0:00:15.011,0:00:16.310
Hi, guys.

0:00:16.310,0:00:17.729
(Audience) Hi.

0:00:17.729,0:00:20.938
Hi, Oprah, if you're watching.[br]This is my only time for a shout-out.

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But back to you guys ...

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So, here in the audience,[br]I know there are some parents, right?

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Out of those of you who have kids,

0:00:28.006,0:00:31.018
how many of you have had[br]"the talk" with them?

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Right? Right?

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It's weird, right? And it's awkward.

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And I can guarantee you,

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as someone who was once a child[br]who received this talk,

0:00:41.028,0:00:44.256
it is just as awkward for us,[br]if not more so, than you.

0:00:44.886,0:00:47.873
So I got that talk[br]when I was about eight or nine,

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and it was weird, guaranteed.

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But when I was about 9 or 10 -

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that's me -

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I had an entirely different talk[br]with my parents.

0:00:57.211,0:01:01.993
And I'm not really sure how they decided[br]that this was the day to have this talk,

0:01:01.993,0:01:03.815
but one Sunday afternoon,

0:01:03.815,0:01:06.097
my dad said, "I have[br]something to show you,

0:01:06.097,0:01:08.529
and afterwards,[br]we're going to talk about it."

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And then, he cued up[br]a History Channel documentary,

0:01:12.548,0:01:15.037
and he said, "I don't want[br]to hurt your feelings,

0:01:15.037,0:01:16.831
and I know that this might scare you,

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but it's very important for you to hear."

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So he cues up this[br]History Channel documentary,

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and the first images that I see[br]are a very worked-up group of KKK members,

0:01:27.748,0:01:31.742
and then shortly after that,[br]black men hanging from a tree.

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Now,

0:01:35.050,0:01:38.962
he didn't make me watch the whole thing,[br]because I was a very sensitive child.

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But this talk that I had with my dad

0:01:41.303,0:01:46.130
is one that many black children in America[br]have to have at least once in their lives,

0:01:46.130,0:01:50.770
about the discrimination and racism[br]that they are likely to face at some point

0:01:50.770,0:01:52.438
because they are black.

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And my dad said,[br]"I don't mean to scare you,

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but I just want you to know that someday,

0:01:58.816,0:02:03.354
someone might want to hurt you[br]or even kill you because of who you are."

0:02:04.144,0:02:06.282
And I remember going[br]to my bedroom afterwards

0:02:06.282,0:02:07.865
and laying on the bed

0:02:07.865,0:02:10.215
and staring at the ceiling and saying,

0:02:10.215,0:02:12.185
"Why do they hate us?"

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Imagine that little girl wondering[br]why people didn't like her already,

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because of who she was.

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Now, despite the severity of the talk,

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when I went back to school on Monday,

0:02:26.586,0:02:28.682
I was pretty resilient,[br]as most children are,

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and I mentioned it to my friends,

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and I realized that[br]they were uncomfortable.

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And I didn't realize until later

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that is was because some of my friends

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had not to have this particular kind[br]of talk with their parents

0:02:43.206,0:02:45.858
about somehow confronting someone

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who would one day[br]think that they were beneath them

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or want to hurt them[br]because of who they were.

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And after several other incidences[br]that were similar,

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I just realized that[br]there were some groups

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with whom I would not[br]be able to discuss race.

0:03:01.976,0:03:03.174
And so, in groups

0:03:03.174,0:03:07.667
where even the differences between us[br]were glaringly obvious,

0:03:07.667,0:03:08.890
I would avoid the topic

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because I didn't want to make[br]other people uncomfortable.

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Fast-forward a few years[br]from elementary school.

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After I graduated from college,

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I decided to use my journalism degree[br]and teach English in South Korea.

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It was an amazing experience,

0:03:23.897,0:03:30.116
in part due to the fantastic people[br]that I met, from all corners of the world.

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But moving across the world,[br]let me tell you,

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can come with just a few challenges,

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as I'm sure you're aware.

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How many of you have ever been[br]the only one in a room,

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the only one of your race,[br]of your gender, of your sexuality?

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How does it feel?

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Some people are like,[br]"Yeah ... it's fine. I felt alright."

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For some people, it makes you feel[br]incredibly vulnerable.

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Now, imagine that feeling of discomfort[br]combined with your dad's far-echoing words

0:04:00.251,0:04:04.561
of someone maybe not liking you[br]simply because of who you are,

0:04:04.561,0:04:07.051
and take that feeling times a thousand

0:04:07.051,0:04:10.885
because you're the only one that looks[br]like you pretty much in the whole country.

