0:00:00.758,0:00:04.500 I'm going to first tell you something that[br]in my grandmother 0:00:04.524,0:00:07.261 would've elicited a five-oy alarm: 0:00:07.286,0:00:08.548 "Oy-oy-oy-oy-oy." 0:00:08.572,0:00:09.722 (Laughter) 0:00:09.746,0:00:13.031 And here it is ...[br]are you ready? 0:00:13.522,0:00:14.672 OK. 0:00:15.730,0:00:19.466 I have stage IV lung cancer. 0:00:20.269,0:00:21.571 Oh, I know, "poor me." 0:00:21.595,0:00:22.837 I don't feel that way. 0:00:22.861,0:00:24.912 I'm so OK with it. 0:00:25.380,0:00:27.519 And granted, I have certain advantages -- 0:00:27.543,0:00:30.200 not everybody can take[br]so cavalier an attitude. 0:00:30.224,0:00:31.748 I don't have young children. 0:00:32.355,0:00:36.043 I have a grown daughter who's[br]brilliant and happy and wonderful. 0:00:36.674,0:00:39.696 I don't have huge financial stress. 0:00:40.711,0:00:42.721 My cancer isn't that aggressive. 0:00:42.745,0:00:44.965 It's kind of like[br]the Democratic leadership -- 0:00:44.989,0:00:48.672 (Laughter) 0:00:48.696,0:00:50.562 not convinced it can win. 0:00:50.586,0:00:52.236 It's basically just sitting there, 0:00:52.260,0:00:54.596 waiting for Goldman Sachs[br]to give it some money. 0:00:54.620,0:00:55.635 (Laughter) 0:00:55.659,0:01:00.548 (Applause) 0:01:00.572,0:01:03.405 Oh, and the best thing of all -- 0:01:03.429,0:01:06.897 I have a major accomplishment[br]under my belt. 0:01:06.921,0:01:08.072 Yes. 0:01:08.096,0:01:12.000 I didn't even know it until someone[br]tweeted me a year ago. 0:01:12.024,0:01:14.246 And here's what they said: 0:01:14.270,0:01:16.491 "You are responsible 0:01:16.515,0:01:19.574 for the pussification[br]of the American male." 0:01:20.039,0:01:21.869 (Laughter) 0:01:21.893,0:01:25.744 (Applause) 0:01:25.768,0:01:28.570 Not that I can take[br]all the credit, but ... 0:01:28.594,0:01:32.832 (Laughter) 0:01:32.856,0:01:36.785 But what if you don't have my advantages? 0:01:36.809,0:01:40.483 The only advice I can give you[br]is to do what I did: 0:01:40.507,0:01:43.203 make friends with reality. 0:01:43.634,0:01:47.406 You couldn't have a worse relationship[br]with reality than I did. 0:01:48.003,0:01:50.491 From the get-go, 0:01:50.515,0:01:52.837 I wasn't even attracted to reality. 0:01:53.376,0:01:56.083 If they'd had Tinder when I met reality, 0:01:56.107,0:01:57.297 I would have swiped left 0:01:57.321,0:01:59.314 and the whole thing would have been over. 0:01:59.338,0:02:01.004 (Laughter) 0:02:01.028,0:02:03.017 And reality and I -- 0:02:03.041,0:02:06.436 we don't share the same values,[br]the same goals -- 0:02:06.460,0:02:07.467 (Laughter) 0:02:07.491,0:02:10.190 To be honest, I don't have goals; 0:02:10.214,0:02:11.815 I have fantasies. 0:02:12.388,0:02:16.078 They're exactly like goals[br]but without the hard work. 0:02:16.102,0:02:18.052 (Laughter) 0:02:18.076,0:02:19.505 (Applause) 0:02:19.529,0:02:22.775 I'm not a big fan of hard work, 0:02:22.799,0:02:24.697 but you know reality -- 0:02:24.721,0:02:27.690 it's either push, push, push, push, push 0:02:27.714,0:02:32.027 through its agent,[br]the executive brain function -- 0:02:32.051,0:02:33.596 one of the "yays" of dying: 0:02:33.620,0:02:37.243 my executive brain function[br]won't have me to kick around anymore. 