1
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,658
Hi, you guys!

2
00:00:09,429 --> 00:00:11,825
Thank you for
sticking around till the end.

3
00:00:11,849 --> 00:00:12,849
(Laughter)

4
00:00:12,873 --> 00:00:15,508
I told my mom that no one
would be here at the end,

5
00:00:15,532 --> 00:00:18,309
and she promised me
that you guys would, so ...

6
00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:19,666
(Laughter)

7
00:00:20,223 --> 00:00:24,523
OK, so today I want to talk
about how we talk about love.

8
00:00:24,907 --> 00:00:26,057
And specifically,

9
00:00:26,081 --> 00:00:29,516
I want to talk about what's wrong
with how we talk about love.

10
00:00:30,343 --> 00:00:33,750
Most of us will probably
fall in love a few times

11
00:00:33,774 --> 00:00:35,239
over the course of our lives,

12
00:00:35,263 --> 00:00:39,473
and in the English language,
this metaphor, falling,

13
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:42,511
is really the main way that we
talk about that experience.

14
00:00:43,262 --> 00:00:44,413
I don't know about you,

15
00:00:44,437 --> 00:00:46,364
but when I conceptualize this metaphor,

16
00:00:46,388 --> 00:00:49,266
what I picture is straight
out of a cartoon --

17
00:00:49,746 --> 00:00:51,042
like there's a man,

18
00:00:51,066 --> 00:00:52,783
he's walking down the sidewalk,

19
00:00:52,807 --> 00:00:55,919
without realizing it, he crosses
over an open manhole,

20
00:00:55,943 --> 00:00:59,604
and he just plummets into the sewer below.

21
00:00:59,628 --> 00:01:03,708
And I picture it this way
because falling is not jumping.

22
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,471
Falling is accidental,

23
00:01:06,495 --> 00:01:08,397
it's uncontrollable.

24
00:01:08,421 --> 00:01:11,946
It's something that happens to us
without our consent.

25
00:01:11,970 --> 00:01:16,754
And this is the main way we talk
about starting a new relationship.

26
00:01:18,006 --> 00:01:21,773
I am a writer and I'm also
an English teacher,

27
00:01:21,797 --> 00:01:24,082
which means I think
about words for a living.

28
00:01:24,106 --> 00:01:28,256
You could say that I get paid
to argue that the language we use matters,

29
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:32,480
and I would like to argue
that many of the metaphors we use

30
00:01:32,504 --> 00:01:34,071
to talk about love --

31
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:35,918
maybe even most of them --

32
00:01:35,942 --> 00:01:37,343
are a problem.

33
00:01:38,370 --> 00:01:40,263
So, in love, we fall.

34
00:01:41,436 --> 00:01:42,901
We're struck.

35
00:01:42,925 --> 00:01:44,321
We are crushed.

36
00:01:45,001 --> 00:01:46,371
We swoon.

37
00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:48,653
We burn with passion.

38
00:01:49,408 --> 00:01:51,385
Love makes us crazy,

39
00:01:51,409 --> 00:01:52,973
and it makes us sick.

40
00:01:53,466 --> 00:01:54,826
Our hearts ache,

41
00:01:54,850 --> 00:01:56,856
and then they break.

42
00:01:57,896 --> 00:02:01,040
So our metaphors equate
the experience of loving someone

43
00:02:01,064 --> 00:02:03,717
to extreme violence or illness.

44
00:02:03,741 --> 00:02:05,826
(Laughter)

45
00:02:06,771 --> 00:02:07,922
They do.

46
00:02:07,946 --> 00:02:09,929
And they position us as the victims

47
00:02:09,953 --> 00:02:13,312
of unforeseen and totally
unavoidable circumstances.

48
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,940
My favorite one of these is "smitten,"

49
00:02:16,964 --> 00:02:19,818
which is the past participle
of the word "smite."

50
00:02:19,842 --> 00:02:22,910
And if you look this word up
in the dictionary --

51
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:23,958
(Laughter)

52
00:02:23,982 --> 00:02:28,500
you will see that it can be defined
as both "grievous affliction,"

53
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:31,375
and, "to be very much in love."

