:39 - 4:41and I wrote out
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4:41 - 4:44a detailed, step-by-step description
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4:44 - 4:47of the ideal balanced day
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4:47 - 4:49that I aspired to.
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4:49 - 4:52And it went like this:
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4:52 - 4:54wake up well rested
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4:54 - 4:56after a good night's sleep.
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4:56 - 4:58Have sex.
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4:59 - 5:01Walk the dog.
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5:01 - 5:04Have breakfast with my wife and children.
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5:04 - 5:06Have sex again.
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5:06 - 5:09(Laughter)
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5:09 - 5:12Drive the kids to school on the way to the office.
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5:12 - 5:14Do three hours' work.
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5:14 - 5:17Play a sport with a friend at lunchtime.
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5:17 - 5:19Do another three hours' work.
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5:19 - 5:22Meet some mates in the pub for an early evening drink.
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5:23 - 5:25Drive home for dinner
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5:25 - 5:28with my wife and kids.
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5:28 - 5:31Meditate for half an hour.
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5:31 - 5:33Have sex.
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5:33 - 5:36Walk the dog. Have sex again.
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5:36 - 5:39Go to bed.
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5:39 - 5:44(Applause)
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5:44 - 5:46How often do you think I have that day?
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5:46 - 5:49(Laughter)
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5:49 - 5:51We need to be realistic.
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5:51 - 5:53You can't do it all in one day.
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5:53 - 5:56We need to elongate the time frame
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5:56 - 5:58upon which we judge the balance in our life,
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5:58 - 6:00but we need to elongate it
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6:00 - 6:02without falling into the trap
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6:02 - 6:05of the "I'll have a life when I retire,
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6:05 - 6:07when my kids have left home,
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6:07 - 6:10when my wife has divorced me, my health is failing,
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6:10 - 6:12I've got no mates or interests left."
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6:12 - 6:14(Laughter)
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6:14 - 6:17A day is too short; "after I retire" is too long.
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6:17 - 6:20There's got to be a middle way.
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6:21 - 6:23A fourth observation:
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6:23 - 6:25We need to approach balance
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6:25 - 6:28in a balanced way.
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6:28 - 6:30A friend came to see me last year --
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6:30 - 6:33and she doesn't mind me telling this story -- a friend came to see me last year
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6:33 - 6:35and said, "Nigel, I've read your book.
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6:35 - 6:38And I realize that my life is completely out of balance.
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6:38 - 6:41It's totally dominated by work.
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6:41 - 6:44I work 10 hours a day; I commute two hours a day.
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6:44 - 6:46All of my relationships have failed.
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6:46 - 6:48There's nothing in my life
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6:48 - 6:50apart from my work.
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6:50 - 6:53So I've decided to get a grip and sort it out.
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6:53 - 6:55So I joined a gym."
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6:55 - 6:58(Laughter)
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6:58 - 7:01Now I don't mean to mock,
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7:01 - 7:05but being a fit 10-hour-a-day office rat
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7:05 - 7:08isn't more balanced; it's more fit.
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7:08 - 7:10(Laughter)
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7:10 - 7:13Lovely though physical exercise may be,
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7:13 - 7:15there are other parts to life --
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7:15 - 7:17there's the intellectual side; there's the emotional side;
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7:17 - 7:19there's the spiritual side.
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7:19 - 7:21And to be balanced,
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7:21 - 7:23I believe we have to attend
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7:23 - 7:25to all of those areas --
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7:25 - 7:28not just do 50 stomach crunches.
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7:28 - 7:30Now that can be daunting.
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7:30 - 7:33Because people say, "Bloody hell mate, I haven't got time to get fit.
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7:33 - 7:35You want me to go to church and call my mother."
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7:35 - 7:37And I understand.
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7:37 - 7:40I truly understand how that can be daunting.
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7:40 - 7:43But an incident that happened a couple of years ago
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7:43 - 7:45gave me a new perspective.
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7:45 - 7:48My wife, who is somewhere in the audience today,
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7:48 - 7:51called me up at the office
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7:51 - 7:54and said, "Nigel, you need to pick our youngest son" --
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7:54 - 7:56Harry -- "up from school."
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7:56 - 7:59Because she had to be somewhere else with the other three children for that evening.
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7:59 - 8:02So I left work an hour early that afternoon
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8:02 - 8:05and picked Harry up at the school gates.
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8:06 - 8:08We walked down to the local park,
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8:08 - 8:11messed around on the swings, played some silly games.
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8:11 - 8:14I then walked him up the hill to the local cafe,
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8:14 - 8:17and we shared a pizza for two,
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8:17 - 8:19then walked down the hill to our home,
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8:19 - 8:21and I gave him his bath
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8:21 - 8:24and put him in his Batman pajamas.
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8:24 - 8:26I then read him a chapter
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8:26 - 8:29of Roald Dahl's "James and the Giant Peach."
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8:29 - 8:31I then put him to bed, tucked him in,
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8:31 - 8:33gave him a kiss on his forehead and said, "Goodnight, mate,"
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8:33 - 8:35and walked out of his bedroom.
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8:35 - 8:37As I was walking out of his bedroom,
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8:37 - 8:40he said, "Dad?" I went, "Yes, mate?"
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8:40 - 8:42He went, "Dad, this has been the best day
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8:42 - 8:45of my life, ever."
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8:47 - 8:50I hadn't done anything,
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8:50 - 8:53hadn't taken him to Disney World or bought him a Playstation.
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8:53 - 8:55Now my point is
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8:55 - 8:58the small things matter.
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8:58 - 9:00Being more balanced
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9:00 - 9:03doesn't mean dramatic upheaval in your life.
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9:03 - 9:05With the smallest investment
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9:05 - 9:07in the right places,
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9:07 - 9:10you can radically transform the quality of your relationships
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9:10 - 9:12and the quality of your life.
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9:12 - 9:14Moreover, I think,
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9:14 - 9:17it can transform society.
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9:17 - 9:19Because if enough people do it,
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9:19 - 9:22we can change society's definition of success
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9:22 - 9:25away from the moronically simplistic notion
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9:25 - 9:29that the person with the most money when he dies wins,
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9:29 - 9:32to a more thoughtful and balanced definition
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9:32 - 9:36of what a life well lived looks like.
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9:36 - 9:38And that, I think,
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9:38 - 9:40is an idea worth spreading.
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9:40 - 9:43(Applause)
- Title:
- How to make work-life balance work
- Speaker:
- Nigel Marsh
- Description:
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Work-life balance, says Nigel Marsh, is too important to be left in the hands of your employer. At TEDxSydney, Marsh lays out an ideal day balanced between family time, personal time and productivity -- and offers some stirring encouragement to make it happen.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 09:44
TED edited English subtitles for How to make work-life balance work | ||
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