0:00:09.611,0:00:11.185
By show of hands,

0:00:11.187,0:00:14.501
How many of you have ever[br]gotten in a relationship

0:00:14.503,0:00:17.003
because you felt that you were in love?

0:00:19.169,0:00:20.359
Very good!

0:00:21.568,0:00:25.798
How many have ever broken up [br]and said to the person,

0:00:26.304,0:00:27.934
"You don't deserve me."

0:00:30.476,0:00:31.476
Ah-ha!

0:00:32.219,0:00:33.309
"As a matter of fact,

0:00:33.309,0:00:36.609
I don't even know how I fell in love[br]with you in the first place."

0:00:37.729,0:00:38.738
Oh, I know.

0:00:38.920,0:00:40.820
You were drunk in love, right?

0:00:42.767,0:00:45.757
In my line of field,[br]as a relationship coach,

0:00:46.622,0:00:49.957
clients come to me[br]with their love problems.

0:00:50.896,0:00:54.776
One client wants me [br]to evaluate her relationship.

0:00:55.836,0:00:59.836
She's been with her boyfriend [br]for over four years.

0:01:00.331,0:01:04.331
There is no promise ring, [br]no engagement ring,

0:01:05.173,0:01:07.483
no conversation about wedding.

0:01:08.106,0:01:09.622
And on top of it,

0:01:10.319,0:01:12.349
he is cheating on her.

0:01:14.035,0:01:15.605
She wants to know

0:01:15.780,0:01:18.250
if she should continue[br]with the relationship

0:01:18.610,0:01:20.570
or kick the guy to the curb.

0:01:21.818,0:01:26.208
So, I ask her, "How many times[br]has he cheated on you?"

0:01:27.281,0:01:29.791
She says, "At least four times."

0:01:31.012,0:01:33.772
When a lady says "at least four times,"

0:01:34.179,0:01:35.879
multiply that by two.

0:01:36.033,0:01:37.473
It's eight times.

0:01:38.476,0:01:39.876
"Do you love him?"

0:01:41.156,0:01:43.066
"Yes," she replies.

0:01:43.810,0:01:45.420
"Does he love you?"

0:01:45.963,0:01:47.513
"He says he does,

0:01:47.766,0:01:49.886
but his action does not show it."

0:01:50.455,0:01:52.285
"What action specifically?"

0:01:52.655,0:01:53.935
"The cheating."

0:01:55.356,0:01:57.576
"If you loved someone,

0:01:58.429,0:02:00.589
would you cheat on them?

0:02:03.152,0:02:05.412
If you truly loved someone,

0:02:05.843,0:02:07.483
would you cheat on them

0:02:07.684,0:02:09.477
at least four times

0:02:10.341,0:02:11.971
multiplied by two?"

0:02:14.057,0:02:15.497
She says, "No."

0:02:16.260,0:02:19.150
Well, if your answer is "no," [br]then you know what to do.

0:02:20.421,0:02:24.983
True love that is not[br]backed up by the right action

0:02:24.995,0:02:26.565
is not true love.

0:02:28.109,0:02:30.309
Another client says

0:02:30.309,0:02:32.373
he is happy in his relationship,

0:02:33.556,0:02:35.256
he loves his girl,

0:02:35.986,0:02:41.119
but he is cheating on the side[br]with a married woman,

0:02:42.086,0:02:44.346
and they are both in love together.

0:02:44.653,0:02:48.563
And he does not know[br]how he got himself in this situation.

0:02:49.189,0:02:52.209
I say, "You know how [br]you got yourself in this mess.

0:02:53.071,0:02:57.661
You shifted your focus[br]from your girl to someone else.

0:02:58.535,0:03:01.535
You divided your [br]attention and your emotions.

0:03:02.483,0:03:05.967
Someone who used to hold[br]the first priority on your heart

0:03:06.326,0:03:08.586
no longer holds that position.

0:03:08.593,0:03:12.043
That's how you got yourself in this mess.

0:03:13.148,0:03:15.218
So what do you want to do?"

0:03:16.029,0:03:21.512
He says he would like the married woman[br]to be able to manage the situation.

0:03:22.092,0:03:24.182
"What do you mean by this?"

