[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.75,0:00:08.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This summer I was back\Nin Ohio for a family wedding,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.78,0:00:11.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when I was there,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.18,0:00:14.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there was a meet and greet\Nwith Anna and Elsa from Frozen.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.48,0:00:20.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not the Anna and Elsa from Frozen\Nas this was not a Disney sanctioned event,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.81,0:00:25.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these two entrepreneurs had a business\Nof running princess parties.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.70,0:00:27.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your kid is turning five?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.16,0:00:30.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They'll come sing some songs,\Nsprinkle some fairy dust, it's great.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.55,0:00:34.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they were not about\Nto miss out on the opportunity
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.86,0:00:37.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was the phenomenon that was Frozen,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.80,0:00:39.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so get hired by a local toy store,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.70,0:00:41.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kids come in on a Saturday morning
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.46,0:00:44.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,buy some Disney swag,\Nget the picture taken with the princesses,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.76,0:00:45.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,call it a day.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.83,0:00:48.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like Santa Claus\Nwithout the seasonal restrictions.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.86,0:00:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.46,0:00:54.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my three-and-a-half-year-old niece\NSamantha was in the thick of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.91,0:01:00.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She could care less that these two women\Nwere signing posters and coloring books
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.16,0:01:05.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as Snow Queen and Princess Ana\Nwith one 'n' to avoid copyright lawsuits
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.27,0:01:07.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.12,0:01:11.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,according to my niece and the 200 plus\Nkids in the parking lot that day,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.82,0:01:15.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this was the Anna and Elsa from Frozen.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.85,0:01:18.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, let me paint the picture:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.36,0:01:22.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is a blazing hot Saturday morning,\Nin August, in Ohio.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.60,0:01:26.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We get there at ten o'clock,\Nthe scheduled start time,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.87,0:01:29.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are handed number 59.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.11,0:01:33.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By 11 o'clock they had called\Nnumbers 21 through 25;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.67,0:01:35.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this was going to be a while,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.43,0:01:39.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there is no amount\Nof free face painting or temporary tattoos
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.89,0:01:43.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that could prevent the meltdowns\Nthat were occurring outside of the store.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.40,0:01:44.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.97,0:01:48.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, by 12.30 we get called,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.11,0:01:51.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"56 to 63, please."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.32,0:01:55.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as we walk in, it is a scene\NI can only describe you
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.68,0:01:58.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as saying it looked like Norway throw-up.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.57,0:01:59.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.95,0:02:03.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were cardboard\Ncut-out-snowflakes covering the floor,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.33,0:02:08.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,glitter on every flat surface,\Nand icicles all over the walls.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.13,0:02:11.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as we stood in line
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.57,0:02:14.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in an attempt to give my niece\Na better vantage point
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.14,0:02:16.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than the backside\Nof the mother of number 58,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.27,0:02:17.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put her up on my shoulders,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.88,0:02:21.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she was instantly riveted\Nby the sight of the princesses.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.98,0:02:24.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as we moved forward,\Nher excitement only grew,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.52,0:02:26.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as we finally got\Nto the front of the line,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.85,0:02:30.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and number 58 unfurled her poster\Nto be signed by the princesses
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.50,0:02:34.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could literally feel the excitement\Nrunning through her body.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.10,0:02:37.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And let's be honest,\Nat that point, I was pretty excited too.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.06,0:02:38.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.46,0:02:41.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, the Scandinavian decadence\Nwas mesmerizing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.46,0:02:42.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.63,0:02:44.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we get to the front of the line,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.54,0:02:47.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the haggard clerk\Nturns to my niece and says:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.55,0:02:49.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hi honey, you're next!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.37,0:02:51.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you want to get down,\Nor you're going to stay
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.66,0:02:53.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on your dad's shoulders for the picture?'
