0:00:02.753,0:00:04.353
I kid you not, as soon as I turned on the camera,

0:00:04.353,0:00:09.624
my heart just like immediately started beating really hard but...

0:00:09.624,0:00:10.126
ok.

0:00:10.126,0:00:11.134
Hey what's up you guys,

0:00:11.134,0:00:14.770
so today I wanna talk to you guys about something.

0:00:14.770,0:00:17.424
So 2014 has been by far the biggest year for me.

0:00:17.424,0:00:19.292
I've done a lot of things and gone a lot of places,

0:00:19.292,0:00:21.236
and you guys know all about that.

0:00:21.236,0:00:24.052
But you don't know the biggest thing

0:00:24.052,0:00:24.878
that's happened to me this year.

0:00:24.878,0:00:27.592
So I'm sitting here in front of you with

0:00:27.592,0:00:33.320
no script, no plan, no fancy editing,

0:00:33.320,0:00:35.254
and I'm just gonna be really honest.

0:00:35.254,0:00:39.339
2014 is truly the year that I have accepted who I am

0:00:39.339,0:00:41.180
and become happy with that person.

0:00:41.180,0:00:43.873
So today, I wanna talk to you guys about that

0:00:43.873,0:00:47.003
and be open and honest and tell you that

0:00:47.003,0:00:47.821
I'm gay.

0:00:48.283,0:00:50.281
This may come as a shock to a lot of you

0:00:50.281,0:00:51.452
and it may be confusing,

0:00:51.452,0:00:54.441
so I'm gonna backtrack a little bit.

0:00:54.441,0:00:56.937
Growing up, I always knew I was a little bit

0:00:56.937,0:00:58.211
different than everyone else.

0:00:58.211,0:01:01.293
I always just had the feeling that I wasn't the same,

0:01:01.293,0:01:03.104
but it wasn't until I was 12 years old,

0:01:03.104,0:01:07.231
until I really had pinpointed what that was.

0:01:07.231,0:01:09.160
For some reason, my 7th grade year,

0:01:09.160,0:01:11.969
I had this thought in the back of my head

0:01:11.969,0:01:13.012
'what if I'm gay?'

0:01:13.012,0:01:16.665
And I immediately was so terrified.

0:01:16.665,0:01:18.341
I'm from a small town in the mid-west.

0:01:18.341,0:01:20.692
That's not a normal thing there.

0:01:20.692,0:01:21.861
I didn't even know what that word meant.

0:01:21.861,0:01:24.091
I had only met a couple gay people in my entire life.

0:01:24.091,0:01:26.910
It was terrifying to me to have to think that

0:01:26.910,0:01:29.214
I was something that I knew nothing about.

0:01:29.214,0:01:31.344
So I immediately pushed it away

0:01:31.344,0:01:32.604
and tried not to think about it.

0:01:32.604,0:01:34.843
But as anyone who has gone through this knows,

0:01:34.843,0:01:36.511
you can't not think about it.

0:01:36.511,0:01:37.806
I was up all night,

0:01:37.806,0:01:39.323
for I can't tell you how many nights,

0:01:39.323,0:01:42.504
just thinking, like, looking at the ceiling,

0:01:42.504,0:01:44.142
just thinking about this.

0:01:44.142,0:01:47.164
And I was so scared of it that I never told anybody.

0:01:47.164,0:01:48.444
So fast forward into high school,

0:01:48.444,0:01:51.939
I tried to avoid it by dating girls.

0:01:51.939,0:01:55.292
All I wanted to do was be like everyone else.

0:01:55.292,0:01:56.976
So I would date girls, I would kiss girls,

0:01:56.976,0:01:59.305
but I would feel nothing.

0:01:59.305,0:02:02.903
I just wanted everything to be like everyone else said it was,

0:02:02.903,0:02:03.964
I just wanted to be normal,

0:02:03.964,0:02:05.831
I just wanted to talk about what I wanted to talk about

0:02:05.831,0:02:06.675
and be who I was,

0:02:06.675,0:02:09.490
but I didn't feel like I could be that.

0:02:09.490,0:02:15.728
I felt so isolated because I had this secret

0:02:15.728,0:02:17.437
that I couldn't even talk to myself about,

0:02:17.437,0:02:18.482
let alone other people.

0:02:18.482,0:02:20.452
And it wasn't until the sophomore year in college

0:02:20.452,0:02:23.416
that I really thought about it.

0:02:23.416,0:02:24.799
I thought about it so much

0:02:24.799,0:02:26.400
that I became obsessed with it.

0:02:26.400,0:02:29.400
And having that thought to myself for so long

0:02:29.400,0:02:30.674
started talking over my life

0:02:30.674,0:02:32.972
and I started feeling depressed.

0:02:32.972,0:02:35.803
I felt like there was no escape from my own thoughts,

0:02:35.803,0:02:36.680
but I thought to myself,

0:02:36.680,0:02:38.221
'maybe I can continue to avoid this,

0:02:38.221,0:02:39.761
if I just don't act on it,

0:02:39.761,0:02:41.323
it'll never be a thing'.

0:02:41.323,0:02:44.002
I don't know what it was but one year ago,

0:02:44.002,0:02:48.517
I kept trying to get myself to look in the mirror

0:02:48.517,0:02:50.583
and say it.

0:02:50.583,0:02:52.614
I was tired of running,

0:02:52.614,0:02:54.775
I was tired of hiding who I truly was,

0:02:54.775,0:02:58.224
so I just tried to say it.

0:02:58.224,0:03:00.001
I don't think you'll understand unless you've gone through it,

0:03:00.001,0:03:02.230
but I couldn't say it.

