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Hi, guys.

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(Audience) Hi.

3
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Hi, Oprah, if you're watching.
This is my only time for a shout-out.

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But back to you guys ...

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So, here in the audience,
I know there are some parents, right?

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Out of those of you who have kids,

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how many of you have had
"the talk" with them?

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Right? Right?

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It's weird, right? And it's awkward.

10
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And I can guarantee you,

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as someone who was once a child
who received this talk,

12
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it is just as awkward for us,
if not more so, than you.

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So I got that talk
when I was about eight or nine,

14
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and it was weird, guaranteed.

15
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But when I was about 9 or 10 -

16
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that's me -

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I had an entirely different talk
with my parents.

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And I'm not really sure how they decided
that this was the day to have this talk,

19
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but one Sunday afternoon,

20
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my dad said, "I have
something to show you,

21
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and afterwards,
we're going to talk about it."

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And then, he cued up
a History Channel documentary,

23
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and he said, "I don't want
to hurt your feelings,

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and I know that this might scare you,

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but it's very important for you to hear."

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So he cues up this
History Channel documentary,

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and the first images that I see
are a very worked-up group of KKK members,

28
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and then shortly after that,
black men hanging from a tree.

29
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Now,

30
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he didn't make me watch the whole thing,
because I was a very sensitive child.

31
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But this talk that I had with my dad

32
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is one that many black children in America
have to have at least once in their lives,

33
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about the discrimination and racism
that they are likely to face at some point

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because they are black.

35
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And my dad said,
"I don't mean to scare you,

36
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but I just want you to know that someday,

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someone might want to hurt you
or even kill you because of who you are."

38
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And I remember going
to my bedroom afterwards

39
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and laying on the bed

40
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and staring at the ceiling and saying,

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"Why do they hate us?"

42
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Imagine that little girl wondering
why people didn't like her already,

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because of who she was.

44
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Now, despite the severity of the talk,

45
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when I went back to school on Monday,

46
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I was pretty resilient,
as most children are,

47
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and I mentioned it to my friends,

48
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and I realized that
they were uncomfortable.

49
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And I didn't realize until later

50
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that is was because some of my friends

51
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had not to have this particular kind
of talk with their parents

52
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about somehow confronting someone

53
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who would one day
think that they were beneath them

54
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or want to hurt them
because of who they were.

55
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And after several other incidences
that were similar,

56
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I just realized that
there were some groups

57
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with whom I would not
be able to discuss race.

58
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And so, in groups

59
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where even the differences between us
were glaringly obvious,

60
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I would avoid the topic

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because I didn't want to make
other people uncomfortable.

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Fast-forward a few years
from elementary school.

63
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After I graduated from college,

64
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I decided to use my journalism degree
and teach English in South Korea.

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It was an amazing experience,

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in part due to the fantastic people
that I met, from all corners of the world.

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But moving across the world,
let me tell you,

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can come with just a few challenges,

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as I'm sure you're aware.

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How many of you have ever been
the only one in a room,

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the only one of your race,
of your gender, of your sexuality?

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How does it feel?

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Some people are like,
"Yeah ... it's fine. I felt alright."

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For some people, it makes you feel
incredibly vulnerable.

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Now, imagine that feeling of discomfort
combined with your dad's far-echoing words

76
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of someone maybe not liking you
simply because of who you are,

77
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and take that feeling times a thousand

78
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because you're the only one that looks
like you pretty much in the whole country.

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(Laughter)

80
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Oh, goodness.

81
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It was a fun time though, honestly.

82
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But I did feel like I was
under a microscope at all times.

83
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I mean, I had some of the most
interesting experiences.

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Like, I was going up the escalator
one day in e-mart,

85
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and a man leaned so far over the railing
to get a closer look at me

86
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I thought we were going to make out.

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I thought that that was it,
I had a new husband, you know.

88
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And some of my students would
call me things like "Africa teacher,"

89
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or "Jamaica teacher,"

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which was easy enough to correct.

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They just simply didn't know.

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One time, I got into the taxi cab,

93
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and the taxi driver was just as shocked
to see me as pretty much anyone,

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and after a frantic conversation
in rapid-fire Korean,

95
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he was asking to take my hand.

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I thought, "In marriage?
What's going on here?"

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But it turned out that he just wanted
to try to rub the brown off of it.

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(Laughter)

99
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Yeah! Yeah, that happened! It was real.

100
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Now, that incident was
more amusing than anything,

101
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and these experiences that I had
were more, you know, misunderstandings.

102
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It wasn't like they were purposefully
trying to hurt me at all.

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Which was fine.