0:02:37.267,0:02:41.313 (Laughter) 0:02:41.337,0:02:44.642 But something happened 0:02:44.666,0:02:48.871 that made me realize 0:02:48.895,0:02:53.229 that reality may not be reality. 0:02:53.566,0:02:55.088 So what happened was, 0:02:55.112,0:02:59.572 because I basically wanted reality[br]to leave me alone -- 0:02:59.596,0:03:02.589 but I wanted to be left alone[br]in a nice house 0:03:02.613,0:03:06.379 with a Wolf range[br]and Sub-Zero refrigerator ... 0:03:06.403,0:03:08.754 private yoga lessons -- 0:03:08.778,0:03:12.503 I ended up with[br]a development deal at Disney. 0:03:12.527,0:03:15.986 And one day I found myself[br]in my new office 0:03:16.010,0:03:18.325 on Two Dopey Drive -- 0:03:18.349,0:03:21.339 (Laughter) 0:03:21.363,0:03:24.443 which reality thought[br]I should be proud of ... 0:03:24.467,0:03:25.617 (Laughter) 0:03:25.641,0:03:30.047 And I'm staring at the present[br]they sent me to celebrate my arrival -- 0:03:30.071,0:03:35.165 not the Lalique vase or the grand piano[br]I've heard of other people getting, 0:03:35.189,0:03:38.546 but a three-foot-tall,[br]stuffed Mickey Mouse 0:03:38.570,0:03:39.585 (Laughter) 0:03:39.609,0:03:42.467 with a catalog, in case I wanted[br]to order some more stuff 0:03:42.491,0:03:44.495 that didn't jibe with my aesthetic. 0:03:44.519,0:03:45.556 (Laughter) 0:03:45.580,0:03:47.326 And when I looked up in the catalog 0:03:47.350,0:03:51.708 to see how much[br]this three-foot-high mouse cost, 0:03:51.732,0:03:54.556 here's how it was described ... 0:03:55.603,0:03:57.931 "Life-sized." 0:03:57.955,0:04:02.793 (Laughter) 0:04:02.817,0:04:04.476 And that's when I knew. 0:04:04.878,0:04:07.273 Reality wasn't "reality." 0:04:07.297,0:04:09.255 Reality was an imposter. 0:04:09.937,0:04:14.438 So I dived into quantum physics[br]and chaos theory 0:04:14.462,0:04:16.608 to try to find actual reality, 0:04:16.632,0:04:18.277 and I've just finished a movie -- 0:04:18.301,0:04:20.501 yes, finally finished -- 0:04:20.525,0:04:21.703 about all that, 0:04:21.727,0:04:23.032 so I won't go into it here, 0:04:23.056,0:04:25.522 and anyway, it wasn't until[br]after we shot the movie, 0:04:25.546,0:04:27.608 when I broke my leg[br]and then it didn't heal, 0:04:27.632,0:04:30.073 so then they had to do[br]another surgery a year later, 0:04:30.097,0:04:31.468 and then that took a year -- 0:04:31.492,0:04:32.749 two years in a wheelchair, 0:04:32.773,0:04:38.723 and that's when I came[br]into contact with actual reality: 0:04:38.747,0:04:40.112 limits. 0:04:40.598,0:04:43.628 Those very limits I'd spent[br]my whole life denying 0:04:43.652,0:04:45.965 and pushing past and ignoring 0:04:47.466,0:04:49.033 were real, 0:04:49.057,0:04:51.394 and I had to deal with them, 0:04:51.418,0:04:57.109 and they took imagination,[br]creativity and my entire skill set. 0:04:57.461,0:05:01.842 It turned out I was great[br]at actual reality. 0:05:02.289,0:05:04.004 I didn't just come to terms with it, 0:05:04.028,0:05:05.622 I fell in love. 0:05:05.646,0:05:07.107 And I should've known, 0:05:07.131,0:05:11.113 given my equally shaky[br]relationship with the zeitgeist ... 