0:03:02.230,0:03:03.560
Like, I was not capable of saying it,

0:03:03.560,0:03:05.523
my mouth could not utter those words.

0:03:05.523,0:03:11.119
Until one time, I did.

0:03:11.119,0:03:15.803
And it felt like a mixture of every emotion possible.

0:03:15.803,0:03:17.639
I was really relieved that I finally said it,

0:03:17.639,0:03:19.052
but I was also so terrified

0:03:19.052,0:03:20.877
that I had finally admitted that to myself.

0:03:20.877,0:03:23.235
Then the next step was to tell a person.

0:03:23.235,0:03:24.052
So in January this year

0:03:24.052,0:03:27.611
after keeping one of my friends up till like 5 am on his couch,

0:03:27.611,0:03:29.400
I told him.

0:03:29.400,0:03:31.979
And I felt great.

0:03:31.979,0:03:33.939
From then on I was just continuing to tell people.

0:03:33.939,0:03:34.923
I started to tell more friend,

0:03:34.923,0:03:36.577
I told my parents, I told my siblings,

0:03:36.577,0:03:38.500
and one by one,

0:03:38.500,0:03:42.213
I just started checking people off this list.

0:03:42.213,0:03:44.579
And everyone was so great.

0:03:44.579,0:03:47.306
I am so fortunate that everyone,

0:03:47.306,0:03:48.812
they didn't even, like,

0:03:48.812,0:03:50.478
they didn't look at me different,

0:03:50.478,0:03:51.497
they didn't treat me different,

0:03:51.497,0:03:54.796
they just said 'ok' like it was no big deal.

0:03:54.796,0:03:57.064
This whole thing that I had built up inside me

0:03:57.064,0:04:01.294
to be this huge deal for 22 years,

0:04:01.294,0:04:01.996
wasn't.

0:04:01.996,0:04:05.056
In just one year, I've honestly felt like

0:04:05.056,0:04:07.380
I am so happy with who I am,

0:04:07.380,0:04:08.229
and I'm making this video

0:04:08.229,0:04:11.671
because I was sick of having to think constantly about

0:04:11.671,0:04:14.430
what I was doing, what I was saying, what I was wearing,

0:04:14.430,0:04:18.813
just, I don't wanna have to think about everything I do.

0:04:18.813,0:04:20.249
I just wanna be able to be me

0:04:20.249,0:04:21.433
and not be afraid.

0:04:21.433,0:04:23.482
I'm sick of censoring myself.

0:04:23.482,0:04:26.260
This is just one little part of who I am,

0:04:26.260,0:04:27.760
and I'm not gonna let my sexuality

0:04:27.760,0:04:30.185
define or confine me.

0:04:30.185,0:04:32.887
It's part of me. It's not all of me.

0:04:32.887,0:04:35.292
So today I'm making this video for a couple of reasons.

0:04:35.292,0:04:38.243
One, I put a vast majority of my life on the internet,

0:04:38.243,0:04:40.451
and I want this to be one of those things.

0:04:40.451,0:04:43.735
Two, the reason I accepted this information

0:04:43.735,0:04:45.298
was because of the internet.

0:04:45.298,0:04:48.979
I watched every coming out video possible, four times.

0:04:48.979,0:04:50.771
I've googled, I went in chatrooms,

0:04:50.771,0:04:52.175
I've found every way online

0:04:52.175,0:04:54.063
to talk about this and to figure it out.

0:04:54.063,0:04:55.468
Because I never felt comfortable

0:04:55.468,0:04:57.426
actually talking about it to anybody.

0:04:57.426,0:04:59.812
So I'm making this video for anyone who needs it.

0:04:59.812,0:05:00.493
It's ok.

0:05:00.493,0:05:02.260
It may not seem like it right now,

0:05:02.260,0:05:04.380
but you are gonna be fine.

0:05:04.380,0:05:06.596
I know it's scary but don't be afraid.

0:05:06.596,0:05:07.715
You are who you are

0:05:07.715,0:05:09.403
and you should love that person.

0:05:09.403,0:05:10.742
I don't want anyone to have to go through

0:05:10.742,0:05:12.070
22 years of their life

0:05:12.070,0:05:13.705
afraid to accept that.

0:05:13.705,0:05:16.124
Three, I just wanna set a precedent.

0:05:16.124,0:05:18.420
Race, gender, religion, sexuality,

0:05:18.420,0:05:20.769
we are all people and that's it.

0:05:20.769,0:05:22.530
We're all people, we're all equal.

0:05:22.530,0:05:25.228
I don't want anyone to have to be afraid.

0:05:25.228,0:05:27.330
I don't want anyone to hold back who they are.

0:05:32.070,0:05:33.140
It's not ok.

0:05:35.510,0:05:37.085
It's not a good thing.

0:05:40.115,0:05:43.645
I don't know what else to say.

0:05:43.645,0:05:45.831
My friends, my family and you guys have supported me

0:05:45.831,0:05:47.070
through anything and everything

0:05:47.070,0:05:48.671
and I can't thank you for that enough.

0:05:48.671,0:05:51.888
This has been easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do,

0:05:51.888,0:05:54.371
but I'm so happy that I'm doing it.

0:05:54.371,0:05:56.271
This video somehow turned into a sad, serious moment

0:05:56.271,0:05:57.693
and I'm not gonna let it end on that note.

0:05:57.693,0:05:59.490
In true Connor Franta fashion,

0:05:59.490,0:06:01.292
I'm gonna end my video like I always do

0:06:01.292,0:06:02.950
because this is just another video.

0:06:02.950,0:06:03.880
It's just another video

0:06:03.880,0:06:05.760
where you found out a little more about me.

0:06:05.760,0:06:12.301
So until next monday... Bye!