[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.75,0:00:07.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This summer I was back\Nin Ohio for a family wedding,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.78,0:00:09.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when I was there,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.98,0:00:13.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there was a meet and greet\Nwith Anna and Elsa from "Frozen."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.48,0:00:17.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not the Anna and Elsa from "Frozen,"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.10,0:00:19.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as this was not a Disney-sanctioned event.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.83,0:00:24.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These two entrepreneurs had\Na business of running princess parties.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.43,0:00:26.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your kid is turning five?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.02,0:00:29.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They'll come sing some songs,\Nsprinkle some fairy dust, it's great.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.55,0:00:33.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they were not about\Nto miss out on the opportunity
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.17,0:00:35.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was the phenomenon\Nand that was "Frozen."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.80,0:00:37.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So they get hired by a local toy store,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.70,0:00:39.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kids come in on a Saturday morning,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.46,0:00:42.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,buy some Disney swag, get their\Npicture taken with the princesses,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.56,0:00:44.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,call it a day.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.16,0:00:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like Santa Claus\Nwithout the seasonal restrictions.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.86,0:00:48.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.46,0:00:53.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my three-and-a-half-year-old niece\NSamantha was in the thick of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.55,0:00:58.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She could care less that these two women\Nwere signing posters and coloring books
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.67,0:01:03.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as Snow Queen and Princess Ana\Nwith one N to avoid copyright lawsuits.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.96,0:01:05.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.12,0:01:09.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,According to my niece and the 200-plus\Nkids in the parking lot that day,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.82,0:01:14.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this was the Anna and Elsa from "Frozen."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.96,0:01:21.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is a blazing hot Saturday morning\Nin August in Ohio.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.60,0:01:24.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We get there at 10 o'clock,\Nthe scheduled start time,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.87,0:01:27.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are handed number 59.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.11,0:01:31.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By 11 o'clock they had called\Nnumbers 21 through 25;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.67,0:01:33.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this was going to be a while,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.43,0:01:37.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there is no amount\Nof free face painting or temporary tattoos
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.89,0:01:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that could prevent the meltdowns\Nthat were occurring outside of the store.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.40,0:01:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.97,0:01:47.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, by 12:30 we get called:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.11,0:01:50.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"56 to 63, please."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.32,0:01:53.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as we walk in, it is a scene\NI can only describe you
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.68,0:01:56.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as saying it looked like Norway threw up.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.57,0:01:57.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.95,0:02:02.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were cardboard\Ncut-out snowflakes covering the floor,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.33,0:02:07.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,glitter on every flat surface,\Nand icicles all over the walls.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.87,0:02:09.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as we stood in line
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.06,0:02:11.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in an attempt to give\Nmy niece a better vantage point
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.60,0:02:14.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than the backside\Nof the mother of number 58,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.15,0:02:15.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put her up on my shoulders,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.88,0:02:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she was instantly riveted\Nby the sight of the princesses.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.98,0:02:22.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as we moved forward,\Nher excitement only grew,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.52,0:02:24.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as we finally got\Nto the front of the line,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.80,0:02:28.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and number 58 unfurled her poster\Nto be signed by the princesses,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.50,0:02:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could literally feel the excitement\Nrunning through her body.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.10,0:02:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And let's be honest,\Nat that point, I was pretty excited too.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.06,0:02:36.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.46,0:02:39.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, the Scandinavian decadence\Nwas mesmerizing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.46,0:02:40.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.63,0:02:42.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we get to the front of the line,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.54,0:02:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the haggard clerk\Nturns to my niece and says,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.55,0:02:47.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hi, honey. You're next!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.37,0:02:49.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you want to get down,\Nor you're going to stay
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.66,0:02:51.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on your dad's shoulders for the picture?'