0:05:12.167,0:05:16.363 I'll just say, if anyone[br]is in the market for a Betamax -- 0:05:16.387,0:05:18.381 (Laughter) 0:05:18.784,0:05:22.632 I should have known that the moment[br]I fell in love with reality, 0:05:22.656,0:05:25.939 the rest of the country would decide[br]to go in the opposite direction. 0:05:25.963,0:05:28.272 (Laughter) 0:05:28.296,0:05:32.841 But I'm not here to talk about Trump[br]or the alt-right or climate-change deniers 0:05:32.865,0:05:35.255 or even the makers of this thing, 0:05:35.279,0:05:37.145 which I would have called a box, 0:05:37.169,0:05:40.054 except that right here, it says, 0:05:40.078,0:05:42.765 "This is not a box." 0:05:42.789,0:05:47.305 (Laughter) 0:05:47.329,0:05:49.467 They're gaslighting me. 0:05:49.491,0:05:51.153 (Laughter) 0:05:51.177,0:05:53.813 (Applause) 0:05:54.701,0:05:59.432 But what I do want to talk about 0:05:59.456,0:06:04.574 is a personal challenge to reality 0:06:04.598,0:06:07.245 that I take personally, 0:06:07.269,0:06:13.946 and I want to preface it[br]by saying that I absolutely love science. 0:06:14.316,0:06:15.697 I have this -- 0:06:15.721,0:06:17.685 not a scientist myself -- 0:06:17.709,0:06:22.527 but an uncanny ability to understand[br]everything about science, 0:06:22.551,0:06:24.434 except the actual science -- 0:06:24.458,0:06:25.459 (Laughter) 0:06:25.483,0:06:26.681 which is math. 0:06:26.705,0:06:30.980 But the most outlandish concepts[br]make sense to me. 0:06:32.968,0:06:34.357 The string theory; 0:06:34.381,0:06:38.549 the idea that all of reality emanates[br]from the vibrations of these teeny -- 0:06:38.573,0:06:40.485 I call it "The Big Twang." 0:06:40.509,0:06:41.768 (Laughter) 0:06:42.405,0:06:44.402 Wave-particle duality: 0:06:44.426,0:06:48.067 the idea that one thing[br]can manifest as two things ... 0:06:48.091,0:06:49.242 you know? 0:06:49.266,0:06:53.088 That a photon can manifest[br]as a wave and a particle 0:06:53.112,0:06:55.473 coincided with my deepest intuitions 0:06:55.497,0:06:57.180 that people are good and bad, 0:06:57.204,0:06:59.294 ideas are right and wrong. 0:06:59.318,0:07:01.598 Freud was right about penis envy 0:07:01.622,0:07:04.202 and he was wrong about who has it. 0:07:04.226,0:07:07.815 (Laughter) 0:07:07.839,0:07:10.363 (Applause) 0:07:10.387,0:07:11.630 Thank you. 0:07:11.654,0:07:12.661 (Applause) 0:07:12.685,0:07:16.076 And then there's this slight[br]variation on that, 0:07:16.100,0:07:18.783 which is reality looks like two things, 0:07:18.807,0:07:22.965 but it turns out to be the interaction[br]of those two things, 0:07:22.989,0:07:25.137 like space -- time, 0:07:25.161,0:07:26.802 mass -- energy 0:07:26.826,0:07:30.076 and life and death. 0:07:30.444,0:07:31.973 So I don't understand -- 0:07:31.997,0:07:35.067 I simply just don't understand 0:07:35.091,0:07:39.456 the mindset of people who are out[br]to "defeat death" and "overcome death." 0:07:39.480,0:07:41.072 How do you do that? 0:07:41.096,0:07:43.932 How do you defeat death[br]without killing off life? 0:07:44.539,0:07:46.754 It doesn't make sense to me. 0:07:46.778,0:07:48.710 I also have to say, 0:07:48.734,0:07:52.502 I find it incredibly ungrateful. 