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By show of hands,

2
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How many of you have ever
gotten in a relationship

3
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because you felt that you were in love?

4
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Very good!

5
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How many have ever broken up 
and said to the person,

6
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"You don't deserve me."

7
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Ah-ha!

8
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"As a matter of fact,

9
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I don't even know how I fell in love
with you in the first place."

10
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Oh, I know.

11
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You were drunk in love, right?

12
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In my line of field,
as a relationship coach,

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clients come to me
with their love problems.

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One client wants me 
to evaluate her relationship.

15
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She's been with her boyfriend 
for over four years.

16
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There is no promise ring, 
no engagement ring,

17
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no conversation about wedding.

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And on top of it,

19
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he is cheating on her.

20
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She wants to know

21
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if she should continue
with the relationship

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or kick the guy to the curb.

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So, I ask her, "How many times
has he cheated on you?"

24
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She says, "At least four times."

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When a lady says "at least four times,"

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multiply that by two.

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It's eight times.

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"Do you love him?"

29
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"Yes," she replies.

30
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"Does he love you?"

31
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"He says he does,

32
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but his action does not show it."

33
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"What action specifically?"

34
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"The cheating."

35
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"If you loved someone,

36
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would you cheat on them?

37
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If you truly loved someone,

38
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would you cheat on them

39
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at least four times

40
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multiplied by two?"

41
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She says, "No."

42
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Well, if your answer is "no," 
then you know what to do.

43
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True love that is not
backed up by the right action

44
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is not true love.

45
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Another client says

46
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he is happy in his relationship,

47
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he loves his girl,

48
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but he is cheating on the side
with a married woman,

49
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and they are both in love together.

50
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And he does not know
how he got himself in this situation.

51
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I say, "You know how 
you got yourself in this mess.

52
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You shifted your focus
from your girl to someone else.

53
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You divided your 
attention and your emotions.

54
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Someone who used to hold
the first priority on your heart

55
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no longer holds that position.

56
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That's how you got yourself in this mess.

57
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So what do you want to do?"

58
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He says he would like the married woman
to be able to manage the situation.

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"What do you mean by this?"

60
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Well, every time the woman
is with her husband,

61
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she always thinks about him,

62
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and he does not want
the husband to get suspicious

63
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so that he does not stop the affair.

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I'm like, "Wait a minute!

65
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So you want to continue having
this affair with this woman?"

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He says, "Yes."

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I say, "Really?

68
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How would your girlfriend
feel about this?

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Put yourself in her shoes.

70
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You have a boyfriend who says
he is happy with you,

71
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he is in love with you,

72
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but at the same time,

73
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he is cheating with someone else
that he is falling in love with.

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Can you actually love two people
at the same time?"

75
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He says,

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"I don't want any changes.

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I just want the situation
to remain the same.

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I want to keep both women in my life."

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I say, "Wow!

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You are just like McDonald's slogan:

81
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you are lovin' it.

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Aren't you?"

83
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Love is powerful.

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According to a survey,

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about 9 out of 10 Americans

86
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cited love as an important
factor to get married.

87
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Past statistics show
that 50% of first marriages,

88
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67% of second marriages

89
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and a stagering high
of 73% of third marriages

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end in divorce.

91
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The question is,

92
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If love is an important factor

93
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that influences people to get married,

94
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how come it does not hold the marriage?

95
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How come it does not hold
the relationship together?

96
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When we examine love in a break up,

97
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I believe one of three
things has happened.

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It's either: one,

99
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there was no love at the beginning
of the relationship to start with;

100
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two,

101
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there was something bigger than the love
that broke the relationship;

102
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or three,

103
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the love declined.

104
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I can understand when you feel
like your love is depreciating

105
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and you tell your partner,
"I just don't love you right now,"

106
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especially, when you are
having a meal together

107
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and your partner becomes
inquisitive to ask why

108
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because he just ate
the last piece of the pie -

109
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"If you loved me,
you would let me have it."

110
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That's what you say. Right, ladies?

111
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At the same token,

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I believe there is nothing
bigger than love

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that can break a relationship -

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absolutely nothing -

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if the couple truly loves each other.

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And that is what I want
to talk to you about today:

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true love.

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There are different types
of love out there.

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You have the philia love,

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which is brotherly love.

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It is what you share with your family, 
friends or colleagues.

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Another one is eros.

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It is a sexual type of love.

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It gives the feelings of arousal.

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This is what you feel

126
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when you see a beautiful
sexy person just walking past,

127
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and you are like,
"Oh, oh ma ma ma ma ma."

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You cannot stop looking at them.

129
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You cannot hold yourself together.

130
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You begin to fantasise and have all kinds
of imagination about that person.

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You are having eros type of love.

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The next one is what
Mary J. Blige calls "real love."

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You all know the song! "Real love, 
oh I’m searching for a real love,

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someone to make
my heart feel real love."

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And we are still trying to understand
what she meant by "real love."

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You see, all these types of love
cannot sustain a relationship.