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.91,0:02:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.40,0:02:57.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was, for a lack\Nof a better word, frozen.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.26,0:02:58.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.87,0:03:03.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's amazing that in an unexpected instant\Nwe are faced with the question,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.67,0:03:04.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who am I?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.100,0:03:08.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Am I an aunt? Or am I an advocate?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.47,0:03:12.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Millions of people have seen my video\Nabout how to have a hard conversation,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.30,0:03:14.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there one was, right in front of me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.61,0:03:15.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At the same time,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.69,0:03:18.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's nothing more important\Nto me than the kids in my life,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.60,0:03:22.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I found myself in a situation\Nthat we so often find ourselves in,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.54,0:03:25.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,torn between two things,\Ntwo impossible choices.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.77,0:03:27.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would I be an advocate?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.79,0:03:32.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would I take my niece off my shoulders\Nand turn to the clerk and explain to her
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.34,0:03:35.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I was in fact\Nher aunt, not her father,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.48,0:03:37.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that she should be more careful
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.85,0:03:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not to jump to gender conclusions\Nbased on haircuts and shoulder rides --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.60,0:03:43.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.74,0:03:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and while doing that,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.60,0:03:50.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,miss out on what was, to this point,\Nthe greatest moment of my niece's life.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.12,0:03:53.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or would I be an aunt?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.21,0:03:56.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would I brush off that comment,\Ntake a million pictures,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.34,0:04:01.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not be distracted for an instant\Nfrom the pure joy of that moment,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.32,0:04:02.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and by doing that,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.84,0:04:06.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,walk out with the shame that comes up\Nfor not standing up for myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.22,0:04:08.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially in front of my niece.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.61,0:04:10.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who was I?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.41,0:04:15.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which one was more important?\NWhich role was more worth it?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.23,0:04:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Was I an aunt? Or was I an advocate?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.22,0:04:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had a split second to decide.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.24,0:04:23.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are taught right now
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.81,0:04:28.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we are living in a world\Nof constant and increasing polarity.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.11,0:04:32.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's so black and white,\Nso us and them, so right and wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.52,0:04:37.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is no middle,\Nthere is no gray, just polarity.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.69,0:04:40.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Polarity is a state in which\Ntwo ideas or opinions
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.13,0:04:42.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are completely opposite from each other;
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.71,0:04:44.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a diametrical opposition.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.13,0:04:48.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which side are you on?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.58,0:04:52.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you unequivocally and without question\Nantiwar, pro-choice, anti-death penalty,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.65,0:04:56.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pro-gun regulation, proponent\Nof open borders and pro-union?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.10,0:05:01.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or, are you absolutely \Nand uncompromisingly
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.34,0:05:03.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pro-war, pro-life, pro-death penalty,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.52,0:05:05.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a believer that the Second\NAmendment is absolute,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.84,0:05:07.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anti-immigrant and pro-business?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.54,0:05:09.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's all or none, you're with us\Nor against us.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.79,0:05:11.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is polarity.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.25,0:05:17.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem with polarity \Nand absolutes is that
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.19,0:05:22.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it eliminates the individuality\Nof our human experience
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.36,0:05:26.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that makes it contradictory\Nto our human nature.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.19,0:05:29.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if we are pulled\Nin these two directions,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.30,0:05:31.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not really where we exist --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.08,0:05:33.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,polarity is not our actual reality --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.51,0:05:34.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where do we go from there?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.89,0:05:38.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's at the other end of that spectrum?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.37,0:05:42.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think it's an unattainable,\Nharmonious utopia,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.41,0:05:45.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think the opposite\Nof polarity is duality.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.84,0:05:48.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Duality is a state of having two parts,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.45,0:05:51.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not in diametrical opposition,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.73,0:05:54.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in simultaneous existence.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.68,0:05:56.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't think it's possible?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.66,0:05:58.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here are the people I know:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.33,0:06:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know Catholics who are pro-choice,\Nand feminists who wear hijabs,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.50,0:06:03.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and veterans who are antiwar,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.20,0:06:05.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and NRA members who think\NI should be able to get married.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.99,0:06:09.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are the people I know,\Nthose are my friends and family,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.02,0:06:11.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is the majority of our society,\Nthat is you, that is me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.00,0:06:13.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.72,0:06:25.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Duality is the ability\Nto hold both things.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.89,0:06:30.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the question is:\NCan we own our duality?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.01,0:06:33.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can we have the courage\Nto hold both things?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.23,0:06:36.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I work at a restaurant in town,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.42,0:06:39.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I became really good friends\Nwith the busser.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.03,0:06:42.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a server and we had \Na great relationship,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.05,0:06:43.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we had a really great time together.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.99,0:06:47.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her Spanish was great
