[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.98,0:00:04.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm going to talk\Nabout photosynthesis today.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.91,0:00:07.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, I'm actually not going to talk\Nabout photosynthesis,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.56,0:00:09.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm the only non-DuPont person here,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.30,0:00:11.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I thought I should try\Nto be a little sciency.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.67,0:00:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's all I've got -- Krebs cycle,\Nmolecules, I don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.47,0:00:15.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.45,0:00:18.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to start\Nby telling you about an email
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.74,0:00:20.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I saw in my inbox recently.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.92,0:00:23.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I have a pretty unusual inbox
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.77,0:00:25.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'm a therapist
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.23,0:00:28.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I write an advice column\Ncalled "Dear Therapist,"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.70,0:00:31.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you can imagine what's in there.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.16,0:00:35.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, I've read thousands\Nof very personal letters
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.42,0:00:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from strangers all over the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.13,0:00:40.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And these letters range\Nfrom heartbreak and loss,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.45,0:00:42.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to spats with parents or siblings.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.82,0:00:45.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I keep them in a folder on my laptop,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.25,0:00:47.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've named it\N"The Problems of Living."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.00,0:00:51.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I get this email,\NI get lots of emails just like this,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.43,0:00:53.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want to bring you\Ninto my world for a second
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.82,0:00:56.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and read you one of these letters.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.07,0:00:57.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here's how it goes.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.28,0:01:04.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Dear Therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.08,0:01:05.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've been married for 10 years
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.54,0:01:08.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and things were good\Nuntil a couple of years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.24,0:01:11.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's when my husband\Nstopped wanting to have sex as much,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.04,0:01:12.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and now we barely have sex at all."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.91,0:01:14.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure you guys were not expecting this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.95,0:01:15.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.98,0:01:19.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, last night I discovered\Nthat for the past few months,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.24,0:01:21.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's been secretly having\Nlong, late-night phone calls
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.80,0:01:23.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a woman at his office.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.59,0:01:26.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I googled her, and she's gorgeous.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.07,0:01:27.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't believe this is happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.89,0:01:30.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father had an affair\Nwith a coworker when I was young
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.59,0:01:32.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it broke our family apart.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.72,0:01:35.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Needless to say, I'm devastated.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.10,0:01:36.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I stay in this marriage,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.47,0:01:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll never be able\Nto trust my husband again.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.60,0:01:40.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I don't want to put our kids\Nthrough a divorce,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.01,0:01:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stepmom situation, etc.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.88,0:01:44.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What should I do?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.32,0:01:49.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, what do you think she should do?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.30,0:01:51.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you got this letter,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.57,0:01:55.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might be thinking\Nabout how painful infidelity is.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.38,0:01:58.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe about how especially\Npainful it is here
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.54,0:02:01.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because of her experience\Ngrowing up with her father.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.62,0:02:04.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And like me, you'd probably\Nhave some empathy for this woman,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.50,0:02:05.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you might even have some,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.94,0:02:07.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how should I put this nicely,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.41,0:02:10.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's just call them "not-so-positive"\Nfeelings for her husband.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.68,0:02:13.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, those are the kinds of things\Nthat go through my mind too,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.66,0:02:15.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I'm reading\Nthese letters in my inbox.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.70,0:02:18.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I have to be really careful\Nwhen I respond to these letters
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.80,0:02:22.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I know that every letter I get\Nis actually just a story
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.80,0:02:24.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,written by a specific author.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.75,0:02:27.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that another version\Nof this story also exists.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.82,0:02:29.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It always does.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.74,0:02:30.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know this
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.93,0:02:33.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because if I've learned\Nanything as a therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.20,0:02:36.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's that we are all unreliable\Nnarrators of our own lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.88,0:02:38.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.55,0:02:39.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.07,0:02:42.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so is everyone you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.33,0:02:44.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which I probably shouldn't have told you
