[Script Info] Title: [Events] Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.93,0:00:01.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Hey, everybody. Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.76,0:00:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today, we're gonna talk about forgiveness, Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.98,0:00:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but before I jump into that,\Nare you new to my channel? Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.44,0:00:07.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome. Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.30,0:00:09.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I release videos on\NMondays and on Thursdays, Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.96,0:00:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so make sure you're subscribed\Nand have your notifications Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.29,0:00:14.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,turned on so that you don't miss out. Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.12,0:00:16.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But let's jump into today's topic. Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.05,0:00:18.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now forgiveness is something\Nwe often know we should do, Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.96,0:00:22.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or we're told to do it,\Nbut no one really talks Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.03,0:00:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about how we're supposed\Nto forgive someone, Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.60,0:00:26.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially ourselves. Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.06,0:00:28.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When anyone speaks about forgiveness, Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.08,0:00:31.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know I automatically think\Nabout someone doing something Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.05,0:00:33.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that hurt me or my feelings, Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.08,0:00:35.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that I need to let\Nit go by forgiving them. Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.91,0:00:38.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I find that what we struggle with most Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.93,0:00:41.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is forgiving ourselves\Nfor any of the wrongs Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.61,0:00:43.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or missteps we've made, and trust me, Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.91,0:00:45.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not any better at this. Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.71,0:00:48.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just the other day, I was\Nruminating about something Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.64,0:00:51.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said and I worried could've\Nbeen taken the wrong way Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.84,0:00:53.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or sometimes, if I let my mind wander, Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.88,0:00:55.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll go back to things\NI have done in my past Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.98,0:00:57.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I feel bad about, Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.66,0:00:59.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so annoying. Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.45,0:01:02.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can even spend hours just\Ngoing through things I said Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.94,0:01:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or did in my past, jumping\Nfrom when I was a child, Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.90,0:01:08.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to just what happened a few months ago, Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.63,0:01:11.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I will play that scenario back again, Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.34,0:01:14.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,almost like I'm trying to\Nhurt myself all over again Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.41,0:01:16.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just to prove how sorry I truly am, Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.77,0:01:20.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but in to the good news, today\Nwe are both going to learn Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.64,0:01:22.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how we can forgive ourselves, Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.49,0:01:25.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and finally let all that stuff go, Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.11,0:01:26.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the first tip we're gonna talk about Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.74,0:01:28.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is allowing yourself a re-do. Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.96,0:01:30.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know how I talk about, Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.81,0:01:32.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our brain doesn't know the difference Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.42,0:01:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,between visualizing, and real life? Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.28,0:01:37.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's true, it doesn't. Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.41,0:01:39.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we visualize ourselves doing something, Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.54,0:01:40.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it thinks it's the same as us Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.92,0:01:42.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually doing it in real life. Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.73,0:01:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pretty cool, huh? Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.64,0:01:46.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we can use this information, Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.01,0:01:48.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this really cool,\Nscientifically-proven information, Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.55,0:01:51.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to our advantage when it\Ncomes to forgiving ourselves, Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.55,0:01:53.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and letting go of past faults. Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.48,0:01:58.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Imagine how you would re-do\Nthe scenario or experience. Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.19,0:02:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So think about it, imagine it, Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.21,0:02:03.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I want you to\Njournal about what you learned Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.33,0:02:06.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from that terrible, or even\Nembarrassing experience. Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.14,0:02:08.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Doing this not only shows us Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.11,0:02:10.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we have learned\Nfrom it, and moved on, Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.81,0:02:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that we will do better next time. Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.58,0:02:16.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So give it a try, because like I said, Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.30,0:02:17.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our brain doesn't know the difference, Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.72,0:02:21.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we visualize this\Nnew outcome happening, Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.86,0:02:23.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,us maybe not saying that thing\Nthat hurt their feelings, Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.81,0:02:26.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or doing the thing that we\Nwere so embarrassed about, Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.49,0:02:28.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then it's like our brain will let that go, Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.71,0:02:31.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that these random memories\Nof bad things we've done Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.35,0:02:34.