[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:02.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[light piano music]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.52,0:00:09.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've probably heard the old adage,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.82,0:00:11.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Boys don't cry"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.61,0:00:14.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That sentiment has been floating around
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.75,0:00:16.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in our culture for a very long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.30,0:00:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a curious phrase though, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.48,0:00:23.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we hear someone say
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.06,0:00:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Boys don't cry",
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.40,0:00:26.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we know it isn't meant literally.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.97,0:00:30.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is, we know that boys,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.07,0:00:34.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and by extension men, do, in fact, cry.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.87,0:00:36.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We see it all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.10,0:00:38.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Both in real life -
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.74,0:00:40.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and at the movies.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.80,0:00:44.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even tough guy characters cry, \Noccasionally.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.73,0:00:48.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what does that phrase really mean?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.93,0:00:51.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, "boys don't cry" is an assertion of
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.30,0:00:54.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a cultural ideal for manhood.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.78,0:00:57.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Spencer: "Don't cry, don't cry,\Ndon't cry, don't cry, don't cry."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.96,0:01:00.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What most people mean is closer to,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.25,0:01:02.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Boys aren't supposed to cry."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.15,0:01:06.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Daniel Plainview: "Stop crying,\Nyou sniveling ass! Stop your nonsense!"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.73,0:01:09.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But even that isn't entirely accurate.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.17,0:01:13.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because there are a few situations where\Ncrying is permitted.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.46,0:01:19.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ron Swanson: "Crying, acceptable at\Nfunerals, and the Grand Canyon."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.54,0:01:23.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, the more accurate statement would be,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.22,0:01:28.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Boys aren't supposed to cry, except under\Na narrow set of circumstances."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.54,0:01:31.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't really have the same ring\Nto it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.01,0:01:34.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Romeo: (crying) "I defy you stars!"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.64,0:01:40.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's that narrow set of circumstances\Nthat we're going to focus on
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.38,0:01:41.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in this video.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.60,0:01:47.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because those moments of vulnerability,\Nhowever brief, can tell us a lot about
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.28,0:01:51.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the construction of masculinity.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.71,0:01:59.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I wanna be clear that the inclusion\Nof a movie or a TV show in this video,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.81,0:02:04.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,does not necessarily equal \Ncriticism of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.84,0:02:09.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In many of the examples we'll be looking\Nat, the tears are entirely appropriate.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.49,0:02:12.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of the scenes are incredibly\Npowerful,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.68,0:02:15.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the actors' performances\Ntruly inspired.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.34,0:02:22.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Roy: "Like... tears... in rain."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.34,0:02:28.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As with most of my video essays,\NI'm primarily concerned with
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.06,0:02:31.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,examining over-arching media patterns,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.76,0:02:36.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and looking at how those patterns help\Nshape social norms in our larger culture.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.55,0:02:37.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Darcy: "Woah."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.42,0:02:40.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lloyd: "I feel like crying."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.28,0:02:44.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, all men aren't painted\Nwith the same cinematic brush.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.76,0:02:48.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chiron: "Shit, I cry so much sometimes, I\Nfeel like I'ma just turn into droplets."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.19,0:02:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Since they haven't yet entered into\Nmanhood, boys and teenager are usually
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.43,0:02:57.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,given more emotional leeway on screen.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.11,0:03:01.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Earl: "It's enough to make a\Ngrown man cry -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.63,0:03:03.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not this man.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.25,0:03:05.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get back in there, tear." [pop]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.74,0:03:09.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And because of hyper-masculine stereotypes\Nabout black and brown men,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.74,0:03:13.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the allowable window for vulnerability\Ncan be even smaller
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.72,0:03:15.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than it is for white heroes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.53,0:03:20.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eric: "Just sick of everyone \Ntreating me like shit."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.71,0:03:25.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gay men in media, meanwhile, tend to\Nbe represented as being
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.01,0:03:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more emotionally expressive\Nthan their straight counterparts
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.81,0:03:32.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though we all understand
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.44,0:03:35.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that men and boys do cry,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.03,0:03:37.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's still an unwritten rule that men
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.87,0:03:41.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are only allowed to openly\Nand sincerely cry
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.54,0:03:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a small handful of social situations.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.39,0:03:48.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think of it like an emotional window,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.77,0:03:51.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wherein men can display\Na measure of vulnerability -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.98,0:03:55.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without jeopardizing their manhood status.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.28,0:03:59.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The more extreme the situation,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.29,0:04:02.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more unrestrained the crying can be.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.03,0:04:09.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So for instance, if a male character\Nbegins to sob in a dramatic role,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.29,0:04:11.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,audiences have learned this means
