[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.87,0:00:03.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to start\Nby telling you about an email
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.16,0:00:04.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I saw in my inbox recently.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.34,0:00:08.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I have a pretty unusual inbox
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.19,0:00:09.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'm a therapist
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.65,0:00:13.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I write an advice column\Ncalled "Dear Therapist,"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.12,0:00:15.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you can imagine what's in there.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.59,0:00:19.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, I've read thousands\Nof very personal letters
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.84,0:00:22.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from strangers all over the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.56,0:00:24.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And these letters range\Nfrom heartbreak and loss,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.87,0:00:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to spats with parents or siblings.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.25,0:00:29.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I keep them in a folder on my laptop,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.67,0:00:32.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've named it\N"The Problems of Living."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.43,0:00:35.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I get this email,\NI get lots of emails just like this,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.86,0:00:38.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want to bring you\Ninto my world for a second
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.24,0:00:40.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and read you one of these letters.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.49,0:00:42.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here's how it goes.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.70,0:00:48.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Dear Therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.50,0:00:49.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've been married for 10 years
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.96,0:00:52.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and things were good\Nuntil a couple of years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.67,0:00:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's when my husband\Nstopped wanting to have sex as much,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.46,0:00:57.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and now we barely have sex at all."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.33,0:00:59.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure you guys were not expecting this.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.37,0:01:00.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.40,0:01:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, last night I discovered\Nthat for the past few months,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.66,0:01:06.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's been secretly having\Nlong, late-night phone calls
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.23,0:01:07.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a woman at his office.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.02,0:01:10.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I googled her, and she's gorgeous.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.50,0:01:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't believe this is happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.31,0:01:14.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father had an affair\Nwith a coworker when I was young
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.01,0:01:17.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it broke our family apart.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.14,0:01:19.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Needless to say, I'm devastated.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.53,0:01:20.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I stay in this marriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.89,0:01:23.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll never be able\Nto trust my husband again.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.02,0:01:25.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I don't want to put our kids\Nthrough a divorce,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.44,0:01:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stepmom situation, etc.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.30,0:01:28.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What should I do?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.74,0:01:33.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, what do you think she should do?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.73,0:01:35.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you got this letter,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.99,0:01:39.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might be thinking\Nabout how painful infidelity is.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.80,0:01:42.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe about how especially\Npainful it is here
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.96,0:01:45.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because of her experience\Ngrowing up with her father.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.04,0:01:48.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And like me, you'd probably\Nhave some empathy for this woman,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.93,0:01:50.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you might even have some,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.36,0:01:51.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how should I put this nicely,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.83,0:01:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's just call them "not-so-positive"\Nfeelings for her husband.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.11,0:01:58.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, those are the kinds of things\Nthat go through my mind too,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.09,0:02:00.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I'm reading\Nthese letters in my inbox.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.12,0:02:03.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I have to be really careful\Nwhen I respond to these letters
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.22,0:02:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I know that every letter I get\Nis actually just a story
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.22,0:02:09.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,written by a specific author.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.17,0:02:12.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that another version\Nof this story also exists.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.25,0:02:13.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It always does.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.17,0:02:15.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know this
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.35,0:02:17.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because if I've learned\Nanything as a therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.63,0:02:20.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's that we are all unreliable\Nnarrators of our own lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.31,0:02:22.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.97,0:02:24.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.50,0:02:26.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so is everyone you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.75,0:02:28.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which I probably shouldn't have told you