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't just pop up out of\Nnowhere, and maybe ruin our day. Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.34,0:02:36.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second tip on how to forgive ourselves Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.29,0:02:39.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to say sorry, and\Nrepair the relationship. Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.32,0:02:42.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Often when we haven't at\Nleast tried to make amends, Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.78,0:02:45.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can struggle to forgive\Nourselves and move on. Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.19,0:02:48.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My patients tell me all the\Ntime that they will keep Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.52,0:02:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,replaying the last fight\Nthey had with someone, Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.00,0:02:53.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,almost like they're self-injuring with it. Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.23,0:02:54.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like I even talked about at the beginning, Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.70,0:02:56.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel like I'm just\Nhurting myself over and over Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.91,0:02:59.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with retelling these painful stories. Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.42,0:03:01.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so if it's safe to\Nreengage with someone Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.82,0:03:05.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have wronged, consider\Ntrying to apologize. Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.83,0:03:09.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as always, it's best\Nto take the time to prepare Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.11,0:03:12.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what we want to say,\Nand maybe even practice Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.42,0:03:14.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,saying it out loud before\Nwe go to meet them. Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.91,0:03:17.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That way, you can even\Nimagine what they might say Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.63,0:03:20.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in response, and consider\Nyour answers back, Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.69,0:03:22.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which really just ensures that we don't go Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.98,0:03:24.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and try to repair the relationship, Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.73,0:03:27.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and end up making it even worse. Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.16,0:03:30.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The third tip, thought-stopping. Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.51,0:03:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure you saw that one coming. Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.60,0:03:34.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I haven't talked about this in awhile, Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.56,0:03:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's such an important tool. Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.48,0:03:40.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you find your brain\Ncontinuously going back Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.06,0:03:42.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to that one time you did\Nthat really shitty thing, Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.63,0:03:46.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it hurts you, or\Nembarrasses you all over again, Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.13,0:03:49.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't fret, you can shut down\Nthat annoying thought-pattern Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.63,0:03:51.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right in its tracks. Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.01,0:03:54.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first way to stop\Nnegative, or ruling thoughts Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.67,0:03:57.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from taking over our entire mind Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.03,0:04:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to simply yell, or say loudly, stop. Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.15,0:04:03.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When your mind wanders\Nback in to that negative, Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.82,0:04:06.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or hurtful time again,\Ndon't let it go any further, Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.33,0:04:08.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say stop, shut it down. Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.58,0:04:11.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, in all honesty, that tip is the one Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.64,0:04:13.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that everybody talks about when\Nit comes to thought-stopping Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.85,0:04:17.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but its never really\Nworked for me personally, Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.02,0:04:19.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but everyone's different,\Nand it could help you, Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.37,0:04:20.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I just wanted to at least mention it Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.92,0:04:22.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and let you know it's available. Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.40,0:04:25.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there are other ways\Nthat we can stop our thoughts Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.16,0:04:27.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from going in to places\Nwe don't want them to. Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.82,0:04:29.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The one that works best for me Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.04,0:04:31.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to notice it's happening again, Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.94,0:04:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and force my mind in to a pleasant memory. Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.67,0:04:38.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hmm, I could go back to\Nthat wonderful summer Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.02,0:04:39.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent in Costa Rica, Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.06,0:04:41.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I learned Spanish\Nwith my friend, Nina, Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.18,0:04:44.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the other year when Shawn\Nand I went to Palm Springs Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.01,0:04:45.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a weekend getaway. Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.92,0:04:47.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whatever the happy memory is, Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.89,0:04:50.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're gonna need to try\Nto use all five senses, Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.34,0:04:53.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and tell yourself the whole story Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.05,0:04:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of each trip, and experience, Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.44,0:04:57.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and often, by the time\Nwe get to that second Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.96,0:05:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out of our five senses,\Nwe have already forgotten Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.98,0:05:04.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all about that nasty, or negative memory. Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.13,0:05:06.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And finally, simply\Nnoticing your thoughts, Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.51,0:05:09.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and taking yourself out of it, can help. Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.69,0:05:12.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meaning, that we can notice\Nour mind is wandering Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.51,0:05:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in to that hurtful space again, Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.50,0:05:17.