0:00:04.519,0:00:08.840
James just sent this one to me today.

0:00:08.840,0:00:15.839
And I almost deleted it.

0:00:15.839,0:00:17.239
But you know, as I went out,

0:00:17.239,0:00:19.809
I go over to Brackenridge to pray

0:00:19.809,0:00:21.759
and I couldn't get away from it,

0:00:21.759,0:00:24.075
so I thought you know what,

0:00:24.075,0:00:32.379
I'm going to visit it.

0:00:32.379,0:00:34.426
"I'm single.

0:00:34.426,0:00:35.940
In your video:

0:00:35.940,0:00:38.899
'Important to Walk in [br]Purity Before Marriage,'

0:00:38.899,0:00:41.019
you mention that in 1 Corinthians 7

0:00:41.019,0:00:45.758
that those who lack [br]self-control should marry.

0:00:45.758,0:00:47.448
What about Christians for whom

0:00:47.448,0:00:50.218
there are no prospects in sight?

0:00:50.218,0:00:51.939
Especially as a woman

0:00:51.939,0:00:54.377
waiting for someone to pursue you

0:00:54.377,0:00:56.609
is frustrating to the point of tears

0:00:56.609,0:00:58.457
and heartbreaking.

0:00:58.457,0:01:00.416
You say "get married"

0:01:00.416,0:01:03.837
like it's something we [br]can just get up and do."

0:01:03.837,0:01:08.828
Well, I don't want to [br]be insensitive to this,

0:01:08.828,0:01:12.359
but I do want to point out this:

0:01:12.359,0:01:14.977
"You say, 'get married,'

0:01:14.977,0:01:19.587
like it's something you [br]can just get up and do."

0:01:19.587,0:01:23.158
It's not me that says it.

0:01:23.158,0:01:27.527
Paul says it.

0:01:27.527,0:01:37.439
Let's look at it. 1 Corinthians 7.

0:01:37.439,0:01:49.809
1 Corinthians 7:8-9

0:01:49.809,0:01:51.657
"To the unmarried and the widows,

0:01:51.657,0:01:53.359
I say that it is good for them

0:01:53.359,0:01:55.048
to remain single as I am,

0:01:55.048,0:01:58.140
but if they cannot exercise self-control,

0:01:58.140,0:02:00.478
they should marry.

0:02:00.478,0:02:04.818
For it's better to marry [br]than to burn with passion."

0:02:04.818,0:02:08.019
This is typical.

0:02:08.019,0:02:12.399
It's typical that people say

0:02:12.399,0:02:14.307
to the preacher or teacher,

0:02:14.307,0:02:15.959
"you say,"

0:02:15.959,0:02:17.819
but what's important

0:02:17.819,0:02:19.988
is that we really listen

0:02:19.988,0:02:23.507
and we be Berean and ask ourselves this:

0:02:23.507,0:02:26.379
Does Scripture say it?

0:02:26.379,0:02:29.833
You see, Paul is the one saying here

0:02:29.833,0:02:32.218
get married.

0:02:32.218,0:02:34.619
But anyway, that's just a side note.

0:02:34.619,0:02:36.718
Let's keep going.

0:02:36.718,0:02:38.819
"You say, 'get married,' [br]like it's something

0:02:38.819,0:02:40.408
that we can just get up and do,

0:02:40.408,0:02:42.450
and it's rarely that simple.

0:02:42.450,0:02:44.637
Sometimes it seems married people

0:02:44.637,0:02:47.019
are flippant and insensitive

0:02:47.019,0:02:48.406
towards single people

0:02:48.406,0:02:52.449
telling them to just be content."

0:02:52.449,0:02:57.179
Which she realizes is not untrue.

0:02:57.179,0:02:59.688
"And I don't think that married people

0:02:59.688,0:03:02.666
remember how fierce [br]the battle is with purity

0:03:02.666,0:03:04.408
when they were single.

0:03:04.408,0:03:05.788
It's very frustrating.

0:03:05.788,0:03:08.837
You said yourself you longed to be married

0:03:08.837,0:03:11.659
but the Lord kept you single for 3 years

0:03:11.659,0:03:13.908
and that was not enjoyable.

0:03:13.908,0:03:15.338
You longed to be married.

0:03:15.338,0:03:17.764
Is there a practical side [br]to getting married?

0:03:17.764,0:03:20.549
Also, should churches [br]help singles get married

0:03:20.549,0:03:23.699
and if so, what can churches do?"

0:03:23.699,0:03:33.198
Now look, I am not being sarcastic

0:03:33.198,0:03:34.988
when I say some of the things

0:03:34.988,0:03:36.388
that I'm about to say.

0:03:36.388,0:03:43.248
This is not sarcasm.

0:03:43.248,0:03:46.867
What are the options?

0:03:46.867,0:03:49.429
I mean, let's seriously ask that question.

0:03:49.429,0:03:52.689
If you have a young lady or a young man,

0:03:52.689,0:03:56.697
they want to be married, [br]but they're single,

0:03:56.697,0:04:00.750
what are the options?

0:04:00.750,0:04:03.717
I just went riding

0:04:03.717,0:04:06.997
with three brothers from the church -

0:04:06.997,0:04:12.358
went on a bike ride before the Bible study

0:04:12.358,0:04:15.389
and I typically do that on Tuesday's.

0:04:15.389,0:04:19.468
And oftentimes, Craig asks me

0:04:19.468,0:04:22.037
what are the questions [br]you're dealing with tonight.

0:04:22.037,0:04:23.718
And I'll tell him.

0:04:23.718,0:04:27.218
And I told the guys - I told he and Carlos

0:04:27.218,0:04:31.067
that I wanted to deal with this question.

0:04:31.067,0:04:35.798
And I said I've got like 12 options.

0:04:35.798,0:04:43.297
And I said the first option is:

0:04:43.297,0:04:45.618
you can go to a bar, you can get drunk,

0:04:45.618,0:04:48.235
you can go home with a guy.

