WEBVTT 00:00:03.276 --> 00:00:03.896 >> Stop crying 00:00:03.906 --> 00:00:04.740 >> Stop with the tears 00:00:04.852 --> 00:00:05.492 >> Don't cry 00:00:05.492 --> 00:00:06.229 >> Pick yourself up 00:00:06.229 --> 00:00:07.143 >> Stop with the emotions 00:00:07.143 --> 00:00:07.912 >> Don't be a pussy 00:00:07.912 --> 00:00:08.859 >> Don't let nobody disrespect you 00:00:08.859 --> 00:00:09.656 >> Be cool 00:00:09.656 --> 00:00:10.702 >> And be kind of a dick 00:00:10.702 --> 00:00:11.262 >> Always keep your mouth shut 00:00:11.272 --> 00:00:12.397 >> Nobody likes a tattle-tale 00:00:12.397 --> 00:00:13.736 >> Bros come before hoes 00:00:13.736 --> 00:00:15.149 >> Don't let your woman run your life. 00:00:15.149 --> 00:00:15.759 >> You're a bitch. 00:00:15.759 --> 00:00:16.645 >> What a fag. 00:00:16.645 --> 00:00:17.229 >> Get laid. 00:00:17.229 --> 00:00:17.909 >> Do something. 00:00:17.909 --> 00:00:18.381 >> Be a man. 00:00:18.381 --> 00:00:18.868 >> Be a man! 00:00:18.868 --> 00:00:20.577 >> Grow some balls! 00:00:26.234 --> 00:00:28.194 >> The 3 most destructive words 00:00:28.194 --> 00:00:31.205 that every man receives when he is a boy, 00:00:31.212 --> 00:00:32.954 is when he's told to be a man. 00:00:33.145 --> 00:00:35.369 >> We've constructed an idea of masculinity 00:00:35.369 --> 00:00:36.312 in the United States 00:00:36.312 --> 00:00:38.504 that doesn't give young boys 00:00:38.518 --> 00:00:41.064 a way to feel secure in their masculinity. 00:00:41.064 --> 00:00:42.986 So, we make 'em go prove it all the time. 00:00:43.309 --> 00:00:44.887 >> Within their peer group culture 00:00:44.887 --> 00:00:46.052 each of them is posturing 00:00:46.061 --> 00:00:48.279 based on how the other boys are posturing, 00:00:48.279 --> 00:00:49.445 and what they end up missing 00:00:49.463 --> 00:00:51.201 is what they each really want, 00:00:51.503 --> 00:00:52.606 which is just that closeness. 00:00:53.824 --> 00:00:55.439 >> In good times guys are, 00:00:55.439 --> 00:00:56.780 like, really close to each other, 00:00:56.780 --> 00:00:58.590 but when things get a little bit worse 00:00:58.590 --> 00:00:59.512 you're on your own. 00:01:00.100 --> 00:01:01.155 >> From middle school 00:01:01.155 --> 00:01:02.684 I had four really close friends. 00:01:02.696 --> 00:01:04.273 Once I went kind of went into high school, 00:01:04.273 --> 00:01:05.938 I struggled finding people I can talk to 00:01:05.938 --> 00:01:08.535 because I feel like I'm not supposed to get help. 00:01:09.025 --> 00:01:10.619 >> Our kids get up every morning. 00:01:10.619 --> 00:01:11.755 They have to prepare their mask 00:01:11.755 --> 00:01:13.793 for how they're going to walk to school. 00:01:13.793 --> 00:01:15.127 A lot of our students don't know how 00:01:15.141 --> 00:01:16.339 to take the mask off. 00:01:16.369 --> 00:01:17.707 What is it you don't let people see? 00:01:18.303 --> 00:01:21.592 Almost 90% of you have pain and anger 00:01:21.592 --> 00:01:23.092 on the back of that paper. 00:01:23.717 --> 00:01:24.590 >> If you never cry 00:01:24.598 --> 00:01:26.148 then you have all these feelings 00:01:26.148 --> 00:01:27.599 stuffed up inside of you, 00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:29.283 and then you can't get them out. 00:01:29.283 --> 00:01:30.961 >> They really buy into a culture 00:01:30.977 --> 00:01:32.533 that doesn't value what we feminized. 00:01:32.975 --> 00:01:34.704 If we're in a culture that doesn't value caring, 00:01:35.217 --> 00:01:36.886 doesn't value relationships, 00:01:36.886 --> 00:01:38.414 doesn't value empathy, 00:01:38.414 --> 00:01:40.541 you are going to have boys and girls, 00:01:40.544 --> 00:01:42.173 men and women go crazy. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:43.214 --> 00:01:45.207 >> I had anger issues in high school. 00:01:45.207 --> 00:01:46.511 I felt like an outcast. 00:01:46.511 --> 00:01:48.445 I've been suspended at least once 00:01:48.445 --> 00:01:49.824 every year I was here. 00:01:49.824 --> 00:01:50.958 We would just look for trouble 00:01:51.285 --> 00:01:52.562 and just like, try to fight. 00:01:53.029 --> 00:01:54.801 >> Boys are more likely to act out, 00:01:54.801 --> 00:01:56.782 they're more likely to become aggressive. 00:01:56.782 --> 00:01:59.007 Most people miss that as depression, 00:01:59.007 --> 00:02:01.262 or see it as a conduct disorder, 00:02:01.262 --> 00:02:02.592 or just a bad kid. 00:02:05.808 --> 00:02:08.387 >> I felt like just giving up on life, you know, 00:02:08.387 --> 00:02:10.239 see I had suicide thoughts 00:02:10.239 --> 00:02:11.352 in my head in sixth grade. 00:02:11.784 --> 00:02:14.891 >> I felt alone for-for a long time, 00:02:14.891 --> 00:02:17.298 and I actually thought about killing myself. 00:02:20.066 --> 00:02:21.514 >> Whether it's homicidal violence, 00:02:21.514 --> 00:02:22.785 or suicidal violence, 00:02:22.785 --> 00:02:25.087 people resort to such desperate behavior, 00:02:25.228 --> 00:02:26.168 only when they are feeling 00:02:26.168 --> 00:02:27.748 shamed and humiliated, 00:02:27.914 --> 00:02:29.342 or feel they would be 00:02:29.342 --> 00:02:31.991 if they didn't prove that they were real men. 00:02:32.794 --> 00:02:34.451 >> If you're told from day one 00:02:34.451 --> 00:02:36.264 'don't let nobody disrespect you', 00:02:36.264 --> 00:02:38.640 and 'this is the way you handle it as a man', 00:02:38.640 --> 00:02:40.750 respect is linked to violence. 00:02:41.657 --> 00:02:43.466 >> If I can man up, 00:02:43.466 --> 00:02:44.720 why step down from that, 00:02:44.720 --> 00:02:45.794 you feel me? 00:02:45.794 --> 00:02:46.976 >> It's like instinct. 00:02:50.735 --> 00:02:51.461 >> So man up! 00:02:51.461 --> 00:02:51.902 >> Man up. 00:02:51.902 --> 00:02:52.364 >> Man up. 00:02:52.364 --> 00:02:52.656 >> Man up. 00:02:52.656 --> 00:02:53.993 >> Grow some fucking balls! 00:02:53.993 --> 00:02:54.812 >> Act like a man. 00:02:54.812 --> 00:02:55.631 >> Be a man. 00:02:55.631 --> 00:02:56.451 >> Be a man! 00:02:56.963 --> 00:02:57.924 >> For my kids, 00:02:57.924 --> 00:02:58.928 I was gonna end this 00:02:58.928 --> 00:03:01.083 hyper masculine narrative here.