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and say to ourselves,\Nyep my mind is trying Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.28,0:05:19.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make me feel bad, and\Npull me back in there, Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.51,0:05:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I don't wanna go. Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.58,0:05:22.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Often just knowing it's happening, Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.96,0:05:25.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and recognizing that pattern, can stop it. Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.82,0:05:28.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I don't know, give some of\Nthese tips and tricks a try, Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.41,0:05:29.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and see what works for you, Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.56,0:05:32.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or better yet, let us\Nknow in those comments Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.20,0:05:33.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what works best when you're trying Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.92,0:05:35.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to stop your negative thoughts. Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.39,0:05:39.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my fourth tip is to\Nfocus on how far you've come. Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.13,0:05:41.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This can be done through journaling, Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.81,0:05:44.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if you're really lucky,\Nyou've been keeping a journal, Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.35,0:05:46.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you can actually go back to that time Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.84,0:05:48.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when that nasty thing happened, Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.39,0:05:50.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you read through\Nyour entries from then, Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.72,0:05:52.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I know that most of\Nus don't keep journals, Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.79,0:05:54.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so right now let's just take some time Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.95,0:05:58.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to consider our own values, morals, Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.04,0:05:59.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our current relationships. Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.77,0:06:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are the things that\Nyou look for in others, Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.64,0:06:05.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what do you strive to\Nbring to your relationship? Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.23,0:06:07.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Taking the time to consider these things Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.55,0:06:09.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can help us not only realize Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.30,0:06:12.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we are in fact good people, Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.12,0:06:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but also also that we have learned a lot Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.50,0:06:16.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from our past upsets. Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.25,0:06:19.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps we no longer pick\Nfights when we're drinking, Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.10,0:06:21.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or we're more careful about\Nhow we say things to people Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.81,0:06:23.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the heat of an argument. Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.12,0:06:25.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can even write down\Nthe specific things Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.34,0:06:28.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you think the past relationship\Nor fight taught you. Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.61,0:06:30.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe it taught you a bit about yourself, Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.90,0:06:34.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how you can better engage\Nwith people in your life. Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.16,0:06:37.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So spend some time taking\Nstock of who you are now, Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.80,0:06:41.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how you've grown from\Nthat particular experience. Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.29,0:06:44.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My fifth tip, positive self-talk. Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.88,0:06:46.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You knew I was gonna try\Nto sneak this in somehow. Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.99,0:06:49.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in all honesty, a\Nlot of what prevents us Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.77,0:06:51.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from being able to forgive ourselves Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.35,0:06:54.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is how we talk about\Nit within our own head, Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.40,0:06:56.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if we keep allowing our mind Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.59,0:06:58.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to take us back to that fight, Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.37,0:07:01.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then we beat ourselves\Nup about it again, and again, Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.54,0:07:03.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about how we should have not said that, Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.44,0:07:05.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or how we should have\Ndone or said that instead, Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.99,0:07:08.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we won't ever be able to move past it. Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.40,0:07:10.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we change the conversation\Nwe have with ourselves Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.82,0:07:14.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about this hurt, and terrible,\Nor embarrassing experience, Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.11,0:07:17.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then, and only then, can\Nwe fully let go of it Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.11,0:07:18.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and forgive ourselves. Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.98,0:07:20.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope you found this information helpful. Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.77,0:07:23.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know forgiving\Nourselves can sometimes be Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.36,0:07:25.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so much harder than\Nforgiving someone else. Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.91,0:07:28.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, and as a reminder,\Nif you like my channel, Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.74,0:07:30.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're gonna love my book, Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.65,0:07:33.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are u ok?: Your Guide to\NCaring for Your Mental Health Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.14,0:07:35.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is available now, so click\Nlink in the description, Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.60,0:07:36.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and pick one up for you, Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.93,0:07:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and also leave any other ideas, Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.96,0:07:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or things that you felt\NI left out in this video Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.32,0:07:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in those comments down below, Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.86,0:07:44.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I will see you next time, bye.