0:04:48.235,0:04:51.467
And I told the guys [br]I'm not being sarcastic,

0:04:51.467,0:04:53.228
and Carlos goes,

0:04:53.228,0:04:58.467
"No. There's a lot of people [br]who choose that."

0:04:58.467,0:04:59.819
That's absolutely true.

0:04:59.819,0:05:01.888
That's not sarcasm.

0:05:01.888,0:05:03.408
(incomplete thought)

0:05:03.408,0:05:05.828
Look, what I want to do right now

0:05:05.828,0:05:07.877
is give options.

0:05:07.877,0:05:10.108
And I'm not necessarily going to tell you

0:05:10.108,0:05:13.759
whether these options are right or wrong.

0:05:13.759,0:05:15.538
I'm just going to tell you

0:05:15.538,0:05:17.097
what are the options.

0:05:17.097,0:05:19.118
What are the options if you find yourself

0:05:19.118,0:05:21.347
in a single state

0:05:21.347,0:05:25.997
and you're struggling with being there?

0:05:25.997,0:05:28.001
I'm not saying that some of these options

0:05:28.001,0:05:29.939
are options to choose or not choose.

0:05:29.939,0:05:31.849
Some of them may be marginal.

0:05:31.849,0:05:33.678
Some of you may think

0:05:33.678,0:05:35.238
well, yeah, you could do that;

0:05:35.238,0:05:36.467
or some of you may think,

0:05:36.467,0:05:38.918
well, that's inappropriate.

0:05:38.918,0:05:42.598
I'm not really here to be your conscience.

0:05:42.598,0:05:47.068
I know some things are wrong.

0:05:47.068,0:05:48.626
They're obviously wrong.

0:05:48.626,0:05:50.728
Some things are obviously right.

0:05:50.728,0:05:58.407
Some things are in the grey matter.

0:05:58.407,0:06:00.348
Some of you may have certain thoughts

0:06:00.348,0:06:01.648
and some may have others.

0:06:01.648,0:06:03.669
But what are the options?

0:06:03.669,0:06:09.739
You find yourself sexually frustrated

0:06:09.739,0:06:16.398
and/or intently lonely,

0:06:16.398,0:06:20.338
and you don't like being single.

0:06:20.338,0:06:26.697
So what do you do?

0:06:26.697,0:06:31.559
(unintelligible)

0:06:31.559,0:06:35.948
Well, like I say,

0:06:35.948,0:06:38.429
I'm not being sarcastic here,

0:06:38.429,0:06:45.569
but one option is sin.

0:06:45.569,0:06:49.138
I mean one option is:

0:06:49.138,0:06:53.780
I'm out of here. I'm going [br]to go live with my boyfriend.

0:06:53.780,0:06:57.549
And people choose that [br]option all the time.

0:06:57.549,0:06:58.910
I'm going to go to the bar.

0:06:58.910,0:07:01.458
I'm going to get drunk.

0:07:01.458,0:07:04.369
I don't know any other way to find a guy.

0:07:04.369,0:07:08.839
That's the way it happened in the world

0:07:08.839,0:07:11.448
and now I'm trying to be a Christian

0:07:11.448,0:07:16.998
and I've had it.

0:07:16.998,0:07:19.099
I'm frustrated

0:07:19.099,0:07:22.138
and following Christ is too hard.

0:07:22.138,0:07:23.738
Or you just make Christ out:

0:07:23.738,0:07:25.867
Well, He'll forgive me,

0:07:25.867,0:07:28.709
and so I'm going to go do this.

0:07:28.709,0:07:31.397
That's an option.

0:07:31.397,0:07:34.110
Another option.

0:07:34.110,0:07:36.289
You can get online and you can say

0:07:36.289,0:07:39.119
I'm going to match.com and eharmony.

0:07:39.119,0:07:47.098
And I don't know, Christian Mingle?

0:07:47.098,0:07:48.649
James: Sovereign Singles.

0:07:48.649,0:07:52.168
Tim: Sovereign Grace Singles.

0:07:52.168,0:07:53.550
People do that.

0:07:53.550,0:07:55.408
I know Christians that have done that.

0:07:55.408,0:07:59.408
We know a sister that was [br]in our church that got married

0:07:59.408,0:08:02.209
through seeking on some [br]kind of Christian (website).

0:08:02.209,0:08:07.539
You can do that.

0:08:07.539,0:08:12.668
R.C. Sproul's son, different people.

0:08:12.668,0:08:15.007
What was that one?

0:08:15.007,0:08:16.978
(incomplete thought)

0:08:16.978,0:08:19.528
They had a data breach.

0:08:19.528,0:08:22.308
James: Oh, he was on an adultery website.

0:08:22.308,0:08:24.108
Tim: Yeah, there's adultery websites.

0:08:24.108,0:08:28.310
There's all sorts of [br]options on the Internet

0:08:28.310,0:08:29.571
to try to find people.

0:08:29.571,0:08:31.008
You can parade yourself.

0:08:31.008,0:08:35.489
You can kind of create fictitious you.

0:08:35.489,0:08:38.638
You can put your best picture.

0:08:38.638,0:08:40.819
And you can say all the things,

0:08:40.819,0:08:42.138
have the light just right,

0:08:42.138,0:08:43.348
make it all look good,

0:08:43.348,0:08:45.518
and have nice background.

0:08:45.518,0:08:47.859
You know, you can really stage yourself

0:08:47.859,0:08:51.108
and portray yourself exactly [br]how you want there.

0:08:51.108,0:08:56.809
And lots of people do that.

0:08:56.809,0:09:00.090
What are other options?

0:09:00.090,0:09:05.650
(incomplete thought)

0:09:05.650,0:09:10.938
This is a young lady.

0:09:10.938,0:09:13.196
We heard not too long ago:

0:09:13.196,0:09:17.816
well, didn't Ruth initiate?

