0:00:09.173,0:00:12.212
I started kindergarten[br]already being able to read --

0:00:12.789,0:00:15.971
a skill a classmate[br]would quickly take advantage of.

0:00:17.003,0:00:19.447
He whispered to me in the library one day:

0:00:19.471,0:00:20.621
"Hey, Sophia!

0:00:20.924,0:00:22.900
Can you look up the word 'sex'?

0:00:22.924,0:00:25.243
I want to see what it says[br]in the dictionary."

0:00:25.267,0:00:26.457
(Laughter)

0:00:26.481,0:00:28.084
I had never heard of this word,

0:00:28.108,0:00:29.975
so of course, I was curious.

0:00:30.275,0:00:31.425
"Yeah, OK."

0:00:32.449,0:00:34.966
My fingers slowly trailed down the page,

0:00:34.990,0:00:40.244
eagerly searching for the letters s-e-x.

0:00:40.998,0:00:43.427
But before I could land[br]on the desired word,

0:00:43.451,0:00:45.720
I felt a firm tap on my shoulder,

0:00:45.744,0:00:47.751
and a stern gaze hovered over me.

0:00:50.006,0:00:51.641
Sat in the principal's office,

0:00:51.665,0:00:54.347
terrified, yet unsure of my crime.

0:00:55.395,0:00:57.747
He leaned in close and said, gently ...

0:00:58.834,0:01:02.056
"Now, Sophia, why would[br]a little girl like yourself

0:01:02.080,0:01:04.096
be concerned with a word like that?

0:01:04.684,0:01:07.524
I don't think your parents[br]would be too happy to hear of it.

0:01:08.065,0:01:10.350
But since this is your first time in here,

0:01:10.374,0:01:12.231
I don't think they need to be told."

0:01:13.207,0:01:14.794
In that simple moment,

0:01:14.818,0:01:18.271
he created the first secret[br]I would ever keep from my parents ...

0:01:18.295,0:01:20.144
(Laughter)

0:01:20.168,0:01:25.588
and a lifelong curiosity[br]about this shameful word spelled s-e-x.

0:01:26.576,0:01:29.511
We're going to share[br]a lot of secrets today, you and I,

0:01:29.535,0:01:31.991
and in doing so, I hope that we can lift

0:01:32.015,0:01:34.615
some of the shame[br]many of us feel about sex.

0:01:36.615,0:01:40.095
How many here have ever been[br]catcalled by a stranger?

0:01:41.775,0:01:43.335
Lots of women.

0:01:44.221,0:01:46.878
For me, the time I remember best

0:01:46.902,0:01:50.262
is when that stranger[br]was a student of mine.

0:01:51.295,0:01:54.231
He came up to me after class that night

0:01:54.255,0:01:57.111
and his words confirmed[br]what I already knew:

0:01:57.135,0:01:58.911
"I am so sorry, professor.

0:01:58.935,0:02:02.831
If I had known it was you,[br]I would never have said those things."

0:02:02.855,0:02:05.151
(Laughter)

0:02:05.175,0:02:09.255
I wasn't a person to him[br]until I was his professor.

0:02:10.215,0:02:12.791
This concept, called objectification,

0:02:12.815,0:02:14.871
is the foundation of sexism,

0:02:14.895,0:02:18.415
and we see it reinforced[br]through every aspect of our lives.

0:02:21.335,0:02:23.551
We see it in the government

0:02:23.575,0:02:28.751
that refuses to punish men[br]for raping women.

0:02:28.775,0:02:31.071
We see it in advertisements.

0:02:31.095,0:02:33.103
How many of you have seen an advertisement

0:02:33.127,0:02:38.495
that uses a woman's breast[br]to sell an entirely unrelated product?

0:02:40.215,0:02:43.991
Or movie after movie after movie

0:02:44.015,0:02:46.895
that portrays women[br]as only love interests?

0:02:47.895,0:02:51.511
These examples might seem[br]inconsequential and harmless,

0:02:51.535,0:02:52.791
but they're insidious,

0:02:52.815,0:02:57.095
slowly building into a culture[br]that refuses to see women as people.

0:02:57.655,0:03:01.845
We see this in the school[br]that sends home a 10-year-old girl

0:03:01.869,0:03:05.511
because her clothes were[br]a distraction to boys trying to learn,

0:03:05.535,0:03:10.711
or the government that refuses[br]to punish men for raping women

0:03:10.735,0:03:12.311
over and over,

0:03:12.335,0:03:13.791
or the woman who is killed

0:03:13.815,0:03:17.895
because she asked a man to stop[br]grinding on her on the dance floor.