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.74,0:02:31.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because now you're not\Ngoing to believe my TED Talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.25,0:02:33.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, I don't mean\Nthat we purposely mislead.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.64,0:02:36.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most of what people tell me\Nis absolutely true,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.77,0:02:39.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just from their current points of view.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.06,0:02:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Depending on what\Nthey emphasize or minimize,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.51,0:02:43.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what they leave in, what they leave out,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.44,0:02:45.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what they see and want me to see,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.48,0:02:48.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they tell their stories\Nin a particular way.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.18,0:02:51.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The psychologist Jerome Bruner\Ndescribed this beautifully -- he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.44,0:02:55.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"To tell a story is, inescapably,\Nto take a moral stance."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.97,0:02:58.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All of us walk around\Nwith stories about our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.62,0:03:01.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why choices were made,\Nwhy things went wrong,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.08,0:03:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why we treated someone a certain way --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.98,0:03:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because obviously, they deserved it --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.100,0:03:06.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why someone treated us a certain way --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.96,0:03:08.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though, obviously, we didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.72,0:03:11.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stories are the way\Nwe make sense of our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.70,0:03:14.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what happens when the stories we tell
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.41,0:03:17.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are misleading or incomplete\Nor just wrong?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.93,0:03:20.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, instead of providing clarity,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.63,0:03:22.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these stories keep us stuck.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.52,0:03:25.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We assume that our circumstances\Nshape our stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.23,0:03:28.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what I found time and again in my work
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.29,0:03:30.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that the exact opposite happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.26,0:03:33.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The way we narrate our lives\Nshapes what they become.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.99,0:03:36.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the danger of our stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.59,0:03:38.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they can really mess us up,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.30,0:03:39.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's also their power.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.57,0:03:42.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because what it means\Nis that if we can change our stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.58,0:03:44.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then we can change our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.66,0:03:46.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And today, I want to show you how.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.62,0:03:49.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I told you I'm a therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.48,0:03:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I really am, I'm not being\Nan unreliable narrator.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.38,0:03:54.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if I'm, let's say, on an airplane,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.61,0:03:56.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and someone asks what I do,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.51,0:03:58.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I usually say I'm an editor.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.02,0:04:01.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I say that partly\Nbecause if I say I'm a therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.61,0:04:04.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I always get some awkward response, like,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.62,0:04:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, a therapist.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.32,0:04:08.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you going to psychoanalyze me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.49,0:04:10.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm thinking, "A : no,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.08,0:04:12.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and B: why would I do that here?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.51,0:04:14.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I said I was a gynecologist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.03,0:04:16.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would you ask if I were\Nabout to give you a pelvic exam?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.72,0:04:18.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.21,0:04:21.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the main reason I say I'm an editor
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.49,0:04:23.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is because it's true.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.04,0:04:25.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, it's the job of all therapists\Nto help people edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.75,0:04:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what's interesting\Nabout my specific role as Dear Therapist
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.88,0:04:31.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that when I edit,\NI'm not just editing for one person.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.60,0:04:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm trying to teach a whole group\Nof readers how to edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.29,0:04:36.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,using one letter each week as the example.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.32,0:04:37.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm thinking about things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.99,0:04:39.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What material is extraneous?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.79,0:04:43.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Is the protagonist moving forward\Nor going in circles,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.06,0:04:46.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are the supporting characters important\Nor are they a distraction?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.23,0:04:48.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Do the plot points reveal a theme?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.70,0:04:50.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what I've noticed
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.28,0:04:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that most people's stories\Ntend to circle around two key themes.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.30,0:04:55.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first is freedom,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.80,0:04:57.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the second is change.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.60,0:04:58.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.86,0:05:00.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those are the themes that I start with.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.97,0:05:03.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, let's take a look\Nat freedom for a second.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.70,0:05:06.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our stories about freedom go like this:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.47,0:05:08.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we believe, in general,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.36,0:05:11.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we have an enormous\Namount of freedom.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.32,0:05:14.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Except when it comes\Nto the problem at hand,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.42,0:05:16.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which case, suddenly,\Nwe feel like we have none.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.94,0:05:19.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Many of our stories\Nare about feeling trapped, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.63,0:05:22.