0:09:17.816,0:09:22.245
Didn't she go pursue Boaz? She did.

0:09:22.245,0:09:25.197
So it was suggested that [br]if you're a young lady

0:09:25.197,0:09:26.724
and you're frustrated -

0:09:26.724,0:09:30.555
you're frustrated waiting on the guys,

0:09:30.555,0:09:33.006
you could take the initiative.

0:09:33.006,0:09:37.196
And there are girls who do that -

0:09:37.196,0:09:38.656
lost and saved.

0:09:38.656,0:09:41.656
There are girls who do that.

0:09:41.656,0:09:43.695
Right or wrong?

0:09:43.695,0:09:46.305
Well, some would say Ruth

0:09:46.305,0:09:48.147
seems to indicate that maybe

0:09:48.147,0:09:51.866
it's not wrong all the time.

0:09:51.866,0:09:55.486
What else? What's another option?

0:09:55.486,0:10:00.717
You can strive to make [br]yourself more attractive.

0:10:00.717,0:10:03.676
That's an option.

0:10:03.676,0:10:07.116
And maybe there's some validity.

0:10:07.116,0:10:08.247
You say, how?

0:10:08.247,0:10:09.767
Now listen to what I'm saying,

0:10:09.767,0:10:13.367
making yourself more attractive -

0:10:13.367,0:10:18.197
sometimes a carnal flavor

0:10:18.197,0:10:19.527
tends to come out of that,

0:10:19.527,0:10:21.828
but I'll tell you if there's a godly guy

0:10:21.828,0:10:25.926
looking for a woman to marry,

0:10:25.926,0:10:29.295
the things that will [br]make her attractive to him

0:10:29.295,0:10:32.255
are the things that a girl [br]who wants to find a guy like that

0:10:32.255,0:10:37.906
should be making themselves attractive in.

0:10:37.906,0:10:39.957
What can you do?

0:10:39.957,0:10:46.257
Let's just talk about [br]the physical side of it.

0:10:46.257,0:10:48.548
You know what? If you're overweight,

0:10:48.548,0:10:50.104
is that going to have any impact

0:10:50.104,0:10:51.688
on your ability to get married?

0:10:51.688,0:10:53.178
Perhaps.

0:10:53.178,0:10:55.675
And it not only speaks [br]perhaps of physical things,

0:10:55.675,0:11:00.255
but it speaks of very [br]likely spiritual things.

0:11:00.255,0:11:04.656
Maybe like a lack of self-control.

0:11:04.656,0:11:08.899
Making yourself attractive...

0:11:08.899,0:11:12.246
do you want to just [br]let yourself fall apart?

0:11:12.246,0:11:15.048
Like you're undisciplined?

0:11:15.048,0:11:16.780
That's not good.

0:11:16.780,0:11:18.267
Dressing -

0:11:18.267,0:11:21.276
I'm not saying somebody [br]should dress worldly,

0:11:21.276,0:11:24.427
but can somebody dress in a way

0:11:24.427,0:11:27.017
that might be more attractive?

0:11:27.017,0:11:33.078
(Incomplete thought)

0:11:33.078,0:11:36.966
Sometimes people talk [br]about dressing smartly or nice.

0:11:36.966,0:11:38.299
Not necessarily worldly,

0:11:38.299,0:11:42.358
but looking shabby.

0:11:42.358,0:11:44.828
Making yourself attractive.

0:11:44.828,0:11:45.746
You know what?

0:11:45.746,0:11:48.417
Sometimes there are women

0:11:48.417,0:11:50.616
who are very unattractive

0:11:50.616,0:11:55.197
because they're loud, they're proud,

0:11:55.197,0:12:03.008
they're boastful, they're arrogant.

0:12:03.008,0:12:06.866
Now, sometimes there are women

0:12:06.866,0:12:08.547
who are too quiet -

0:12:08.547,0:12:10.539
on the opposite end.

0:12:10.539,0:12:12.035
They never talk to a guy.

0:12:12.035,0:12:14.776
They shy away.

0:12:14.776,0:12:17.356
Maybe you can put yourself in a position

0:12:17.356,0:12:23.647
where you're actually rubbing shoulders

0:12:23.647,0:12:30.059
with those of the opposite sex.

0:12:30.059,0:12:35.168
Let's hold the questions till the end.

0:12:35.168,0:12:42.777
Maybe just letting there be [br]something mysterious about you.

0:12:42.777,0:12:44.617
I mean, I've known some young ladies

0:12:44.617,0:12:47.875
that are telling a guy like the second [br]time they meet or something

0:12:47.875,0:12:51.417
they love them and there's [br]nothing very mysterious.

0:12:51.417,0:12:54.965
There's not much of a challenge.

0:12:54.965,0:12:57.168
I'm just saying, these are things

0:12:57.168,0:13:00.547
that you can do.

0:13:00.547,0:13:02.215
A young lady can put herself

0:13:02.215,0:13:04.956
where young men are.

0:13:04.956,0:13:07.154
And again, I'm not telling you

0:13:07.154,0:13:09.176
whether these things are right or wrong.

0:13:09.176,0:13:11.757
I'm telling you these are options

0:13:11.757,0:13:18.988
that people have at their disposal.

0:13:18.988,0:13:27.686
You can seek to stir up some interest.

0:13:27.686,0:13:32.327
Here's something not to do:

0:13:32.327,0:13:35.727
Here's an option that probably is wise.

0:13:35.727,0:13:39.726
We were at the Pearl on Sunday night

0:13:39.726,0:13:43.716
and Mack was speaking [br]to a good crowd of us

0:13:43.716,0:13:45.423
and somebody asked him

0:13:45.423,0:13:47.236
about his marriage.

