[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.56,0:00:11.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, we are the most distracted society\Nthat has ever existed.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.04,0:00:14.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, we are distracted\Nevery three minutes of the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.62,0:00:16.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what's even more interesting than that
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.78,0:00:19.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that the University\Nof California, Irvine, states
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.26,0:00:21.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it takes us 15 minutes\Nto get back on track.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.90,0:00:26.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We swipe, scroll, tap, touch our phones\Nover 3,000 times a day,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.97,0:00:30.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and nine is the average windows or apps\Nopen at any given time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.70,0:00:33.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yet we crave more time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.03,0:00:38.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, we invent systems to keep us on task,\Non track, on time, in the black.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.25,0:00:40.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We use our devices,\Nour wearables, our apps -
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.89,0:00:44.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,any software to make us more productive.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.44,0:00:49.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The funny thing is we still complain about\Nbeing time-starved and time-deprived.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.89,0:00:54.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many of you have caught yourself\Nsaying, "I wish I had more time"?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.25,0:00:56.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I wish I could make more time"?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.62,0:00:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I want to challenge that,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.10,0:01:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want to arm you\Nwith some new vocabulary.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.96,0:01:04.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'd love for you to replace\Nthe "I wish I had more time"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.37,0:01:07.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with "I want to create capacity."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.22,0:01:10.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Capacity is entrenched in our values.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.92,0:01:12.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is the long game.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.31,0:01:15.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is fueled by passion,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.12,0:01:16.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is supported by energy
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.84,0:01:19.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and results in fulfillment.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.16,0:01:20.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one can't live without the other,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.92,0:01:25.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because if you only had passion,\Nyou probably wouldn't get very much done.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.35,0:01:30.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you only had energy, you would be\Noverwhelmed and overcommitted.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.28,0:01:36.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you only focused on fulfillment,\Nyour passions might be a little shallow.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.95,0:01:42.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Human behavior is so interesting\Nto observe, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.99,0:01:46.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think about yourselves at a bookended day,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.50,0:01:50.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,backed by meetings after meetings\Nafter meetings and commitments.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.69,0:01:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how we react is we try\Nto crawl out of this crevice.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.10,0:01:57.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're squeezed for time.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.26,0:02:00.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this climb is exhausting.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.69,0:02:04.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But some people will say,\N"Mel, I am great at multitasking."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.21,0:02:06.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many of you would say\Nyou're great at multitasking?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.78,0:02:08.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Raise your hand right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.47,0:02:09.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fantastic.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.47,0:02:13.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I don't have\Nfantastic news for you, actually.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.14,0:02:14.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.32,0:02:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Multitasking is actually\Ncreating some havoc.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.59,0:02:24.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This woman here -\NI asked my eight-year-old,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.06,0:02:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "What do you see in this picture?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.22,0:02:31.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "Mom, I see a woman\Ndoing the splits, reading a book
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.51,0:02:32.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and making a movie."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.69,0:02:34.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Okay."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.16,0:02:36.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then she said, "But Mom,\Nshe doesn't look very happy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.83,0:02:39.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She should be doing one thing."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.48,0:02:41.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like, mind-blown!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.44,0:02:43.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,#MomForTheWin. Right?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.26,0:02:44.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was a fantastic.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.38,0:02:48.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I said to my husband, I said,\N"Hon, what do you see in this picture?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.21,0:02:49.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.11,0:02:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"A woman."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.09,0:02:55.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I will not deconstruct\Nthat answer right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.32,0:02:57.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We will save that for later.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.18,0:02:59.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the point is that multitasking\Nand task-switching
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.90,0:03:02.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is actually making us dumb!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.32,0:03:05.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is decreasing our IQ by 15 points.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.46,0:03:09.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is actually like operating\Non a sleepless night.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.69,0:03:13.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is like getting an eight-year-old\Nto write the most important email.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.80,0:03:15.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And would we do that?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.61,0:03:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.62,0:03:18.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not what we want to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.08,0:03:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of people will say,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.29,0:03:23.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know what, Mel,\Nthis is how I operate.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.45,0:03:25.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Multitasking, I'm used to doing it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.31,0:03:26.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.34,0:03:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I can't get rid of any of these things\Nbecause they're all obligations."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.57,0:03:34.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I challenge back softly, and I say,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.12,0:03:38.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You have capacity.\NIt's just being eroded somewhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.49,0:03:40.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we need to find that erosion."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.72,0:03:44.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the main culprits\Nfor these capacity thieves