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We feel imprisoned\Nby our families, our jobs,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.13,0:05:24.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our relationships, our pasts.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.60,0:05:28.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes, we even imprison ourselves\Nwith a narrative of self-flagellation --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.29,0:05:30.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know you guys all know these stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.20,0:05:32.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The "everyone's life\Nis better than mine" story,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.48,0:05:33.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,courtesy of social media.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.75,0:05:36.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The "I'm an impostor" story,\Nthe "I'm unlovable" story,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.34,0:05:38.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the "nothing will ever\Nwork out for me" story.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.56,0:05:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The "when I say, 'Hey, Siri, '\Nand she doesn't answer,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.12,0:05:42.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that means she hates me" story.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.67,0:05:44.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see you, see, I'm not the only one.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.53,0:05:47.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The woman who wrote me that letter,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.46,0:05:49.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she also feels trapped.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.37,0:05:52.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If she stays with her husband,\Nshe'll never trust him again,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.25,0:05:54.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if she leaves,\Nher children will suffer.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.04,0:05:57.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, there's a cartoon\Nthat I think is a perfect example
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.94,0:06:00.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of what's really going on\Nin these stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.49,0:06:02.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The cartoon shows a prisoner\Nshaking the bars,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.92,0:06:04.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,desperately trying to get out.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.97,0:06:07.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But on the right and the left, it's open.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.18,0:06:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No bars.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.97,0:06:11.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The prisoner isn't in jail.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.98,0:06:13.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's most of us.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.18,0:06:14.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We feel completely trapped,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.80,0:06:16.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stuck in our emotional jail cells.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.92,0:06:19.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we don't walk\Naround the bars to freedom
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.06,0:06:21.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we know there's a catch.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.22,0:06:23.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Freedom comes with responsibility.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.80,0:06:27.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we take responsibility\Nfor our role in the story,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.68,0:06:29.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we might just have to change.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.82,0:06:33.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's the other common theme\Nthat I see in our stories: change.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.08,0:06:34.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those stories sound like this:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.58,0:06:36.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a person says, "I want to change."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.81,0:06:38.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what they really mean is,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.80,0:06:42.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I want another character\Nin the story to change."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.48,0:06:44.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Therapists describe this dilemma as:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.23,0:06:46.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If the queen had balls,\Nshe'd be the king."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.76,0:06:47.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.94,0:06:48.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.97,0:06:50.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes no sense, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.92,0:06:53.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why wouldn't we want the protagonist,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.93,0:06:56.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's the hero of the story, to change?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.36,0:06:57.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it might be because change,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.01,0:06:59.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even really positive change,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.76,0:07:02.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,involves a surprising amount of loss.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.38,0:07:03.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loss of the familiar.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.02,0:07:07.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if the familiar is unpleasant\Nor utterly miserable,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.37,0:07:09.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least we know the characters\Nand setting and plot,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.88,0:07:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right down to the recurring\Ndialogue in this story.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.32,0:07:13.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You never do the laundry!"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.66,0:07:14.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I did it last time!"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.90,0:07:16.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, yeah? When?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.08,0:07:17.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's something oddly comforting
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.84,0:07:20.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about knowing exactly\Nhow the story is going to go
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.21,0:07:21.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,every single time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.17,0:07:25.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To write a new chapter\Nis to venture into the unknown.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.71,0:07:27.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's to stare at a blank page.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.94,0:07:29.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as any writer will tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.53,0:07:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's nothing more terrifying\Nthan a blank page.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.48,0:07:33.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But here's the thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.94,0:07:35.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once we edit our story,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.98,0:07:39.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the next chapter\Nbecomes much easier to write.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.46,0:07:42.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We talk so much in our culture\Nabout getting to know ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.78,0:07:46.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But part of getting to know yourself\Nis to unknow yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.39,0:07:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To let go of the one version of the story\Nyou've been telling yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.00,0:07:51.