0:13:47.236,0:13:49.047
And he was actually talking about it

0:13:49.047,0:13:50.487
and being very transparent

0:13:50.487,0:13:51.813
about some of his struggles

0:13:51.813,0:13:53.605
and his communication issues

0:13:53.605,0:13:55.185
that he's had to overcome,

0:13:55.185,0:13:56.620
and he told us a story

0:13:56.620,0:13:58.547
about this last New Year's,

0:13:58.547,0:14:02.646
and said it was 9:55

0:14:02.646,0:14:05.185
and his wife asked him to stay up

0:14:05.185,0:14:06.355
for the New Year,

0:14:06.355,0:14:08.007
and he said I go to bed at 10,

0:14:08.007,0:14:10.197
and he said my eyes were hanging low,

0:14:10.197,0:14:15.926
and she put on a Hallmark movie.

0:14:15.926,0:14:18.486
And he said it was 13 degrees outside

0:14:18.486,0:14:20.547
and he went outside and stood out there

0:14:20.547,0:14:22.066
until he was wide awake.

0:14:22.066,0:14:24.996
And he came in and he watched two or three

0:14:24.996,0:14:26.527
Hallmark movies with his wife.

0:14:26.527,0:14:27.601
Missed the New Year

0:14:27.601,0:14:30.166
because they were all into the movie.

0:14:30.166,0:14:34.727
He said it was wonderful.

0:14:34.727,0:14:36.315
Now that might be good for a man

0:14:36.315,0:14:38.285
who's trying to strengthen his marriage.

0:14:38.285,0:14:40.017
That is not good for a young lady

0:14:40.017,0:14:42.225
who is single to sit and watch

0:14:42.225,0:14:43.686
two or three of those.

0:14:43.686,0:14:47.316
She ought to stay as far away [br]from those as possible.

0:14:47.316,0:14:51.795
Why? Why expose yourself to that?

0:14:51.795,0:14:53.935
Why do that?

0:14:53.935,0:14:56.767
What else?

0:14:56.767,0:15:00.797
James: What's a Hallmark movie?

0:15:00.797,0:15:06.625
Tim: It's a romance movie.

0:15:06.625,0:15:10.595
James: Our wives obviously [br]watch them all this time.

0:15:10.595,0:15:12.667
Tim: I've watched some with my wife.

0:15:12.667,0:15:16.166
They all have the same storyline,

0:15:16.166,0:15:18.226
just different actors and actresses.

0:15:18.226,0:15:23.987
They are identical - every one of them.

0:15:23.987,0:15:26.977
They're the kind of movies guys hate.

0:15:26.977,0:15:33.384
But if you watch them with your wife...

0:15:33.384,0:15:35.487
She's actually asking about

0:15:35.487,0:15:37.757
whether the church should be involved.

0:15:37.757,0:15:39.987
Now that's an option.

0:15:39.987,0:15:42.516
Could you look to your father

0:15:42.516,0:15:44.405
to help set you up with somebody?

0:15:44.405,0:15:46.586
Could you look to your pastor?

0:15:46.586,0:15:48.086
I'll admit some people

0:15:48.086,0:15:50.664
are better matchmakers than others.

0:15:50.664,0:15:54.547
But that's a possibility and that happens.

0:15:54.547,0:15:56.996
There's communication and I have it.

0:15:56.996,0:15:58.737
Very likely, James has it.

0:15:58.737,0:16:01.185
There's communication with elders

0:16:01.185,0:16:03.488
in other churches at times

0:16:03.488,0:16:05.486
about singles in the church

0:16:05.486,0:16:11.774
and possible matches.

0:16:11.774,0:16:23.746
Here's an option.

0:16:23.746,0:16:40.036
This is a serious option.

0:16:40.036,0:16:44.097
Surrendering yourself

0:16:44.097,0:16:48.568
to living a life of singleness

0:16:48.568,0:16:53.706
to the glory of God if that's [br]what God has called you to.

0:16:53.706,0:16:57.605
You say, well, here I am struggling.

0:16:57.605,0:17:00.926
I'm struggling with singleness

0:17:00.926,0:17:03.378
and you're going to give [br]me that as an option?

0:17:03.378,0:17:08.076
Yeah, I think that's a tremendous option.

0:17:08.076,0:17:10.777
Let me say it again.

0:17:10.777,0:17:13.417
Surrendering.

0:17:13.417,0:17:23.077
(incomplete thought)

0:17:23.077,0:17:26.087
But just surrendering yourself

0:17:26.087,0:17:35.665
to that reality.

0:17:35.665,0:17:39.118
You know what, when I was single,

0:17:39.118,0:17:42.776
I asked the Lord:

0:17:42.776,0:17:46.187
Lord, I'll stay single.

0:17:46.187,0:17:48.976
I don't have any problem staying single

0:17:48.976,0:17:52.537
if You'll help me be single.

0:17:52.537,0:17:54.885
I mean, if You'll grant [br]me a gift of singleness

0:17:54.885,0:17:57.027
and grant me [br]contentment to be single,

0:17:57.027,0:18:00.147
I'll happily stay single.

0:18:00.147,0:18:03.276
But I think that's a real, genuine option

0:18:03.276,0:18:07.857
is to say: Lord, I'm surrendered.

0:18:07.857,0:18:08.736
I'm surrendered.

0:18:08.736,0:18:10.567
I am not going to live my life

0:18:10.567,0:18:13.666
like life doesn't start till I'm married.

0:18:13.666,0:18:16.777
I'm surrendering that to You.

0:18:16.777,0:18:18.026
Lord, here I am.

0:18:18.026,0:18:19.367
I'm ready to serve You

0:18:19.367,0:18:21.317
and if You want me to serve You single,

0:18:21.317,0:18:22.967
then I'm going to serve You single

0:18:22.967,0:18:26.486
as best as I can.

0:18:26.486,0:18:28.066
I think that is an option

0:18:28.066,0:18:32.726
that you really want to consider.

0:18:32.726,0:18:35.186
This is one to think about.

0:18:35.186,0:18:36.806
I've given lots of options.

0:18:36.806,0:18:38.516
Make yourself more attractive.