104
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But there were other incidences
where the whole purpose was to hurt me.

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So, I go down to Ulsan one weekend
to visit a couple of my friends.

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Ulsan is this beautiful city
on the southern coast of South Korea,

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and they're far more used
to seeing foreigners and tourists.

108
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So I was really
looking forward to a weekend

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where fewer people stared at me, at least.

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And my friends and I,
we go out and we have a great time,

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and we end the day
in one of our favorite bars,

112
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and all of a sudden, mid-conversation,

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my friend to the left of me freezes
like she has seen a ghost,

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like someone has walked over her grave.

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And she turns to the three
Korean men sitting next to her

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and starts yelling at them!

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"What? What is going on?"

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So, of course my friend and I
are concerned.

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Maybe they've said
something inappropriate to her.

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I'm kind of ready
to throw down a little bit.

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I mean, I'm small but mighty!
Like, I'm ready to go!

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(Laughter)

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And instead,

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she turns to me and she says,
with tears in her eyes,

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"They just called you a 'dumb nigger.'"

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Yikes.

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My other friend's reaction turns visceral.

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Now she's yelling at them,
now the bartenders are involved.

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The guys are frantically
trying to explain,

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but it's just because they've been caught.

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My friend who originally heard it
has run to the bathroom, crying,

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because she's so angry.

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But you know what?

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In all of the chaos,
once I realized that that was the issue,

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I got very calm

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because this is exactly what I had been
fearing since I was 10 years old,

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watching a documentary

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about the fact that someone might say
exactly what this man had just said to me,

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and I survived!

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I always thought
that such a blatant racist event

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would feel like a knife through my chest.

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And instead, it felt
more like a paper cut -

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quick sting,

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little scar,

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a reminder that this was not the worst
that I would ever hear,

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but that I would survive.

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Now, not every part of my life
in South Korea was this dramatic.

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I'm just telling you guys
the craziest parts.

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Honestly, it was the greatest
experience ever.

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It really made me a stronger,
more confident and resilient person.

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And that newfound confidence

152
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is probably why three months
after I moved back home

153
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and I got offered the job here in Bend,

154
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I lapped at the opportunity.

155
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It sounded like my dream job
to be a storyteller,

156
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and not just a news reporter.

157
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And when I talked
to my now boss on the phone,

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he informed me that Bend
was not very diverse ...

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(Laughter)

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And by "not very diverse,"

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he meant that there were
a lot of white people!

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(Laughter)

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Which was fine!

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I said, "Well, you know, I moved
to an entirely different country."

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What was moving
to an entirely different state?

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The difference, ladies and gentlemen,
is that, by moving to South Korea,

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I had other people around me who
recognized that feeling of outsiderness,

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of feeling like a foreigner.

169
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And here in Bend, I didn't
really have that relatability,

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and I was experiencing
all of this in the public eye.

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You see, journalists are not
really allowed to have a public opinion.

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We are unbiased figures of the community,

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something that I've struggled with
on certain topics,

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but, for the most part, I understand,

175
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because this is all
that I ever wanted to do,

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and it's part of the job.

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But being the only one who looks like me
on TV can pose unique challenges,

178
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and I find myself putting myself
into two categories quite often:

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Anyssa the journalist
and Anyssa the black chick.

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Now, these two categories clashed
for the first time last summer,

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the same week that Philando Castile
and Alton Stirling, two black men,

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were shot and killed
in two separate states,

183
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the same week that five police officers
were shot and killed in Dallas

184
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in response to those shootings.

185
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It was a tough week to be an American,

186
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and it was certainly
a tough week to be in news.

187
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But the morning that I woke up,

188
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two days after Alton Stirling
had been shot,

189
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to see the fairly graphic video
of Philando Castile dying in his car,

190
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I felt more exhausted than anything.

191
00:10:08,421 --> 00:10:14,096
And I watched a few minutes of the video
and got ready for work,

192
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hopped in the car,

193
00:10:16,573 --> 00:10:18,423
got ready to drive out,

194
00:10:18,423 --> 00:10:22,095
and I got about 10 feet
down the road, if that,

195
00:10:22,095 --> 00:10:24,551
before I burst into tears.

196
00:10:24,901 --> 00:10:28,872
And it's still very hard for me
to talk about without getting emotional,

197
00:10:28,872 --> 00:10:31,974
because these men are people
that I could have known.

198
00:10:31,974 --> 00:10:37,755
They could have been friends, family,
co-workers that I'd had in the past.

199
00:10:38,325 --> 00:10:42,481
And when I got to work
and no one was talking about it,

200
00:10:43,301 --> 00:10:46,024
I've never felt so alone.