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that you can live your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.85,0:07:54.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not the story\Nthat you've been telling yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.27,0:07:55.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.90,0:07:58.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's how we walk around those bars.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.30,0:08:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I want to go back to the letter\Nfrom the woman, about the affair.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.66,0:08:04.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She asked me what she should do.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.80,0:08:07.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I have this word\Ntaped up in my office:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.27,0:08:09.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ultracrepidarianism.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.28,0:08:13.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The habit of giving advice or opinions\Noutside of one's knowledge or competence.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.90,0:08:15.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a great word, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.20,0:08:17.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can use it in all different contexts,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.18,0:08:19.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure you will be using it\Nafter this TED Talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.62,0:08:22.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I use it because it reminds me\Nthat as a therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.55,0:08:24.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can help people to sort out\Nwhat they want to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.96,0:08:27.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I can't make\Ntheir life choices for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.75,0:08:30.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Only you can write your story,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.40,0:08:32.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all you need are some tools.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.52,0:08:33.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what I want to do
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.84,0:08:36.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is I want to edit this woman's letter\Ntogether, right here,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.66,0:08:39.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a way to show\Nhow we can all revise our stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.100,0:08:42.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to start by asking you
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.20,0:08:45.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to think of a story\Nthat you're telling yourself right now
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.66,0:08:47.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that might not be serving you well.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.80,0:08:50.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It might be about a circumstance\Nyou're experiencing,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.89,0:08:53.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it might be about a person in your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.34,0:08:55.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it might even be about yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.79,0:08:58.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want you to look\Nat the supporting characters.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.75,0:09:00.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who are the people who are helping you
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.60,0:09:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to uphold the wrong version of this story?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.20,0:09:06.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For instance, if the woman\Nwho wrote me that letter
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.64,0:09:08.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,told her friends what happened,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.19,0:09:11.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they would probably offer her\Nwhat's called "idiot compassion."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.22,0:09:13.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, in idiot compassion,\Nwe go along with the story,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.74,0:09:16.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we say, "You're right, that's so unfair,"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.12,0:09:19.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when a friend tells us that he didn't\Nget the promotion he wanted,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.25,0:09:22.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though we know this has happened\Nseveral times before
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.05,0:09:24.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because he doesn't really\Nput in the effort,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.12,0:09:26.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he probably\Nalso steals office supplies.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.21,0:09:27.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.24,0:09:29.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We say, "Yeah, you're right, he's a jerk,"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.81,0:09:32.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when a friend tells us\Nthat her boyfriend broke up with her,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.83,0:09:35.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though we know\Nthat there are certain ways
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.06,0:09:36.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she tends to behave in relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.86,0:09:39.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the incessant texting\Nor the going through his drawers,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.72,0:09:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that tend to lead to this outcome.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.43,0:09:43.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We see the problem, it's like,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.10,0:09:45.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if a fight breaks out\Nin every bar you're going to,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.53,0:09:46.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it might be you.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.71,0:09:48.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.99,0:09:52.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In order to be good editors,\Nwe need to offer wise compassion,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.72,0:09:55.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just to our friends, but to ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.24,0:09:58.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what's called --\NI think the technical term might be --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.22,0:10:00.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"delivering compassionate truth bombs."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.02,0:10:02.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And these truth bombs are compassionate,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.98,0:10:05.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they help us to see\Nwhat we've left out of the story.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.88,0:10:07.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The truth is,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.06,0:10:09.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't know if this woman's husband\Nis having an affair,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.81,0:10:12.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or why their sex life\Nchanged two years ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.58,0:10:15.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or what those late-night\Nphone calls are really about.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.73,0:10:17.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it might be\Nthat because of her history,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.87,0:10:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she's writing a singular\Nstory of betrayal,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.50,0:10:22.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but there's probably something else
