1
00:00:03,909 --> 00:00:07,192
Remember that time
when as a child you drew a picture

2
00:00:07,192 --> 00:00:10,579
and then you'd show your picture
to your parents or caregivers,

3
00:00:10,579 --> 00:00:13,825
looking for appraisal or approval?


4
00:00:13,825 --> 00:00:15,956
I never got that from my mother.

5
00:00:16,276 --> 00:00:18,966
Every single time I showed her my drawing,

6
00:00:18,966 --> 00:00:22,546
“Look what I did, mom!
What do you think? Do you like it?"

7
00:00:23,134 --> 00:00:25,477
She would look at my drawing,

8
00:00:25,477 --> 00:00:28,657
then look at me and reply with a question,

9
00:00:28,657 --> 00:00:31,767
“What do you think? Do you like it?”

10
00:00:31,767 --> 00:00:33,254
It doesn’t matter what I think,

11
00:00:33,254 --> 00:00:36,485
what’s more important
is what you think about it.

12
00:00:36,805 --> 00:00:39,312
Back then I was kind of mad at her

13
00:00:39,312 --> 00:00:42,337
because I thought
that was some kind of test,

14
00:00:42,337 --> 00:00:43,742
but now I know.

15
00:00:43,742 --> 00:00:47,907
She was trying to help me
build confidence in myself,

16
00:00:47,907 --> 00:00:49,937
help me answer questions like,

17
00:00:49,937 --> 00:00:56,837
"What do I think? What do I like?
Do I like myself? Who am I?"

18
00:00:58,755 --> 00:01:02,484
I have been asked this question,
“Who do you think you are?”

19
00:01:02,484 --> 00:01:03,887
many times in my life,

20
00:01:03,887 --> 00:01:08,495
from people with good
and not so good intentions.

21
00:01:08,495 --> 00:01:12,295
And every single time
I felt absolutely terrified.

22
00:01:12,903 --> 00:01:16,234
There was a part in me really scared.

23
00:01:16,784 --> 00:01:19,364
When I finally looked at that fear,

24
00:01:19,364 --> 00:01:23,354
I saw a scared little girl
trying to figure things out.

25
00:01:23,354 --> 00:01:26,326
Then I started communicating
with that girl.

26
00:01:26,326 --> 00:01:30,246
What I found is that in talking
with that little girl in me,

27
00:01:30,246 --> 00:01:32,456
I gained confidence in myself.

28
00:01:33,076 --> 00:01:36,776
The ride was bumpy but totally worth it.

29
00:01:37,706 --> 00:01:40,066
The story begins in college.

30
00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:44,209
One night we were partying
with my friends at the beach,

31
00:01:44,209 --> 00:01:47,379
singing and playing music
around a bonfire.

32
00:01:48,579 --> 00:01:51,284
A friend of mine was playing the mandolin.

33
00:01:51,284 --> 00:01:54,904
She was playing
with such a grace, I was in awe.

34
00:01:55,444 --> 00:01:57,029
She invited me to join her,

35
00:01:57,029 --> 00:02:00,779
but I didn’t play any
musical instruments at that time.

36
00:02:00,779 --> 00:02:05,829
But that night, I promised
to myself to learn lyra,

37
00:02:05,829 --> 00:02:08,704
a musical instrument from Crete, Greece.

38
00:02:09,724 --> 00:02:13,634
The moment I said that out loud though,
something weird happened.

39
00:02:14,188 --> 00:02:17,443
Half of my college friends
stopped talking to me

40
00:02:17,443 --> 00:02:20,693
and the other half
were politely avoiding me.

41
00:02:21,038 --> 00:02:26,188
When I confronted one of them,
he said, "It’s because of the lyra thing."

42
00:02:26,405 --> 00:02:29,330
And I go, "Yes, so what?"

43
00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:32,520
"Well, you can’t, you are a woman,

44
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:38,280
and lyra is a musical instrument
traditionally played by men."

45
00:02:39,529 --> 00:02:42,239
Unaware of the fact that this clay model,

46
00:02:42,239 --> 00:02:47,219
found in Palaikastro, Crete,
and dates back to 1350 BC,

47
00:02:47,219 --> 00:02:53,774
shows a group of women dancing
to the music of a lyre played by a woman.