0:07:52.526,0:07:55.291 I mean, you're given[br]this extraordinary gift -- 0:07:55.315,0:07:56.701 life -- 0:07:56.725,0:08:01.383 but it's as if you had asked Santa[br]for a Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow 0:08:01.407,0:08:04.119 and you had gotten[br]a salad spinner instead. 0:08:04.672,0:08:07.020 You know, it's the beef -- 0:08:07.044,0:08:10.865 the beef with it is that it comes[br]with an expiration date. 0:08:10.889,0:08:12.683 Death is the deal breaker. 0:08:13.954,0:08:15.105 I don't get that. 0:08:15.129,0:08:16.280 I don't understand -- 0:08:16.304,0:08:17.948 to me, it's disrespectful. 0:08:17.972,0:08:19.855 It's disrespectful to nature. 0:08:20.404,0:08:22.877 The idea that we're going[br]to dominate nature, 0:08:22.901,0:08:25.083 we're going to master nature, 0:08:25.107,0:08:28.987 nature is too weak[br]to withstand our intellect -- 0:08:29.884,0:08:32.680 no, I don't think so. 0:08:33.055,0:08:36.475 I think if you've actually read[br]quantum physics as I have -- 0:08:36.499,0:08:39.371 well, I read an email[br]from someone who'd read it, but -- 0:08:39.395,0:08:43.268 (Laughter) 0:08:43.292,0:08:44.539 You have to understand 0:08:44.563,0:08:48.396 that we don't live in Newton's[br]clockwork universe anymore. 0:08:48.420,0:08:51.625 We live in a banana peel universe, 0:08:51.649,0:08:55.329 and we won't ever be able[br]to know everything 0:08:55.353,0:08:56.999 or control everything 0:08:57.023,0:08:58.506 or predict everything. 0:08:58.530,0:09:00.737 Nature is like a self-driving car. 0:09:00.761,0:09:04.094 The best we can be is like[br]the old woman in that joke -- 0:09:04.118,0:09:05.940 I don't know if you've heard it. 0:09:06.252,0:09:08.575 An old woman is driving 0:09:08.599,0:09:12.828 with her middle-aged daughter[br]in the passenger seat, 0:09:12.852,0:09:15.251 and the mother goes[br]right through a red light. 0:09:15.275,0:09:19.451 And the daughter doesn't want to say[br]anything that makes it sound like, 0:09:19.475,0:09:21.169 "You're too old to drive," 0:09:21.193,0:09:23.004 so she didn't say anything. 0:09:23.028,0:09:25.752 And then the mother[br]goes through a second red light, 0:09:25.776,0:09:28.150 and the daughter,[br]as tactfully as possible, 0:09:28.174,0:09:30.329 says, "Mom, are you aware 0:09:30.353,0:09:32.591 that you just went through[br]two red lights?" 0:09:32.615,0:09:34.610 And the mother says, "Oh, am I driving?" 0:09:34.634,0:09:38.815 (Laughter) 0:09:38.839,0:09:43.203 (Applause) 0:09:43.227,0:09:44.584 So ... 0:09:46.004,0:09:50.156 and now, I'm going to take a mental leap, 0:09:50.180,0:09:54.069 which is easy for me because[br]I'm the Evel Knievel of mental leaps; 0:09:54.093,0:09:55.888 my license plate says, 0:09:55.912,0:09:58.552 "Cogito, ergo zoom." 0:09:59.072,0:10:02.439 I hope you're willing[br]to come with me on this, 0:10:02.463,0:10:08.083 but my real problem with the mindset[br]that is so out to defeat death 0:10:08.107,0:10:11.867 is if you're anti-death, 0:10:11.891,0:10:14.288 which to me translates as anti-life, 0:10:14.312,0:10:18.173 which to me translates as anti-nature, 0:10:18.197,0:10:21.328 it also translates to me as anti-woman, 0:10:21.352,0:10:25.658 because women have long been[br]identified with nature. 