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.86,0:04:14.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever is going on, it must be
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.01,0:04:18.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really, really unthinkably bad -
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.70,0:04:21.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like never-going-to-see-his-family-again\Nbad,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.100,0:04:25.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or just-killed-a-whole-bunch-of-people\Nbad,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.52,0:04:27.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anakin: "I killed them."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.02,0:04:29.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or did-cannibalism bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.04,0:04:31.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Patrick: "I ate some of their brains."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.47,0:04:34.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Curtis: "I know what people taste like."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.40,0:04:38.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Frank: "Soylent Green is made\Nout of people."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.57,0:04:42.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, admittedly, Soylent Green is on the
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.08,0:04:43.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,far end of the spectrum.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.90,0:04:47.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The most common set of circumstances,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.27,0:04:48.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where the crying window\Nopens,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.99,0:04:50.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,involve death.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.19,0:04:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Usually, the death of a loved one.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.60,0:04:56.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forrest: "And I miss you, Jenny."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.79,0:05:00.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially if they have been victimized\Nin some way.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.66,0:05:02.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[sob]
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.95,0:05:05.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This can include tears relating to an
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.20,0:05:06.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,impending death,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.84,0:05:09.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a breakdown immediately following
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.17,0:05:10.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a near-death experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.00,0:05:15.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,War, in particular, is often represented
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.60,0:05:18.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a setting that provides access
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.08,0:05:20.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to those extreme situations,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.34,0:05:24.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when it's socially permissible to be\Nopenly vulnerable with others -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.64,0:05:29.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but at a tragic cost.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.09,0:05:33.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's also sometimes permissible
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.13,0:05:36.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for men to shed tears relating to\Npersonal failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.94,0:05:40.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alfred: "You trusted me...\Nand I failed you."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.94,0:05:44.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Though it has to be a great failure,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.38,0:05:47.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the failure to provide or protect.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.63,0:05:50.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Occasionally, that can include the\Nfailure of a marriage -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.83,0:05:52.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but more often it's the failure
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.37,0:05:54.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to stop a catastrophe.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.75,0:06:00.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The crying window also opens briefly
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.56,0:06:02.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in another social arena.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.40,0:06:06.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jimmy: "There's no crying -\Nthere's no crying in baseball!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.48,0:06:07.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[woman sobbing]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.72,0:06:09.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tom Hanks is a funny man,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.30,0:06:10.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he is wrong in that scene -
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.21,0:06:13.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there IS crying in baseball
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.41,0:06:15.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in other men's sports.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.31,0:06:18.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rocky: "This is the greatest night\Nin the history of my life!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.28,0:06:23.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But notice it's only around particularly
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.08,0:06:25.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,heightened moments of competition -
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.40,0:06:28.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the final game of the season,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.15,0:06:31.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or qualifying for the playoffs.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.35,0:06:35.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These intense situations may be
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.73,0:06:38.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the only time all year where a grown man
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.74,0:06:40.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gets to cry in public
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.47,0:06:42.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not be ridiculed for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.73,0:06:49.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Data: "I am happy to see Spot -\Nand I am crying."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.93,0:06:52.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tears of joy are probably the rarest
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.15,0:06:54.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,acceptable type for men in media.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.00,0:06:56.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are restricted to
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.58,0:06:58.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,post-traumatic reunions,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.31,0:07:01.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recognition for a life's work,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.08,0:07:03.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the birth of a child,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.67,0:07:06.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a father at his daughters wedding.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.32,0:07:10.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Though, tellingly, very rarely
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.57,0:07:11.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at his own wedding -
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.82,0:07:13.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the wedding of a son.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.79,0:07:16.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[man sobbing]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.07,0:07:19.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are a few other fringe cases where
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.36,0:07:20.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the crying window opens.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.15,0:07:24.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But notice that all of these situations\Nare rare.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.83,0:07:26.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Simon: "Hey, stop crying" -
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.15,0:07:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad: "I'm trying, (rushed) I'm trying"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.98,0:07:30.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So rare that they may only come around
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.47,0:07:32.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a few times in a man's entire life.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.12,0:07:37.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On average we do see men crying