0:03:21.215,0:03:25.975
Media plays a large role in perpetuating[br]the objectification of women.

0:03:27.095,0:03:29.911
Let's consider[br]the classic romantic comedy.

0:03:29.935,0:03:33.831
We're typically introduced[br]to two kinds of women in these movies,

0:03:33.855,0:03:36.591
two kinds of desirable women, anyway.

0:03:36.615,0:03:39.031
The first is the sexy bombshell.

0:03:39.055,0:03:42.711
This is the unbelievably gorgeous woman[br]with the perfect body.

0:03:42.735,0:03:45.351
Our leading man[br]has no trouble identifying her

0:03:45.375,0:03:47.735
and even less trouble having sex with her.

0:03:48.455,0:03:50.311
The second is our leading lady,

0:03:50.335,0:03:54.191
the beautiful but demure woman[br]our leading man falls in love with

0:03:54.215,0:03:56.351
despite not noticing her at first

0:03:56.375,0:03:58.975
or not liking her if he did.

0:03:59.535,0:04:01.551
The first is the slut.

0:04:01.575,0:04:03.591
She is to be consumed and forgotten.

0:04:03.615,0:04:04.895
She is much too available.

0:04:05.495,0:04:09.151
The second is desirable but modest,

0:04:09.175,0:04:12.631
and therefore worthy[br]of our leading man's future babies.

0:04:12.655,0:04:13.855
Marriage material.

0:04:14.455,0:04:17.391
We're actually told[br]that women have two roles,

0:04:17.415,0:04:21.655
but these two roles have a difficult time[br]existing within the same woman.

0:04:22.255,0:04:25.911
On the rare occasion[br]that I share with a new acquaintance

0:04:25.935,0:04:27.671
that I study sex,

0:04:27.695,0:04:30.071
if they don't end[br]the conversation right then,

0:04:30.095,0:04:32.095
they're usually pretty intrigued.

0:04:33.015,0:04:34.791
"Oh. Tell me more."

0:04:34.815,0:04:36.015
So I do.

0:04:37.895,0:04:40.511
"I'm really interested[br]in studying the sexual behaviors

0:04:40.535,0:04:42.311
of pregnant and postpartum couples."

0:04:42.335,0:04:45.871
At this point I get[br]a different kind of response.

0:04:45.895,0:04:47.871
(Laughter)

0:04:47.895,0:04:49.695
"Oh. Huh.

0:04:50.375,0:04:52.575
Do pregnant people even have sex?

0:04:53.775,0:04:57.711
Have you thought[br]about studying sexual desire

0:04:57.735,0:04:59.071
or orgasms?

0:04:59.095,0:05:02.095
That would be interesting, and sexy."

0:05:03.815,0:05:06.351
Tell me. What are the first words[br]that come to mind

0:05:06.375,0:05:08.175
when you picture a pregnant woman?

0:05:08.975,0:05:12.391
I asked this question[br]in a survey of over 500 adults,

0:05:12.415,0:05:15.991
and most responded with "belly" or "round"

0:05:16.015,0:05:18.055
and "cute."

0:05:18.735,0:05:20.351
This didn't surprise me too much.

0:05:20.375,0:05:22.015
What else do we label as cute?

0:05:23.535,0:05:26.031
Babies. Puppies. Kittens.

0:05:26.055,0:05:27.711
The elderly. Right?

0:05:27.735,0:05:29.455
(Laughter)

0:05:30.750,0:05:33.407
When we label an adult as cute, though,

0:05:33.431,0:05:35.911
we take away a lot of their intelligence,

0:05:35.935,0:05:37.135
their complexity.

0:05:37.895,0:05:40.375
We reduce them to childlike qualities.

0:05:41.255,0:05:42.911
I also asked heterosexual men

0:05:42.935,0:05:46.071
to imagine a woman[br]that they're partnered with is pregnant,

0:05:46.095,0:05:48.871
and then asked women[br]to imagine that they are pregnant,

0:05:48.895,0:05:51.511
and then tell me[br]the first words that come to mind

0:05:51.535,0:05:53.575
when they imagine having sex.

0:05:54.655,0:05:56.735
Most of the responses were negative.