201
00:10:46,674 --> 00:10:50,539
I felt like it didn't matter,
what had happened to these men.

202
00:10:50,539 --> 00:10:52,724
I felt like I didn't matter,

203
00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:55,050
and no one even noticed.

204
00:10:55,870 --> 00:10:57,762
So after our morning meeting,

205
00:10:57,762 --> 00:11:01,860
I asked our producer
why we weren't covering the shootings,

206
00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:04,644
and he said that we needed
to find a way to localize it.

207
00:11:04,644 --> 00:11:05,828
Fair enough.

208
00:11:05,828 --> 00:11:09,254
So he suggested that we do
man-on-the-street interviews,

209
00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:13,655
and I wasn't that excited about it,
but I figured, "Alright, here we go."

210
00:11:13,655 --> 00:11:16,232
So my videographer and I go downtown,

211
00:11:16,232 --> 00:11:18,578
and not many people
were willing to talk about it.

212
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:21,160
You know, unpleasantness
just doesn't belong

213
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,531
on a sunny summer day in Bend.

214
00:11:24,081 --> 00:11:28,203
But we did get a couple
who gave us a very modest opinion,

215
00:11:28,203 --> 00:11:30,277
and I was feeling pretty good about myself

216
00:11:30,277 --> 00:11:32,769
because I didn't think
we were going to get anything.

217
00:11:32,769 --> 00:11:36,197
So we were just talking about
packing it in and getting ready to go,

218
00:11:36,197 --> 00:11:38,942
when a man rolled up on his bike:

219
00:11:39,322 --> 00:11:44,107
white man, mid-40s or so, very Bendite,

220
00:11:44,107 --> 00:11:45,638
and he asked what we were doing.

221
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,789
So, we told him:

222
00:11:48,109 --> 00:11:51,313
we were getting opinions
on the shootings that had happened.

223
00:11:51,313 --> 00:11:54,760
And he said, "I have opinions,
but I don't want to say them on camera."

224
00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:58,113
And we repeatedly asked him,
"Are you sure? Are you sure?"

225
00:11:58,113 --> 00:12:00,525
Because, you know,
he wasn't going anywhere.

226
00:12:00,525 --> 00:12:03,186
He definitely wanted to share his opinion.

227
00:12:03,186 --> 00:12:05,648
And before we could get him convinced

228
00:12:05,648 --> 00:12:08,926
that maybe he should just tell us
while the camera was rolling,

229
00:12:08,926 --> 00:12:15,195
he launches into this long opinion
about everyone from Muslims to immigrants,

230
00:12:15,195 --> 00:12:17,090
and then he tops it off by saying,

231
00:12:17,090 --> 00:12:19,478
"I hate to say this,
because you're black ..."

232
00:12:19,478 --> 00:12:22,026
Let's just stop right there
for a little mini lesson:

233
00:12:22,026 --> 00:12:24,100
no good sentence ever ...

234
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,673
(Laughter)

235
00:12:26,673 --> 00:12:30,412
starts with "I hate to be racist, but ..."

236
00:12:30,412 --> 00:12:32,318
(Laughter)

237
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,803
So, he says,

238
00:12:34,803 --> 00:12:37,117
"I hate to say this, because you're black,

239
00:12:37,117 --> 00:12:39,672
but you guys are just built,
stronger and faster,

240
00:12:39,672 --> 00:12:42,002
and sometimes police
have no choice but to shoot,

241
00:12:42,002 --> 00:12:43,321
because they're afraid."

242
00:12:43,321 --> 00:12:44,541
(Audience) Aww ...

243
00:12:44,971 --> 00:12:47,630
"And black people
are more violent, statistically.

244
00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:49,501
You can look it up."

245
00:12:50,751 --> 00:12:53,513
I go completely numb.

246
00:12:53,513 --> 00:12:55,782
I cannot believe
he has just said this to me.

247
00:12:56,412 --> 00:13:01,566
And he said this to me on a sunny day,
in the middle of downtown Bend,

248
00:13:01,566 --> 00:13:06,052
as placidly as if he was telling me
the sky was blue.

249
00:13:07,362 --> 00:13:09,675
That was a knife.

250
00:13:14,231 --> 00:13:15,582
So,

251
00:13:15,582 --> 00:13:17,712
now that you guys have heard that,

252
00:13:18,682 --> 00:13:24,595
a few weeks ago, we aired a story
about me telling this exact same story,

253
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:28,313
and the backlash and comments
were startling.