0:18:38.516,0:18:40.116
Get on the Internet

0:18:40.116,0:18:42.707
and use one of these match-making deals.

0:18:42.707,0:18:44.386
There's all sorts of things.

0:18:44.386,0:18:47.677
Talk to the pastor. Talk to other people.

0:18:47.677,0:18:51.086
Go to where the guys are.

0:18:51.086,0:18:53.136
Communicate some.

0:18:53.136,0:18:55.355
Fix the things that are wrong.

0:18:55.355,0:18:57.238
Make yourself more attractive.

0:18:57.238,0:18:59.127
There's all these things

0:18:59.127,0:19:01.532
that you can think about.

0:19:01.532,0:19:04.495
Girls taking initiative.

0:19:04.495,0:19:08.298
But I'll tell you what Scripture says.

0:19:08.298,0:19:10.608
Not so much about getting a husband

0:19:10.608,0:19:11.768
or a wife,

0:19:11.768,0:19:14.604
but I think you can put it in there.

0:19:14.604,0:19:18.147
Because what Jesus is talking about

0:19:18.147,0:19:21.493
is food and clothing.

0:19:21.493,0:19:23.298
The basics of life.

0:19:23.298,0:19:24.937
And you know what He says?

0:19:24.937,0:19:29.347
Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven

0:19:29.347,0:19:35.786
and all these things [br]shall be added unto you.

0:19:35.786,0:19:37.857
You know what one option is?

0:19:37.857,0:19:41.287
Just all out serve the Lord.

0:19:41.287,0:19:44.187
(incomplete thought)

0:19:44.187,0:19:47.357
Listen, we have a God

0:19:47.357,0:19:48.846
that if He wants you married,

0:19:48.846,0:19:50.578
you can be on a desert island

0:19:50.578,0:19:52.706
where there's not a guy [br]1,000 miles from you

0:19:52.706,0:19:54.146
and He will get that guy there

0:19:54.146,0:19:56.657
and you will be married.

0:19:56.657,0:19:58.877
James: Or you can be in India

0:19:58.877,0:20:00.666
and some guy from Bangladesh

0:20:00.666,0:20:02.534
ends up over there and you marry him.

0:20:02.534,0:20:03.824
Tim: Right.

0:20:03.824,0:20:09.447
I mean, when Ruby - she was in a church,

0:20:09.447,0:20:12.084
no single guys.

0:20:12.084,0:20:14.643
I'm looking at moving [br]to a different church

0:20:14.643,0:20:15.834
in the same city.

0:20:15.834,0:20:19.775
John Sytsma called me and told me:

0:20:19.775,0:20:20.945
we know you're single

0:20:20.945,0:20:25.245
and Pat just wanted John to say to me,

0:20:25.245,0:20:29.996
look, there aren't any [br]eligible young ladies here.

0:20:29.996,0:20:32.585
It was like that didn't [br]even cross my mind.

0:20:32.585,0:20:33.806
I'm not going down there

0:20:33.806,0:20:36.554
because there's a bunch of single ladies.

0:20:36.554,0:20:37.696
I'm going down there

0:20:37.696,0:20:40.374
because that's the kind of [br]church I've been looking for.

0:20:40.374,0:20:41.736
Ruby's dad would say to her

0:20:41.736,0:20:43.557
even if God has to bring your husband

0:20:43.557,0:20:44.914
from 1,000 miles away -

0:20:44.914,0:20:46.946
well, that's exactly what happened.

0:20:46.946,0:20:52.162
The thing is seek first the Kingdom.

0:20:52.162,0:20:56.885
(incomplete thought)

0:20:56.885,0:20:59.568
Yes, pray. That came up before.

0:20:59.568,0:21:01.104
And don't underestimate that.

0:21:01.104,0:21:02.565
I'm not putting these options

0:21:02.565,0:21:04.386
in order of priority.

0:21:04.386,0:21:07.326
In fact, I'm probably putting [br]them worst to best.

0:21:07.326,0:21:10.795
But the thing is don't underestimate

0:21:10.795,0:21:13.375
the God that Christians have.

0:21:13.375,0:21:15.094
We have us a God who's able to do

0:21:15.094,0:21:16.467
exceedingly, abundantly,

0:21:16.467,0:21:18.345
beyond what you ask or think.

0:21:18.345,0:21:21.305
(incomplete thought)

0:21:21.305,0:21:23.195
This is a huge thing.

0:21:23.195,0:21:25.735
You know what one of the good options is?

0:21:25.735,0:21:29.403
Is renew your minds.

0:21:29.403,0:21:30.871
Renew your minds.

0:21:30.871,0:21:33.624
You say what do you mean?

0:21:33.624,0:21:35.045
I mean this:

0:21:35.045,0:21:36.214
you can be single

0:21:36.214,0:21:37.696
and you can be in a situation

0:21:37.696,0:21:39.604
where you see all these married people

0:21:39.604,0:21:41.614
and you say: woe is me.

0:21:41.614,0:21:43.205
Okay, let me ask you something.

0:21:43.205,0:21:45.134
Are you a Christian?

0:21:45.134,0:21:47.604
Yes.

0:21:47.604,0:21:50.204
Woe is me?

0:21:50.204,0:21:52.045
You've been saved from your sins.

0:21:52.045,0:21:54.815
In a very short time, you're [br]going to be in Paradise.

0:21:54.815,0:21:57.114
This life is fleeting.

0:21:57.114,0:21:58.725
It's over in a moment.

0:21:58.725,0:22:03.336
It's like a breath of fog and it's gone.

0:22:03.336,0:22:05.674
You are going to spend forever -

0:22:05.674,0:22:09.765
eternal life, abundant, overflowing,

0:22:09.765,0:22:11.375
an eternal weight of glory,

0:22:11.375,0:22:13.146
and you're saying woe is me?

0:22:13.146,0:22:15.065
Wake up!

0:22:15.065,0:22:16.524
It is not woe is you.