0:05:57.942,0:05:59.369
"Gross."

0:05:59.393,0:06:00.766
"Awkward."

0:06:00.790,0:06:03.231
"Not sexy." "Odd."

0:06:03.255,0:06:04.455
"Uncomfortable."

0:06:04.935,0:06:06.191
"How?"

0:06:06.215,0:06:08.215
(Laughter)

0:06:09.015,0:06:12.111
"Not worth the trouble."[br]"Not worth the risk."

0:06:12.135,0:06:14.135
That last one really stuck with me.

0:06:15.415,0:06:20.151
We might think that because we divorce[br]pregnant women and moms from sexuality,

0:06:20.175,0:06:25.191
we are removing the constraints[br]of sexual objectification.

0:06:25.215,0:06:27.255
They experience less sexism. Right?

0:06:27.935,0:06:29.511
Not exactly.

0:06:29.535,0:06:32.655
What happens instead[br]is a different kind of objectification.

0:06:33.455,0:06:35.711
In my efforts to explain this to others,

0:06:35.735,0:06:39.511
one conversation[br]led to the Venus of Willendorf,

0:06:39.535,0:06:44.351
a Paleolithic figurine scholars assumed[br]was a goddess of love and beauty,

0:06:44.375,0:06:45.815
hence the name Venus.

0:06:46.215,0:06:48.351
This theory was later revised, though,

0:06:48.375,0:06:52.071
when scholars noted[br]the sculptor's obvious focus

0:06:52.095,0:06:55.511
on the figurine's reproductive features:

0:06:55.535,0:06:58.791
large breasts,[br]considered ideal for nursing;

0:06:58.815,0:07:01.431
a round, possibly pregnant belly;

0:07:01.455,0:07:04.935
the remnants of red dye,[br]alluding to menstruation or birth.

0:07:06.255,0:07:09.790
They also assumed that she was[br]meant to be held or placed lying down

0:07:09.814,0:07:14.191
because her tiny feet[br]don't allow her to be freestanding.

0:07:14.215,0:07:15.695
She also had no face.

0:07:16.495,0:07:20.591
For this reason, it was assumed[br]that she was a representation of fertility

0:07:20.615,0:07:23.471
and not a portrait of a person.

0:07:23.495,0:07:24.775
She was an object.

0:07:25.375,0:07:27.191
In the history of her interpretation,

0:07:27.215,0:07:30.351
she went from object[br]of ideal beauty and love

0:07:30.375,0:07:32.215
to object of reproduction.

0:07:33.055,0:07:35.511
I think this transition speaks more

0:07:35.535,0:07:39.311
about the scholars[br]who have interpreted her purpose

0:07:39.335,0:07:43.335
than the actual purpose[br]of the figurine herself.

0:07:44.055,0:07:46.151
When a woman becomes pregnant,

0:07:46.175,0:07:49.911
she leaves the realm[br]of men's sexual desire

0:07:49.935,0:07:54.511
and slides into her reproductive[br]and child-rearing role.

0:07:54.535,0:07:58.951
In doing so, she also becomes[br]the property of the community,

0:07:58.975,0:08:03.455
considered very important,[br]but only because she's pregnant. Right?

0:08:04.015,0:08:06.511
I've taken to calling this[br]the Willendorf effect,

0:08:06.535,0:08:10.215
and once again we see it reinforced[br]in many aspects of her life.

0:08:10.918,0:08:13.431
Has anyone here[br]ever been visibly pregnant?

0:08:13.455,0:08:14.671
(Laughter)

0:08:14.695,0:08:15.951
Yeah. Lots of you, right?

0:08:15.975,0:08:20.111
So how many of you ever had a stranger[br]touch your belly during pregnancy,

0:08:20.135,0:08:23.471
maybe without even asking[br]your permission first?

0:08:23.495,0:08:26.231
Or told what you can and cannot eat

0:08:26.255,0:08:29.871
by somebody who is not your doctor,[br]your medical care provider?

0:08:29.895,0:08:32.815
Or asked private questions[br]about your birth plan?

0:08:33.775,0:08:36.575
And then told why[br]those choices are all wrong?

0:08:37.255,0:08:38.471
Yeah, me too.

0:08:38.495,0:08:42.751
Or had a server refuse[br]to bring you a glass of wine?

0:08:42.775,0:08:45.511
This one might give you pause,[br]I know, but stay with me.