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.32,0:02:46.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because now you're not\Ngoing to believe my TED Talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.82,0:02:49.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, I don't mean\Nthat we purposely mislead.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.21,0:02:52.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most of what people tell me\Nis absolutely true,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.35,0:02:54.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just from their current points of view.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.63,0:02:57.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Depending on what\Nthey emphasize or minimize,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.08,0:02:58.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what they leave in, what they leave out,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.02,0:03:01.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what they see and want me to see,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.06,0:03:03.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they tell their stories\Nin a particular way.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.76,0:03:06.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The psychologist Jerome Bruner\Ndescribed this beautifully -- he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.02,0:03:11.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"To tell a story is, inescapably,\Nto take a moral stance."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.54,0:03:14.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All of us walk around\Nwith stories about our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.20,0:03:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why choices were made,\Nwhy things went wrong,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.66,0:03:18.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why we treated someone a certain way --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.56,0:03:20.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because obviously, they deserved it --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.58,0:03:22.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why someone treated us a certain way --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.54,0:03:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though, obviously, we didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.30,0:03:27.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stories are the way\Nwe make sense of our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.28,0:03:29.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what happens when the stories we tell
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.99,0:03:33.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are misleading or incomplete\Nor just wrong?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.51,0:03:36.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, instead of providing clarity,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.21,0:03:38.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these stories keep us stuck.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.09,0:03:41.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We assume that our circumstances\Nshape our stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.81,0:03:43.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what I found time and again in my work
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.86,0:03:45.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that the exact opposite happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.84,0:03:49.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The way we narrate our lives\Nshapes what they become.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.57,0:03:52.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the danger of our stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.17,0:03:53.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they can really mess us up,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.88,0:03:55.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's also their power.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.14,0:03:58.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because what it means\Nis that if we can change our stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.15,0:04:00.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then we can change our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.23,0:04:02.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And today, I want to show you how.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.20,0:04:05.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I told you I'm a therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.06,0:04:07.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I really am, I'm not being\Nan unreliable narrator.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.96,0:04:10.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if I'm, let's say, on an airplane,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.18,0:04:12.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and someone asks what I do,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.09,0:04:14.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I usually say I'm an editor.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.59,0:04:17.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I say that partly\Nbecause if I say I'm a therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.19,0:04:20.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I always get some awkward response, like,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.20,0:04:21.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, a therapist.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.90,0:04:24.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you going to psychoanalyze me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.07,0:04:25.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm thinking, "A : no,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.66,0:04:28.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and B: why would I do that here?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.08,0:04:29.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I said I was a gynecologist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.61,0:04:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would you ask if I were\Nabout to give you a pelvic exam?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.30,0:04:34.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.78,0:04:37.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the main reason I say I'm an editor
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.07,0:04:38.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is because it's true.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.62,0:04:41.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, it's the job of all therapists\Nto help people edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.32,0:04:44.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what's interesting\Nabout my specific role as Dear Therapist
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.46,0:04:47.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that when I edit,\NI'm not just editing for one person.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.17,0:04:49.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm trying to teach a whole group\Nof readers how to edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.87,0:04:51.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,using one letter each week as the example.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.90,0:04:53.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm thinking about things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.57,0:04:55.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What material is extraneous?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.37,0:04:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Is the protagonist moving forward\Nor going in circles,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.64,0:05:01.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are the supporting characters important\Nor are they a distraction?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.81,0:05:03.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Do the plot points reveal a theme?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.28,0:05:05.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what I've noticed
