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People have been using media
to talk about sex for a long time:

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love letters, phone sex, racy Polaroids.

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There's even a story of a girl who eloped

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with a man that she met
over the telegraph in 1886.

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(Laughter)

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Today we have sexting.

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And I am a sexting expert.

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Not an expert sexter

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(Laughter)

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though, I do know what this means,

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and I think you do too!

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[it's a penis]

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(Laughter)

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I have been studying sexting

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since the media attention
to it began in 2008.

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I wrote a book on 
the moral panic about sexting,

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and here's what I found:

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most people are worrying
about the wrong thing.

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They're trying to just prevent sexting
from happening entirely,

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but let me ask you this:

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As long as it's completely consensual,
what's the problem with sexting?

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People are into all sorts of things
that you may not be into,

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like blue cheese or cilantro.

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(Laughter)

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Sexting is certainly risky,
like anything that's fun,

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but ...

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(Laughter)

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as long as you are not sending an image
to someone who doesn't want to receive it,

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there's no harm.

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What I do think is a serious problem

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is when people share private images
of others without their permission,

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and instead of worrying about sexting,

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what I think we need to do
is think a lot more about digital privacy.

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The key is consent.

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Right now, most people
are thinking about sexting

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without really thinking
about consent at all.

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Did you know that we currently
criminalize teen sexting?

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It can be a crime because it counts
as child pornography

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if there's an image
of someone under 18,

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and it doesn't even matter
if they took that image of themselves

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and shared it willingly.

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So we end up with
this bizarre legal situation

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where two 17-year-olds
can legally have sex in most U.S. states,

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but they can't photograph it.

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Some states have also tried passing
sexting misdemeanor laws,

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but these laws repeat the same problem,

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because they still make
consensual sexting illegal.

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It doesn't make sense
to try to ban all sexting

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to try to address privacy violations.

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This is kind of like saying,

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"Let's solve the problem of date rape
by just making dating completely illegal."

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Most teens don't get arrested for sexting,
but can you guess who does?

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It's often teens who are disliked
by their partner's parents,

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and this can be because of class bias,
racism, or homophobia.

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Most prosecutors are,
of course, smart enough

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not to use child pornography
charges against teenagers,

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but some do.

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According to researchers
at the University of New Hampshire,

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7% of all child pornography
possession arrests are teens

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sexting consensually with other teens.

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Child pornography is a serious crime,

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but it's just not the same thing
as teen sexting.

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Parents and educators
are also responding to sexting

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without really thinking
too much about consent.

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Their message to teens
is often, "Just don't do it,"

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and I totally get it.

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There are serious legal risks,

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and of course, that potential
for privacy violations.

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And when you were a teen, I'm sure you did
exactly as you were told, right?

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You're probably thinking,
"My kid would never sext,"

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and that's true; your little angel
may not be sexting

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because only 33% of 16- 
and 17-year-olds are sexting.

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But, sorry, by the time they're older,

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odds are, they will be sexting.

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Every study I've seen puts the rate
above 50% for 18- to 24-year-olds.

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And most of the time, nothing goes wrong.

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People ask me all the time things like,

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"Isn't sexting just so dangerous, though?

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You wouldn't leave your wallet
on a park bench.

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You expect it's going to get stolen
if you do that, right?"

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Here's how I think about it:

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sexting is like leaving your wallet
at your boyfriend's house.

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If you come back the next day,
and all the money is just gone,

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you really need to dump that guy.

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(Laughter)

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So instead of criminalizing sexting to try
to prevent these privacy violations,

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instead, we need to make consent central

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to how we think about that circulation
of our private information.

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Every new media technology
raises privacy concerns;

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in fact, in the U.S.,
the first major debates about privacy

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were in response to technologies
that were relatively new at the time.

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In the late 1800s,
people were worried about cameras,

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which were just suddenly
more portable than ever before,

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and newspaper gossip columns.

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They were worried that the camera
would capture information about them,

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take it out of context,
and widely disseminate it.

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Does this sound familiar?

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It's exactly what we're worrying about now
with social media, and drone cameras,

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and of course, sexting.

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And these fears 
about technology make sense,

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because technologies can amplify

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and bring out our worst
qualities and behaviors.

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But there are solutions,

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and we've been here before
with a dangerous new technology.

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In 1908, Ford introduced the Model T car.

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Traffic fatality rates were rising;
it was a serious problem.

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It looks so safe, right?

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(Laughter)

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Our first response was
to try to change drivers' behavior,

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so we developed speed limits
and enforced them through fines.

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But over the following decades,
we started to realize

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the technology of the car itself
is not just neutral.

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We could design the car to make it safer.

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So in the 1920s, we got
shatter-resistant windshields;

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in the 1950s, seat belts;
and in the 1990s, air bags.

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All three of these areas:
laws, individuals, and industry

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came together over time to help solve
the problems that a new technology causes,

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and we can do the same thing
with digital privacy.

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Of course, it comes back to consent.

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Here's the idea:

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before anyone can distribute
your private information,

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they should have to get your permission.