0:08:45.535,0:08:47.631
This is a huge secret.

0:08:47.655,0:08:51.575
It is actually safe to drink[br]in moderation during pregnancy.

0:08:52.215,0:08:53.751
Many of us don't know this

0:08:53.775,0:08:57.511
because doctors don't trust[br]pregnant women with this secret --

0:08:57.535,0:08:59.295
(Laughter)

0:09:03.055,0:09:07.311
especially if she's less educated[br]or a woman of color.

0:09:07.335,0:09:09.071
What this tells us is,

0:09:09.095,0:09:13.311
this Willendorf effect,[br]it's also classist and racist.

0:09:13.335,0:09:19.231
It's present when[br]the government reminds women

0:09:19.255,0:09:21.911
with every new anti-choice bill

0:09:21.935,0:09:24.791
that the contents of her uterus[br]are not her own,

0:09:24.815,0:09:26.871
or when an ob-gyn says,

0:09:26.895,0:09:29.191
"While it's safe[br]to have sex during pregnancy,

0:09:29.215,0:09:30.551
sometimes you never know.

0:09:30.575,0:09:32.215
Better safe than sorry, right?"

0:09:33.095,0:09:37.351
She's denied basic privacy[br]and bodily autonomy

0:09:37.375,0:09:39.375
under the guise of "be a good mother."

0:09:39.855,0:09:42.295
We don't trust her[br]to make her own decisions.

0:09:42.815,0:09:44.415
She's cute, remember?

0:09:47.495,0:09:52.751
When we tell women[br]that sexual pleasure -- excuse me.

0:09:52.775,0:09:57.591
When we tell women that sex[br]isn't worth the risk during pregnancy,

0:09:57.615,0:10:01.871
what we're telling her is that[br]her sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

0:10:01.895,0:10:05.191
So what we are telling her[br]is that she in fact doesn't matter,

0:10:05.215,0:10:09.935
even though the needs of her fetus[br]are not at odds with her own needs.

0:10:10.895,0:10:13.151
So medical providers,

0:10:13.175,0:10:16.151
such as the American College[br]of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

0:10:16.175,0:10:21.071
have the opportunity to educate[br]about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

0:10:21.095,0:10:22.495
So what do the experts say?

0:10:23.455,0:10:25.951
ACOG actually has[br]no public official statement

0:10:25.975,0:10:29.135
about the safety of sex during pregnancy.

0:10:29.778,0:10:32.791
Guidance from the Mayo Clinic[br]is generally positive

0:10:32.815,0:10:35.311
but presented with a caveat:

0:10:35.335,0:10:38.486
"Although most women can safely[br]have sex throughout pregnancy,

0:10:38.510,0:10:40.631
sometimes it's best to be cautious."

0:10:40.655,0:10:43.751
Some women don't want[br]to have sex during pregnancy,

0:10:43.775,0:10:45.031
and that's OK.

0:10:45.055,0:10:47.671
Some women do want[br]to have sex during pregnancy,

0:10:47.695,0:10:49.111
and that's OK, too.

0:10:49.135,0:10:51.791
What needs to stop[br]is society telling women

0:10:51.815,0:10:54.135
what they can and cannot do[br]with their bodies.

0:10:55.175,0:10:57.295
(Applause)

0:11:01.735,0:11:06.391
Pregnant women are not faceless,[br]identity-less vessels of reproduction

0:11:06.415,0:11:08.535
who can't stand on their own two feet.

0:11:09.815,0:11:12.231
But the truth is, the real secret is,

0:11:12.255,0:11:16.511
we tell all women that[br]their sexual pleasure doesn't matter.

0:11:16.535,0:11:19.751
We refuse to even acknowledge[br]that women who have sex with women

0:11:19.775,0:11:22.095
or women who don't[br]want children even exist.

0:11:22.535,0:11:24.231
"Oh, it's just a phase ...

0:11:24.255,0:11:26.575
she just needs the right man[br]to come along."

0:11:27.855,0:11:32.191
Every time a woman has sex[br]simply because it feels good,

0:11:32.215,0:11:33.951
it is revolutionary.

0:11:33.975,0:11:36.151
She is revolutionary.

0:11:36.175,0:11:38.751
She is pushing back[br]against society's insistence

0:11:38.775,0:11:40.991
that she exist simply for men's pleasure

0:11:41.015,0:11:42.335
or for reproduction.