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.32,0:07:39.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,slightly more often in dramas
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.71,0:07:40.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or romance stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.06,0:07:42.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[thuds]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.59,0:07:45.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in order for men to cry
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.22,0:07:46.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in action-driven media,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.85,0:07:49.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an almost supernatural level of trauma
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.41,0:07:51.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is usually required.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.32,0:07:56.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even when it's a tragic or\Nmiraculous event
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.13,0:07:58.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the flow of tears can still be
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.30,0:08:00.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,noticeably constrained for male\Ncharacters.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.27,0:08:04.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're all familiar with the\Nsingle tear cliche.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.72,0:08:11.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One solitary drop of emotion is allowed to\Nfall down a man's cheek,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.76,0:08:16.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to let the audience know that he harbors\Ndeep inner feelings -
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.92,0:08:21.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feelings that will likely remain unspoken.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.14,0:08:26.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But often we don't even get the\Nsingle tear -
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.20,0:08:30.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we just see damp, wet eyes
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.65,0:08:32.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the tears aren't allowed to escape.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.82,0:08:38.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On many occasions,\Nwhile making this video,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.50,0:08:40.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I found myself having to pause
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.86,0:08:44.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and zoom in on a still frame
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.11,0:08:46.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to try to figure out if the guy was
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.24,0:08:48.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really shedding tears or not.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.96,0:08:52.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ronny: "Are you crying? - Zip: "No."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.69,0:08:56.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The reason why we're spending so much time
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.74,0:08:58.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking about men's vulnerability
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.64,0:09:01.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is because tears are healthy -
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.55,0:09:04.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,both physiologically and emotionally.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.38,0:09:09.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On a biological level,\Ncrying releases stress
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.72,0:09:11.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and helps reduce anxiety.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.51,0:09:15.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On a social level, the ability to cry and
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.07,0:09:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be openly vulnerable in front of others,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.06,0:09:20.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is critical for human connection and\Nrelationship building.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.33,0:09:25.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: "You ... complete me."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.61,0:09:29.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's difficult to built and maintain
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.04,0:09:31.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,emotionally supportive friendships\Nwithout it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.60,0:09:34.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rebbeca: "There we go... there we go."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.47,0:09:36.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ted: "I promise you there is something
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.80,0:09:38.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,worse out there than being sad,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.64,0:09:40.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that is being alone and being sad."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.44,0:09:44.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With that in mind, it's instructive
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.19,0:09:46.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to consider the wide array
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.12,0:09:48.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of social situations that fall outside
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.80,0:09:51.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the permissible crying window.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.54,0:09:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Leonard: "So it's cool if I cry\Na little?" [laugh track] -
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.86,0:09:56.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Penny: "Yeah, I probably wouldn't."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.53,0:10:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men may fear losing masculinity points -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.40,0:10:02.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,John: "You're not gonna cry, are you?" -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.43,0:10:05.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if they are seen crying due to things\Nlike pain -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.63,0:10:07.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jack: "No, I'm fine" -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.06,0:10:11.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fear, heartbreak, pressure at work,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.06,0:10:13.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experiencing depression or anxiety,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.52,0:10:16.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,embarrassment or hurt feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.20,0:10:18.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,George: "As a man, you are crying\Nright now."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.34,0:10:19.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ira: "I'm not crying."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.55,0:10:21.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,George: "People are gonna think we just\Nbroke up or something, Ira,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.86,0:10:23.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stop doing what you're doing."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.50,0:10:26.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Crying is also frowned upon for men
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.47,0:10:28.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when doing things like
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.07,0:10:29.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,watching a sappy movie
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.50,0:10:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or witnessing a beautiful sunset
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.98,0:10:34.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even connecting on an intimate level.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.02,0:10:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rachel: "Are you crying?" -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.38,0:10:40.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Peter: "I'm so sorry that I'm being\Nso weird now."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.08,0:10:41.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Notice that all of these life events
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.82,0:10:43.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are relatively common.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.68,0:10:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're the kind of things
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.00,0:10:46.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are likely to happen to men
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.61,0:10:48.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in their everyday lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.13,0:10:51.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we do see men crying