54
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:36,730
I tend to associate the word "smite"
with a very particular context,

55
00:02:36,754 --> 00:02:38,318
which is the Old Testament.

56
00:02:39,230 --> 00:02:43,978
In the Book of Exodus alone,
there are 16 references to smiting,

57
00:02:44,002 --> 00:02:47,775
which is the word that the Bible uses
for the vengeance of an angry God.

58
00:02:47,799 --> 00:02:49,520
(Laughter)

59
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:52,249
Here we are using the same word
to talk about love

60
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,699
that we use to explain
a plague of locusts.

61
00:02:54,723 --> 00:02:55,751
(Laughter)

62
00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:57,031
Right?

63
00:02:57,055 --> 00:02:59,147
So, how did this happen?

64
00:02:59,171 --> 00:03:03,162
How have we come to associate love
with great pain and suffering?

65
00:03:03,186 --> 00:03:07,175
And why do we talk about
this ostensibly good experience

66
00:03:07,199 --> 00:03:09,303
as if we are victims?

67
00:03:10,226 --> 00:03:11,917
These are difficult questions,

68
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,587
but I have some theories.

69
00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:14,850
And to think this through,

70
00:03:14,874 --> 00:03:17,502
I want to focus
on one metaphor in particular,

71
00:03:17,526 --> 00:03:19,697
which is the idea of love as madness.

72
00:03:20,758 --> 00:03:23,465
When I first started
researching romantic love,

73
00:03:23,489 --> 00:03:26,250
I found these madness
metaphors everywhere.

74
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:28,377
The history of Western culture

75
00:03:28,401 --> 00:03:32,338
is full of language
that equates love to mental illness.

76
00:03:33,110 --> 00:03:35,037
These are just a few examples.

77
00:03:35,061 --> 00:03:36,404
William Shakespeare:

78
00:03:36,428 --> 00:03:37,861
"Love is merely a madness,"

79
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:39,202
from "As You Like It."

80
00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:41,019
Friedrich Nietzsche:

81
00:03:41,043 --> 00:03:43,546
"There is always some madness in love."

82
00:03:44,229 --> 00:03:47,095
"Got me looking, got me looking
so crazy in love --"

83
00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:49,188
(Laughter)

84
00:03:49,212 --> 00:03:51,810
from the great philosopher,
Beyoncé Knowles.

85
00:03:51,834 --> 00:03:53,295
(Laughter)

86
00:03:54,753 --> 00:03:57,587
I fell in love for the first
time when I was 20,

87
00:03:57,611 --> 00:04:00,790
and it was a pretty turbulent relationship
right from the start.

88
00:04:01,129 --> 00:04:04,334
And it was long distance
for the first couple of years,

89
00:04:04,358 --> 00:04:08,954
so for me that meant very high highs
and very low lows.

90
00:04:09,464 --> 00:04:11,668
I can remember one moment in particular.

91
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:15,595
I was sitting on a bed
in a hostel in South America,

92
00:04:15,619 --> 00:04:19,315
and I was watching the person
I love walk out the door.

93
00:04:19,821 --> 00:04:21,434
And it was late,

94
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:22,718
it was nearly midnight,

95
00:04:22,742 --> 00:04:24,719
we'd gotten into an argument over dinner,

96
00:04:24,743 --> 00:04:26,692
and when we got back to our room,

97
00:04:26,716 --> 00:04:29,441
he threw his things in the bag
and stormed out.

98
00:04:30,811 --> 00:04:34,070
While I can no longer remember
what that argument was about,

99
00:04:34,094 --> 00:04:38,149
I very clearly remember
how I felt watching him leave.

100
00:04:38,792 --> 00:04:42,337
I was 22, it was my first time
in the developing world,

101
00:04:43,094 --> 00:04:45,349
and I was totally alone.