48
00:02:54,237 --> 00:02:58,170
Or totally forgetting
about people like Lavrendia Bernidaki,

49
00:02:58,170 --> 00:03:00,119
who was the first woman in the 40s

50
00:03:00,119 --> 00:03:03,584
to ever be recorded
in a musical record as a singer.

51
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,684
But she was the first woman
that we know of,

52
00:03:06,684 --> 00:03:11,326
that played all the musical instruments
widely played in Crete:

53
00:03:11,326 --> 00:03:16,166
the lute, the violin,
lyra and the mandolin.

54
00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:22,372
Nevertheless, I got the same reaction
from both men and women.

55
00:03:22,882 --> 00:03:27,102
I even had someone publicly
point the finger at me saying,

56
00:03:27,102 --> 00:03:29,420
"Who do you think you are to play lyra?"

57
00:03:30,428 --> 00:03:36,218
I was devastated, heartbroken and alone.

58
00:03:37,185 --> 00:03:38,751
But you know what?

59
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:42,041
There was a part in me really excited
to learn how to play,

60
00:03:42,041 --> 00:03:46,431
so I went on, bought the instrument
and started looking for a teacher.

61
00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:51,263
Apparently, music teachers,
and especially lyra teachers,

62
00:03:51,263 --> 00:03:53,263
didn’t teach women to play lyra.

63
00:03:53,263 --> 00:03:57,268
So I said, "Okay I am going
to have to learn by myself."

64
00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:58,448
So I did.

65
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:05,793
But as it's true with most things,
music is better when it's shared.

66
00:04:06,395 --> 00:04:11,105
There was a group
of 70-, 80-year-old men and women

67
00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:14,383
from the village of Melambes, Rethymno,

68
00:04:14,383 --> 00:04:20,293
who were gathering once a week, to play
music, sing, dance, eat and share stories.

69
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:25,860
In one of their gatherings,
I timidly mentioned that I play lyra too,

70
00:04:25,860 --> 00:04:27,114
and they were so excited

71
00:04:27,114 --> 00:04:30,074
that a young lady plays
this musical instrument,

72
00:04:30,074 --> 00:04:34,024
that they kept inviting me
week after week to play with them.

73
00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:36,209
I was thrilled.

74
00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:40,448
I had finally found my tribe,
and I was having so much fun.

75
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:41,678
(Laughter)

76
00:04:41,678 --> 00:04:44,984
There was an incident, though,
I will never forget.

77
00:04:45,234 --> 00:04:49,424
In one of the weekly gatherings
I was asked to play;

78
00:04:49,424 --> 00:04:53,496
then suddenly, a man who was joining
the group for the first time,

79
00:04:53,496 --> 00:04:59,446
stood up and yelled,
"Is she going to play lyra? A woman?

80
00:04:59,446 --> 00:05:01,341
Who does she think she is?"

81
00:05:01,341 --> 00:05:02,695
(Laughter)

82
00:05:02,695 --> 00:05:06,675
My heart was beating really fast,
and I was about to burst into tears

83
00:05:06,675 --> 00:05:11,885
when one of the oldest men of the group 
gently turned my head to look at him

84
00:05:11,891 --> 00:05:15,701
and said, "Chrisa, repeat after me:

85
00:05:15,701 --> 00:05:21,303
'I am that I am, that I am, that I am.
I’m Popeye the sailor man!'"

86
00:05:21,303 --> 00:05:24,285
(Laughter)

87
00:05:24,285 --> 00:05:28,248
Soon after I finished repeating
the phrase, we all had a good laugh,

88
00:05:28,248 --> 00:05:31,915
and I got the nickname “kapetanaki,”

89
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,944
which roughly translates
to “little captain,”

90
00:05:34,944 --> 00:05:37,714
with a touch of a rebellious attitude.

91
00:05:38,604 --> 00:05:41,074
But I kept this "little captain" attitude

92
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:45,054
in advocating for women's
human and civil rights.

93
00:05:45,863 --> 00:05:47,273
Have you ever wondered

94
00:05:47,273 --> 00:05:51,763
why so many women and men
pay the same college tuition

95
00:05:51,763 --> 00:05:56,133
but are not in so many cases
getting paid equally?

96
00:05:57,346 --> 00:06:00,976
Apart from the wage gap,
have you ever thought about

97
00:06:00,976 --> 00:06:05,436
why aren't there more women
CEOs, politicians, engineers

98
00:06:05,436 --> 00:06:08,374
or lyra musicians for that matter?