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.71,0:10:54.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for one of those everyday reasons\Nin dramatic media,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.92,0:10:58.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it feels so remarkable,\Nthat we sit up and take notice.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.00,0:11:01.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stan: "Check the, uh, check the\Nconnections please."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.80,0:11:03.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like all social constructs,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.21,0:11:05.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the rules governing the crying window
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.58,0:11:07.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be bent from time to time.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.18,0:11:11.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if the rules are broken,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.01,0:11:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the guy runs the risk of becoming
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.98,0:11:15.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the objects of ridicule amongst his peers
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.89,0:11:17.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or worse being turned into
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.71,0:11:19.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a meme on the internet.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.27,0:11:24.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As should be evident by some of the clips
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.27,0:11:25.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've just been looking at,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.69,0:11:27.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when men are depicted getting emotional
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.85,0:11:29.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,outside of the permissible window,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.100,0:11:31.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their tears are routinely
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.79,0:11:33.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,played for comedy.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.05,0:11:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ron: "I'm in a glass case of emotion"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.37,0:11:38.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the space Will Ferrell,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.68,0:11:41.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Adam Sandler and other comedic actors
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.22,0:11:43.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,build their pathetic male characters in.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.95,0:11:48.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Henry: "Why would you do this to me,\Nyou sick bastard?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.85,0:11:50.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Alan wailing]
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.17,0:11:52.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a world where men who cry too long,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.63,0:11:56.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,too intensely or at inconvenient times
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.63,0:11:59.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are mocked - mercilessly.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.37,0:12:01.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dylan: "I thought big people weren't\Nsupposed to cry?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.58,0:12:04.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Megan: "I think it's sweet that he's\Ncrying like a little bitch."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.54,0:12:05.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sara: "Megan!"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.72,0:12:07.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Comedy that makes fun of men for crying
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.85,0:12:11.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,consistently frames outbursts of emotion
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.04,0:12:14.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or vulnerability as pathetic, weak -
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.84,0:12:17.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Raj: "Oh my god, I'm crying already." -
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.15,0:12:19.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and decidedly unmanly.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.78,0:12:23.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Woman: "Why don't you just put on a dress\Nand weep like a little girl?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.68,0:12:26.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The association of tears with femininity
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.23,0:12:28.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is explicitly illustrated in the
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.38,0:12:30.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,countless jokes deriding men for
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.86,0:12:32.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,crying like a little girl.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.35,0:12:34.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laugh track] Monica: "Still crying?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.69,0:12:36.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rachel: "Like a little girl."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.14,0:12:39.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Skinner: "Right now superintendent\NChalmers is at home
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.87,0:12:43.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,crying like a little girl." [laughing]
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.40,0:12:44.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jeremy: "Stop crying\Nlike a little girl." -
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.95,0:12:46.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,John: "I wasn't crying like a little girl."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.66,0:12:48.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The insult is used to police
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.26,0:12:50.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,men's expression of emotion
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.05,0:12:53.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while also reinforcing the sexist idea
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.20,0:12:55.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that women are somehow overly emotional
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.69,0:12:57.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or lack self-control.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.66,0:13:01.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,David: "You know women. They get\Nreal emotional."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.89,0:13:03.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ian: "Yeah, David, you seem emotional."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.52,0:13:06.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,David: "Yeah, I'm kinda having\Na hard time."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.11,0:13:08.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even though crying is a
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.44,0:13:11.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,basic human response for everyone,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.22,0:13:14.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,regardless of their gender, it has come to
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.40,0:13:16.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be thought of as a gendered phenomenon.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.30,0:13:21.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Paul: "I cried for 45 minutes. You slap\Na pair of tits on me, I'm a woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.37,0:13:23.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Vito: "You can act like a man,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.32,0:13:24.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what's the matter with you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.36,0:13:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Charlotte: "Oh, you can cry, it's okay."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.28,0:13:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Emerson: "It is not okay for\Na grown-ass man to weep in public
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.68,0:13:33.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a bunch of happy families\Nenjoying pie."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.54,0:13:35.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is why the social pressure for men
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.45,0:13:40.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to put on a brave face and not cry in the\Npresence of others is enormous.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.01,0:13:44.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Emerson: "If you can't hold it, you take\Nyour ass to the men's room
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.13,0:13:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and cry in private on the toilet,\Nlike a man!"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.96,0:13:51.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As therapist Terrance Real has noted,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.87,0:14:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[quote on screen]
