WEBVTT

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A leader is steady, firm,
decisive, unwavering.

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Never let 'em see you sweat,
always have an answer.

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[The Way We Work]

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My name is Dan, I'm a partner
at a global creative consultancy.

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But there's another side to me:

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Carrie Dragshaw,

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the character I created on Instagram.

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As I thought about my double life,
I couldn't help but wonder ...

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When your true self
is a little nontraditional,

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how much of it can you really
bring to the office?

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For some of us is authenticity off-limits?

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For the first 10 years of my career,

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I thought there was
one way to be a leader:

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decisive and serious.

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But that's not me.

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So I'd put on basically
office drag to fit the role:

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I'd talk in a deeper voice,
try to hold in my hand motions.

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I'm someone who gets
really excited about things,

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so I'd temper that.

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I had this little voice
in my head, telling me,

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"You're too gay,
too feminine, too flamboyant."

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I had one well-intentioned
adviser who said,

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"Everyone knows you're gay.
And that's great.

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But you don't need to beat them
over the head with it."

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Cut to: me in a tutu, for Halloween 2016.

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I dressed up as my favorite
TV show character, Carrie Bradshaw,

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thinking my friends
would get a kick out of it.

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And then, things got crazy.

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The post went viral,
and at first it was pure fun.

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I started getting these incredible
messages from people

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about how happy it made them,

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how it encouraged them
to be their authentic selves.

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And I started to think,

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maybe this is the time to tell that
little voice in my head to just shut up

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and let myself be me.

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But then things got a little too big.

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Carrie Dragshaw was everywhere --
In the "New York Post", "US Weekly" --

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and I got terrified:

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"What would my bosses think?

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Would my coworkers
still respect me as a leader?

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What would my clients think?"

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I thought I was going to have to
get a different job.

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But then, something happened,
something small.

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I got a text from my boss,
it wasn't long, it just said,

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"Wow, Cosmo!"

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With a link to an article
that had just gone up about me.

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And it let me put that little,
scared voice away

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and just be excited
about this whole new world,

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rather than freaked out.

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That's the power of one person,

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sometimes all it takes is one ally
to make you feel comfortable.

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And my coworkers
started acting differently.

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They became more open,
more playful with me,

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it was as if knowing this other side of me

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gave them permission
to be more of themselves as well.

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I thought that openness and vulnerability

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would actually decrease
my standing with my team.

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But it's done the opposite.

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Two years in,

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I never could have imagined that this
part of me would not just be embraced,

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but could actually help my career.

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Now, I'm lucky.

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I work in New York City,

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in an office where creativity is valued

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and I was already pretty established
in my career when all of this started.

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Maybe that's you, maybe it isn't.

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But all of this has taught me so much

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about just the importance
of bringing your whole self to work.

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And it's really challenged
my own misperceptions

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about what it takes to be successful.

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There's no one kind of way to be a leader.

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It's about finding your strengths
and finding ways to amplify them.

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Before, if a meeting was hard,
I'd put on my perfect leader mask.

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Now, I can say,
"Gosh, that was frustrating."

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We can talk about challenges
and struggles in an open way,

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rather than everybody pretending
that they're fine until it's too late.

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Concealing an identity takes work.

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Think of all the wasted energy
spent pretending,

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wishing you were someone different.

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What's most interesting to me, though,
is that in this big study of covering,

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93 percent of those
who say they're doing it

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also believe their organization
values inclusion.

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So clearly, our workplaces
and all of our strange inner voices

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have a long way to go on acceptance.

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There's a big difference
between adapting and disguising.

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And I think I learned that a little late.

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Personally, I'm taking all of this
as a call to be the ally

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who, like my boss did for me,

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lets people know that it's OK to open up.

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If you're gay, or proud
of your ethnic background,

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or have a disability
or are deeply religious,

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see what it's like
being your full self at work.

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You might be pleasantly surprised.