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.61,0:06:49.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because she was from Mexico.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.45,0:06:51.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.31,0:06:53.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That line actually went the other way.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.75,0:06:57.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her English was limited,\Nbut significantly better than my Spanish.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.85,0:07:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we were united by our similarities,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.68,0:07:06.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not separated by our differences.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.58,0:07:09.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we were close, even though\Nwe came from very different worlds.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.70,0:07:10.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was from Mexico,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.84,0:07:14.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she left her family behind\Nso she could come here
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.17,0:07:16.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and afford them a better life back home.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.17,0:07:19.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was a devout conservative Catholic,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.11,0:07:21.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a believer in traditional family values,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.83,0:07:23.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stereotypical roles of men and women,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.93,0:07:26.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was, well, me.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.73,0:07:28.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.63,0:07:32.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the things that bonded us\Nwere when she asked about my girlfriend,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.32,0:07:35.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or she shared pictures that she had\Nfrom her family back home.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.79,0:07:38.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those were the things\Nthat brought us together.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.42,0:07:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So one day, we were in the back,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.00,0:07:43.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,scarfing down food as quickly as we could,\Ngathered around a small table,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.68,0:07:45.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,during a very rare lull,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.31,0:07:47.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a new guy\Nfrom the kitchen came over --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.32,0:07:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who happened to be her cousin --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.98,0:07:51.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sat down with all\Nthe bravado and machismo
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.79,0:07:53.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that his 20-year-old body could hold.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.95,0:07:55.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.77,0:08:00.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said to her,\N[in Spanish] "Does Ash have a boyfriend?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.90,0:08:05.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said,\N[in Spanish] "No, she has a girlfriend."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.39,0:08:10.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said,\N[in Spanish] "A girlfriend?!?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.91,0:08:14.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she set down her fork,\Nand locked eyes with him,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.02,0:08:19.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and said, [in Spanish] "Yes,\Na girlfriend. That is all."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.05,0:08:23.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his smug smile quickly dropped\Nto one of maternal respect,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.94,0:08:27.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,grabbed his plate, walked off,\Nwent back to work.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.14,0:08:28.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She never made eye contact with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.67,0:08:31.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She left, did the same thing --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.38,0:08:34.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was a 10-second conversation,\Nsuch a short interaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.66,0:08:37.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And on paper, she had\Nso much more in common with him:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.19,0:08:42.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,language, culture, history, family,\Nher community was her lifeline here,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.29,0:08:46.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but her moral compass trumped all of that.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.46,0:08:50.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a little bit later, they were joking\Naround in the kitchen in Spanish,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.12,0:08:52.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that had nothing to do with me,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.02,0:08:54.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that is duality.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.47,0:08:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She didn't have to choose some P.C. stance\Non gayness over her heritage.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.98,0:09:02.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She didn't have to choose\Nher family over our friendship.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.13,0:09:04.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't Jesus or Ash.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.41,0:09:06.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.56,0:09:10.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.18,0:09:19.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her individual morality\Nwas so strongly rooted
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.76,0:09:23.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that she had the courage\Nto hold both things.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.14,0:09:26.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our moral integrity is our responsibility
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.32,0:09:30.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we must be prepared to defend it\Neven when it's not convenient.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.56,0:09:33.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what it means to be an ally,\Nand if you're going to be an ally,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.87,0:09:36.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to be an active ally:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.16,0:09:40.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ask questions, act when you hear\Nsomething inappropriate,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.05,0:09:42.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually engage.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.08,0:09:46.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had a family friend who for years\Nused to call my girlfriend my lover.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.53,0:09:50.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really? Lover?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.98,0:09:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So overly sexual,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.00,0:09:55.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so '70s gay porn.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.05,0:09:56.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.29,0:10:01.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But she was trying, and she asked.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.79,0:10:03.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She could have called her my friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.57,0:10:07.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or my "friend," or my "special friend" --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.71,0:10:09.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.09,0:10:12.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even worse, just not asked at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.06,0:10:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Believe me, we would rather have you ask.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.69,0:10:20.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would rather have her say lover,\Nthan say nothing at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.93,0:10:23.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People often say to me,\N"Well, Ash, I don't care.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.96,0:10:27.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't see race\Nor religion or sexuality.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.76,0:10:30.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't matter to me. I don't see it."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.91,0:10:37.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I think the opposite of homophobia\Nand racism and xenophobia is not love,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.24,0:10:38.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's apathy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.86,0:10:42.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't see my gayness,\Nthen you don't see me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.96,0:10:45.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If it doesn't matter to you\Nwho I sleep with,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.95,0:10:48.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you cannot imagine what it feels like
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.14,0:10:51.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I walk down the street\Nlate at night holding her hand,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.01,0:10:53.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and approach a group of people\Nand have to make the decision
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.83,0:10:56.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I should hang on to it\Nor if I should I drop it