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.82,0:14:05.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If men do get emotional in media,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.88,0:14:08.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,notice where and when they do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.13,0:14:15.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most of the time, vulnerable moments only\Nhappen in private.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.66,0:14:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a classic bit of cinematic\Nsleight of hand,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.53,0:14:25.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we, as the audience, get to see\Nprotagonists experiencing moments
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.12,0:14:26.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of true vulnerability.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.02,0:14:31.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But they rarely share those feelings\Nwith other characters.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.32,0:14:37.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Since the expression of vulnerability
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.25,0:14:39.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is so strongly coded feminine,\Nin our culture
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.74,0:14:41.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stories often have women acting as
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.88,0:14:43.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,conduits for men's feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.03,0:14:47.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The emotional labor of caring for \Nmen's pain
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.96,0:14:50.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,typically falls on the women\Nin their lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.17,0:14:56.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, more often than not, that support\Nonly goes one way.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.23,0:15:00.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the consequences of living in a \Nculture,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.54,0:15:02.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where men are taught to\Nlow the vulnerability,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:02.95,0:15:04.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that they don't want to be around
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.79,0:15:06.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,other people who are crying.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.24,0:15:08.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: "What are you doing,\Nyou're crying?" -
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.77,0:15:09.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,George: "No!"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.14,0:15:11.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jerry: "Just get yourself together.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.84,0:15:14.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know if I can be friends with you \Nanymore after this display."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.33,0:15:15.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,George: "Oh, shut up!"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.59,0:15:17.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men may be unwilling to take care of
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.73,0:15:20.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or provide emotional support to those\Nwho are shedding tears -
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.64,0:15:21.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oscar: "There, there" -
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.82,0:15:24.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because that close proximity\Nto vulnerability
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.71,0:15:27.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,undermines their own sense of masculinity.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.88,0:15:32.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When in the vicinity of another man\Nwho's crying -
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.77,0:15:36.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Vic: "Oh come on, you need a tissue? \NA teddy bear?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.55,0:15:39.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You got a blankie in the trunk, \Nyou want me to grab?"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.12,0:15:41.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They might pat their friend on the back -
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.35,0:15:43.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tony: "Hey, let's stop hugging." -
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.87,0:15:47.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or give a quick hug before\Nreestablishing distance.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.27,0:15:50.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cliff: "Woah, woah, hey"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.04,0:15:51.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rick: "I'm sorry about that...\Nsorry about that"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.85,0:15:55.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cliff: "Here put these on.\NDon't cry in front of Mexicans.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:55.70,0:15:58.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, if caught shedding tears,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.11,0:16:00.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,male characters will frequently deny it
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.67,0:16:01.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Schmidt: "Are you crying?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.92,0:16:03.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nick: "I'm not crying."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.19,0:16:04.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and pretend everything is fine.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.97,0:16:06.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ken: "Are you crying?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.21,0:16:07.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,David: "What's that?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.07,0:16:08.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ken: "Are you crying?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.05,0:16:10.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,David: "Am I crying? No, I'm not crying. \NYou're crying!"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.94,0:16:12.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Raj: "Are you crying?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.40,0:16:14.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Howard: "No, I have allergies."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.29,0:16:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rusty: "You okay?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.35,0:16:17.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Daniel: "Yeah, no, I just\Nbit into a pepper." [sniff]
Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.19,0:16:19.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jules: "Are you crying?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.46,0:16:22.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seth: "No I just have something\Nin both my eyes."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.09,0:16:25.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Variations on the classic quip "I just \Nhave something in my eye."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.81,0:16:27.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are written to communicate to viewers
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.77,0:16:30.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the character does indeed\Nhave feelings
Dialogue: 0,0:16:30.46,0:16:33.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Davis: "No, no! No, No, No, \Nit's not funny and I wasn't crying.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.46,0:16:36.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't crying, okay? There's a lot of \Ndebris around here."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:36.40,0:16:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Michaelangelo: "Are you crying?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.68,0:16:40.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while also giving him a measure\Nof plausible deniability
Dialogue: 0,0:16:40.82,0:16:43.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Raphael: "No Ding-Dong, just a little \Ndusty out here."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.21,0:16:48.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Popular media frequently reinforces \Nthe belief
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.46,0:16:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Patton: "Shut up!"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.42,0:16:51.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that men need to hide their feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.31,0:16:54.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Patton: "Won't have a yellow bastard \Nsitting here, crying,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.78,0:16:56.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in front of these brave men who have been\Nwounded in battle!"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:58.35,0:17:01.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the fantastic stories Hollywood tells,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.07,0:17:05.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feeling and action are often presented as \Nopposites -
Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.10,0:17:10.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Private Hudson: "This can't be happening,\Nman, this isn't happening."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.39,0:17:12.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as if one precludes the other.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:13.07,0:17:14.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rocket: "Are you crying?"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.65,0:17:17.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thor: "No...