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.43,0:10:25.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that she's not willing\Nto let me, in her letter,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.40,0:10:27.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or maybe even herself, to see.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.14,0:10:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like that guy\Nwho's taking a Rorschach test.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.48,0:10:32.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You all know what Rorschach tests are?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.35,0:10:35.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A psychologist shows you some ink blots,\Nthey look like that,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.36,0:10:37.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and asks, "What do you see?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.29,0:10:40.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the guy looks\Nat his ink blot and he says,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.79,0:10:44.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, I definitely don't see blood."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.68,0:10:47.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the examiner says,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.36,0:10:50.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Alright, tell me what else\Nyou definitely don't see."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.62,0:10:53.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In writing, this is called point of view.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.96,0:10:56.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is the narrator not willing to see?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.73,0:10:59.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I want to read you one more letter.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.80,0:11:03.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it goes like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.86,0:11:06.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Dear Therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.70,0:11:09.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need help with my wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.62,0:11:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lately, everything I do irritates her,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.55,0:11:14.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even small things, like the noise\NI make when I chew.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.21,0:11:16.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At breakfast,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.42,0:11:19.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I noticed that she even tries\Nto secretly put extra milk in my granola
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.76,0:11:21.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it won't be as crunchy."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.06,0:11:22.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.47,0:11:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I feel like she became critical of me\Nafter my father died two years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.60,0:11:27.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was very close with him,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.91,0:11:29.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and her father left when she was young,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.82,0:11:32.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so she couldn't relate\Nto what I was going through.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.40,0:11:35.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a friend at work\Nwhose father died a few months ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.26,0:11:36.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and who understands my grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.98,0:11:40.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish I could talk to my wife\Nlike I talk to my friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.09,0:11:42.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I feel like she barely\Ntolerates me now.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.84,0:11:44.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How can I get my wife back?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.32,0:11:46.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.96,0:11:49.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what you probably picked up on
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.35,0:11:52.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that this is the same story\NI read you earlier,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.30,0:11:54.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just told from another\Nnarrator's point of view.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.90,0:11:57.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her story was about\Na husband who's cheating,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.32,0:12:00.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his story is about a wife\Nwho can't understand his grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.16,0:12:04.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what's remarkable,\Nis that for all of their differences,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.50,0:12:08.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what both of these stories are about\Nis a longing for connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.82,0:12:11.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we can get out\Nof the first-person narration
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.23,0:12:13.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and write the story\Nfrom another character's perspective,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.98,0:12:16.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suddenly that other character\Nbecomes much more sympathetic,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.87,0:12:18.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the plot opens up.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.34,0:12:22.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the hardest step\Nin the editing process,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.17,0:12:24.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's also where change begins.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.79,0:12:28.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would happen\Nif you looked at your story
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.35,0:12:31.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wrote it from another\Nperson's point of view?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.67,0:12:35.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would you see now\Nfrom this wider perspective?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.99,0:12:38.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why, when I see people\Nwho are depressed,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.25,0:12:39.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I sometimes say,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.43,0:12:42.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You are not the best person\Nto talk to you about you right now,"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.57,0:12:45.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because depression distorts our stories\Nin a very particular way.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.67,0:12:47.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It narrows our perspectives.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.25,0:12:50.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The same is true when we feel\Nlonely or hurt or rejected.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.61,0:12:52.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We create all kinds of stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.25,0:12:54.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,distorted through a very narrow lens
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.05,0:12:56.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we don't even know\Nwe're looking through.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.68,0:13:00.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, we've effectively become\Nour own fake-news broadcasters.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.48,0:13:03.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a confession to make.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.100,0:13:07.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote the husband's version\Nof the letter I read you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.04,0:13:08.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have no idea how much time I spent
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.89,0:13:11.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,debating between granola\Nand pita chips, by the way.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.35,0:13:14.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote it based on all\Nof the alternative narratives
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.51,0:13:15.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I've seen over the years,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.98,0:13:19.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just in my therapy practice,\Nbut also in my column.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.72,0:13:20.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When it's happened