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.86,0:05:09.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that most people's stories\Ntend to circle around two key themes.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.88,0:05:11.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first is freedom,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.38,0:05:13.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the second is change.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.18,0:05:14.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.43,0:05:16.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those are the themes that I start with.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.55,0:05:19.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, let's take a look\Nat freedom for a second.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.27,0:05:22.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our stories about freedom go like this:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.05,0:05:23.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we believe, in general,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.94,0:05:27.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we have an enormous\Namount of freedom.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.89,0:05:29.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Except when it comes\Nto the problem at hand,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.100,0:05:32.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which case, suddenly,\Nwe feel like we have none.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.52,0:05:35.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Many of our stories\Nare about feeling trapped, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.20,0:05:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We feel imprisoned\Nby our families, our jobs,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.70,0:05:39.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our relationships, our pasts.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.18,0:05:43.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes, we even imprison ourselves\Nwith a narrative of self-flagellation --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.87,0:05:45.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know you guys all know these stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.78,0:05:48.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The "everyone's life\Nis better than mine" story,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.05,0:05:49.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,courtesy of social media.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.32,0:05:51.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The "I'm an impostor" story,\Nthe "I'm unlovable" story,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.92,0:05:54.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the "nothing will ever\Nwork out for me" story.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.14,0:05:56.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The "when I say, 'Hey, Siri, '\Nand she doesn't answer,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.70,0:05:58.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that means she hates me" story.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.24,0:06:00.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see you, see, I'm not the only one.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.11,0:06:03.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The woman who wrote me that letter,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.04,0:06:04.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she also feels trapped.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.95,0:06:07.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If she stays with her husband,\Nshe'll never trust him again,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.82,0:06:10.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if she leaves,\Nher children will suffer.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.62,0:06:13.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, there's a cartoon\Nthat I think is a perfect example
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.52,0:06:16.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of what's really going on\Nin these stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.07,0:06:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The cartoon shows a prisoner\Nshaking the bars,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.50,0:06:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,desperately trying to get out.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.54,0:06:22.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But on the right and the left, it's open.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.76,0:06:24.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No bars.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.54,0:06:26.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The prisoner isn't in jail.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.55,0:06:28.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's most of us.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.75,0:06:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We feel completely trapped,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.38,0:06:32.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stuck in our emotional jail cells.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.50,0:06:34.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we don't walk\Naround the bars to freedom
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.64,0:06:36.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we know there's a catch.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.80,0:06:39.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Freedom comes with responsibility.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.38,0:06:43.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we take responsibility\Nfor our role in the story,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.25,0:06:45.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we might just have to change.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.40,0:06:48.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's the other common theme\Nthat I see in our stories: change.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.66,0:06:50.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those stories sound like this:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.16,0:06:52.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a person says, "I want to change."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.39,0:06:54.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what they really mean is,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.38,0:06:57.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I want another character\Nin the story to change."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.05,0:06:59.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Therapists describe this dilemma as:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.81,0:07:02.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If the queen had balls,\Nshe'd be the king."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.34,0:07:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.52,0:07:04.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.55,0:07:06.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes no sense, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.50,0:07:09.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why wouldn't we want the protagonist,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.51,0:07:11.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's the hero of the story, to change?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.94,0:07:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it might be because change,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.59,0:07:15.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even really positive change,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.34,0:07:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,involves a surprising amount of loss.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.96,0:07:19.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loss of the familiar.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.59,0:07:22.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if the familiar is unpleasant\Nor utterly miserable,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.95,0:07:25.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at least we know the characters\Nand setting and plot,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.46,0:07:27.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right down to the recurring\Ndialogue in this story.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.90,0:07:29.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You never do the laundry!"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.24,0:07:30.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I did it last time!"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.47,0:07:31.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, yeah? When?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.66,0:07:33.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's something oddly comforting
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.42,0:07:35.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about knowing exactly\Nhow the story is going to go