99
00:06:08,654 --> 00:06:11,944
Who is responsible for that?

100
00:06:12,124 --> 00:06:13,784
[Who is responsible?]

101
00:06:13,785 --> 00:06:17,792
After spending a couple of years
in private practice as a hypnotherapist,

102
00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:22,166
treating women with
confidence related issues,

103
00:06:22,166 --> 00:06:23,726
it dawned on me.

104
00:06:24,361 --> 00:06:29,321
Most women didn’t believe
they were enough.

105
00:06:30,364 --> 00:06:33,564
Smart enough, thin enough,
beautiful enough,

106
00:06:33,564 --> 00:06:36,203
qualified enough, educated enough. 


107
00:06:36,203 --> 00:06:39,145
I say, enough is enough!

108
00:06:39,145 --> 00:06:42,931
Numerous global studies show
that compared with men,

109
00:06:42,931 --> 00:06:47,531
women don’t consider themselves
as ready for promotions.

110
00:06:47,784 --> 00:06:50,472
They predict they’ll do worse on tests,

111
00:06:50,472 --> 00:06:53,182
and they generally
underestimate their abilities,

112
00:06:53,182 --> 00:07:00,152
when in fact, their actual performance
does not differ in quality or quantity.

113
00:07:01,852 --> 00:07:07,815
We fail to break the glass ceiling
because of our lack of confidence.

114
00:07:10,101 --> 00:07:15,121
The answer to my question
“Who is responsible” is we, women,

115
00:07:15,121 --> 00:07:17,867
and especially the things
we say to ourselves

116
00:07:17,867 --> 00:07:21,104
and the things we believe
to be true for ourselves.

117
00:07:21,104 --> 00:07:25,124
Each and every one of us
is responsible for our lives.

118
00:07:25,124 --> 00:07:31,781
The only one to define who you are
or who you think you are is you.

119
00:07:32,098 --> 00:07:35,508
It doesn’t matter what other people
say or believe about you,

120
00:07:35,508 --> 00:07:40,118
what’s most important is
what you believe to be true for yourself.

121
00:07:40,118 --> 00:07:42,794
Evaluate your own drawings,

122
00:07:42,794 --> 00:07:46,664
don’t seek others’ appraisal
or approval for your creations.

123
00:07:47,484 --> 00:07:53,244
Now, the way you hear that question
says a lot about your starting point

124
00:07:53,244 --> 00:07:54,903
when it comes to confidence.

125
00:07:55,582 --> 00:08:00,612
Do you hear it as a question
that triggers a self-discovery journey?

126
00:08:00,612 --> 00:08:02,722
"Who do you think you are?"

127
00:08:02,994 --> 00:08:06,864
Or as an insult?
"Who do you think you are?"

128
00:08:07,444 --> 00:08:10,144
"Who do you think you are
to go after your dreams?"

129
00:08:10,332 --> 00:08:12,422
"Who do you think you are to speak up?"

130
00:08:12,979 --> 00:08:16,009
"Who do you think you are
to talk back to authority?"

131
00:08:16,465 --> 00:08:20,865
"Who do you think you are to name
your abuser after all these years?"

132
00:08:21,302 --> 00:08:25,632
"Who do you think you are to hold
your head up high after a failure?"

133
00:08:27,832 --> 00:08:31,004
When someone asks you,
"Who do you think you are,"

134
00:08:31,004 --> 00:08:32,712
how do you respond?

135
00:08:33,292 --> 00:08:35,532
Most likely with fear.

136
00:08:36,042 --> 00:08:40,712
This question has been lobbed at most
of us at some point as an accusation,

137
00:08:40,712 --> 00:08:45,132
but I see it as the most powerful
question to ask ourselves.

138
00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:48,475
Socrates, the Greek philosopher, said:

139
00:08:48,475 --> 00:08:52,605
(Greek) “The unexamined life
isn’t worth living.”

140
00:08:52,891 --> 00:08:56,521
“The unexamined life isn’t worth living.”

141
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,145
That was my starting point
to forming the idea

142
00:08:59,145 --> 00:09:01,385
that in order to have a life worth living

143
00:09:01,385 --> 00:09:04,865
and confidently answer the question
"Who do you think you are,"

144
00:09:04,865 --> 00:09:08,662
we have to examine our lives
starting from childhood

145
00:09:08,662 --> 00:09:12,223
and properly parent our inner child.