0:11:44.135,0:11:48.111
A woman who prioritizes[br]her sexual needs is scary,

0:11:48.135,0:11:53.271
because a woman who prioritizes[br]her sexual needs prioritizes herself.

0:11:53.295,0:11:57.071
(Applause)

0:11:57.095,0:12:01.511
That is a woman demanding[br]that she be treated as an equal.

0:12:01.535,0:12:03.071
That is a woman who insists

0:12:03.095,0:12:06.431
that you make room for her[br]at the table of power,

0:12:06.455,0:12:08.351
and that is the most terrifying of all

0:12:08.375,0:12:11.191
because we can't make room for her

0:12:11.215,0:12:14.735
without some of us giving up[br]the extra space we hold.

0:12:16.535,0:12:18.735
(Applause)

0:12:22.175,0:12:23.815
I have one last secret for you.

0:12:24.655,0:12:26.511
I am the mother of two boys

0:12:26.535,0:12:28.535
and we could use your help.

0:12:29.015,0:12:33.711
Even though my boys hear me say regularly

0:12:33.735,0:12:37.271
that it's important for men[br]to recognize women as equals

0:12:37.295,0:12:39.831
and they see their father modeling this,

0:12:39.855,0:12:43.975
we need what happens in the world[br]to reinforce what happens in our home.

0:12:44.295,0:12:47.591
This is not a men's problem[br]or a women's problem.

0:12:47.615,0:12:49.191
This is everyone's problem,

0:12:49.215,0:12:53.615
and we all play a role[br]in dismantling systems of inequality.

0:12:54.215,0:12:56.831
For starters, we have got[br]to stop telling women

0:12:56.855,0:12:59.271
what they can and cannot do[br]with their bodies.

0:12:59.295,0:13:02.335
(Applause)

0:13:03.935,0:13:07.831
This includes not treating pregnant women[br]like community property.

0:13:07.855,0:13:11.551
If you don't know her,[br]don't even ask to touch her belly.

0:13:11.575,0:13:13.271
You wouldn't anybody else.

0:13:13.295,0:13:15.431
Don't tell her[br]what she can and cannot eat.

0:13:15.455,0:13:18.471
Don't ask her private details[br]about her medical decisions.

0:13:18.495,0:13:20.391
This also includes understanding

0:13:20.415,0:13:22.991
that even if you are[br]personally against abortion,

0:13:23.015,0:13:25.695
you can still fight[br]for a woman's right to choose.

0:13:26.215,0:13:29.975
When it comes to women's equality,[br]the two need not oppose one another.

0:13:30.695,0:13:32.951
If you're somebody who has sex with women,

0:13:32.975,0:13:34.471
prioritize her pleasure.

0:13:34.495,0:13:36.895
If you don't know how, ask.

0:13:37.775,0:13:39.271
If you have children --

0:13:39.295,0:13:41.231
(Laughter)

0:13:41.255,0:13:45.031
have conversations about sex[br]as early as possible,

0:13:45.055,0:13:49.431
because kids don't look up s-e-x[br]in the dictionary anymore.

0:13:49.455,0:13:51.095
They look it up on the internet.

0:13:52.055,0:13:54.735
And when you're having[br]those conversations about sex,

0:13:55.495,0:13:57.431
don't center them on reproduction only.

0:13:57.455,0:13:59.111
People have sex for many reasons,

0:13:59.135,0:14:00.911
some because they want a baby,

0:14:00.935,0:14:03.871
but most of us have sex[br]because it feels good.

0:14:03.895,0:14:05.095
Admit it.

0:14:06.495,0:14:09.071
And regardless of whether[br]you have children or not,

0:14:09.095,0:14:13.351
support comprehensive sex education[br]that doesn't shame our teenagers.

0:14:13.375,0:14:16.055
(Applause)

0:14:21.855,0:14:24.431
Nothing positive comes from shaming teens

0:14:24.455,0:14:27.055
for their sexual desires, behaviors,

0:14:27.855,0:14:31.335
other than positive STD[br]and pregnancy tests.

0:14:32.335,0:14:35.391
Every single day,[br]we are all given the opportunity

0:14:35.415,0:14:38.135
to disrupt patterns of inequality.

0:14:38.695,0:14:42.175
I think we can all agree[br]that it's worth the trouble to do so.

0:14:42.935,0:14:44.151
Thank you.

0:14:44.175,0:14:51.131
(Applause)