102
00:04:46,082 --> 00:04:49,449
I had another week until my flight home,

103
00:04:49,473 --> 00:04:51,841
and I knew the name
of the town that I was in,

104
00:04:51,865 --> 00:04:55,448
and the name of the city
that I needed to get to to fly out,

105
00:04:55,472 --> 00:04:58,728
but I had no idea how to get around.

106
00:04:59,512 --> 00:05:02,689
I had no guidebook and very little money,

107
00:05:02,713 --> 00:05:04,483
and I spoke no Spanish.

108
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:07,314
Someone more adventurous than me

109
00:05:07,338 --> 00:05:09,768
might have seen this
as a moment of opportunity,

110
00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:11,622
but I just froze.

111
00:05:12,076 --> 00:05:13,893
I just sat there.

112
00:05:14,408 --> 00:05:16,451
And then I burst into tears.

113
00:05:17,027 --> 00:05:19,398
But despite my panic,

114
00:05:19,422 --> 00:05:21,992
some small voice in my head thought,

115
00:05:22,016 --> 00:05:24,353
"Wow. That was dramatic.

116
00:05:24,377 --> 00:05:27,076
I must really be doing
this love thing right."

117
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,888
(Laughter)

118
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:33,432
Because some part of me
wanted to feel miserable in love.

119
00:05:33,896 --> 00:05:37,336
And it sounds so strange
to me now, but at 22,

120
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:40,505
I longed to have dramatic experiences,

121
00:05:40,529 --> 00:05:45,727
and in that moment, I was irrational
and furious and devastated,

122
00:05:45,751 --> 00:05:46,975
and weirdly enough,

123
00:05:46,999 --> 00:05:50,375
I thought that this somehow
legitimized the feelings I had

124
00:05:50,399 --> 00:05:52,238
for the guy who had just left me.

125
00:05:53,833 --> 00:05:58,196
I think on some level I wanted
to feel a little bit crazy,

126
00:05:58,220 --> 00:06:01,752
because I thought
that that was how loved worked.

127
00:06:02,811 --> 00:06:04,618
This really should not be surprising,

128
00:06:04,642 --> 00:06:07,096
considering that according to Wikipedia,

129
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,393
there are eight films,

130
00:06:09,417 --> 00:06:11,414
14 songs,

131
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:14,635
two albums and one novel
with the title "Crazy Love."

132
00:06:15,507 --> 00:06:18,633
About half an hour later,
he came back to our room.

133
00:06:18,657 --> 00:06:19,808
We made up.

134
00:06:19,832 --> 00:06:22,649
We spent another mostly happy week
traveling together.

135
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,105
And then, when I got home,

136
00:06:24,129 --> 00:06:29,113
I thought, "That was
so terrible and so great.

137
00:06:29,659 --> 00:06:31,374
This must be a real romance."

138
00:06:32,676 --> 00:06:35,376
I expected my first love
to feel like madness,

139
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,180
and of course, it met
that expectation very well.

140
00:06:39,611 --> 00:06:41,302
But loving someone like that --

141
00:06:41,326 --> 00:06:45,421
as if my entire well-being depended
on him loving me back --

142
00:06:45,445 --> 00:06:47,538
was not very good for me

143
00:06:47,562 --> 00:06:48,712
or for him.

144
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:53,221
But I suspect this experience of love
is not that unusual.

145
00:06:53,696 --> 00:06:57,907
Most of us do feel a bit mad
in the early stages of romantic love.

146
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:02,301
In fact, there is research to confirm
that this is somewhat normal,

147
00:07:02,950 --> 00:07:04,836
because, neurochemically speaking,

148
00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:09,422
romantic love and mental illness
are not that easily distinguished.

149
00:07:10,716 --> 00:07:11,867
This is true.