146
00:09:12,744 --> 00:09:16,267
But first, what is the inner child?

147
00:09:16,267 --> 00:09:17,267
[Inner child]

148
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:22,104
Inner child is a part of your character
that was affected during childhood,

149
00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:25,984
which can have childish reactions
to everyday adult situations,

150
00:09:25,984 --> 00:09:29,150
such as not speaking up for yourself,

151
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:31,947
not being able to change
an annoying habit,

152
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:34,787
ask for what you want, set boundaries,

153
00:09:34,787 --> 00:09:37,527
apply for that job,
ask for that promotion,

154
00:09:37,532 --> 00:09:40,342
negotiate your wage, or your worth.

155
00:09:41,312 --> 00:09:44,282
Are you wondering
if you have an inner child?

156
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:49,370
The answer is yes, you do have one
because you were a child once.

157
00:09:50,169 --> 00:09:55,519
Why do we need to heal the inner child
in order to have confidence?

158
00:09:56,040 --> 00:10:01,180
It's because during the early years
of development in a child’s life,

159
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:04,901
there are certain events
that trigger emotions

160
00:10:04,901 --> 00:10:07,863
that a child is not equipped to deal with.

161
00:10:08,315 --> 00:10:10,494
We all had at a certain point

162
00:10:10,494 --> 00:10:13,634
some of our primal needs
as children not quite met,

163
00:10:13,634 --> 00:10:17,284
and that created some
kind of trauma or limiting belief.

164
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:20,272
Lack of love, acceptance, protection.

165
00:10:20,562 --> 00:10:23,979
At that point, the child
assumes the belief,

166
00:10:25,389 --> 00:10:26,869
"It’s me.

167
00:10:26,869 --> 00:10:30,059
There is something wrong with me."

168
00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:35,803
And continues all the adult life
seeing herself based on that belief.

169
00:10:37,982 --> 00:10:39,892
I'm not enough.

170
00:10:40,227 --> 00:10:41,577
I can't.

171
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:43,988
I'm not worthy.

172
00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:49,724
My idea is to compassionately listen
to what this inner child is saying,

173
00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:54,644
and as a loving, caring parent
give the correct answers.

174
00:10:54,922 --> 00:11:00,402
"You can.” “You are enough.”
“You are worthy.”

175
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:04,546
I’m going to share with you
the technique I use with my clients

176
00:11:04,546 --> 00:11:07,795
tο help them update those false beliefs

177
00:11:07,795 --> 00:11:09,796
that helped them build confidence.

178
00:11:09,796 --> 00:11:16,241
It’s a process that everybody
can do, both women and men.

179
00:11:16,596 --> 00:11:21,326
But in this time and age,
I want to dedicate this practice to women.

180
00:11:21,634 --> 00:11:26,334
With statistically lower confidence,
women can really use it,

181
00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:30,563
because it is time to meet
the person you truly are.

182
00:11:31,383 --> 00:11:33,826
It consists of three steps.

183
00:11:34,136 --> 00:11:37,726
You’re going to need your imagination,
a pen and a piece of paper.

184
00:11:39,779 --> 00:11:41,475
Step number one:

185
00:11:41,475 --> 00:11:44,255
Find a quiet place
in the comfort of your home

186
00:11:44,255 --> 00:11:46,919
where you can have some time undisturbed,

187
00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:49,222
and take your notebook,

188
00:11:49,222 --> 00:11:51,894
and allow yourself to go back
to a time in your childhood

189
00:11:51,894 --> 00:11:54,474
when something happened that hurt you.

190
00:11:54,474 --> 00:11:58,574
The important thing here
is to notice and note down

191
00:11:58,574 --> 00:12:01,747
all the details as an observer.

192
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:04,579
Witness the scene as an observer.

193
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:07,116
And step number two:

194
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:12,486
You are going to create
some contact with that inner child

195
00:12:12,486 --> 00:12:14,581
you saw on the first scene.

196
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:19,055
Approach her; tell her you are a friend.

197
00:12:19,268 --> 00:12:23,738
Tell her you saw what happened,
and it is not her fault.

198
00:12:24,969 --> 00:12:29,509
Tell her, "You are loved
and appreciated by me.