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(Laughter)

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Oh, goodness.

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It was a fun time though, honestly.

0:04:19.502,0:04:23.763
But I did feel like I was[br]under a microscope at all times.

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I mean, I had some of the most[br]interesting experiences.

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Like, I was going up the escalator[br]one day in e-mart,

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and a man leaned so far over the railing[br]to get a closer look at me

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I thought we were going to make out.

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I thought that that was it,[br]I had a new husband, you know.

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And some of my students would[br]call me things like "Africa teacher,"

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or "Jamaica teacher,"

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which was easy enough to correct.

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They just simply didn't know.

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One time, I got into the taxi cab,

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and the taxi driver was just as shocked[br]to see me as pretty much anyone,

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and after a frantic conversation[br]in rapid-fire Korean,

0:05:02.104,0:05:05.904
he was asking to take my hand.

0:05:05.904,0:05:08.709
I thought, "In marriage?[br]What's going on here?"

0:05:08.709,0:05:14.299
But it turned out that he just wanted[br]to try to rub the brown off of it.

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(Laughter)

0:05:15.479,0:05:18.768
Yeah! Yeah, that happened! It was real.

0:05:18.768,0:05:21.114
Now, that incident was[br]more amusing than anything,

0:05:21.114,0:05:27.389
and these experiences that I had[br]were more, you know, misunderstandings.

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It wasn't like they were purposefully[br]trying to hurt me at all.

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Which was fine.

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But there were other incidences[br]where the whole purpose was to hurt me.

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So, I go down to Ulsan one weekend[br]to visit a couple of my friends.

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Ulsan is this beautiful city[br]on the southern coast of South Korea,

0:05:47.224,0:05:50.132
and they're far more used[br]to seeing foreigners and tourists.

0:05:50.132,0:05:53.521
So I was really[br]looking forward to a weekend

0:05:53.521,0:05:56.260
where fewer people stared at me, at least.

0:05:56.880,0:05:59.582
And my friends and I,[br]we go out and we have a great time,

0:05:59.582,0:06:02.463
and we end the day[br]in one of our favorite bars,

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and all of a sudden, mid-conversation,

0:06:06.118,0:06:10.308
my friend to the left of me freezes[br]like she has seen a ghost,

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like someone has walked over her grave.

0:06:13.077,0:06:17.583
And she turns to the three[br]Korean men sitting next to her

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and starts yelling at them!

0:06:20.524,0:06:22.908
"What? What is going on?"

0:06:23.518,0:06:25.562
So, of course my friend and I[br]are concerned.

0:06:25.562,0:06:27.953
Maybe they've said[br]something inappropriate to her.

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I'm kind of ready[br]to throw down a little bit.

0:06:30.052,0:06:32.602
I mean, I'm small but mighty![br]Like, I'm ready to go!

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(Laughter)

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And instead,

0:06:36.356,0:06:40.466
she turns to me and she says,[br]with tears in her eyes,

0:06:40.466,0:06:42.928
"They just called you a 'dumb nigger.'"

0:06:44.028,0:06:45.186
Yikes.

0:06:45.666,0:06:48.970
My other friend's reaction turns visceral.

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Now she's yelling at them,[br]now the bartenders are involved.

0:06:52.866,0:06:56.246
The guys are frantically[br]trying to explain,

0:06:56.246,0:06:58.298
but it's just because they've been caught.

0:06:58.298,0:07:01.815
My friend who originally heard it[br]has run to the bathroom, crying,

0:07:01.815,0:07:02.910
because she's so angry.

0:07:02.910,0:07:04.283
But you know what?

0:07:04.656,0:07:08.453
In all of the chaos,[br]once I realized that that was the issue,

0:07:08.913,0:07:12.126
I got very calm

0:07:12.494,0:07:16.305
because this is exactly what I had been[br]fearing since I was 10 years old,

0:07:16.305,0:07:18.202
watching a documentary

0:07:18.202,0:07:23.296
about the fact that someone might say[br]exactly what this man had just said to me,

0:07:23.766,0:07:25.314
and I survived!

0:07:25.863,0:07:29.252
I always thought[br]that such a blatant racist event

0:07:29.252,0:07:32.290
would feel like a knife through my chest.