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.98,0:13:23.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that two people involved\Nin the same situation
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.25,0:13:25.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have written to me,\Nunbeknownst to the other,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.75,0:13:27.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I have two versions of the same story
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.77,0:13:29.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sitting in my inbox.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.55,0:13:31.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That really has happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.90,0:13:34.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know what the other version\Nof this woman's letter is,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.85,0:13:36.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I do know this:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.34,0:13:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she has to write it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.08,0:13:40.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because with a courageous edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.15,0:13:43.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she'll write a much more nuanced version\Nof her letter that she wrote to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.98,0:13:46.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if her husband\Nis having an affair of any kind --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.63,0:13:48.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and maybe he is --
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.38,0:13:51.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she doesn't need to know\Nwhat the plot is yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.10,0:13:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because just by virtue of doing an edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.01,0:13:58.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she'll have so many more possibilities\Nfor what the plot can become.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.28,0:14:02.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, sometimes it happens\Nthat I see people who are really stuck,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.86,0:14:05.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're really invested\Nin their stuckness.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.13,0:14:08.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We call them help-rejecting complainers.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.73,0:14:10.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure you know people like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.42,0:14:13.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're the people who,\Nwhen you try to offer them a suggestion,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.50,0:14:18.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they reject it with, "Yeah, no,\Nthat will never work, because ..."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.80,0:14:22.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yeah, no, that's impossible,\Nbecause I can't do that."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.14,0:14:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yeah, I really want more friends,\Nbut people are just so annoying."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.37,0:14:28.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.44,0:14:30.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What they're really rejecting
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.25,0:14:33.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is an edit to their story\Nof misery and stuckness.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.30,0:14:37.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, with these people,\NI usually take a different approach.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.54,0:14:40.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what I do is I say something else.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.22,0:14:42.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I say to them,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.25,0:14:44.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We're all going to die."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.83,0:14:47.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I bet you're really glad\NI'm not your therapist right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:48.06,0:14:49.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because they look back at me
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.43,0:14:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way you're looking back\Nat me right now,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.52,0:14:53.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with this look of utter confusion.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:53.21,0:14:55.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I explain that there's a story
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.33,0:14:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that gets written\Nabout all of us, eventually.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.13,0:14:59.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called an obituary.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.60,0:15:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I say that instead of being\Nauthors of our own unhappiness,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.04,0:15:08.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we get to shape these stories\Nwhile we're still alive.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.02,0:15:11.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We get to be the hero\Nand not the victim in our stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.67,0:15:14.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we get to choose what goes on the page\Nthat lives in our minds
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.60,0:15:16.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and shapes our realities.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.10,0:15:20.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tell them that life is about deciding\Nwhich stories to listen to
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.98,0:15:22.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and which ones need an edit.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.69,0:15:25.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that it's worth the effort\Nto go through a revision
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.73,0:15:28.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because there's nothing more important\Nto the quality of our lives
Dialogue: 0,0:15:28.92,0:15:31.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than the stories\Nwe tell ourselves about them.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.13,0:15:34.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I say that when it comes\Nto the stories of our lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:34.49,0:15:38.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we should be aiming for our own\Npersonal Pulitzer Prize.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.40,0:15:41.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, most of us aren't\Nhelp-rejecting complainers,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.29,0:15:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or at least we don't believe we are.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.67,0:15:46.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's a role\Nthat is so easy to slip into
Dialogue: 0,0:15:46.32,0:15:49.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we feel anxious\Nor angry or vulnerable.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.55,0:15:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the next time\Nyou're struggling with something,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.14,0:15:53.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,remember,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.59,0:15:55.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're all going to die.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:55.14,0:15:56.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.59,0:15:59.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then pull out your editing tools
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.12,0:16:00.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ask yourself:
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.77,0:16:03.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what do I want my story to be?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.93,0:16:08.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, go write your masterpiece.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.72,0:16:09.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.90,0:16:12.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)