150
00:07:11,891 --> 00:07:16,450
This study from 1999 used blood tests

151
00:07:16,474 --> 00:07:19,568
to confirm that the serotonin levels
of the newly in love

152
00:07:19,592 --> 00:07:22,389
very closely resembled
the serotonin levels

153
00:07:22,413 --> 00:07:25,718
of people who had been diagnosed
with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

154
00:07:25,742 --> 00:07:26,750
(Laughter)

155
00:07:26,774 --> 00:07:29,471
Yes, and low levels of serotonin

156
00:07:29,495 --> 00:07:33,097
are also associated
with seasonal affective disorder

157
00:07:33,121 --> 00:07:34,401
and depression.

158
00:07:35,357 --> 00:07:37,617
So there is some evidence

159
00:07:37,641 --> 00:07:41,989
that love is associated with changes
to our moods and our behaviors.

160
00:07:42,013 --> 00:07:46,020
And there are other studies to confirm

161
00:07:46,044 --> 00:07:49,734
that most relationships begin this way.

162
00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:54,493
Researchers believe
that the low levels of serotonin

163
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:58,552
is correlated with obsessive thinking
about the object of love,

164
00:07:58,576 --> 00:08:02,634
which is like this feeling that someone
has set up camp in your brain.

165
00:08:02,658 --> 00:08:05,589
And most of us feel this way
when we first fall in love.

166
00:08:05,613 --> 00:08:08,739
But the good news is,
it doesn't always last that long --

167
00:08:08,763 --> 00:08:11,936
usually from a few months
to a couple of years.

168
00:08:13,022 --> 00:08:15,830
When I got back from my trip
to South America,

169
00:08:15,854 --> 00:08:19,431
I spent a lot of time alone in my room,

170
00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:20,795
checking my email,

171
00:08:20,819 --> 00:08:23,182
desperate to hear from the guy I loved.

172
00:08:24,215 --> 00:08:29,563
I decided that if my friends could not
understand my grievous affliction,

173
00:08:29,587 --> 00:08:31,536
then I did not need their friendship.

174
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,643
So I stopped hanging out
with most of them.

175
00:08:34,057 --> 00:08:38,251
And it was probably
the most unhappy year of my life.

176
00:08:38,756 --> 00:08:42,870
But I think I felt like
it was my job to be miserable,

177
00:08:43,519 --> 00:08:45,311
because if I could be miserable,

178
00:08:45,335 --> 00:08:48,002
then I would prove how much I loved him.

179
00:08:48,026 --> 00:08:49,911
And if I could prove it,

180
00:08:49,935 --> 00:08:52,889
then we would have to end up
together eventually.

181
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,808
This is the real madness,

182
00:08:55,832 --> 00:08:58,227
because there is no cosmic rule

183
00:08:58,251 --> 00:09:01,613
that says that great suffering
equals great reward,

184
00:09:02,148 --> 00:09:06,052
but we talk about love as if this is true.

185
00:09:07,133 --> 00:09:10,809
Our experiences of love
are both biological and cultural.

186
00:09:11,444 --> 00:09:13,903
Our biology tells us that love is good

187
00:09:13,927 --> 00:09:17,081
by activating these
reward circuits in our brain,

188
00:09:17,105 --> 00:09:21,725
and it tells us that love is painful
when, after a fight or a breakup,

189
00:09:21,749 --> 00:09:24,359
that neurochemical reward is withdrawn.

190
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:27,267
And in fact -- and maybe
you've heard this --

191
00:09:27,291 --> 00:09:29,135
neurochemically speaking,

192
00:09:29,159 --> 00:09:32,593
going through a breakup is a lot
like going through cocaine withdrawal,

193
00:09:33,345 --> 00:09:34,981
which I find reassuring.

194
00:09:35,005 --> 00:09:36,155
(Laughter)

195
00:09:36,736 --> 00:09:39,568
And then our culture uses language

196
00:09:39,592 --> 00:09:42,373
to shape and reinforce
these ideas about love.

197
00:09:42,397 --> 00:09:45,021
In this case, we're talking
about metaphors about pain

198
00:09:45,045 --> 00:09:46,560
and addiction and madness.

199
00:09:47,496 --> 00:09:49,940
It's kind of an interesting feedback loop.