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.36,0:03:46.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is our addiction to notifications.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.93,0:03:51.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And our addiction to notifications\Nis killing us slowly.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.36,0:03:54.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Research is actually telling us\Nthat the addiction to the notification,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.75,0:03:56.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the disappointment and the anticipation
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.73,0:04:02.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is creating an excess of stress hormone\Nand cortisol in our bodies
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.38,0:04:04.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that our bodies can't\Nbreak down fast enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.62,0:04:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Therefore, it's depleting\Nour cells and our tissues.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.42,0:04:10.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is not the way\Nwe should be operating,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.77,0:04:14.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we need to take note\Nof where we are distracted.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.11,0:04:16.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a quick story\Nabout how I was overcapacitating,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.77,0:04:19.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was overcommitted and overwhelmed
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.53,0:04:21.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and addicted to adrenaline
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.65,0:04:23.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and coffee,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.37,0:04:24.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,loads of coffee.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.86,0:04:28.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I found myself at my doctor's\Nmore often than I would want to admit
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.64,0:04:32.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I was experiencing symptoms\Nthat I had never experienced before:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.38,0:04:38.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,acute nosebleeds, skin issues,\Nhair loss, migraines, cellulitis.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.28,0:04:42.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I went back\Nto the doctor's one last time,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.43,0:04:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she looked at me,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.44,0:04:46.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then she looked at her notepad,\Nand she wrote ... something,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.66,0:04:47.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,handed it to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.89,0:04:48.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I read it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.94,0:04:53.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it said, "This patient is disabled\Nfrom all duties for one month."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.30,0:04:56.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I wanted to refute it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.08,0:04:58.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I wanted to contest it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.03,0:04:59.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.38,0:05:01.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took it back.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.29,0:05:02.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The world works in strange ways
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.77,0:05:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because that day on my way home,\NI received a phone call
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.62,0:05:09.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was probably one of the best\Nphone calls I had ever received,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.05,0:05:13.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the message was that I had been\Nthe recipient of a 40 Under 40 award.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.20,0:05:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was ecstatic, but I was conflicted.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.90,0:05:21.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the world had just rewarded me\Nfor overcapacitating.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.99,0:05:24.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I immediately called\Nthe doctor's office back
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.24,0:05:26.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and negotiated one week\Ninstead of one month.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.35,0:05:27.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.35,0:05:29.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I took that week,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.02,0:05:31.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in deep self-reflection,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.73,0:05:35.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really took a deep look\Nat how I was operating
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.38,0:05:37.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how I needed to change.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.65,0:05:38.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I knew
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.66,0:05:42.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't want to be at the mercy of other\Npeople's commitments or requests,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.19,0:05:43.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't want to go home
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.55,0:05:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hoping I would have enough energy\Nto read my kids a book
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.33,0:05:50.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without wanting to take a nap instead.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.10,0:05:51.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I did something.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.88,0:05:55.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In deep self-reflection, I create.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.49,0:05:58.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I created a structure,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.76,0:06:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I knew I wasn't the only one\Nsuffering from this.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.43,0:06:03.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew there was other people\Nthat could benefit
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.67,0:06:07.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for something that I could learn\Nfrom all of these experiences.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.09,0:06:09.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so after research and observation
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.01,0:06:12.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and discussion and listening to people\Nand how they were talking about time,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.93,0:06:16.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I discovered that there were four states\Nof capacity that we operate in
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.30,0:06:18.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at any given time.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.37,0:06:22.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's not based on personality.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.03,0:06:23.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not based on IQ.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.24,0:06:25.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not based on your left brain\Nor your right brain.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.78,0:06:28.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's simply the decisions that we make
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.62,0:06:31.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that make us operate\Nin one of these states of capacity.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.06,0:06:33.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are four.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.17,0:06:35.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it will take you\Non a bit of a journey,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.23,0:06:37.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which could be a typical trajectory
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.56,0:06:41.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of how someone can actually\Nfluidly flow through