0:03:24.788,0:03:28.762
Well, every time the woman[br]is with her husband,

0:03:29.119,0:03:31.229
she always thinks about him,

0:03:31.802,0:03:35.940
and he does not want[br]the husband to get suspicious

0:03:35.940,0:03:38.860
so that he does not stop the affair.

0:03:39.247,0:03:41.357
I'm like, "Wait a minute!

0:03:41.363,0:03:44.593
So you want to continue having[br]this affair with this woman?"

0:03:44.877,0:03:46.267
He says, "Yes."

0:03:46.280,0:03:47.600
I say, "Really?

0:03:49.752,0:03:53.235
How would your girlfriend[br]feel about this?

0:03:54.458,0:03:57.438
Put yourself in her shoes.

0:03:58.134,0:04:02.734
You have a boyfriend who says[br]he is happy with you,

0:04:03.003,0:04:04.703
he is in love with you,

0:04:04.703,0:04:06.771
but at the same time,

0:04:06.771,0:04:11.408
he is cheating with someone else[br]that he is falling in love with.

0:04:12.201,0:04:15.451
Can you actually love two people[br]at the same time?"

0:04:16.531,0:04:17.451
He says,

0:04:17.451,0:04:19.404
"I don't want any changes.

0:04:19.404,0:04:21.740
I just want the situation[br]to remain the same.

0:04:21.744,0:04:24.524
I want to keep both women in my life."

0:04:24.749,0:04:26.689
I say, "Wow!

0:04:27.534,0:04:29.898
You are just like McDonald's slogan:

0:04:29.898,0:04:31.238
you are lovin' it.

0:04:31.241,0:04:32.338
Aren't you?"

0:04:34.498,0:04:36.158
Love is powerful.

0:04:36.925,0:04:39.029
According to a survey,

0:04:39.888,0:04:42.808
about 9 out of 10 Americans

0:04:42.808,0:04:46.958
cited love as an important[br]factor to get married.

0:04:48.818,0:04:55.261
Past statistics show[br]that 50% of first marriages,

0:04:56.332,0:04:59.942
67% of second marriages

0:05:00.103,0:05:05.249
and a stagering high[br]of 73% of third marriages

0:05:05.339,0:05:07.239
end in divorce.

0:05:08.489,0:05:09.819
The question is,

0:05:10.218,0:05:13.418
If love is an important factor

0:05:13.418,0:05:16.983
that influences people to get married,

0:05:16.991,0:05:20.621
how come it does not hold the marriage?

0:05:21.160,0:05:25.200
How come it does not hold[br]the relationship together?

0:05:27.064,0:05:30.203
When we examine love in a break up,

0:05:31.336,0:05:33.918
I believe one of three[br]things has happened.

0:05:34.856,0:05:36.596
It's either: one,

0:05:36.596,0:05:40.283
there was no love at the beginning[br]of the relationship to start with;

0:05:41.543,0:05:42.793
two,

0:05:42.793,0:05:46.794
there was something bigger than the love[br]that broke the relationship;

0:05:47.830,0:05:48.850
or three,

0:05:48.853,0:05:50.753
the love declined.

0:05:51.772,0:05:56.372
I can understand when you feel[br]like your love is depreciating

0:05:57.235,0:06:01.000
and you tell your partner,[br]"I just don't love you right now,"

0:06:01.000,0:06:03.728
especially, when you are[br]having a meal together

0:06:04.511,0:06:07.728
and your partner becomes[br]inquisitive to ask why

0:06:08.103,0:06:11.693
because he just ate[br]the last piece of the pie -

0:06:11.962,0:06:14.829
"If you loved me,[br]you would let me have it."

0:06:16.017,0:06:18.437
That's what you say. Right, ladies?

0:06:19.993,0:06:21.506
At the same token,

0:06:22.405,0:06:26.275
I believe there is nothing[br]bigger than love

0:06:26.282,0:06:28.482
that can break a relationship -

0:06:28.482,0:06:30.411
absolutely nothing -

0:06:30.444,0:06:35.087
if the couple truly loves each other.

0:06:36.201,0:06:38.591
And that is what I want[br]to talk to you about today:

0:06:38.591,0:06:40.153
true love.

0:06:40.588,0:06:42.796
There are different types[br]of love out there.