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.79,0:07:37.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,every single time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.75,0:07:41.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To write a new chapter\Nis to venture into the unknown.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.29,0:07:43.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's to stare at a blank page.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.52,0:07:45.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as any writer will tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.10,0:07:47.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's nothing more terrifying\Nthan a blank page.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.05,0:07:49.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But here's the thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.51,0:07:51.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once we edit our story,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.56,0:07:54.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the next chapter\Nbecomes much easier to write.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.04,0:07:58.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We talk so much in our culture\Nabout getting to know ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.35,0:08:01.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But part of getting to know yourself\Nis to unknow yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.96,0:08:05.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To let go of the one version of the story\Nyou've been telling yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.58,0:08:07.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that you can live your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.43,0:08:09.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not the story\Nthat you've been telling yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.85,0:08:10.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.47,0:08:14.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's how we walk around those bars.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.87,0:08:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I want to go back to the letter\Nfrom the woman, about the affair.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.24,0:08:20.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She asked me what she should do.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.37,0:08:22.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I have this word\Ntaped up in my office:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.85,0:08:24.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ultracrepidarianism.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.86,0:08:29.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The habit of giving advice or opinions\Noutside of one's knowledge or competence.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.47,0:08:30.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a great word, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.78,0:08:32.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can use it in all different contexts,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.76,0:08:35.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure you will be using it\Nafter this TED Talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.20,0:08:38.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I use it because it reminds me\Nthat as a therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.13,0:08:40.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can help people to sort out\Nwhat they want to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.54,0:08:43.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I can't make\Ntheir life choices for them.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.33,0:08:45.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Only you can write your story,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.97,0:08:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all you need are some tools.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.10,0:08:49.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what I want to do
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.42,0:08:52.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is I want to edit this woman's letter\Ntogether, right here,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.23,0:08:55.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a way to show\Nhow we can all revise our stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.58,0:08:57.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to start by asking you
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.77,0:09:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to think of a story\Nthat you're telling yourself right now
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.23,0:09:03.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that might not be serving you well.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.38,0:09:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It might be about a circumstance\Nyou're experiencing,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.47,0:09:08.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it might be about a person in your life,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.92,0:09:10.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it might even be about yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.37,0:09:14.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want you to look\Nat the supporting characters.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.33,0:09:16.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who are the people who are helping you
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.18,0:09:19.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to uphold the wrong version of this story?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.78,0:09:22.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For instance, if the woman\Nwho wrote me that letter
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.22,0:09:23.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,told her friends what happened,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.76,0:09:26.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they would probably offer her\Nwhat's called "idiot compassion."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.79,0:09:29.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, in idiot compassion,\Nwe go along with the story,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.32,0:09:31.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we say, "You're right, that's so unfair,"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.70,0:09:34.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when a friend tells us that he didn't\Nget the promotion he wanted,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.83,0:09:37.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though we know this has happened\Nseveral times before
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.63,0:09:39.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because he doesn't really\Nput in the effort,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.70,0:09:41.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he probably\Nalso steals office supplies.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.79,0:09:42.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.81,0:09:45.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We say, "Yeah, you're right, he's a jerk,"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.38,0:09:48.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when a friend tells us\Nthat her boyfriend broke up with her,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.40,0:09:50.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though we know\Nthat there are certain ways
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.63,0:09:52.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she tends to behave in relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.44,0:09:55.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the incessant texting\Nor the going through his drawers,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.29,0:09:56.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that tend to lead to this outcome.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.01,0:09:58.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We see the problem, it's like,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.68,0:10:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if a fight breaks out\Nin every bar you're going to,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.11,0:10:02.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it might be you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.28,0:10:04.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.57,0:10:08.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In order to be good editors,\Nwe need to offer wise compassion,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.29,0:10:10.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just to our friends, but to ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.82,0:10:13.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what's called --\NI think the technical term might be --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.79,0:10:16.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"delivering compassionate truth bombs."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.60,0:10:18.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And these truth bombs are compassionate,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.55,0:10:21.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they help us to see\Nwhat we've left out of the story.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.46,0:10:22.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The truth is,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.64,0:10:25.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't know if this woman's husband\Nis having an affair,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.39,0:10:28.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or why their sex life\Nchanged two years ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.16,0:10:31.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or what those late-night\Nphone calls are really about.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.31,0:10:33.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it might be\Nthat because of her history,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.44,0:10:36.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she's writing a singular\Nstory of betrayal,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.08,0:10:37.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but there's probably something else