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.18,0:10:58.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when all I want to do\Nis squeeze it tighter.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.49,0:11:01.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the small victory I feel
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.01,0:11:03.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I make it by\Nand don't have to let go.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.72,0:11:08.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the incredible cowardice\Nand disappointment I feel when I drop it.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.84,0:11:10.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you do not see that struggle
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.79,0:11:17.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is unique to my human experience\Nbecause I am gay, then you don't see me.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.26,0:11:22.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you are going to be an ally,\NI need you to see me.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.68,0:11:25.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As individuals, as allies, as humans,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.62,0:11:28.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need to be able to hold both things:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.62,0:11:31.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,both the good and the bad,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.07,0:11:32.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the easy and the hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.90,0:11:37.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't learn how to hold\Ntwo things just from the fluff,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.37,0:11:39.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you learn it from the grit.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.77,0:11:43.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what if duality\Nis just the first step?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.31,0:11:49.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if through compassion\Nand empathy and human interaction
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.14,0:11:51.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we are able to learn to hold two things?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.53,0:11:53.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we can hold\Ntwo things, we can hold four,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.85,0:11:55.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we can hold four,\Nwe can hold eight,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.86,0:11:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we can hold eight,\Nwe can hold hundreds.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.10,0:12:00.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are complex individuals,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.56,0:12:02.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,swirls of contradiction.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.36,0:12:04.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are all holding\Nso many things right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.89,0:12:09.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What can you do to hold just a few more?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.10,0:12:12.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, back to Toledo, Ohio.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.24,0:12:14.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm at the front of the line,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.42,0:12:18.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,niece on my shoulders,\Nthe frazzled clerk calls me Dad.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.52,0:12:22.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you ever been mistaken\Nfor the wrong gender?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.11,0:12:25.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not even that.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.31,0:12:29.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you ever been called\Nsomething you are not?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.51,0:12:34.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's what it feels like for me:
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.04,0:12:38.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am instantly an internal storm\Nof contrasting emotions.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.11,0:12:43.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I break out into a sweat that is\Na combination of rage and humiliation,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.66,0:12:46.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel like the entire store\Nis staring at me,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.62,0:12:49.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I simultaneously feel invisible.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.18,0:12:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to explode in a tirade of fury,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.12,0:12:54.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want to crawl under a rock.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.72,0:12:57.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And top all of that off\Nwith the frustration that I'm wearing
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.82,0:13:01.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an out-of-character\Ntight-fitting purple t-shirt,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.42,0:13:03.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so this whole store can see my boobs,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.46,0:13:06.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make sure this exact\Nsame thing doesn't happen.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.46,0:13:08.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.64,0:13:12.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, despite my best efforts\Nto be seen as the gender I am,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.96,0:13:14.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it still happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.80,0:13:19.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I hope with every ounce\Nof my body that no one heard --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.50,0:13:24.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not my sister, not my girlfriend,\Nand certainly not my niece.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.05,0:13:26.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am accustomed to this familiar hurt,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.49,0:13:30.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I will do whatever I need to do\Nto protect the people I love from it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.91,0:13:34.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I take my niece off my shoulders,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.44,0:13:36.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she runs to Elsa and Anna --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.62,0:13:39.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the thing she's been\Nwaiting so long for --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.18,0:13:41.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all that stuff goes away.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.27,0:13:44.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All that matters is the smile on her face.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.98,0:13:50.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as the 30 seconds we waited\Ntwo and a half hours for comes to a close
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.64,0:13:55.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we gather up our things,\Nand I lock eyes with the clerk again;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.84,0:13:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she gives me\Nan apologetic smile and mouths,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.98,0:14:01.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I am so sorry!"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.28,0:14:03.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.39,0:14:09.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And her humanity, her willingness to admit\Nher mistake disarms me immediately,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.24,0:14:14.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I give her a: "It's okay,\Nit happens. But thanks."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.42,0:14:17.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I realize in that moment
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.41,0:14:19.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I don't have to be
Dialogue: 0,0:14:19.44,0:14:23.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,either an aunt\Nor an advocate, I can be both.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.90,0:14:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can live in duality,\Nand I can hold two things.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.25,0:14:33.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if I can hold two things\Nin that environment,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.19,0:14:35.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can hold so many more things.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.54,0:14:39.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As my girlfriend and my niece hold hands\Nand skip out the front of the door,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.30,0:14:42.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I turn to my sister and say,\N"Was it worth it?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.04,0:14:43.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "Are you kidding me?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:43.82,0:14:47.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you see the look on her face?\NThis was the greatest day of her life!"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.70,0:14:48.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:48.80,0:14:51.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"It was worth the two\Nand a half hours in the heat,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.76,0:14:56.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was worth the overpriced coloring book\Nthat we already had a copy of."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:56.15,0:14:57.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.86,0:15:01.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"It was even worth you \Ngetting called Dad."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.51,0:15:02.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.20,0:15:10.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for the first time ever\Nin my life, it actually was.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.92,0:15:13.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you, Boulder. Have a good night.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.10,0:15:14.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)