[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.87,0:00:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When #MeToo went viral last year,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.52,0:00:14.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it pulled back the curtain\Nto reveal a problem
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.10,0:00:17.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that had really been hiding \Nin plain sight.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.69,0:00:21.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We weren't shocked or surprised\Nto learn that information -
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.17,0:00:23.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these were not new statistics.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.62,0:00:28.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What it really exposed was\Nour lack of action,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.44,0:00:31.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our inadequacy at responding.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.84,0:00:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,#MeToo collected the stories,\Nit gave them faces and names,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.38,0:00:39.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it brought them forward\Nand it put them in front of us
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.11,0:00:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it begged a new question.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.06,0:00:44.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It said, Are we going to do\Nsomething about this?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.80,0:00:49.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is why, I think,\Nas a lawyer, educator and trainer,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.04,0:00:53.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the question I've been asked the most\Noften in the last several months is,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.76,0:00:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"So what do we do now?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.36,0:01:00.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do we do now?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.14,0:01:05.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, in all of my heads, I should be able\Nto rattle off a whole list of ideas,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.80,0:01:08.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the first time somebody\Nposed that question to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.36,0:01:11.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't give any great policy insights.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.02,0:01:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first time somebody asked\Nthe question, I gave my gut reaction,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.44,0:01:17.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the first thing that popped\Ninto my head, and I said,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.22,0:01:20.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I think we need\Nto keep talking about it."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.30,0:01:23.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I kind of looked back\Non that answer, and I thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.01,0:01:25.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Isn't that a little overly simplistic?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.82,0:01:30.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Over the last several months, though,\NI've had a lot of conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.81,0:01:33.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a variety of contexts,\Nformal and informal,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.73,0:01:35.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with all kinds of people,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.65,0:01:38.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm sensing that people\Nare really uncomfortable.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.21,0:01:41.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I keep getting the same comments,\Nhearing the same kinds of questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.80,0:01:46.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People are saying things like,\NWhat about hugs? Are hugs okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.35,0:01:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Should I open my office door?\NIs it bad to have closed-door meetings?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.06,0:01:54.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get nervous when I give\Na coworker a compliment.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.10,0:01:59.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And everybody wants to talk \Nabout the spectrum.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.15,0:02:01.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because it's a spectrum, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.24,0:02:04.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some conduct is worse than others.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.49,0:02:06.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It has led me to the conclusion
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.24,0:02:09.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that #MeToo has presented us \Nan opportunity for a reckoning,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.60,0:02:13.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we seem really anxious \Nto get to some kind of reconciliation.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.46,0:02:18.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is there some new set of rules \Nwe can apply here so we can just move on?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.65,0:02:22.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think we can get \Nfrom reckoning to reconciliation,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.49,0:02:26.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not until we change this conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.18,0:02:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Luckily, as any good TED speaker should,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.36,0:02:34.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have come equipped with five steps\Nto changing the conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.36,0:02:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.04,0:02:41.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, step one, we are going \Nto stop training and start talking.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.80,0:02:47.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, I came to advocate that we stop \Ndoing sexual harassment training.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.62,0:02:51.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yes, I still feel like the lawyers \Nand the HR people in the room
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.77,0:02:54.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,\Nare a little nervous about that.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.18,0:02:57.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In order to get us all on the same page,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.26,0:03:02.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I decided that we should do just a quick\Nsexual harassment training in 30 seconds.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.76,0:03:06.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In order to do that, I dusted off \Nan old PowerPoint presentation
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.61,0:03:10.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I gave probably 15 years ago\Nabout this topic.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.11,0:03:11.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here we go.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.03,0:03:14.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sexual harassment training in 30 seconds.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.19,0:03:15.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are two types.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.43,0:03:18.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It takes a lot of words \Nto explain those two types,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.28,0:03:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially the second type.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.16,0:03:23.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even the courts \Naren't entirely sure what it is -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.23,0:03:26.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they just know that bullying, \Nthat's not enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.32,0:03:29.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But don't worry,\Nthis is just about what's illegal.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.29,0:03:32.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your employer can set a much higher bar -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.04,0:03:35.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cue an inappropriate, \Nawkwardly acted video