0:22:16.524,0:22:18.275
In fact, the Apostle Paul said

0:22:18.275,0:22:19.595
that if you're married,

0:22:19.595,0:22:22.636
you're going to be taken [br]up with worldly anxieties.

0:22:22.636,0:22:23.984
But if you're not married,

0:22:23.984,0:22:27.076
you can give yourself freely [br]and fully to the Lord.

0:22:27.076,0:22:28.905
What does that mean? Renew your mind.

0:22:28.905,0:22:30.312
It means on judgment day

0:22:30.312,0:22:32.446
when sister so-and-so over here

0:22:32.446,0:22:34.716
is being rewarded for the 60%

0:22:34.716,0:22:36.716
she was able to bring forth in her life

0:22:36.716,0:22:39.315
because 40% was given to worldly endeavors

0:22:39.315,0:22:41.046
that really didn't amount to much,

0:22:41.046,0:22:43.055
and you're over here and you were single

0:22:43.055,0:22:45.325
and you could have [br]devoted your whole life -

0:22:45.325,0:22:47.005
you want to be that person that:

0:22:47.005,0:22:49.723
"Oh, well done! A hundred fold!"

0:22:49.723,0:22:51.214
You don't want to be tenfold

0:22:51.214,0:22:53.725
because 90% of the time, you pined away,

0:22:53.725,0:22:56.704
self pity, oh "woe is me."

0:22:56.704,0:22:58.544
Listen, renew your mind.

0:22:58.544,0:23:00.535
The thing is you're not the only person

0:23:00.535,0:23:01.845
suffering in this world.

0:23:01.845,0:23:03.616
And there are many married people

0:23:03.616,0:23:06.505
who are just as lonely [br]or lonelier than you.

0:23:06.505,0:23:08.306
And there are people that are married

0:23:08.306,0:23:09.493
that are very miserable.

0:23:09.493,0:23:11.646
And I guarantee you this,

0:23:11.646,0:23:15.775
that look, we have us a God,

0:23:15.775,0:23:17.904
and I think there's a place to come to Him

0:23:17.904,0:23:22.077
and pray, Lord, I ask You, please,

0:23:22.077,0:23:23.795
give me a spouse

0:23:23.795,0:23:26.835
or give me the grace to be single.

0:23:26.835,0:23:28.092
That's very reasonable.

0:23:28.092,0:23:30.324
Why would He not give [br]you either one of those?

0:23:30.324,0:23:31.516
He will!

0:23:31.516,0:23:33.484
When we're suffering and you're like Paul

0:23:33.484,0:23:35.980
and you come and say [br]I've got a thorn in the flesh

0:23:35.980,0:23:38.864
and would You please take it away,[br]and you ask three times,

0:23:38.864,0:23:40.995
what's the answer? [br]"My grace is sufficient."

0:23:40.995,0:23:43.754
And I think that's where our [br]expectation needs to be.

0:23:43.754,0:23:45.414
And you need to renew your mind.

0:23:45.414,0:23:48.574
You need to think right about things.

0:23:48.574,0:23:50.214
Think right.

0:23:50.214,0:23:52.005
The Apostle Paul teaches

0:23:52.005,0:23:54.244
that if you're single, [br]you have the ability

0:23:54.244,0:23:57.455
to serve the Lord like [br]married people don't.

0:23:57.455,0:24:00.886
Don't waste your singleness.

0:24:00.886,0:24:03.912
Don't waste it pining away,

0:24:03.912,0:24:08.963
feeling like you have an entitlement

0:24:08.963,0:24:10.384
to be married

0:24:10.384,0:24:12.814
and somehow God has done you wrong

0:24:12.814,0:24:15.856
until you get a spouse.

0:24:15.856,0:24:19.164
Don't think you're the [br]only one that suffers.

0:24:19.164,0:24:23.014
We can think like that.

0:24:23.014,0:24:25.176
We often think that way in our suffering.

0:24:25.176,0:24:27.686
But remember, we have a [br]sympathetic high priest.

0:24:27.686,0:24:28.975
That's what Scripture says.

0:24:28.975,0:24:32.685
And He's able to relate.

0:24:32.685,0:24:34.734
He stayed single His whole life.

0:24:34.734,0:24:37.355
He was a Man of Sorrows.

0:24:37.355,0:24:38.847
Charles Leiter's done a message

0:24:38.847,0:24:40.277
on the loneliness of Christ.

0:24:40.277,0:24:43.105
If ever somebody was [br]lonely, it was Christ.

0:24:43.105,0:24:46.848
He suffered alone on that cross.

0:24:46.848,0:24:50.365
And here's the thing,

0:24:50.365,0:24:52.276
our lives really are momentary.

0:24:52.276,0:24:53.985
You need to renew your mind there.

0:24:53.985,0:24:54.953
And you know what?

0:24:54.953,0:24:56.465
Even the people in this room

0:24:56.465,0:24:59.173
with the happiest marriages -

0:24:59.173,0:25:01.143
one of us is going to die

0:25:01.143,0:25:05.243
and probably not both of [br]us on the same day.

0:25:05.243,0:25:08.294
Somebody's going to say goodbye.

0:25:08.294,0:25:10.277
And it's over.

0:25:10.277,0:25:11.813
John Piper wrote a book called,

0:25:11.813,0:25:14.093
"This Momentary Marriage."

0:25:14.093,0:25:16.343
It's just momentary.

0:25:16.343,0:25:18.263
And then there's eternity forever.

0:25:18.263,0:25:20.303
And I guarantee you, in a million years

0:25:20.303,0:25:22.631
it will not matter which [br]ones of us were married

0:25:22.631,0:25:24.394
or which ones of us weren't married.

0:25:24.394,0:25:25.926
What's going to really matter is

0:25:25.926,0:25:27.274
whether you were in or out;

0:25:27.274,0:25:28.522
whether you served well;

0:25:28.522,0:25:29.892
whether in the end, it's:

0:25:29.892,0:25:40.023
Well done, good and faithful servant.