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.85,0:06:44.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these four states of capacity.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.41,0:06:49.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have indulgent, fatigued,\Nreserved and maximized.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.32,0:06:51.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's start with indulgent, shall we?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.77,0:06:54.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Indulgent state of capacity\Nis where we say yes;
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.37,0:06:56.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's where we're addicted\Nto the adrenaline.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.43,0:06:58.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's where we want to validate our talent.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.74,0:07:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's where we say yes a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.98,0:07:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when we say yes too much,\Nwe become overcommitted and overwhelmed,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.42,0:07:06.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when we're not\Ntaking care of ourselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.85,0:07:08.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,many of you will know
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.26,0:07:10.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that this happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.06,0:07:14.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the second state of capacity,\Nwhich is fatigued and it's burnout.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.07,0:07:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is not where we want to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.69,0:07:18.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because a reboot is clearly in order.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.16,0:07:20.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to resign\Nfrom some of these habits.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.22,0:07:26.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have no capacity to give\Nto anyone or anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.32,0:07:29.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Burnout, actually,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.21,0:07:33.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is something that has just\Nbeen deemed a medical condition
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.34,0:07:38.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the [World] Health\NOrganization just last week.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.16,0:07:42.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Very interesting, but very scary\Nat the same time.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.34,0:07:45.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we want to emerge from this;\Nwe want to get out of this state.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.38,0:07:46.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We want to move to another state,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.95,0:07:49.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this is the third one\Ncalled the reserved state of capacity.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.97,0:07:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, a couple of different\Nthings can happen here
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.26,0:07:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because this is where\Nwe have now restored our capacity,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.89,0:07:57.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we're very hesitant to give it away
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.13,0:08:00.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we don't want\Nto end up back in fatigued.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.07,0:08:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's also a place where\Nwe can do restorative activities
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.86,0:08:06.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to maintain,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.16,0:08:08.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to build capacity.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.82,0:08:10.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where we really want\Nto spend most of our time
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.96,0:08:12.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is in the fourth state,\Nand it's maximized.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.96,0:08:16.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is where we say yes with discernment\Nand no without guilt.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.52,0:08:19.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is where we're connected to our why.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.36,0:08:21.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is where we want to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.03,0:08:23.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is where we want\Nto spend most of our time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.68,0:08:24.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a business professor,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.85,0:08:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I teach time management,\Nprioritization, decision making,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.98,0:08:31.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but as a student,\NI never learnt about capacity,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.50,0:08:32.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so I teach it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.88,0:08:34.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's important.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.63,0:08:39.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are so good at booking ourselves\Nback to back to back.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.15,0:08:43.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Any space we can find\Nin the calendar, we might book.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.99,0:08:50.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wish is for that the next generation\Nto avoid being diagnosed with burnout,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.84,0:08:54.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be able to stand\Non their two feet firmly,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.51,0:08:57.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,centered in their values,\Ndiscerning in their decisions
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.91,0:09:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and respecting their capacity.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.48,0:09:05.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you and I\Nto be able to use new language.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.63,0:09:07.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want us to be able to tell each other
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.76,0:09:11.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm sorry, I don't have\Nthe capacity for that right now."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.88,0:09:13.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's different.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.38,0:09:14.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a shift.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.30,0:09:17.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a mutual understanding.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.08,0:09:23.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Simply put, capacity is the ability\Nto say yes to something,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.35,0:09:24.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wholeheartedly,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.67,0:09:28.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but also knowing you have to say no\Nto something else.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.59,0:09:29.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[YES. NO]
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.59,0:09:32.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You said yes to listening to this today,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.18,0:09:34.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I am eternally grateful.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.83,0:09:39.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you also said no to something else\Nthat you could have been doing today.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.51,0:09:41.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what this is all about.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.41,0:09:44.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's reframing the way\Nwe make commitments.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.14,0:09:46.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So right now,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.16,0:09:50.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to give you an experience\Nof what capacity actually feels like.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.72,0:09:52.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you have these rubber bands,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.68,0:09:55.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want you to put them\Nbetween your two fingers,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.16,0:09:57.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your two index fingers, right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.71,0:10:00.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.17,0:10:02.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is capacity elasticity