Dialogue: 0,0:17:17.43,0:17:20.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yes. I feel like I'm losing it."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:20.21,0:17:21.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rocket: "Get it together!"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:22.14,0:17:24.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Movies tell us over and over again
Dialogue: 0,0:17:24.25,0:17:27.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if men allow themselves \Nto feel vulnerable
Dialogue: 0,0:17:27.37,0:17:31.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they will be rendered useless.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:31.28,0:17:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only will their emotions paralyze \Nbasic motor functions,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:35.47,0:17:37.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Troy groans]
Dialogue: 0,0:17:37.67,0:17:40.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the whole world may fall apart\Naround them.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.70,0:17:43.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kirk: "Snap out of it. Start acting \Nlike men!"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:44.11,0:17:45.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not true, of course.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:47.74,0:17:50.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Crying does not preclude action.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:50.10,0:17:51.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[dramatic music]
Dialogue: 0,0:17:54.06,0:17:58.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the myth that vulnerability is\Nsynonymous with a complete loss of control
Dialogue: 0,0:17:58.76,0:18:00.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[lion wailing]
Dialogue: 0,0:18:00.36,0:18:02.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and therefore incompatible with power
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.97,0:18:05.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is so corrosive and so strong
Dialogue: 0,0:18:05.11,0:18:06.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[slap]
Dialogue: 0,0:18:06.47,0:18:08.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that many men have come to believe
Dialogue: 0,0:18:08.73,0:18:13.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they must kill their emotional sides \Nin order to be useful members of society.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:14.76,0:18:18.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Montrose: "I cut out all the soft parts of\Nmyself."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:18.76,0:18:21.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Montrose) Just to be a man."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:21.72,0:18:25.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Emotional disconnection has other even\Nmore harmful consequences.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:27.03,0:18:31.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jimmy: "And it's really starting to piss\Nme off Dave because I can't even cry
Dialogue: 0,0:18:31.03,0:18:35.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for her. My own little daughter\Nand I can't even cry for her."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.71,0:18:38.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The process of working through hurt or loss
Dialogue: 0,0:18:38.84,0:18:40.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be slow and painful,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:40.84,0:18:44.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's also necessary for\Nemotional healing.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:46.68,0:18:50.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet when we do see men breaking down\Non screen
Dialogue: 0,0:18:50.26,0:18:52.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the moment passes quickly.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:53.68,0:18:56.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's because the permissible crying window
Dialogue: 0,0:18:56.48,0:19:00.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only remains opens for a short time.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.43,0:19:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even when finding the dead bodies of his \Nfamily,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:04.98,0:19:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the tears come and go in the space of \None or two minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:10.70,0:19:13.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This means we very rarely see\Nmale characters
Dialogue: 0,0:19:13.44,0:19:16.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who are given the time to properly mourn.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:16.60,0:19:19.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jed: "Don't cry! Hold it back.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:23.32,0:19:25.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let it turn to something else"
Dialogue: 0,0:19:25.55,0:19:27.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[crying]
Dialogue: 0,0:19:27.81,0:19:31.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Jed) Just let it turn to\Nsomething else, okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:35.26,0:19:37.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, in countless pieces of media
Dialogue: 0,0:19:37.54,0:19:41.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,men's tears essentially function \Nas a bridge to violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:43.40,0:19:44.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[shot]
Dialogue: 0,0:19:45.68,0:19:47.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes the transformation
Dialogue: 0,0:19:47.72,0:19:51.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from profound grief to extreme aggression
Dialogue: 0,0:19:51.37,0:19:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even happens within the same scene.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:56.58,0:20:00.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Far too often in media we don't see men\Ngetting sad,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:01.68,0:20:03.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we see them getting mad
Dialogue: 0,0:20:03.72,0:20:05.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then getting even.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:05.29,0:20:06.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[shots fired]
Dialogue: 0,0:20:06.88,0:20:09.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Narrator: "He goes wild - blood drunk."