0:07:32.632,0:07:36.002
And instead, it felt[br]more like a paper cut -

0:07:36.492,0:07:37.970
quick sting,

0:07:37.970,0:07:39.380
little scar,

0:07:39.380,0:07:42.894
a reminder that this was not the worst[br]that I would ever hear,

0:07:42.894,0:07:44.925
but that I would survive.

0:07:45.804,0:07:49.111
Now, not every part of my life[br]in South Korea was this dramatic.

0:07:49.111,0:07:51.220
I'm just telling you guys[br]the craziest parts.

0:07:51.220,0:07:54.215
Honestly, it was the greatest[br]experience ever.

0:07:54.215,0:07:59.337
It really made me a stronger,[br]more confident and resilient person.

0:07:59.724,0:08:01.057
And that newfound confidence

0:08:01.057,0:08:04.171
is probably why three months[br]after I moved back home

0:08:04.411,0:08:06.838
and I got offered the job here in Bend,

0:08:07.203,0:08:09.550
I lapped at the opportunity.

0:08:09.550,0:08:13.155
It sounded like my dream job[br]to be a storyteller,

0:08:13.155,0:08:15.374
and not just a news reporter.

0:08:15.374,0:08:18.427
And when I talked[br]to my now boss on the phone,

0:08:18.427,0:08:22.191
he informed me that Bend[br]was not very diverse ...

0:08:22.191,0:08:23.390
(Laughter)

0:08:23.390,0:08:24.743
And by "not very diverse,"

0:08:24.743,0:08:28.579
he meant that there were[br]a lot of white people!

0:08:28.579,0:08:29.806
(Laughter)

0:08:29.806,0:08:30.823
Which was fine!

0:08:30.823,0:08:35.300
I said, "Well, you know, I moved[br]to an entirely different country."

0:08:35.300,0:08:38.137
What was moving[br]to an entirely different state?

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The difference, ladies and gentlemen,[br]is that, by moving to South Korea,

0:08:42.996,0:08:47.708
I had other people around me who[br]recognized that feeling of outsiderness,

0:08:47.708,0:08:50.483
of feeling like a foreigner.

0:08:50.483,0:08:54.971
And here in Bend, I didn't[br]really have that relatability,

0:08:54.971,0:08:59.375
and I was experiencing[br]all of this in the public eye.

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You see, journalists are not[br]really allowed to have a public opinion.

0:09:03.228,0:09:05.542
We are unbiased figures of the community,

0:09:05.542,0:09:08.073
something that I've struggled with[br]on certain topics,

0:09:08.073,0:09:09.858
but, for the most part, I understand,

0:09:09.858,0:09:12.899
because this is all[br]that I ever wanted to do,

0:09:12.899,0:09:14.444
and it's part of the job.

0:09:14.764,0:09:20.292
But being the only one who looks like me[br]on TV can pose unique challenges,

0:09:20.574,0:09:25.662
and I find myself putting myself[br]into two categories quite often:

0:09:26.172,0:09:29.916
Anyssa the journalist[br]and Anyssa the black chick.

0:09:31.066,0:09:35.410
Now, these two categories clashed[br]for the first time last summer,

0:09:35.410,0:09:39.533
the same week that Philando Castile[br]and Alton Stirling, two black men,

0:09:39.533,0:09:41.693
were shot and killed[br]in two separate states,

0:09:41.693,0:09:45.682
the same week that five police officers[br]were shot and killed in Dallas

0:09:45.682,0:09:47.683
in response to those shootings.

0:09:48.423,0:09:50.302
It was a tough week to be an American,

0:09:50.302,0:09:54.190
and it was certainly[br]a tough week to be in news.

0:09:54.770,0:09:56.252
But the morning that I woke up,

0:09:56.252,0:09:58.355
two days after Alton Stirling[br]had been shot,

0:09:58.355,0:10:04.209
to see the fairly graphic video[br]of Philando Castile dying in his car,

0:10:04.209,0:10:08.131
I felt more exhausted than anything.

0:10:08.421,0:10:14.096
And I watched a few minutes of the video[br]and got ready for work,

0:10:14.632,0:10:16.573
hopped in the car,

0:10:16.573,0:10:18.423
got ready to drive out,

0:10:18.423,0:10:22.095
and I got about 10 feet[br]down the road, if that,

0:10:22.095,0:10:24.551
before I burst into tears.

0:10:24.901,0:10:28.872
And it's still very hard for me[br]to talk about without getting emotional,

0:10:28.872,0:10:31.974
because these men are people[br]that I could have known.

0:10:31.974,0:10:37.755
They could have been friends, family,[br]co-workers that I'd had in the past.