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They cannot hold a relationship together.

138
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But true love,

139
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which the Bible also
describes as agape love,

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can hold a relationship together,

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can keep a relationship for a long haul.

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What is true love?

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True love is passionate love.

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You have two independent words,
passion and love,

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fused together to make
a strong definition.

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Passion is the force that drives
the love for something;

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it is the flow that keeps love going.

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Love without passion is
like a body without a soul.

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It is like a car without an engine.

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No movement would happen.

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And just in case you are wondering

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how you can tell
if someone truly loves you

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or if you truly love someone:

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sacrifice.

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Sacrifice for one another would indicate
if you truly loved each other.

156
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And sacrifice is giving up something

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for another thing
that is far more important.

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Just like giving up that piece of pie
for your girl that is far more important.

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Or it is the release
of something in your possession

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in an exchange for another
thing that you love.

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This is exactly what God did

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when he released and sacrificed
his only son, Jesus,

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just to have us.

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"For God so loved the world
that He gave His only begotten Son,

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that whoever believes in Him will not
perish but have everlasting life."

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God demostrated true love -

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agape love.

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Love filled with passion and sacrifice.

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I had an opportunity
to demonstrate my true love.

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I was in college,

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I enjoyed galvanizing
people for networking,

172
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and I did this by throwing parties.

173
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And if you know one thing
about throwing parties,

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the more women you have there, 
the more men want to come in,

175
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spend money at the bar,
buy drinks, buy bottles.

176
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So my goal, every time,
is to have as many ladies at the party.

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This, however, opens the door
to always have women around me.

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I remember after throwing a party,

179
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three women that do not know each other

180
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say they want to spend
the night at my house.

181
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They wake up in the morning,

182
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one begins to feed me breakfast.

183
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The second one gets jealous.

184
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She goes into the kitchen. Grabs food.
Comes back. She starts to feed me.

185
00:11:08,890 --> 00:11:11,105
The third one looking like,
"This is crazy.

186
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Should I join the party or what?"

187
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I am thinking to myself,
"It's all a dream."

188
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But no, it's a reality.

189
00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:23,769
I'm like Hugh Hefner
up in my house with the bunnies.

190
00:11:27,008 --> 00:11:29,768
But that reality was short-lived,

191
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as I meet a girl
that I am truly in love with,

192
00:11:33,971 --> 00:11:36,684
and she is truly
in love with me as well.

193
00:11:36,703 --> 00:11:41,593
But she does not like
the lifestyle that I am living.

194
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She does not want to compete
with any other woman.

195
00:11:45,847 --> 00:11:47,801
This is a deal breaker for her,

196
00:11:48,130 --> 00:11:50,570
and, of course, it is
an odd situation for me

197
00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:53,860
because that means that I am going to have
to give up throwing parties

198
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and spending time with other women

199
00:11:55,867 --> 00:11:59,011
so that I can have and keep her.

200
00:12:00,229 --> 00:12:02,889
So I begin to analyse the situation.

201
00:12:03,243 --> 00:12:04,827
What am I going to do?

202
00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:06,734
Who or what should I pick?

203
00:12:06,734 --> 00:12:10,724
Her over them or them over her?

204
00:12:12,311 --> 00:12:14,535
This is my kairos moment.

205
00:12:15,361 --> 00:12:17,187
My moment of decision.

206
00:12:17,886 --> 00:12:24,186
This is where true love
and sacrifice come into play.

207
00:12:30,299 --> 00:12:34,474
So I made a decision and a sacrifice

208
00:12:35,244 --> 00:12:40,964
to give up both throwing parties
and spending time with other women

209
00:12:41,452 --> 00:12:46,502
so that I can have and keep this girl
that I am truly in love with.

210
00:12:48,348 --> 00:12:50,325
A few years later,

211
00:12:50,325 --> 00:12:55,475
we got married and we have two beautiful
amazing children together.

212
00:12:56,889 --> 00:13:00,989
You see, true love
is the only type of love

213
00:13:01,551 --> 00:13:04,861
that can keep and sustain a relationship.

214
00:13:05,391 --> 00:13:09,081
It will help you to make
the ultimate sacrifice,

215
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:14,200
to give up playing games, 
quit destructive habits

216
00:13:14,716 --> 00:13:20,338
and seek counselling when you can 
to acquire tools and knowledge

217
00:13:20,338 --> 00:13:22,898
in order for you to have 
a healthy relationship.

218
00:13:23,729 --> 00:13:27,049
Because of the love problems
that people are having

219
00:13:27,049 --> 00:13:29,419
is the reason why I wrote my book,

220
00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:32,258
"Revelations of Relationship -

221
00:13:32,859 --> 00:13:37,519
What you don't know about finding true
love and sustaining relationship."

222
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:41,242
I want to admonish you all

223
00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:46,087
to find and practice true love 
in your relationship.

224
00:13:46,361 --> 00:13:48,423
Cheers to your improvement.

225
00:13:48,844 --> 00:13:51,695
(Applause)