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.15,0:03:37.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about a weird back rub in the copy room,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.76,0:03:38.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.83,0:03:42.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a reminder that you should call HR \Nif you have any questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.81,0:03:46.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't forget supervisors \Ncan be individually liable -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.74,0:03:49.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't be creepy and seen.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.24,0:03:53.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)(Screaming)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.71,0:03:59.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sexual harassment training \Nhasn't changed a lot
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.41,0:04:01.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the last several decades.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.64,0:04:05.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now you can do it all online \Nwithout ever seeing another person.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.78,0:04:07.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.19,0:04:11.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There have been some strives to change it,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.41,0:04:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the problem \Nwith sexual harassment training
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.00,0:04:17.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that it is rooted in risk prevention.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.30,0:04:20.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sexual harassment training exists\Nbecause the courts said,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.70,0:04:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey employers, if you do this thing,\Nyou can avoid liability if it happens."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.90,0:04:31.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thus, sexual harassment training \Nwas born of litigation,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.73,0:04:34.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it has been raised by lawyers.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.63,0:04:37.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now hopefully, for the sake \Nof my three children,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.71,0:04:41.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being raised by lawers \Nis not the worst possible unbringing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.26,0:04:42.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.96,0:04:47.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nevertheless, it is time \Nfor sexual harassment training
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.71,0:04:51.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to move on out of the house of compliance
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.43,0:04:54.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because conversation is risky.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.95,0:04:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We will not get from reckoning\Nto reconciliation
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.62,0:05:01.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unless we are willing \Nto cross a path of risk.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.84,0:05:05.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, step two, we need to take some risks.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.20,0:05:08.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Conversation is risky.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.17,0:05:10.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the risks we need to take
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.75,0:05:13.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is we need to be willing \Nto admit our past mistakes.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.100,0:05:17.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We haven't always engaged\Nexactly right in this conversation,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.30,0:05:19.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we've got to be willing to own that.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.49,0:05:22.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In organizations, \Nif leaders can step up and say,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.17,0:05:24.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know, I used \Nto think about this this way,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.78,0:05:26.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but now I think about it differently."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.97,0:05:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That opens the door \Nfor other people to do the same.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.97,0:05:34.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But talking about things \Nwe've gotten wrong is scary,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.42,0:05:36.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I'll go first.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.18,0:05:37.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.14,0:05:39.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am the curly-haired one in the back.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.44,0:05:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The much younger, much cuter,\Nmuch blonder girl is my little sister,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.44,0:05:46.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this is our horse -\Nhis name is Jim.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.09,0:05:50.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I loved my Montana upbringing, \Nand I loved that girl -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.70,0:05:52.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she was strong and independent -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.39,0:05:55.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but there were a lot of things \Nthat she did not know.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.16,0:05:56.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of them
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.21,0:05:59.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that if you would've asked me then\Nor for years afterwards,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.59,0:06:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I was a feminist,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.21,0:06:04.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would've probably told you "No," right?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.22,0:06:11.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I listened and I lived \Nand I learned, and my perspective shifted.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.37,0:06:14.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I recognized that there was room \Nat the equality table for all of us,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.94,0:06:17.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even those of us \Nwho could drive a stick shift
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.38,0:06:19.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and saddle a horse and slap a pig.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.86,0:06:21.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.79,0:06:23.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are all on a journey,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.35,0:06:26.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we have to be willing \Nto own our mistakes.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.22,0:06:27.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The flip side of that, of course,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.93,0:06:31.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that we have to be open \Nto other people's journeys too,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.18,0:06:33.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to letting them make mistakes.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.07,0:06:35.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If every time in this conversation
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.51,0:06:37.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we think someone\Nis getting something wrong,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.94,0:06:42.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our reaction is to gather \Nour swarm of little blue birdies
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.03,0:06:44.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and come peck them \Nto death on the Internet,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.82,0:06:48.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're not going to invite people\Ninto the conversation;
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.14,0:06:50.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're going to push them away.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.52,0:06:53.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.19,0:07:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step three, we've made some time,\Nwe've decided to take some risks,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.52,0:07:04.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do we talk about instead?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.38,0:07:08.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to be talking about power, \Npermission, and interruption.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.63,0:07:11.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we think about\Nthe news stories that we've seen