254
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,977
A lot of people were upset

255
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:35,570
over the fact that "I had made
everyone in Bend look racist"

256
00:13:35,570 --> 00:13:38,214
and said that they would never
watch our show again.

257
00:13:38,596 --> 00:13:41,102
Others suggested
that if I wanted diversity,

258
00:13:41,102 --> 00:13:42,537
I should just move!

259
00:13:44,874 --> 00:13:49,867
And then, of course, there's the infamous
"five black people in Bend" comment.

260
00:13:49,867 --> 00:13:52,051
If there's anything I could take back,

261
00:13:52,051 --> 00:13:53,254
it would be that.

262
00:13:53,254 --> 00:13:56,256
I've just recently said
that there were five of us in Bend,

263
00:13:56,256 --> 00:13:58,501
and people countered with,

264
00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:00,853
"I know at least 12
black people here in Bend."

265
00:14:00,853 --> 00:14:01,871
(Laughter)

266
00:14:01,871 --> 00:14:03,612
"13, even!"

267
00:14:03,612 --> 00:14:05,422
(Laughter)

268
00:14:07,992 --> 00:14:12,192
And to them I say,
"I think you missed the point,"

269
00:14:12,692 --> 00:14:15,623
and also kind of made mine.

270
00:14:16,994 --> 00:14:20,089
Because it doesn't matter
that you know 12 black people,

271
00:14:20,089 --> 00:14:23,638
or 13 or 25 black people in Bend.

272
00:14:23,638 --> 00:14:27,281
The fact that you can count us at all
in a city of literally thousands

273
00:14:27,281 --> 00:14:28,950
should give you pause.

274
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:31,463
I wasn't looking to give
a Census Bureau count

275
00:14:31,463 --> 00:14:34,119
or call everyone in the area racist.

276
00:14:34,119 --> 00:14:35,871
My point remains

277
00:14:35,871 --> 00:14:39,513
that we've got to find a way
to comfortably talk about race.

278
00:14:39,513 --> 00:14:45,146
As soon as I mentioned it,
it was attack mode, defensive.

279
00:14:47,410 --> 00:14:51,212
See, so often, people want to shy away
from the fact that I'm black.

280
00:14:51,212 --> 00:14:55,060
My least favorite phrase
is "I don't see color."

281
00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:58,687
And I get that you mean
that you see us as equals,

282
00:14:58,687 --> 00:15:02,496
but why can't you see me
as your equal and black?

283
00:15:03,316 --> 00:15:06,445
I would never say,
"I don't see you as white."

284
00:15:06,445 --> 00:15:09,280
(Laughter)

285
00:15:12,443 --> 00:15:14,901
(Applause)

286
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:22,499
See, you should acknowledge that I'm black
because I'm okay with it.

287
00:15:22,499 --> 00:15:26,212
I want you to know
that I am a professional woman

288
00:15:26,212 --> 00:15:27,897
and I am black.

289
00:15:28,407 --> 00:15:29,987
And I also want you to know

290
00:15:29,987 --> 00:15:33,092
that even though there may be
more than five of us,

291
00:15:33,092 --> 00:15:38,087
sometimes I feel like the only one
in a sea of literally thousands,

292
00:15:38,087 --> 00:15:41,008
and that can be a real
challenge, and exhausting,

293
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:44,833
on days when I'm already
not having the greatest time.

294
00:15:45,663 --> 00:15:48,130
I want you to know
that living here in Bend

295
00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:52,339
can be just as amazing
as it was living in South Korea,

296
00:15:52,339 --> 00:15:56,061
but it's also scary
when I'm walking down the street

297
00:15:56,061 --> 00:15:59,363
and I wonder who is walking past me

298
00:15:59,363 --> 00:16:03,738
that's thinking the exact same thing
that that man once said to me.

299
00:16:04,878 --> 00:16:07,791
I don't want to leave you
with oversimplified generalizations

300
00:16:07,791 --> 00:16:11,582
like "all black people feel victimized,"
or "all white people are racist."

301
00:16:12,242 --> 00:16:16,545
But in a community like Bend,
where the majority is white,

302
00:16:16,545 --> 00:16:20,072
I want to know: How can we learn together?

303
00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:22,581
How can we hope to create
a better community

304
00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:26,892
if we never see each other's differences,
but only our sameness?

305
00:16:27,442 --> 00:16:32,021
If we take on each other's differences
and see each other more fully,

306
00:16:32,021 --> 00:16:36,169
think about how much better we can make
not just Bend, but the world.

307
00:16:36,169 --> 00:16:37,464
Thank you.

308
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,206
(Applause) (Cheering)