199
00:12:30,788 --> 00:12:35,238
I will take care of you.
Things will be okay."

200
00:12:35,490 --> 00:12:36,870
[Things will be okay]

201
00:12:37,052 --> 00:12:40,071
In step number three,
you are going to say your goodbyes,

202
00:12:40,071 --> 00:12:45,291
but before that, you are going to ask her,
"What do you need right now?"

203
00:12:46,125 --> 00:12:49,015
Wait for the answer
and then write it down.

204
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,984
Speak to her with the wisdom
you have today

205
00:12:51,984 --> 00:12:57,464
and share with her a message 
that will help her as she's growing up.

206
00:12:59,272 --> 00:13:03,042
Give any promises,
express love and gratitude.

207
00:13:03,042 --> 00:13:07,121
“I will come back. I love you. Thank you.”

208
00:13:07,323 --> 00:13:12,033
You can repeat this process
for as many life events as you see fit.

209
00:13:12,482 --> 00:13:16,952
And every time you need some
extra boost of confidence or courage,

210
00:13:16,952 --> 00:13:18,206
repeat,

211
00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:24,456
"I am enough. I am lovable.
I am safe. I can."

212
00:13:25,106 --> 00:13:28,131
That is what I did when
I decided to learn lyra

213
00:13:28,131 --> 00:13:30,511
despite society’s disapproval.

214
00:13:30,803 --> 00:13:35,103
This is what I did just moments ago
before I came up on this stage.

215
00:13:36,072 --> 00:13:38,619
Today, I am happy to report

216
00:13:38,619 --> 00:13:42,196
that more and more women
are playing lyra in Crete,

217
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:47,986
and there are many, many teachers
that do not discriminate based on gender.

218
00:13:49,148 --> 00:13:50,668
[Xenia Pandelaki]

219
00:13:50,668 --> 00:13:51,898
[Katerina Petraki]

220
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,131
[Kelly Thomas]

221
00:13:53,131 --> 00:13:57,311
There was a major shift
in society’s perception.

222
00:13:57,311 --> 00:13:58,441
[Giota Silli]

223
00:13:58,441 --> 00:14:00,141
[Georgia Androulaki-Chnari]

224
00:14:00,141 --> 00:14:01,691
[Georgia Dagaki]

225
00:14:01,691 --> 00:14:03,161
[Ioanna Zouli]

226
00:14:03,161 --> 00:14:04,155
[Elena Karatzi]

227
00:14:04,155 --> 00:14:08,929
This is what happens when
women show up authentically,

228
00:14:08,929 --> 00:14:12,257
confidently knowing who they truly are.

229
00:14:12,257 --> 00:14:14,666
And one might wonder,

230
00:14:14,666 --> 00:14:17,309
What else could be possible

231
00:14:17,309 --> 00:14:22,149
if you allow yourself to define
who you are and act on it?

232
00:14:22,699 --> 00:14:25,296
This practice helped me
build the confidence

233
00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:27,648
to create a life worth living,

234
00:14:27,648 --> 00:14:31,777
the courage to show up
and speak my truth,

235
00:14:31,777 --> 00:14:37,137
and the compassion to accept
my light and my shadows.

236
00:14:37,347 --> 00:14:41,594
I invite you to do the inner child work
and examine your lives,

237
00:14:41,594 --> 00:14:44,424
because it is through her eyes,

238
00:14:44,424 --> 00:14:47,824
those eyes that look at the world
with curiosity and wonder,

239
00:14:47,824 --> 00:14:49,934
that you will define who you truly are.

240
00:14:49,934 --> 00:14:54,114
And it is very important
because how you define yourself

241
00:14:54,114 --> 00:14:57,873
will impact how successful
you are at your work,

242
00:14:57,873 --> 00:14:59,571
the quality of your relationships,

243
00:14:59,571 --> 00:15:03,921
and even how happy
and fulfilled you are in your life.

244
00:15:04,532 --> 00:15:08,419
Stop playing small,
let your light shine through

245
00:15:08,419 --> 00:15:14,529
so that you show up in the world
with love, creativity and grace.

246
00:15:15,525 --> 00:15:21,205
So, I will ask again,
but take your time to answer.

247
00:15:22,966 --> 00:15:26,066
Who do you think you are?

248
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:27,764
Thank you.

249
00:15:27,764 --> 00:15:29,794
(Applause)