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.09,0:07:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with examples of sexual harassment\Nand sexual violence,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.93,0:07:16.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the power is easy to spot.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.36,0:07:20.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The people in the news \Nare wealthy politicians.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.15,0:07:22.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're media moguls \Nwho have control and power,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.75,0:07:24.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not only of their own contexts,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.80,0:07:28.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but of the law and culture \Nthat the rest of the consume.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.71,0:07:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you don't have to be a media mogul\Nor a wealthy politician to have power.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.27,0:07:36.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Power can exist in a community -
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.80,0:07:40.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be simply based on having \Ninformation somebody doesn't have,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.31,0:07:42.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,control over someone's pay;
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.92,0:07:44.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be speaking a language.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.76,0:07:50.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to start identifying the power\Nin our contexts and who holds it,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.31,0:07:53.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and whether we hold some and of what kind.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.71,0:07:56.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because sexual violence thrives
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.55,0:08:01.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when bad intentions\Nmeet power, opportunity,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.57,0:08:04.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a low risk of accountability.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.62,0:08:08.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to identify and talk about power.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.33,0:08:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead, our conversations \Nalways seem to go to this place
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.50,0:08:13.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of romance gone wrong -
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.64,0:08:18.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's an unhappy accident, \Na mistaken communication.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.90,0:08:21.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think there's something \Nmore sinister going on
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.20,0:08:23.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in almost all of the stories we hear.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.95,0:08:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But even if sometimes \Nthe issue is miscommunication,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.48,0:08:29.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then why aren't we talking \Nabout permission?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.64,0:08:32.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're not talking about permission\Nin sex education with our kids,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.73,0:08:35.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we're not talking about it\Nin training in our workplaces.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.79,0:08:37.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here in stoic Minnesota,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.31,0:08:40.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not sure we're talking about it\Nwith each other either.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.14,0:08:42.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to talk about permission.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.29,0:08:44.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When should we be asking for it?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.45,0:08:45.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do we ask for it?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.81,0:08:47.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how do we deny it?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.68,0:08:50.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.44,0:08:55.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We also need to talk about interruption -
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.56,0:08:58.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it does not take long to find a bystander
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.28,0:09:00.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who didn't know what to do or what to say
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.36,0:09:02.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or simply chose not to.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.32,0:09:05.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is it so much easier \Nwhen our colleague says,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.56,0:09:08.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know, Bob makes me \Nfeel really uncomfortable,"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.66,0:09:12.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that our go-to response\Nis always "That's just Bob."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.58,0:09:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is it so hard to say,\N"How so?" "Are you OK?"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.98,0:09:18.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Is there anything I can do?"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.88,0:09:23.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to talk about power,\Npermission, and interruption.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.52,0:09:29.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then we need people, step four,\Nto show up for the conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.50,0:09:31.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I give a lot of talks\Nabout these kinds of things,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.88,0:09:36.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I often find myself staring out \Nat a sea of women's faces.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.32,0:09:38.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did a little what we call "lawyer math"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.52,0:09:41.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,over the last couple \Nof presentations I've given
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.34,0:09:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to just kind of see \Nwhat the statistics were,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.54,0:09:45.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I counted up that less than 10%\N
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.55,0:09:50.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the people coming to a talk with #MeToo\Nor sexual harassment in the title
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.38,0:09:51.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were men.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.04,0:09:54.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yet at the same time, \NI kept getting this question,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.64,0:09:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,usually from women at the talks:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.50,0:10:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What about all the really \Ngood men in my office?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.08,0:10:03.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I work with some really good men, \Nand they want to do something.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.94,0:10:06.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They feel awkward.\NHow can I help them?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.64,0:10:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My answer is pretty simple:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.18,0:10:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,participate.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.14,0:10:15.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men, we need you to show up \Nfor this conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.02,0:10:19.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what? Scratch that.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.18,0:10:22.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You need you to show up \Nfor this conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.90,0:10:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Three percent of men will experience\Na rape or attempted rape -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.30,0:10:29.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's just the ones who are reported.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.54,0:10:33.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Many of us in this room \Nmay never experience sexual violence;
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.46,0:10:36.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,most of us will never \Ncommit sexual violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.89,0:10:39.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it is going to impact all of us.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.34,0:10:44.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's impacting us all right now and every\Nconversation we have in the workplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.27,0:10:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, my challenge, my hope,\Nis that when men are talking