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.01,0:10:40.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that she's not willing\Nto let me, in her letter,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.97,0:10:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or maybe even herself, to see.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.72,0:10:46.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like that guy\Nwho's taking a Rorschach test.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.05,0:10:47.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You all know what Rorschach tests are?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.93,0:10:50.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A psychologist shows you some ink blots,\Nthey look like that,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.94,0:10:53.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and asks, "What do you see?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.86,0:10:56.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the guy looks\Nat his ink blot and he says,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.36,0:10:59.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well, I definitely don't see blood."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.25,0:11:02.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the examiner says,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.94,0:11:06.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Alright, tell me what else\Nyou definitely don't see."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.20,0:11:09.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In writing, this is called point of view.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.53,0:11:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is the narrator not willing to see?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.31,0:11:15.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I want to read you one more letter.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.37,0:11:18.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it goes like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.44,0:11:22.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Dear Therapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.28,0:11:25.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need help with my wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.20,0:11:27.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lately, everything I do irritates her,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.13,0:11:30.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even small things, like the noise\NI make when I chew.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.79,0:11:31.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At breakfast,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.100,0:11:35.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I noticed that she even tries\Nto secretly put extra milk in my granola
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.33,0:11:36.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it won't be as crunchy."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.64,0:11:38.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.05,0:11:42.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I feel like she became critical of me\Nafter my father died two years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.18,0:11:43.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was very close with him,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.48,0:11:45.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and her father left when she was young,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.40,0:11:47.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so she couldn't relate\Nto what I was going through.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.98,0:11:50.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a friend at work\Nwhose father died a few months ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.84,0:11:52.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and who understands my grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.55,0:11:55.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish I could talk to my wife\Nlike I talk to my friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.66,0:11:58.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I feel like she barely\Ntolerates me now.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.42,0:12:00.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How can I get my wife back?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.90,0:12:02.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.54,0:12:04.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what you probably picked up on
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.93,0:12:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that this is the same story\NI read you earlier,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.88,0:12:10.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just told from another\Nnarrator's point of view.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.47,0:12:12.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her story was about\Na husband who's cheating,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.90,0:12:16.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his story is about a wife\Nwho can't understand his grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.74,0:12:20.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what's remarkable,\Nis that for all of their differences,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.08,0:12:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what both of these stories are about\Nis a longing for connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.40,0:12:26.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we can get out\Nof the first-person narration
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.81,0:12:29.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and write the story\Nfrom another character's perspective,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.55,0:12:32.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suddenly that other character\Nbecomes much more sympathetic,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.45,0:12:34.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the plot opens up.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.92,0:12:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the hardest step\Nin the editing process,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.74,0:12:40.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's also where change begins.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.36,0:12:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would happen\Nif you looked at your story
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.93,0:12:46.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wrote it from another\Nperson's point of view?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.24,0:12:50.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What would you see now\Nfrom this wider perspective?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.57,0:12:53.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why, when I see people\Nwho are depressed,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.83,0:12:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I sometimes say,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.01,0:12:58.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You are not the best person\Nto talk to you about you right now,"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.15,0:13:01.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because depression distorts our stories\Nin a very particular way.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.25,0:13:02.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It narrows our perspectives.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.83,0:13:06.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The same is true when we feel\Nlonely or hurt or rejected.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.18,0:13:07.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We create all kinds of stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.83,0:13:09.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,distorted through a very narrow lens
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.63,0:13:11.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we don't even know\Nwe're looking through.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.26,0:13:16.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, we've effectively become\Nour own fake-news broadcasters.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.06,0:13:18.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a confession to make.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.58,0:13:22.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote the husband's version\Nof the letter I read you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.62,0:13:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have no idea how much time I spent
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.47,0:13:26.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,debating between granola\Nand pita chips, by the way.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.93,0:13:30.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote it based on all\Nof the alternative narratives