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.80,0:10:04.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because our capacity has elastic.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.91,0:10:07.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can stretch our capacity.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.74,0:10:09.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm going to ask you\Na series of questions,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.89,0:10:12.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're going to say yes\Nwhether you want to or not.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.46,0:10:14.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But don't worry, I won't hold you to it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.37,0:10:15.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay? Everybody's with me?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.62,0:10:17.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright. Fantastic. Okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.40,0:10:19.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey, do you think\Nyou can join this committee?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.55,0:10:21.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'd love to have you on this committee.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.46,0:10:22.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.46,0:10:23.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, fantastic.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.46,0:10:25.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At the first meeting,\Ndo you think you can lead it?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.86,0:10:27.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're the best person to do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.49,0:10:28.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.49,0:10:29.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, we need coffee.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.54,0:10:32.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you pick up the coffee\Nbefore we get to that meeting?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.29,0:10:33.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Great, okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.29,0:10:34.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're having a BBQ next weekend.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.82,0:10:36.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd love you to bring your family.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.57,0:10:38.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on over. Right?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.17,0:10:39.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, hey, while you're there,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.55,0:10:42.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have some furniture we need to move,\Nand I'd love for you to help us.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.94,0:10:43.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.94,0:10:45.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your elastic band should be stretched.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.76,0:10:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your fingers should be shaking\Na little bit, okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.96,0:10:51.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is how we walk around\Nwhen we're overcommitted.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.95,0:10:53.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the feeling.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.63,0:10:55.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your faces are a little\Ncontorted right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.68,0:10:58.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not sure if it's because\Nthe band is going to snap -
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.29,0:11:00.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm not responsible for any injuries.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.29,0:11:04.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,However, this is how we walk around,\Nand this is how we show up.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.29,0:11:08.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So release that band\Nand find the right tension.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.67,0:11:12.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when we are intentional\Nabout our capacity,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.00,0:11:14.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a comfortable tension.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.13,0:11:17.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's also a state\Nof being underleveraged
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.33,0:11:19.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when there's not enough tension.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.70,0:11:21.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So pay attention to that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.73,0:11:25.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We make time for groceries!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.59,0:11:27.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We make time for errands!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.05,0:11:30.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We make time for meetings\Nand quick coffees!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.50,0:11:34.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We shouldn't be making time\Nfor moments like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.29,0:11:37.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is where we should be\Ncreating capacity for our loved ones,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.70,0:11:41.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for moments that\Nwe don't get a do-over for.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.75,0:11:44.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is where we need\Nto preserve and pace.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.07,0:11:47.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We measure everything else.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.14,0:11:49.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We measure our calories.\NWe measure our weight.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.34,0:11:51.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We measure our macros,\Nour micros, our bank accounts.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.99,0:11:53.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We measure time.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.68,0:11:59.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But how many of us actually\Nreally consider measuring our capacity?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.23,0:12:01.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like when somebody asks you,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.81,0:12:04.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey, you want to come over\Nfor a party or come to this event?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.91,0:12:08.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you check your calendar\Nand realize you are booked
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.11,0:12:09.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,back to back.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.78,0:12:11.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in some way, you say,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.16,0:12:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know what? I'm busy,\Nbut I'll squeeze you in."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.40,0:12:18.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in some strange way,\Nwe intend to flatter the person
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.03,0:12:19.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by "squeezing them in."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.63,0:12:21.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what we're going to do?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.14,0:12:24.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really want us\Nto challenge that thinking
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.16,0:12:26.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's not flattery at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.62,0:12:31.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the way we show up\Nwhen we're overcommitted.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.48,0:12:35.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many of you can relate to this photo\Nwhenever you show up to an event
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.78,0:12:37.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because you have just\Nran from another event
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.84,0:12:40.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to literally just to try\Nand make the next one,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.86,0:12:42.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the next one,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.26,0:12:43.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the next one?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.69,0:12:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No more showing up like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.79,0:12:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Ego cake]