0:06:43.434,0:06:45.439
You have the philia love,

0:06:45.446,0:06:47.676
which is brotherly love.

0:06:47.676,0:06:52.106
It is what you share with your family, [br]friends or colleagues.

0:06:53.050,0:06:55.174
Another one is eros.

0:06:56.107,0:06:58.235
It is a sexual type of love.

0:06:58.787,0:07:01.275
It gives the feelings of arousal.

0:07:02.105,0:07:04.161
This is what you feel

0:07:04.176,0:07:08.416
when you see a beautiful[br]sexy person just walking past,

0:07:09.717,0:07:15.517
and you are like,[br]"Oh, oh ma ma ma ma ma."

0:07:16.840,0:07:19.218
You cannot stop looking at them.

0:07:19.950,0:07:22.382
You cannot hold yourself together.

0:07:22.910,0:07:27.010
You begin to fantasise and have all kinds[br]of imagination about that person.

0:07:27.542,0:07:31.405
You are having eros type of love.

0:07:31.931,0:07:36.801
The next one is what[br]Mary J. Blige calls "real love."

0:07:37.143,0:07:42.533
You all know the song! "Real love, [br]oh I’m searching for a real love,

0:07:42.581,0:07:46.581
someone to make[br]my heart feel real love."

0:07:48.101,0:07:52.016
And we are still trying to understand[br]what she meant by "real love."

0:07:53.024,0:07:57.685
You see, all these types of love[br]cannot sustain a relationship.

0:07:58.332,0:08:00.925
They cannot hold a relationship together.

0:08:01.169,0:08:03.089
But true love,

0:08:03.089,0:08:07.282
which the Bible also[br]describes as agape love,

0:08:07.282,0:08:09.662
can hold a relationship together,

0:08:09.674,0:08:12.844
can keep a relationship for a long haul.

0:08:13.646,0:08:15.126
What is true love?

0:08:15.916,0:08:18.906
True love is passionate love.

0:08:19.613,0:08:24.404
You have two independent words,[br]passion and love,

0:08:24.404,0:08:28.534
fused together to make[br]a strong definition.

0:08:29.297,0:08:35.787
Passion is the force that drives[br]the love for something;

0:08:36.349,0:08:39.907
it is the flow that keeps love going.

0:08:40.567,0:08:45.707
Love without passion is[br]like a body without a soul.

0:08:47.278,0:08:50.368
It is like a car without an engine.

0:08:50.864,0:08:53.458
No movement would happen.

0:08:54.083,0:08:57.103
And just in case you are wondering

0:08:57.106,0:09:01.446
how you can tell[br]if someone truly loves you

0:09:01.932,0:09:04.097
or if you truly love someone:

0:09:04.761,0:09:06.475
sacrifice.

0:09:07.321,0:09:13.051
Sacrifice for one another would indicate[br]if you truly loved each other.

0:09:13.512,0:09:16.772
And sacrifice is giving up something

0:09:17.147,0:09:20.032
for another thing[br]that is far more important.

0:09:20.902,0:09:26.212
Just like giving up that piece of pie[br]for your girl that is far more important.

0:09:28.070,0:09:32.930
Or it is the release[br]of something in your possession

0:09:32.939,0:09:36.175
in an exchange for another[br]thing that you love.

0:09:36.769,0:09:39.113
This is exactly what God did

0:09:39.449,0:09:43.937
when he released and sacrificed[br]his only son, Jesus,

0:09:43.937,0:09:45.767
just to have us.

0:09:46.153,0:09:50.891
"For God so loved the world[br]that He gave His only begotten Son,

0:09:51.237,0:09:57.607
that whoever believes in Him will not[br]perish but have everlasting life."

0:09:58.255,0:10:02.428
God demostrated true love -

0:10:03.205,0:10:04.712
agape love.

0:10:04.714,0:10:08.578
Love filled with passion and sacrifice.

0:10:09.928,0:10:13.718
I had an opportunity[br]to demonstrate my true love.

0:10:14.384,0:10:15.864
I was in college,

0:10:16.953,0:10:20.195
I enjoyed galvanizing[br]people for networking,

0:10:20.856,0:10:23.544
and I did this by throwing parties.