200
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:53,481
Love is powerful and at times painful,

201
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:56,270
and we express this
in our words and stories,

202
00:09:56,852 --> 00:09:59,350
but then our words and stories prime us

203
00:09:59,374 --> 00:10:02,836
to expect love to be powerful and painful.

204
00:10:03,625 --> 00:10:06,798
What's interesting to me
is that all of this happens

205
00:10:06,822 --> 00:10:09,545
in a culture that values
lifelong monogamy.

206
00:10:10,328 --> 00:10:12,389
It seems like we want it both ways:

207
00:10:12,413 --> 00:10:14,764
we want love to feel like madness,

208
00:10:15,388 --> 00:10:18,534
and we want it to last an entire lifetime.

209
00:10:19,231 --> 00:10:20,794
That sounds terrible.

210
00:10:20,818 --> 00:10:22,347
(Laughter)

211
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,119
To reconcile this,

212
00:10:25,143 --> 00:10:30,168
we need to either change our culture
or change our expectations.

213
00:10:31,078 --> 00:10:34,671
So, imagine if we were all
less passive in love.

214
00:10:35,312 --> 00:10:39,458
If we were more assertive,
more open-mined, more generous

215
00:10:39,482 --> 00:10:42,783
and instead of falling in love,

216
00:10:42,807 --> 00:10:45,032
we stepped into love.

217
00:10:45,893 --> 00:10:47,822
I know that this is asking a lot,

218
00:10:47,846 --> 00:10:51,320
but I'm not actually
the first person to suggest this.

219
00:10:52,682 --> 00:10:55,191
In their book, "Metaphors We Live By,"

220
00:10:55,215 --> 00:11:00,329
linguists Mark Johnson and George Lakoff
suggest a really interesting solution

221
00:11:00,353 --> 00:11:01,571
to this dilemma,

222
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,577
which is to change our metaphors.

223
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:09,882
They argue that metaphors really do shape
the way we experience the world,

224
00:11:10,741 --> 00:11:14,239
and that they can even act
as a guide for future actions,

225
00:11:14,263 --> 00:11:16,151
like self-fulfilling prophecies.

226
00:11:17,159 --> 00:11:20,715
Johnson and Lakoff suggest
a new metaphor for love:

227
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:23,761
love as a collaborative work of art.

228
00:11:24,542 --> 00:11:27,592
I really like this way
of thinking about love.

229
00:11:28,698 --> 00:11:32,220
Linguists talk about metaphors
as having entailments,

230
00:11:32,244 --> 00:11:36,040
which is essentially a way of considering
all the implications of,

231
00:11:36,064 --> 00:11:38,996
or ideas contained
within, a given metaphor.

232
00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:41,929
And Johnson and Lakoff
talk about everything

233
00:11:41,953 --> 00:11:44,105
that collaborating
on a work of art entails:

234
00:11:44,646 --> 00:11:48,801
effort, compromise,
patience, shared goals.

235
00:11:49,325 --> 00:11:53,155
These ideas align nicely
with our cultural investment

236
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,252
in long-term romantic commitment,

237
00:11:55,276 --> 00:11:58,887
but they also work well
for other kinds of relationships --

238
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:05,346
short-term, casual, polyamorous,
non-monogamous, asexual --

239
00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:09,255
because this metaphor brings
much more complex ideas

240
00:12:09,279 --> 00:12:11,319
to the experience of loving someone.

241
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:16,734
So if love is a collaborative work of art,

242
00:12:16,758 --> 00:12:20,170
then love is an aesthetic experience.

243
00:12:21,194 --> 00:12:23,089
Love is unpredictable,

244
00:12:23,823 --> 00:12:25,847
love is creative,

245
00:12:26,568 --> 00:12:30,701
love requires communication
and discipline,

246
00:12:30,725 --> 00:12:33,914
it is frustrating
and emotionally demanding.

247
00:12:34,347 --> 00:12:37,697
And love involves both joy and pain.

248
00:12:38,412 --> 00:12:42,031
Ultimately, each experience
of love is different.