Dialogue: 0,0:20:09.76,0:20:10.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[shots fired]
Dialogue: 0,0:20:12.85,0:20:14.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In this way violent retribution
Dialogue: 0,0:20:15.00,0:20:17.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is presented as a replacement
Dialogue: 0,0:20:17.62,0:20:19.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the normal grieving process.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:21.29,0:20:23.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This pattern then encourages men
Dialogue: 0,0:20:23.30,0:20:25.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to channel all of their feelings \Ninto aggression
Dialogue: 0,0:20:26.47,0:20:28.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[screaming]
Dialogue: 0,0:20:28.57,0:20:31.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to use that aggression to express\Nthemselves
Dialogue: 0,0:20:31.18,0:20:33.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in nearly all situations.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:33.68,0:20:36.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[screaming]
Dialogue: 0,0:20:36.86,0:20:40.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now anger isn't necessarily a \Ndestructive emotion.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:40.86,0:20:43.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When directed in constructive ways,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:43.02,0:20:46.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be an appropriate response \Nto injustice.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:47.30,0:20:49.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem is that since\Naggressive outbursts
Dialogue: 0,0:20:49.69,0:20:52.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are in many ways the opposite of \Nvulnerability.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:54.18,0:20:57.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rage and anger are almost universally seen
Dialogue: 0,0:20:57.68,0:20:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as signs of strength for men.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:01.02,0:21:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whereas prolonged grief or sadness \Nis seen as weakness.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:06.42,0:21:09.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or worse as a sign of instability.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:10.38,0:21:12.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This helps explain why filmmakers
Dialogue: 0,0:21:12.23,0:21:14.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will so often use men's tears
Dialogue: 0,0:21:14.54,0:21:18.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as audio-visual shorthand for a descend\Ninto madness.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:20.92,0:21:22.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or a descend into evil
Dialogue: 0,0:21:23.18,0:21:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or both.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:28.61,0:21:33.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In his book "Cracking the Armour - \NPower, Pain and the Lives of Men"
Dialogue: 0,0:21:33.38,0:21:35.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Micheal Kaufmann observes that
Dialogue: 0,0:21:35.49,0:22:05.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[quote on screen]
Dialogue: 0,0:22:07.43,0:22:10.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's illuminating to consider\Njust how often
Dialogue: 0,0:22:10.41,0:22:14.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,men's emotional pain is translated\Nas self-destruction,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:14.51,0:22:16.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in Hollywood narratives.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:16.49,0:22:20.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Howard: "I'm so sad, I’m so fucked up."
Dialogue: 0,0:22:20.49,0:22:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[screaming]
Dialogue: 0,0:22:25.65,0:22:28.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just like violence directed outward,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:28.13,0:22:31.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,violence directed inward is \Noften portrayed
Dialogue: 0,0:22:31.31,0:22:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as an intrinsic, almost inevitable \Nmanifestation
Dialogue: 0,0:22:34.67,0:22:36.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of men's emotional pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:37.83,0:22:39.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Riggan: "Bang."
Dialogue: 0,0:22:39.21,0:22:41.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rather than being critiques of
Dialogue: 0,0:22:41.19,0:22:44.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disconnected or violent masculinity
Dialogue: 0,0:22:44.18,0:22:46.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these depictions end up glamorizing
Dialogue: 0,0:22:46.66,0:22:48.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or at least mythologizing
Dialogue: 0,0:22:48.49,0:22:51.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and poetizing male characters
Dialogue: 0,0:22:51.95,0:22:55.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who almost never figure out\Nhow to deal with their feelings
Dialogue: 0,0:22:55.46,0:22:57.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a healthy way.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:58.78,0:23:03.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So instead we are treated to images\Nof men destroying themselves
Dialogue: 0,0:23:03.34,0:23:06.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in lovingly realized, cinematic \Nspectacles.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:09.26,0:23:10.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In her amazing book
Dialogue: 0,0:23:10.72,0:23:11.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The Will to Change"
Dialogue: 0,0:23:11.97,0:23:14.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bell hooks notes popular culture
Dialogue: 0,0:23:14.18,0:23:19.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very rarely presents us with alternative\Nemotional paths for male characters.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:20.97,0:23:34.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[quote on screen]
Dialogue: 0,0:23:35.88,0:23:39.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Indeed, stories in which men break the \Npattern
Dialogue: 0,0:23:39.49,0:23:42.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and successfully work trough\Nemotional pain
Dialogue: 0,0:23:42.52,0:23:44.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in transformative ways,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:44.52,0:23:46.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are few and far between.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:46.52,0:23:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[crying]
Dialogue: 0,0:23:51.31,0:23:52.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sean: "It's not your fault."