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.80,0:10:55.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about whether they should open the door \Nof their offices to be safe,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.30,0:10:57.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,go ahead and open the door.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.41,0:11:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But can you also open your eyes\Nand hearts and minds
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.38,0:11:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the stories that #MeToo is telling us \Nand the reality of those stories?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.69,0:11:12.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Step five: we have got \Nto retire this spectrum.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.09,0:11:14.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because we're talking\Nabout this all the time,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.32,0:11:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on one hand, here's the stuff\Nthat's not a big deal,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.98,0:11:18.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you should probably get over it;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.55,0:11:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,down here is the stuff \Nthat's really horrifying -
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.15,0:11:22.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's pretty awful.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.62,0:11:25.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're actually not going to talk\Nabout the horrifying stuff
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.44,0:11:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pretty much ever;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.35,0:11:29.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're going to really focus \Non this get-over-it side,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.53,0:11:31.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially at work and in our training.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.86,0:11:33.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We may not even be\Non the get-over-it side,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.87,0:11:36.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because when we're talking \Nabout hugs and compliments,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.74,0:11:38.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't even think \Nthey're on the spectrum.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.93,0:11:41.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love hugs and compliments.\NThey're great.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.97,0:11:45.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem with hugs and compliments\Nis only when they're misused,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.97,0:11:49.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they're used to demean \Ninstead of to lift up.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.04,0:11:53.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we spend so much time \Non that end of the spectrum
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.34,0:11:56.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we don't have time\Nto dig into what's really going on,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.31,0:11:59.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we don't want to believe\Nin the horrifying end, anyway.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.07,0:12:03.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We want to peel everything out of that\Nand categorize it over here.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.12,0:12:06.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, here's the thing.\NIt's not a spectrum.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.51,0:12:08.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a system.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.21,0:12:12.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And until we start getting comfortable\Nwith the idea that it might be messy
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.40,0:12:16.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to talk about its interconnectivity,\Nabout its intricacies,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.93,0:12:19.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then we will not dismantle it,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.25,0:12:23.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we need to dismantle the system.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.58,0:12:26.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In education, we have a concept \Nwe talk about sometimes,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.44,0:12:28.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called "the compelling why."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.67,0:12:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The idea is that if we know \Nwhy we're doing something,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.10,0:12:34.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'll be better at it,\Nwe'll learn it better,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.20,0:12:35.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'll understand it more.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.30,0:12:40.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to change \Nwhy we're having this conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.67,0:12:43.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can't be having it \Nto avoid getting sued;
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.52,0:12:45.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've got to have a better reason.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.40,0:12:47.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And trying to come up with better reasons,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.42,0:12:50.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've come up with things like,\N"It's better for a bottom line.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.41,0:12:52.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a business case for it -
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.19,0:12:55.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we really make the workplace\Nsafer and better,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.28,0:12:58.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'll have a better workforce,\Nwe'll produce more work."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.31,0:13:00.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's a better reason,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.42,0:13:03.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I still don't think it's "the" reason.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.17,0:13:09.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to tell you my reason for talking\Nabout sexual assault and harassment -
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.19,0:13:10.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my compelling why.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.99,0:13:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a #MeToo story to tell you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.56,0:13:16.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My #MeToo story doesn't belong to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.69,0:13:18.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is Suzie.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.82,0:13:21.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I met Suzie when I fell in love \Nwith her big brother,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.89,0:13:25.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we became family \Nwhen I married him.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.12,0:13:27.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By the time I'd joined the Hanson family,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.91,0:13:30.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzie had already been sexually assaulted.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.74,0:13:33.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never really talked to her \Nabout it very much;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.19,0:13:35.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't know a lot about what happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.93,0:13:38.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I did know will sound \Nvery familiar to you:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.68,0:13:42.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she was sexually assaulted \Nat work, at her part-time job,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.33,0:13:44.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by someone with authority.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.36,0:13:47.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were people who could \Nintervene and interrupt - who didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.56,0:13:51.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mostly, everyone wanted her\Nto get over it and move on.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.46,0:13:54.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was a lawsuit, and she couldn't \Nreally talk about it, anyway.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.95,0:13:57.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, we never really talked about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.81,0:14:01.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did notice that Suzie was trying\Nreally hard to do all of those things,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.52,0:14:03.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get over it and move on,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.08,0:14:04.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but even in her happiest time,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.64,0:14:10.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she would carry with her a cloud \Nof shame and fear and anger.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.36,0:14:13.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would learn later \Nthat what was in that cloud