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.09,0:13:31.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I've seen over the years,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.56,0:13:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just in my therapy practice,\Nbut also in my column.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.30,0:13:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When it's happened
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.56,0:13:38.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that two people involved\Nin the same situation
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.83,0:13:41.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have written to me,\Nunbeknownst to the other,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.33,0:13:43.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I have two versions of the same story
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.35,0:13:44.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sitting in my inbox.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.12,0:13:46.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That really has happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.48,0:13:50.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know what the other version\Nof this woman's letter is,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.43,0:13:51.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I do know this:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.92,0:13:53.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she has to write it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.66,0:13:55.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because with a courageous edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.73,0:13:59.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she'll write a much more nuanced version\Nof her letter that she wrote to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.55,0:14:02.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if her husband\Nis having an affair of any kind --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.20,0:14:03.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and maybe he is --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.96,0:14:07.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she doesn't need to know\Nwhat the plot is yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.67,0:14:10.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because just by virtue of doing an edit,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.58,0:14:13.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she'll have so many more possibilities\Nfor what the plot can become.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.85,0:14:18.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, sometimes it happens\Nthat I see people who are really stuck,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.43,0:14:21.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're really invested\Nin their stuckness.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.70,0:14:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We call them help-rejecting complainers.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.30,0:14:25.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure you know people like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.00,0:14:29.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're the people who,\Nwhen you try to offer them a suggestion,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.08,0:14:33.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they reject it with, "Yeah, no,\Nthat will never work, because ..."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.38,0:14:37.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yeah, no, that's impossible,\Nbecause I can't do that."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.72,0:14:41.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yeah, I really want more friends,\Nbut people are just so annoying."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.95,0:14:43.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.02,0:14:45.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What they're really rejecting
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.82,0:14:49.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is an edit to their story\Nof misery and stuckness.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.88,0:14:53.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, with these people,\NI usually take a different approach.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:53.12,0:14:55.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what I do is I say something else.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.80,0:14:57.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I say to them,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.83,0:14:59.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We're all going to die."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.41,0:15:03.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I bet you're really glad\NI'm not your therapist right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.63,0:15:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because they look back at me
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.01,0:15:07.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way you're looking back\Nat me right now,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.10,0:15:08.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with this look of utter confusion.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.78,0:15:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I explain that there's a story
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.90,0:15:13.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that gets written\Nabout all of us, eventually.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.70,0:15:15.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called an obituary.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.18,0:15:20.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I say that instead of being\Nauthors of our own unhappiness,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.62,0:15:23.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we get to shape these stories\Nwhile we're still alive.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.59,0:15:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We get to be the hero\Nand not the victim in our stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.24,0:15:30.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we get to choose what goes on the page\Nthat lives in our minds
Dialogue: 0,0:15:30.17,0:15:31.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and shapes our realities.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.67,0:15:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tell them that life is about deciding\Nwhich stories to listen to
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.56,0:15:38.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and which ones need an edit.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.27,0:15:41.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that it's worth the effort\Nto go through a revision
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.31,0:15:44.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because there's nothing more important\Nto the quality of our lives
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.50,0:15:46.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than the stories\Nwe tell ourselves about them.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:46.70,0:15:50.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I say that when it comes\Nto the stories of our lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.07,0:15:53.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we should be aiming for our own\Npersonal Pulitzer Prize.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.97,0:15:56.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, most of us aren't\Nhelp-rejecting complainers,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.87,0:15:59.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or at least we don't believe we are.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.24,0:16:01.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's a role\Nthat is so easy to slip into
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.90,0:16:05.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we feel anxious\Nor angry or vulnerable.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.13,0:16:07.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the next time\Nyou're struggling with something,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.72,0:16:09.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,remember,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.17,0:16:10.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're all going to die.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.72,0:16:12.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.17,0:16:14.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then pull out your editing tools
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.70,0:16:16.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ask yourself:
Dialogue: 0,0:16:16.34,0:16:19.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what do I want my story to be?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.51,0:16:23.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, go write your masterpiece.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.29,0:16:25.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.48,0:16:28.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)