0:10:38.325,0:10:42.481
And when I got to work[br]and no one was talking about it,

0:10:43.301,0:10:46.024
I've never felt so alone.

0:10:46.674,0:10:50.539
I felt like it didn't matter,[br]what had happened to these men.

0:10:50.539,0:10:52.724
I felt like I didn't matter,

0:10:52.724,0:10:55.050
and no one even noticed.

0:10:55.870,0:10:57.762
So after our morning meeting,

0:10:57.762,0:11:01.860
I asked our producer[br]why we weren't covering the shootings,

0:11:01.860,0:11:04.644
and he said that we needed[br]to find a way to localize it.

0:11:04.644,0:11:05.828
Fair enough.

0:11:05.828,0:11:09.254
So he suggested that we do[br]man-on-the-street interviews,

0:11:09.254,0:11:13.655
and I wasn't that excited about it,[br]but I figured, "Alright, here we go."

0:11:13.655,0:11:16.232
So my videographer and I go downtown,

0:11:16.232,0:11:18.578
and not many people[br]were willing to talk about it.

0:11:18.578,0:11:21.160
You know, unpleasantness[br]just doesn't belong

0:11:21.160,0:11:23.531
on a sunny summer day in Bend.

0:11:24.081,0:11:28.203
But we did get a couple[br]who gave us a very modest opinion,

0:11:28.203,0:11:30.277
and I was feeling pretty good about myself

0:11:30.277,0:11:32.769
because I didn't think[br]we were going to get anything.

0:11:32.769,0:11:36.197
So we were just talking about[br]packing it in and getting ready to go,

0:11:36.197,0:11:38.942
when a man rolled up on his bike:

0:11:39.322,0:11:44.107
white man, mid-40s or so, very Bendite,

0:11:44.107,0:11:45.638
and he asked what we were doing.

0:11:45.638,0:11:47.789
So, we told him:

0:11:48.109,0:11:51.313
we were getting opinions[br]on the shootings that had happened.

0:11:51.313,0:11:54.760
And he said, "I have opinions,[br]but I don't want to say them on camera."

0:11:55.060,0:11:58.113
And we repeatedly asked him,[br]"Are you sure? Are you sure?"

0:11:58.113,0:12:00.525
Because, you know,[br]he wasn't going anywhere.

0:12:00.525,0:12:03.186
He definitely wanted to share his opinion.

0:12:03.186,0:12:05.648
And before we could get him convinced

0:12:05.648,0:12:08.926
that maybe he should just tell us[br]while the camera was rolling,

0:12:08.926,0:12:15.195
he launches into this long opinion[br]about everyone from Muslims to immigrants,

0:12:15.195,0:12:17.090
and then he tops it off by saying,

0:12:17.090,0:12:19.478
"I hate to say this,[br]because you're black ..."

0:12:19.478,0:12:22.026
Let's just stop right there[br]for a little mini lesson:

0:12:22.026,0:12:24.100
no good sentence ever ...

0:12:24.100,0:12:26.673
(Laughter)

0:12:26.673,0:12:30.412
starts with "I hate to be racist, but ..."

0:12:30.412,0:12:32.318
(Laughter)

0:12:32.318,0:12:34.803
So, he says,

0:12:34.803,0:12:37.117
"I hate to say this, because you're black,

0:12:37.117,0:12:39.672
but you guys are just built,[br]stronger and faster,

0:12:39.672,0:12:42.002
and sometimes police[br]have no choice but to shoot,

0:12:42.002,0:12:43.321
because they're afraid."

0:12:43.321,0:12:44.541
(Audience) Aww ...

0:12:44.971,0:12:47.630
"And black people[br]are more violent, statistically.

0:12:47.630,0:12:49.501
You can look it up."

0:12:50.751,0:12:53.513
I go completely numb.

0:12:53.513,0:12:55.782
I cannot believe[br]he has just said this to me.

0:12:56.412,0:13:01.566
And he said this to me on a sunny day,[br]in the middle of downtown Bend,

0:13:01.566,0:13:06.052
as placidly as if he was telling me[br]the sky was blue.

0:13:07.362,0:13:09.675
That was a knife.

0:13:14.231,0:13:15.582
So,

0:13:15.582,0:13:17.712
now that you guys have heard that,

0:13:18.682,0:13:24.595
a few weeks ago, we aired a story[br]about me telling this exact same story,

0:13:24.595,0:13:28.313
and the backlash and comments[br]were startling.