0:10:25.682,0:10:27.924 And my source on this is Hannah Arendt, 0:10:27.948,0:10:31.575 the German philosopher who wrote[br]a book called "The Human Condition." 0:10:32.170,0:10:35.609 And in it, she says that classically, 0:10:35.633,0:10:38.299 work is associated with men. 0:10:38.323,0:10:40.533 Work is what comes out of the head; 0:10:40.557,0:10:41.833 it's what we invent, 0:10:41.857,0:10:43.388 it's what we create, 0:10:43.412,0:10:46.052 it's how we leave our mark upon the world. 0:10:47.434,0:10:51.876 Whereas labor is associated with the body. 0:10:51.900,0:10:54.691 It's associated with the people[br]who perform labor 0:10:54.715,0:10:56.343 or undergo labor. 0:10:56.915,0:10:59.638 So to me, 0:10:59.662,0:11:03.790 the mindset that denies that, 0:11:03.814,0:11:08.127 that denies that we're in sync[br]with the biorhythms, 0:11:08.151,0:11:11.238 the cyclical rhythms of the universe, 0:11:11.262,0:11:16.916 does not create a hospitable[br]environment for women 0:11:16.940,0:11:19.374 or for people associated with labor, 0:11:19.398,0:11:20.912 which is to say, 0:11:20.936,0:11:24.355 people that we associate[br]as descendants of slaves, 0:11:24.379,0:11:26.726 or people who perform manual labor. 0:11:27.838,0:11:33.552 So here's how it looks[br]from a banana-peel-universe point of view, 0:11:33.576,0:11:36.911 from my mindset, which I call[br]"Emily's universe." 0:11:37.808,0:11:38.983 First of all, 0:11:40.323,0:11:45.568 I am incredibly grateful for life, 0:11:45.592,0:11:47.659 but I don't want to be immortal. 0:11:48.132,0:11:52.150 I have no interest in having[br]my name live on after me. 0:11:52.174,0:11:54.353 In fact, I don't want it to, 0:11:54.377,0:11:56.031 because it's been my observation 0:11:56.055,0:11:58.780 that no matter how nice and how brilliant 0:11:58.804,0:12:00.416 or how talented you are, 0:12:00.440,0:12:03.052 50 years after you die, they turn on you. 0:12:03.076,0:12:04.552 (Laughter) 0:12:04.576,0:12:07.091 And I have actual proof of that. 0:12:07.115,0:12:10.347 A headline from the Los Angeles Times: 0:12:10.371,0:12:13.502 "Anne Frank: Not so nice after all." 0:12:13.526,0:12:18.796 (Laughter) 0:12:18.820,0:12:22.182 Plus, I love being in sync 0:12:22.206,0:12:24.725 with the cyclical rhythms of the universe. 0:12:24.749,0:12:27.018 That's what's so extraordinary about life: 0:12:27.042,0:12:29.239 it's a cycle of generation, 0:12:29.263,0:12:30.669 degeneration, 0:12:30.693,0:12:32.292 regeneration. 0:12:32.316,0:12:36.214 "I" am just a collection of particles 0:12:36.238,0:12:39.117 that is arranged into this pattern, 0:12:39.141,0:12:41.903 then will decompose and be available, 0:12:41.927,0:12:44.474 all of its constituent parts, to nature, 0:12:44.498,0:12:46.652 to reorganize into another pattern. 0:12:47.779,0:12:50.238 To me, that is so exciting, 0:12:50.262,0:12:54.670 and it makes me even more grateful[br]to be part of that process. 0:12:55.331,0:12:57.051 You know, 0:12:57.075,0:13:03.117 I look at death now from the point of view[br]of a German biologist, 0:13:03.141,0:13:04.596 Andreas Weber, 0:13:04.620,0:13:08.222 who looks at it as part[br]of the gift economy. 