Dialogue: 0,0:23:52.44,0:23:54.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Good Will Hunting" is a rare film
Dialogue: 0,0:23:54.41,0:23:58.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which the protagonist chooses to \Nreject traditional patriarchal masculinity
Dialogue: 0,0:23:58.100,0:24:00.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[sobbing]
Dialogue: 0,0:24:00.04,0:24:02.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and instead chooses to follow
Dialogue: 0,0:24:02.03,0:24:05.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more vulnerable path of emotional \Nconnection.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:07.01,0:24:11.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Joel makes a similar choice in \N"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind",
Dialogue: 0,0:24:11.90,0:24:14.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he decides to face his\Npainful feelings
Dialogue: 0,0:24:14.84,0:24:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than erasing them.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:19.63,0:24:24.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Berry Jenkins "Moonlight", Chiron also \Nchooses to leave behind a life
Dialogue: 0,0:24:24.48,0:24:26.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hardened by isolation
Dialogue: 0,0:24:26.30,0:24:28.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and embrace the vulnerability of
Dialogue: 0,0:24:28.47,0:24:30.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,emotional intimacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:31.38,0:24:35.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Representations like these are rightfully \Ncelebrated,
Dialogue: 0,0:24:35.75,0:24:38.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but such depictions are still \Nremarkably rare
Dialogue: 0,0:24:38.83,0:24:40.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and remain the exception
Dialogue: 0,0:24:40.80,0:24:42.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than the rule.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:44.48,0:24:45.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As I said earlier,
Dialogue: 0,0:24:45.84,0:24:47.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be genuinely gutwrenching
Dialogue: 0,0:24:47.96,0:24:51.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when media allows us to glimpse cracks \Nin the facade of male control.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:53.43,0:24:56.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seeing a man finally, at long last,
Dialogue: 0,0:24:56.69,0:24:59.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,letting a tear slip, a lip tremble
Dialogue: 0,0:24:59.89,0:25:03.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or, in the most extreme circumstances,\Nbeing allowed a good cry
Dialogue: 0,0:25:03.97,0:25:05.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be quite moving.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:06.62,0:25:09.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even in scenes that are meant to be \Nhumorous.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:09.14,0:25:13.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kayla: "Oh, dad, come on. Come on, \Ntoughen up."
Dialogue: 0,0:25:13.28,0:25:16.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Still, I think it's important to recognize
Dialogue: 0,0:25:16.28,0:25:19.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that these rare moments are seen as so \Npowerful,
Dialogue: 0,0:25:19.72,0:25:23.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,precisely because disconnection is still\Nso highly valued
Dialogue: 0,0:25:23.72,0:25:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for men in our society.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:28.52,0:25:30.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps we wouldn't be as moved by
Dialogue: 0,0:25:30.79,0:25:32.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the small cracks in the dam
Dialogue: 0,0:25:32.66,0:25:36.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we got to see the free flow of tears \Nmore often.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:39.25,0:25:43.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Movies and TV shows are much more than \Nsimple entertainment.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:43.67,0:25:46.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They also present us with, what bell\Nhooks calls,
Dialogue: 0,0:25:46.58,0:25:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"the art of the possible".
Dialogue: 0,0:25:49.38,0:25:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zuko: "How can you forgive me so easily?\NI thought you would be furious with me."
Dialogue: 0,0:25:53.57,0:25:56.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Iroh: "I was never angry with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:56.64,0:26:00.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was sad because I was afraid you lost \Nyour way."
Dialogue: 0,0:26:01.45,0:26:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's why it's critical for media
Dialogue: 0,0:26:03.50,0:26:08.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to show us more than just the rare,\Nmomentary glimpse of men's vulnerability.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:09.61,0:26:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to see men crying\Nunapologetically.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:13.29,0:26:15.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men connecting emotionally with women
Dialogue: 0,0:26:15.88,0:26:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and with each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:17.59,0:26:20.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And ultimately, to see men healing
Dialogue: 0,0:26:20.09,0:26:23.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as they embrace the full range of their \Nhumanity.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:24.79,0:26:28.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need the crying window always open.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:28.15,0:26:32.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[emotional music]
Dialogue: 0,0:26:34.25,0:26:36.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope you enjoyed this video.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:36.44,0:26:39.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now as you might imagine these long-form \Nvideo essays
Dialogue: 0,0:26:39.40,0:26:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,take an enormous amount of time,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:41.40,0:26:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to write, edit and produce.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:43.44,0:26:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This one has something like \N200 media clips
Dialogue: 0,0:26:46.22,0:26:49.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sourced from various movies and TV shows.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:49.25,0:26:51.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if you would like to see more videos \Nlike this one
Dialogue: 0,0:26:51.81,0:26:54.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,please consider going over to Patreon
Dialogue: 0,0:26:54.39,0:26:56.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and helping to back this project there.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:56.87,0:26:59.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've also left the link to PayPal in \Nthe description below,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:59.71,0:27:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you prefer.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:00.96,0:27:03.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I have a whole bunch of other media \Nprojects in the works
Dialogue: 0,0:27:03.79,0:27:05.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so please stay tuned for those
Dialogue: 0,0:27:05.77,0:27:08.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'll see you back here again\Nnext time.