0:10:24.049,0:10:26.399
And if you know one thing[br]about throwing parties,

0:10:26.399,0:10:29.641
the more women you have there, [br]the more men want to come in,

0:10:29.641,0:10:33.671
spend money at the bar,[br]buy drinks, buy bottles.

0:10:34.153,0:10:38.733
So my goal, every time,[br]is to have as many ladies at the party.

0:10:39.693,0:10:45.343
This, however, opens the door[br]to always have women around me.

0:10:46.931,0:10:49.631
I remember after throwing a party,

0:10:50.389,0:10:52.408
three women that do not know each other

0:10:52.408,0:10:54.904
say they want to spend[br]the night at my house.

0:10:55.812,0:10:57.678
They wake up in the morning,

0:10:58.431,0:11:01.213
one begins to feed me breakfast.

0:11:02.328,0:11:04.228
The second one gets jealous.

0:11:04.237,0:11:08.237
She goes into the kitchen. Grabs food.[br]Comes back. She starts to feed me.

0:11:08.890,0:11:11.105
The third one looking like,[br]"This is crazy.

0:11:11.501,0:11:13.730
Should I join the party or what?"

0:11:14.505,0:11:17.677
I am thinking to myself,[br]"It's all a dream."

0:11:18.064,0:11:20.065
But no, it's a reality.

0:11:20.470,0:11:23.769
I'm like Hugh Hefner[br]up in my house with the bunnies.

0:11:27.008,0:11:29.768
But that reality was short-lived,

0:11:29.971,0:11:33.971
as I meet a girl[br]that I am truly in love with,

0:11:33.971,0:11:36.684
and she is truly[br]in love with me as well.

0:11:36.703,0:11:41.593
But she does not like[br]the lifestyle that I am living.

0:11:42.169,0:11:45.192
She does not want to compete[br]with any other woman.

0:11:45.847,0:11:47.801
This is a deal breaker for her,

0:11:48.130,0:11:50.570
and, of course, it is[br]an odd situation for me

0:11:50.570,0:11:53.860
because that means that I am going to have[br]to give up throwing parties

0:11:53.860,0:11:55.867
and spending time with other women

0:11:55.867,0:11:59.011
so that I can have and keep her.

0:12:00.229,0:12:02.889
So I begin to analyse the situation.

0:12:03.243,0:12:04.827
What am I going to do?

0:12:05.010,0:12:06.734
Who or what should I pick?

0:12:06.734,0:12:10.724
Her over them or them over her?

0:12:12.311,0:12:14.535
This is my kairos moment.

0:12:15.361,0:12:17.187
My moment of decision.

0:12:17.886,0:12:24.186
This is where true love[br]and sacrifice come into play.

0:12:30.299,0:12:34.474
So I made a decision and a sacrifice

0:12:35.244,0:12:40.964
to give up both throwing parties[br]and spending time with other women

0:12:41.452,0:12:46.502
so that I can have and keep this girl[br]that I am truly in love with.

0:12:48.348,0:12:50.325
A few years later,

0:12:50.325,0:12:55.475
we got married and we have two beautiful[br]amazing children together.

0:12:56.889,0:13:00.989
You see, true love[br]is the only type of love

0:13:01.551,0:13:04.861
that can keep and sustain a relationship.

0:13:05.391,0:13:09.081
It will help you to make[br]the ultimate sacrifice,

0:13:09.490,0:13:14.200
to give up playing games, [br]quit destructive habits

0:13:14.716,0:13:20.338
and seek counselling when you can [br]to acquire tools and knowledge

0:13:20.338,0:13:22.898
in order for you to have [br]a healthy relationship.

0:13:23.729,0:13:27.049
Because of the love problems[br]that people are having

0:13:27.049,0:13:29.419
is the reason why I wrote my book,

0:13:29.959,0:13:32.258
"Revelations of Relationship -

0:13:32.859,0:13:37.519
What you don't know about finding true[br]love and sustaining relationship."

0:13:38.752,0:13:41.242
I want to admonish you all

0:13:41.242,0:13:46.087
to find and practice true love [br]in your relationship.

0:13:46.361,0:13:48.423
Cheers to your improvement.

0:13:48.844,0:13:51.695
(Applause)