0:13:28.891,0:13:31.977
A lot of people were upset

0:13:31.977,0:13:35.570
over the fact that "I had made[br]everyone in Bend look racist"

0:13:35.570,0:13:38.214
and said that they would never[br]watch our show again.

0:13:38.596,0:13:41.102
Others suggested[br]that if I wanted diversity,

0:13:41.102,0:13:42.537
I should just move!

0:13:44.874,0:13:49.867
And then, of course, there's the infamous[br]"five black people in Bend" comment.

0:13:49.867,0:13:52.051
If there's anything I could take back,

0:13:52.051,0:13:53.254
it would be that.

0:13:53.254,0:13:56.256
I've just recently said[br]that there were five of us in Bend,

0:13:56.256,0:13:58.501
and people countered with,

0:13:58.501,0:14:00.853
"I know at least 12[br]black people here in Bend."

0:14:00.853,0:14:01.871
(Laughter)

0:14:01.871,0:14:03.612
"13, even!"

0:14:03.612,0:14:05.422
(Laughter)

0:14:07.992,0:14:12.192
And to them I say,[br]"I think you missed the point,"

0:14:12.692,0:14:15.623
and also kind of made mine.

0:14:16.994,0:14:20.089
Because it doesn't matter[br]that you know 12 black people,

0:14:20.089,0:14:23.638
or 13 or 25 black people in Bend.

0:14:23.638,0:14:27.281
The fact that you can count us at all[br]in a city of literally thousands

0:14:27.281,0:14:28.950
should give you pause.

0:14:28.950,0:14:31.463
I wasn't looking to give[br]a Census Bureau count

0:14:31.463,0:14:34.119
or call everyone in the area racist.

0:14:34.119,0:14:35.871
My point remains

0:14:35.871,0:14:39.513
that we've got to find a way[br]to comfortably talk about race.

0:14:39.513,0:14:45.146
As soon as I mentioned it,[br]it was attack mode, defensive.

0:14:47.410,0:14:51.212
See, so often, people want to shy away[br]from the fact that I'm black.

0:14:51.212,0:14:55.060
My least favorite phrase[br]is "I don't see color."

0:14:55.580,0:14:58.687
And I get that you mean[br]that you see us as equals,

0:14:58.687,0:15:02.496
but why can't you see me[br]as your equal and black?

0:15:03.316,0:15:06.445
I would never say,[br]"I don't see you as white."

0:15:06.445,0:15:09.280
(Laughter)

0:15:12.443,0:15:14.901
(Applause)

0:15:18.951,0:15:22.499
See, you should acknowledge that I'm black[br]because I'm okay with it.

0:15:22.499,0:15:26.212
I want you to know[br]that I am a professional woman

0:15:26.212,0:15:27.897
and I am black.

0:15:28.407,0:15:29.987
And I also want you to know

0:15:29.987,0:15:33.092
that even though there may be[br]more than five of us,

0:15:33.092,0:15:38.087
sometimes I feel like the only one[br]in a sea of literally thousands,

0:15:38.087,0:15:41.008
and that can be a real[br]challenge, and exhausting,

0:15:41.008,0:15:44.833
on days when I'm already[br]not having the greatest time.

0:15:45.663,0:15:48.130
I want you to know[br]that living here in Bend

0:15:48.130,0:15:52.339
can be just as amazing[br]as it was living in South Korea,

0:15:52.339,0:15:56.061
but it's also scary[br]when I'm walking down the street

0:15:56.061,0:15:59.363
and I wonder who is walking past me

0:15:59.363,0:16:03.738
that's thinking the exact same thing[br]that that man once said to me.

0:16:04.878,0:16:07.791
I don't want to leave you[br]with oversimplified generalizations

0:16:07.791,0:16:11.582
like "all black people feel victimized,"[br]or "all white people are racist."

0:16:12.242,0:16:16.545
But in a community like Bend,[br]where the majority is white,

0:16:16.545,0:16:20.072
I want to know: How can we learn together?

0:16:20.072,0:16:22.581
How can we hope to create[br]a better community

0:16:22.581,0:16:26.892
if we never see each other's differences,[br]but only our sameness?

0:16:27.442,0:16:32.021
If we take on each other's differences[br]and see each other more fully,

0:16:32.021,0:16:36.169
think about how much better we can make[br]not just Bend, but the world.

0:16:36.169,0:16:37.464
Thank you.

0:16:37.464,0:16:40.206
(Applause) (Cheering)