249
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,056
When I was younger,

250
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:49,748
it never occurred to me that I was allowed
to demand more from love,

251
00:12:49,772 --> 00:12:53,465
that I didn't have to just accept
whatever love offered.

252
00:12:54,445 --> 00:12:57,774
When 14-year-old Juliet first meets --

253
00:12:57,798 --> 00:13:01,723
or, when 14-year-old Juliet
cannot be with Romeo,

254
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:04,889
whom she has met four days ago ...

255
00:13:05,836 --> 00:13:09,646
she does not feel disappointed or angsty.

256
00:13:10,192 --> 00:13:11,549
Where is she?

257
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:12,867
She wants to die.

258
00:13:13,406 --> 00:13:14,557
Right?

259
00:13:14,581 --> 00:13:17,050
And just as a refresher,
at this point in the play,

260
00:13:17,074 --> 00:13:18,382
act three of five,

261
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:20,227
Romeo is not dead.

262
00:13:20,811 --> 00:13:22,151
He's alive,

263
00:13:22,175 --> 00:13:23,563
he's healthy,

264
00:13:23,587 --> 00:13:25,781
he's just been banished from the city.

265
00:13:26,625 --> 00:13:33,024
I understand that 16th-century Verona
is unlike contemporary North America,

266
00:13:33,048 --> 00:13:36,026
and yet when I first read this play,

267
00:13:36,050 --> 00:13:38,443
also at age 14,

268
00:13:38,467 --> 00:13:41,150
Juliet's suffering made sense to me.

269
00:13:42,465 --> 00:13:47,822
Reframing love as something
I get to create with someone I admire,

270
00:13:47,846 --> 00:13:50,290
rather than something
that just happens to me

271
00:13:50,314 --> 00:13:52,836
without my control or consent,

272
00:13:52,860 --> 00:13:54,465
is empowering.

273
00:13:54,949 --> 00:13:56,567
It's still hard.

274
00:13:56,591 --> 00:14:02,123
Love still feels totally maddening
and crushing some days,

275
00:14:02,147 --> 00:14:04,262
and when I feel really frustrated,

276
00:14:04,286 --> 00:14:05,616
I have to remind myself:

277
00:14:06,165 --> 00:14:09,509
my job in this relationship
is to talk to my partner

278
00:14:09,533 --> 00:14:11,584
about what I want to make together.

279
00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:15,355
This isn't easy, either.

280
00:14:15,926 --> 00:14:19,695
But it's just so much better
than the alternative,

281
00:14:19,842 --> 00:14:22,619
which is that thing
that feels like madness.

282
00:14:23,747 --> 00:14:29,326
This version of love is not about winning
or losing someone's affection.

283
00:14:29,931 --> 00:14:33,529
Instead, it requires
that you trust your partner

284
00:14:33,553 --> 00:14:36,627
and talk about things
when trusting feels difficult,

285
00:14:36,651 --> 00:14:39,097
which sounds so simple,

286
00:14:39,121 --> 00:14:43,617
but is actually a kind
of revolutionary, radical act.

287
00:14:44,232 --> 00:14:48,236
And this is because you get to stop
thinking about yourself

288
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,541
and what you're gaining
or losing in your relationship,

289
00:14:51,565 --> 00:14:54,962
and you get to start thinking
about what you have to offer.

290
00:14:55,981 --> 00:14:59,386
This version of love
allows us to say things like,

291
00:14:59,410 --> 00:15:04,240
"Hey, we're not very good collaborators.
Maybe this isn't for us."

292
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:08,724
Or, "That relationship
was shorter than I had planned,

293
00:15:08,748 --> 00:15:10,920
but it was still kind of beautiful."

294
00:15:12,006 --> 00:15:14,796
The beautiful thing
about the collaborative work of art

295
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:17,711
is that it will not paint
or draw or sculpt itself.

296
00:15:18,268 --> 00:15:21,847
This version of love allows us
to decide what it looks like.

297
00:15:22,203 --> 00:15:23,354
Thank you.

298
00:15:23,378 --> 00:15:27,910
(Applause)