0:25:40.023,0:25:41.702
You had your hand up.

0:25:41.702,0:25:42.763
(from the room)

0:25:42.763,0:25:45.343
Yeah, I noticed you were talking

0:25:45.343,0:25:47.446
from the perspective of the female,

0:25:47.446,0:25:49.113
but I wanted to ask you

0:25:49.113,0:25:50.354
could you elaborate -

0:25:50.354,0:25:51.785
I heard a lot of talk

0:25:51.785,0:25:54.053
about the gift of singleness.

0:25:54.053,0:25:57.372
Can you tell us like [br]what you think that is?

0:25:57.372,0:25:59.043
Tim: Well, it seems to be a gift

0:25:59.043,0:26:00.655
and it seems to be something

0:26:00.655,0:26:01.874
that some people have

0:26:01.874,0:26:03.944
that other people don't have.

0:26:03.944,0:26:10.436
And what is the gift?

0:26:10.436,0:26:15.003
I would say it's a lack of [br]need to be married.

0:26:15.003,0:26:17.904
It's the ability to be content

0:26:17.904,0:26:21.833
to stay single.

0:26:21.833,0:26:24.424
I want to read something to you.

0:26:24.424,0:26:27.013
I often go back to this.

0:26:27.013,0:26:29.913
This is "Praying Payson" - Edward Payson

0:26:29.913,0:26:31.754
of Portland, Maine.

0:26:31.754,0:26:33.224
James: What page is that?

0:26:33.224,0:26:39.033
Tim: This is page 410 of Volume 1.

0:26:39.033,0:26:41.806
He is dying.

0:26:41.806,0:26:44.194
Listen to what he says.

0:26:44.194,0:26:48.756
"Christians might avoid much trouble

0:26:48.756,0:26:50.624
and inconvenience

0:26:50.624,0:26:52.243
if they would only believe

0:26:52.243,0:26:54.402
what they profess,

0:26:54.402,0:26:58.522
that God is able to make them happy

0:26:58.522,0:27:02.604
without anything else."

0:27:02.604,0:27:07.705
Seek first the Kingdom of God.

0:27:07.705,0:27:15.672
Seek first God.

0:27:15.672,0:27:18.744
Single people - I can tell you this,

0:27:18.744,0:27:20.265
in my singleness,

0:27:20.265,0:27:21.646
did I want to be married?

0:27:21.646,0:27:23.554
Yes, I wanted to be married.

0:27:23.554,0:27:25.204
But I can tell you this,

0:27:25.204,0:27:28.266
I had visitations of [br]the presence of Christ

0:27:28.266,0:27:30.313
in those three years of singleness

0:27:30.313,0:27:35.032
that I have not had [br]since I've been married.

0:27:35.032,0:27:39.230
They are the most [br]fulfilling things imaginable.

0:27:39.230,0:27:42.894
Listen to what Payson says.

0:27:42.894,0:27:46.774
"Christians imagine that if such [br]a dear friend were to die..."

0:27:46.774,0:27:48.394
or I'll insert here:

0:27:48.394,0:27:51.455
or if I wasn't to get married,

0:27:51.455,0:27:52.854
and it's like my spouse died

0:27:52.854,0:27:55.374
before I ever met him -

0:27:55.374,0:27:58.584
"or such and such blessings to be removed"

0:27:58.584,0:28:02.043
(like the blessing of marriage),

0:28:02.043,0:28:05.733
"they imagine that they [br]should be miserable."

0:28:05.733,0:28:07.183
And that's what happens.

0:28:07.183,0:28:09.164
Oh, woe is me. I'm going to be miserable.

0:28:09.164,0:28:11.443
I'm not going to get married.

0:28:11.443,0:28:13.403
But he says this, "Whereas God

0:28:13.403,0:28:17.283
can make them a thousand times happier

0:28:17.283,0:28:19.073
without them.

0:28:19.073,0:28:20.452
To mention my own case,

0:28:20.452,0:28:22.392
God has been depriving me

0:28:22.392,0:28:24.435
of one blessing after another,

0:28:24.435,0:28:28.014
but as every one of these blessings

0:28:28.014,0:28:29.643
has been removed,

0:28:29.643,0:28:33.014
God has come in and filled up its place

0:28:33.014,0:28:35.302
and now when I'm a cripple,

0:28:35.302,0:28:36.702
not able to move,

0:28:36.702,0:28:39.785
I am happier than ever I was in my life

0:28:39.785,0:28:42.893
before or ever expected to be.

0:28:42.893,0:28:46.912
And if I had only believed [br]this 20 years ago,

0:28:46.912,0:28:51.793
I might have been spared much anxiety."

0:28:51.793,0:28:55.195
The truth is God alone

0:28:55.195,0:28:56.483
without anything else

0:28:56.483,0:28:58.464
is entirely satisfying.

0:28:58.464,0:29:00.493
Renew your mind.

0:29:00.493,0:29:03.365
Renew your mind.

0:29:03.365,0:29:10.054
To find God is it.

0:29:10.054,0:29:14.854
That's the sum.

0:29:14.854,0:29:22.033
A good option is to abandon

0:29:22.033,0:29:24.854
marriage idolatry.

0:29:24.854,0:29:27.323
Marriage is not God.

0:29:27.323,0:29:29.495
A husband is not God.

0:29:29.495,0:29:31.454
A wife is not God.

0:29:31.454,0:29:32.872
Not even close.

0:29:32.872,0:29:34.744
Not even to be equated.

0:29:34.744,0:29:37.164
And if you're living just for marriage,

0:29:37.164,0:29:39.613
you want to be careful

0:29:39.613,0:29:41.325
because idolaters do not inherit

0:29:41.325,0:29:44.526
the Kingdom of Heaven.

0:29:44.526,0:29:46.035
Live for God.

0:29:46.035,0:29:47.696
Renew the mind.

0:29:47.696,0:29:48.863
Renew the mind.