0:13:08.246,0:13:11.024 You're given this enormous gift, life, 0:13:11.048,0:13:13.391 you enrich it as best you can, 0:13:13.415,0:13:15.475 and then you give it back. 0:13:16.019,0:13:19.352 And, you know, Auntie Mame[br]said, "Life is a banquet" -- 0:13:19.376,0:13:21.487 well, I've eaten my fill. 0:13:22.126,0:13:24.397 I have had an enormous appetite for life, 0:13:24.421,0:13:25.644 I've consumed life, 0:13:25.668,0:13:28.303 but in death, I'm going to be consumed. 0:13:28.327,0:13:31.778 I'm going into the ground[br]just the way I am, 0:13:31.802,0:13:34.753 and there, I invite every microbe 0:13:34.777,0:13:36.133 and detritus-er 0:13:36.157,0:13:38.307 and decomposer 0:13:38.331,0:13:39.497 to have their fill. 0:13:39.521,0:13:42.077 I think they'll find me delicious. 0:13:42.101,0:13:43.303 (Laughter) 0:13:43.327,0:13:44.577 I do. 0:13:45.584,0:13:50.623 So the best thing about my attitude,[br]I think, is that it's real. 0:13:50.647,0:13:51.973 You can see it. 0:13:51.997,0:13:53.148 You can observe it. 0:13:53.172,0:13:54.638 It actually happens. 0:13:54.662,0:13:58.377 Well, maybe not my enriching the gift, 0:13:58.401,0:14:00.156 I don't know about that -- 0:14:00.180,0:14:03.748 but my life has certainly[br]been enriched by other people. 0:14:03.772,0:14:04.977 By TED, 0:14:05.001,0:14:08.160 which introduced me[br]to a whole network of people 0:14:08.184,0:14:10.863 who have enriched my life, 0:14:10.887,0:14:14.080 including Tricia McGillis,[br]my website designer, 0:14:14.104,0:14:16.469 who's working with my wonderful daughter 0:14:16.493,0:14:20.031 to take my website[br]and turn it into something 0:14:20.055,0:14:21.946 where all I have to do is write a blog. 0:14:21.970,0:14:24.466 I don't have to use[br]the executive brain function ... 0:14:24.490,0:14:28.069 Ha, ha, ha, I win! 0:14:28.093,0:14:29.192 (Laughter) 0:14:29.216,0:14:31.874 And I am so grateful to you. 0:14:32.853,0:14:35.373 I don't want to say "the audience," 0:14:35.397,0:14:39.802 because I don't really see it[br]as we're two separate things. 0:14:39.826,0:14:45.451 I think of it in terms[br]of quantum physics, again. 0:14:46.001,0:14:51.298 And, you know, quantum physicists[br]are not exactly sure what happens 0:14:51.322,0:14:53.920 when the wave becomes a particle. 0:14:53.944,0:14:55.483 There are different theories -- 0:14:55.507,0:14:57.128 the collapse of the wave function, 0:14:57.152,0:14:58.303 decoherence -- 0:14:58.327,0:15:00.043 but they're all agreed on one thing: 0:15:00.067,0:15:03.136 that reality comes into being[br]through an interaction. 0:15:06.408,0:15:07.821 (Voice breaking) So do you. 0:15:08.628,0:15:10.968 And every audience I've ever had, 0:15:10.992,0:15:12.546 past and present. 0:15:13.508,0:15:17.489 Thank you so much for making my life real. 0:15:17.513,0:15:18.625 (Applause) 0:15:18.649,0:15:19.800 Thank you. 0:15:19.824,0:15:21.284 (Applause) 0:15:21.308,0:15:22.477 Thank you. 0:15:22.501,0:15:23.554 (Applause) 0:15:23.578,0:15:24.737 Thank you. 0:15:24.761,0:15:25.786 (Applause) 0:15:25.810,0:15:26.991 Thank you.