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.80,0:12:48.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what next?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.81,0:12:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do we do?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.92,0:12:51.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.100,0:12:55.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in time of self-reflection,\NI created something.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.74,0:12:58.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this came from\Na conversation with my mom.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.81,0:13:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the structure is called "ego cake."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.31,0:13:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the name comes\Nfrom discussion that went like this:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.38,0:13:06.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So my mom says to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.84,0:13:10.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she says, "Mel, your life looks\Nlike this decadent dessert table
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.49,0:13:13.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,filled with mouth-watering desserts."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.16,0:13:17.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was like,\N"Yeah, it does. Thank you."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.23,0:13:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then she says, "You have taken a bite\Nout of every single one of them."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.67,0:13:28.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like, alright, where's this going?\NI didn't really expect it to go this way.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.73,0:13:29.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Okay."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.75,0:13:33.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "Which one\Nhave you enjoyed the most?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.43,0:13:37.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't have an answer.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.28,0:13:39.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't know which one\NI had enjoyed the most.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.47,0:13:41.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I couldn't possibly\Nhave enjoyed one of them;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.57,0:13:44.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had taken a bite out of all of them,\Nand I was bloated and full
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.85,0:13:48.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from all of the opportunities\Nthat I had tried to take advantage of.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.06,0:13:50.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was overcommitted.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.26,0:13:53.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, I went back\Nand created a structure
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.65,0:13:56.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that helps us deconstruct\Nour commitment patterns,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.16,0:14:00.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that helps us observe\Nour indulgent behaviors.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.43,0:14:05.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So just like a cake, it has five layers,\Nand it starts from the bottom.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.68,0:14:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Options in abundance leads to stagnation.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.62,0:14:13.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are sold to 24/7.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.55,0:14:16.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Buy this." "Do this." "Be this."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.16,0:14:18.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do we possibly decide?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:19.07,0:14:24.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Distraction is the death\Nof productivity and creativity.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.88,0:14:28.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we are distracted,\Nwe don't do our best work.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.56,0:14:30.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the third layer is resignment.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.18,0:14:32.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it is the juiciest\Nlayer of this structure
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.98,0:14:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because this is where\Nwe get to say no with discernment.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.48,0:14:40.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to resign from the things\Nthat are no longer serving us.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.31,0:14:41.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when we do that,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.61,0:14:44.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it allows us to be more aware\Nof what's in front of us,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.76,0:14:49.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more aware of the opportunities\Nthat bring us joy and fulfill our souls.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.62,0:14:52.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And once we do that,\Nwe have the power to commit,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.66,0:14:54.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is the fifth layer.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.86,0:14:56.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I want you to remember this,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:56.44,0:14:59.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want you to do this\Nanywhere, any place, any time.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.95,0:15:01.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm going to ask you to join me
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.75,0:15:05.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by raising your left hand,\Npalm facing your chest,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.84,0:15:09.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pinkies down, fingers nice and tight.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.27,0:15:10.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.20,0:15:14.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The pinky finger represents options,\Nobligations and opportunities,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.54,0:15:18.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and notice how our pinky is pretty short,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.71,0:15:20.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so choose wisely.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.96,0:15:24.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second layer is our ring finger,\Nand it's about distraction.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.41,0:15:27.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And usually it's adorned\Nby some sort of jewelry,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.01,0:15:29.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's like, oh, wow,\Nthat's really shiny.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.27,0:15:31.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sorry, I got distracted\Nthere for a moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.45,0:15:32.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.67,0:15:34.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then our middle finger\Nis about resignation.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:34.93,0:15:38.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it is by no coincidence\Nit is our middle finger
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.42,0:15:42.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to say no to the things\Nthat are not serving us anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.34,0:15:43.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.36,0:15:45.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the fourth layer is our pointer,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.68,0:15:46.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's awareness,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:46.69,0:15:49.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's about creating and observing
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.02,0:15:53.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and being aware of all\Nof the newfound space we've created
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.51,0:15:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from resignment.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:55.10,0:15:57.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And finally, commitment.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.49,0:16:01.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember that when we are able\Nto say yes to something,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.74,0:16:05.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we also have to say no to something else.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.61,0:16:06.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you so much,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.67,0:16:09.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I trust that you're respecting\Nyour capacity today.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.46,0:16:10.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) (Cheers)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.46,0:16:11.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.