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This idea of affirmative consent
comes from anti-rape activists

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who tell us that we need consent
for every sexual act.

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And we have really high standards
for consent in a lot of other areas.

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Think about having surgery.

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Your doctor has to make sure
that you are meaningfully

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and knowingly consenting
to that medical procedure.

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This is not the type of consent
with like an iTunes Terms of Service

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where you just scroll to the bottom
and you're like, "Agree, agree, whatever."

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(Laughter)

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If we think more about consent,
we can have better privacy laws.

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Right now, we just don't have
that many protections.

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If your ex-husband
or your ex-wife is a terrible person,

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they can take your nude photos
and upload them to a porn site.

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It can be really hard
to get those images taken down,

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and in a lot of states,

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you're actually better off
if you took the images of yourself

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because then you can file
a copyright claim.

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(Laughter)

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Right now, if someone
violates your privacy,

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whether that's an individual,
or a company, or the NSA,

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you can try filing a lawsuit,
but you may not be successful

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because many courts assume
that digital privacy is just impossible,

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so they're not willing to punish
anyone for violating it.

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I still hear people
asking me all the time,

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"Isn't a digital image somehow blurring
the line between public and private

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because it's digital, right?"

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No, no!

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Everything digital
is not just automatically public.

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That doesn't make any sense.

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As NYU legal scholar,
Helen Nissenbaum, tells us,

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we have laws, and policies, and norms

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that protect all kinds
of information that's private,

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and it doesn't make a difference
if it's digital or not.

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All of your health records are digitized,

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but your doctor can't just
share them with anyone.

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All of your financial information
is held in digital databases,

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but your credit card company can't just
post your purchase history online.

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Better laws could help address
privacy violations after they happen,

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but one of the easiest
things we can all do

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is make personal changes
to help protect each others' privacy.

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We're always told that privacy
is our own sole individual responsibility.

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We're told, "Constantly monitor
and update your privacy settings."

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We're told, "Never share anything you
wouldn't want the entire world to see."

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This doesn't make sense.

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Digital media are social environments,

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and we share things with people
we trust all day, every day.

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As Princeton researcher,
Janet Vertesi, argues,

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our data and our privacy
are not just personal,

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they're actually interpersonal.

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So one thing you can do that's really easy
is just start asking for permission

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before you share
anyone else's information.

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If you want to post a photo
of someone online, ask for permission.

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If you want to forward an email thread,
ask for permission.

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If you want to share
someone's nude selfie,

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obviously, ask for permission.

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These individual changes can help us
protect each others' privacy,

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but we need technology companies
on board as well.

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These companies have very little incentive
to help protect our privacy

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because their business models depend on us

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sharing everything
with as many people as possible.

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Right now, if I send you an image,

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you can forward that
to anyone that you want.

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But what if I got to decide
if that image was forwardable or not?

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This would tell you, "You don't have
my permission to send this image out."

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We do this kind of thing all the time
to protect copyright.

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If you buy an e-book, you can't just
send it out to as many people as you want,

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so why not try this with mobile phones?

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What you can do

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is we can demand that tech companies
add these protections

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to our devices
and our platforms as the default.

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After all, you can choose
the color of your car,

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but the airbags are always standard.

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If we don't think more
about digital privacy and consent,

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there can be serious consequences.

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There was a teenager from Ohio

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- let's call her Jennifer
for the sake of her privacy -

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she shared nude photos of herself
with her high school boyfriend

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thinking she could trust him.

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Unfortunately, he betrayed her and sent
her photos around the entire school.

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Jennifer was embarrassed and humiliated,

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but instead of being compassionate,
her classmates harassed her.

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They called her a slut and a whore,
and they made her life miserable.

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Jennifer started missing school,
and her grades dropped.

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Ultimately, Jennifer decided
to end her own life.

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Jennifer did nothing wrong.

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All she did was share a nude photo

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with someone that she thought
that she could trust.

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And yet, our laws tell her

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that she committed a horrible crime
equivalent to child pornography.

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Our gender norms tell her

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that by producing 
this nude image of herself,

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she somehow did 
the most horrible, shameful thing.

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And when we assume that privacy
is impossible in digital media,

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we completely write off and excuse
her boyfriend's bad, bad behavior.

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People are still saying all the time
to victims of privacy violations,

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"What were you thinking?

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You should've never sent that image."

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If you're trying to figure out
what to say instead, try this:

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imagine you've run into your friend
who broke their leg skiing.

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They took a risk to do something fun,
and it didn't end well.

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But you're probably
not going to be the jerk who says,

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"Well, I guess you shouldn't
have gone skiing then!"

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If we think more about consent,

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we can see that victims of privacy
violations deserve our compassion

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not criminalization, shaming,
harassment, or punishment.

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We can support victims,
and we can prevent some privacy violations

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by making these legal, individual,
and technological changes.

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Because the problem is not sexting,
the issue is digital privacy,

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and one solution is consent.

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So the next time a victim
of a privacy violation comes up to you,

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instead of blaming them,
let's do this instead:

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Let's shift our ideas
about digital privacy,

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and let's respond with compassion.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)