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.29,0:14:16.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were the symptoms \Nof post-traumatic stress disorder.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.27,0:14:24.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzie and I would have one conversation\Nthat I recall so clearly about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.55,0:14:28.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew she was in therapy, finally,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.49,0:14:32.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was the summer of 2000, \Nand I asked her, "How's it going?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.07,0:14:37.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "It's going pretty well."\NShe said, "It's kind of hard, though."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.10,0:14:38.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "Why?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.47,0:14:39.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.79,0:14:44.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"My therapist wants me to tell \Nthe whole story of what happened to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.58,0:14:48.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never told the whole story."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:48.79,0:14:50.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got kind of scared and nervous.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.38,0:14:52.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't sure I wanted\Nto hear the whole story -
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.78,0:14:55.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't want to hear \Nthe horrifying things.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.25,0:14:56.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "Why not?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:56.85,0:15:00.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "I'm just so scared."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.85,0:15:03.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would never hear Suzie's story.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.10,0:15:06.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would never talk to her about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.18,0:15:12.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She would reveal more horrifying details\Nto her therapist and to her parents,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.73,0:15:15.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then she would die by suicide.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.42,0:15:19.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We would lose her \Nto her post-traumatic stress disorder.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.04,0:15:23.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We would never talk about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.90,0:15:30.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suzie's death was \Na defining moment in my life,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:30.05,0:15:31.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just for my own grief
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.71,0:15:34.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but also because it gave me \Nthe front-row seat
Dialogue: 0,0:15:34.25,0:15:38.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the devastation of some of the people\NI loved the most in the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.59,0:15:43.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I've learned as the years have past\Nis that that one act of violence,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.94,0:15:48.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it spread the consequences \Nover so many people.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:48.07,0:15:52.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is not just about perpetrators\Nand victims of sexual violence;
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.07,0:15:54.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is about all of us.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.67,0:15:56.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The impacts were huge.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.50,0:15:58.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were even consequences \Nfor my children,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.68,0:16:00.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they weren't even born yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.71,0:16:05.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's been 18 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.25,0:16:11.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our lives are full\Nof laughter and life and fun,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.07,0:16:14.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I have heard her voice\Nand seen her story
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.95,0:16:19.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the voices of clients\Nand students and #MeToo,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.69,0:16:24.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've often wondered\Nwhy the cycle never changes.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.77,0:16:28.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's been kind of depressing \Nthat I see the same thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.77,0:16:33.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the same circle of shame \Nand silence, again and again.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:34.70,0:16:38.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, last year,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.62,0:16:40.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got kind of optimistic.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.19,0:16:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems sort of strange to think
Dialogue: 0,0:16:44.00,0:16:47.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that #MeToo might have made \Nanyone optimistic,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:48.71,0:16:49.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it did.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.99,0:16:53.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I realized that the reason \Nthat was making me optimistic
Dialogue: 0,0:16:53.43,0:16:57.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is because when the movement \Ngathered these stories together
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.11,0:16:59.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it set them out there in front of us
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.60,0:17:02.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it said, "Are you going \Nto do anything about this?"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:03.03,0:17:04.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we said, "Yes!"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:04.93,0:17:06.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We said, "Time's up!"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.65,0:17:08.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We said, "Enough is enough."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:08.68,0:17:12.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We started asking people like me,\N"What do we do now?"
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.63,0:17:14.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the energy of people I talked to,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.41,0:17:16.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though they know \Nthey're not getting it right
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.79,0:17:18.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even though they know it's messy,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:18.57,0:17:22.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the energy of the people I talk to is\N"Let's do something about this;
Dialogue: 0,0:17:22.57,0:17:25.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is impacting all of us."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:26.22,0:17:29.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, my charge to you is,\N"Yeah, let's keep going."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:29.81,0:17:32.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's change this conversation:
Dialogue: 0,0:17:32.03,0:17:36.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Show up. Listen up. Step up.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:36.63,0:17:40.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And do what my gut said \Nthat we should be doing all along:
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.61,0:17:43.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's keep talking about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:44.57,0:17:45.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:45.61,0:17:48.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)