0:29:48.863,0:29:51.814
Become convinced of [br]really what is important

0:29:51.814,0:29:55.354
and what satisfies.

0:29:55.354,0:30:00.103
Here's a man - a godly man - at the end,

0:30:00.103,0:30:05.016
and he's realizing just [br]how fulfilling God is

0:30:05.016,0:30:07.696
(incomplete thought).

0:30:07.696,0:30:09.895
What we have is his words.

0:30:09.895,0:30:14.851
What he's saying is true.

0:30:14.851,0:30:21.374
God is entirely fulfilling.

0:30:21.374,0:30:25.278
And when we can get where my soul

0:30:25.278,0:30:31.796
pants after God,

0:30:31.796,0:30:37.066
like the deer pants after the waterbrooks,

0:30:37.066,0:30:42.322
my soul longs, it pants after You.

0:30:42.322,0:30:47.761
When we live that way,

0:30:47.761,0:30:49.139
when you find God

0:30:49.139,0:30:56.841
and you drink richly from those springs,

0:30:56.841,0:30:59.631
you can be single.

0:30:59.631,0:31:00.911
You can be in the fires.

0:31:00.911,0:31:04.420
You can be in prison.

0:31:04.420,0:31:07.671
I mean, one of those Covenanters -

0:31:07.671,0:31:09.130
I wish I could remember,

0:31:09.130,0:31:11.740
his name is just barely escaping me.

0:31:11.740,0:31:14.860
It's like Cameron. Cameron, I think.

0:31:14.860,0:31:22.061
But he was one of those [br]Scotch Covenanters.

0:31:22.061,0:31:26.642
They said he received like [br]six or seven mortal wounds -

0:31:26.642,0:31:28.979
any one of which would have killed him.

0:31:28.979,0:31:30.292
But he was hacked up.

0:31:30.292,0:31:32.720
They chopped him up with swords.

0:31:32.720,0:31:35.680
They threw him - he's dying, bleeding -

0:31:35.680,0:31:37.449
they threw him in the dungeon

0:31:37.449,0:31:42.390
and they just piled chains on top of him.

0:31:42.390,0:31:48.888
And his fellow comrades were [br]in the dungeon with him.

0:31:48.888,0:31:51.410
He's just laying there a broken man,

0:31:51.410,0:31:53.090
his body's all shattered.

0:31:53.090,0:31:56.370
And he was able to communicate to them

0:31:56.370,0:32:02.700
and said I don't think I can bear [br]up under this much longer.

0:32:02.700,0:32:04.020
And when they inquired,

0:32:04.020,0:32:05.520
they found out what he meant

0:32:05.520,0:32:10.619
was not: the tortures of all these wounds

0:32:10.619,0:32:13.579
and chains are killing me.

0:32:13.579,0:32:15.599
He said, "I am experiencing

0:32:15.599,0:32:18.451
the glory of God to the degree

0:32:18.451,0:32:23.269
that I don't know if I [br]can sustain it much longer."

0:32:23.269,0:32:24.930
He did die.

0:32:24.930,0:32:27.559
But the glory of God [br]being revealed to Him -

0:32:27.559,0:32:29.069
if we will pant after that

0:32:29.069,0:32:30.599
and chase after that

0:32:30.599,0:32:33.109
and not be content until we have that,

0:32:33.109,0:32:35.467
I guarantee to find God

0:32:35.467,0:32:39.739
and to drink of that cup,

0:32:39.739,0:32:44.321
that so surpasses anything [br]marriage can bring.

0:32:44.321,0:32:49.550
And if a person has their eyes

0:32:49.550,0:32:51.541
set on marraige and finding a husband

0:32:51.541,0:32:55.871
and they're so full of anxieties

0:32:55.871,0:32:59.280
and so full of discontentment,

0:32:59.280,0:33:01.779
they're exalting marriage to something

0:33:01.779,0:33:05.499
that they should not exalt it to.

0:33:05.499,0:33:08.798
That's dangerous idolatry.

0:33:08.798,0:33:10.189
But we need to be convinced.

0:33:10.189,0:33:14.691
We need to have our minds renewed.

0:33:14.691,0:33:16.430
Well, may the Lord help you

0:33:16.430,0:33:19.448
to sort through the options.

0:33:19.448,0:33:21.270
See the good ones.

0:33:21.270,0:33:22.467
Reject the bad ones.

0:33:22.467,0:33:27.700
Embrace the good ones.

0:33:27.700,0:33:30.061
Father, I pray for the singles

0:33:30.061,0:33:32.528
and I pray Lord,

0:33:32.528,0:33:33.719
may they hear this.

0:33:33.719,0:33:35.407
May they really hear this

0:33:35.407,0:33:38.018
and long after You and find You,

0:33:38.018,0:33:41.619
pursue You,

0:33:41.619,0:33:43.948
as that deer pursues those waters

0:33:43.948,0:33:49.420
when famished and thirsty and panting.

0:33:49.420,0:33:52.379
Lord, we all want that - [br]married or single.

0:33:52.379,0:33:56.361
Give us a greater thirst for You.

0:33:56.361,0:33:58.048
And we would take this opportunity

0:33:58.048,0:34:03.272
to pray too for the Spirit of God.

0:34:03.272,0:34:06.252
My daughter's birthday is in two days.[br]

0:34:06.252,0:34:08.910
I can think about giving her gifts.

0:34:08.910,0:34:13.849
Oh Father, if we were the [br]sort of Father that You are,

0:34:13.849,0:34:15.579
knowing what we know about ourselves

0:34:15.579,0:34:18.169
and our desire to give [br]good gifts to our children,

0:34:18.169,0:34:20.150
Lord, how much more will You give

0:34:20.150,0:34:22.361
the Holy Spirit and we ask You to do it.

0:34:22.361,0:34:24.919
Give the Holy Spirit to us.

0:34:24.919,0:34:27.178
We ask in Christ's name, Amen.