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.91,0:02:55.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.40,0:02:58.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was, for a lack\Nof a better word, frozen!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.26,0:03:00.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.87,0:03:05.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's amazing that in an unexpected instant\Nwe are faced with the question,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.67,0:03:06.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who am I?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.100,0:03:10.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Am I an aunt? Or am I an advocate?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.47,0:03:14.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Millions of people have seen my video\Nabout how to have a hard conversation,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.30,0:03:16.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there one was, right in front of me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.61,0:03:17.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At the same time,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.69,0:03:20.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's nothing more important\Nto me than the kids in my life
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.60,0:03:24.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I found myself in a situation\Nthat we so often find ourselves in,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.54,0:03:27.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,torn between two things,\Ntwo impossible choices:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.77,0:03:29.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would I be an advocate?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.79,0:03:34.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would I take my niece off my shoulders\Nand turn to the clerk and explain to her
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.34,0:03:37.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I was in fact\Nher aunt, not her father,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.48,0:03:39.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that she should be more careful
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.85,0:03:44.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not jump to gender conclusions\Nbased on haircuts and shoulder rides
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.60,0:03:45.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.74,0:03:47.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and while doing that,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.60,0:03:52.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,miss out on what was, to this point,\Nthe greatest moment of my niece's life.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.12,0:03:55.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or would I be an aunt?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.21,0:03:58.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would I brush off that comment,\Ntake a million pictures,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.34,0:04:02.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not be distracted for an instant\Nfrom the pure joy of that moment,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.32,0:04:04.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and by doing that,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.84,0:04:08.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,walk out with the shame that comes up\Nfrom not standing up for myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.22,0:04:10.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially in front of my niece.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.61,0:04:12.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who was I?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.41,0:04:17.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which one was more important?\NWhich role was more worth it?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.23,0:04:20.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Was I an aunt? Or was I an advocate?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.22,0:04:23.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had a split second to decide.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.24,0:04:25.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are taught right now
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.81,0:04:30.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we are living in a world\Nof constant and increasing polarity.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.11,0:04:34.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's so black and white,\Nso us and them, so right and wrong,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.52,0:04:39.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is no middle,\Nthere is no gray; just polarity.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.85,0:04:42.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Polarity is a state
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.13,0:04:45.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which two ideas or opinions\Nare completely opposite from each other;
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.48,0:04:48.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a diametrical opposition.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.13,0:04:50.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which side are you on?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.71,0:04:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you unequivocally and without question\Nanti war, pro-choice, anti death penalty,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.77,0:04:58.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pro-gun regulation, proponent\Nof open borders, and pro-union?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.82,0:05:00.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or are you,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.37,0:05:05.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,absolutely and uncompromisingly\Npro-war, pro-life, pro-death penalty,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.64,0:05:08.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a believer that the Second Amendment\Nis absolute,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.03,0:05:10.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anti immigrant and pro-business?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.31,0:05:12.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's all or none, you're with us\Nor against us.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.54,0:05:14.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is polarity.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.45,0:05:18.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem with polarity and absolutes
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.19,0:05:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that it eliminates the individuality\Nof our human experience
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.76,0:05:28.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that makes it contradictory\Nto our human nature.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.87,0:05:32.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if we are pulled\Nin these two directions,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.01,0:05:35.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not really where we exist,\N- polarity is not our actual reality -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.69,0:05:37.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where do we go from there?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.37,0:05:40.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's at the other end of that spectrum?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.37,0:05:44.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I don't think\Nit's an unattainable harmonious utopia,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.41,0:05:47.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think the opposite\Nof polarity is duality.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.84,0:05:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Duality is a state of having two parts,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.68,0:05:53.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not in diametrical opposition:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.73,0:05:56.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in simultaneous existence.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.68,0:05:58.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't think it's possible?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.66,0:06:00.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here are the people I know:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.33,0:06:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know Catholics who are pro-choice,\Nand feminists who wear hijabs,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.54,0:06:05.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and veterans who are anti-war,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.20,0:06:07.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and NRA members who think\NI should be able to get married.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.99,0:06:11.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are the people I know,\Nthose are my friends and family,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.02,0:06:13.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is the majority of our society,\Nthat is you, that is me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.00,0:06:15.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.72,0:06:26.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Duality is the ability\Nto hold both things,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.89,0:06:31.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the question is:\NCan we own our duality?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.01,0:06:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can we have the courage\Nto hold both things?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.88,0:06:38.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I work at a restaurant in town,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.79,0:06:41.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I became really good friends\Nwith the busser.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.41,0:06:45.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a server and we had a relationship,\Nwe had a really great time together.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.99,0:06:48.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her Spanish was great
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.61,0:06:51.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because she was from Mexico.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.45,0:06:53.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.31,0:06:55.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That line actually went the other way.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.75,0:06:59.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her English was limited,\Nbut significantly better than my Spanish.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.85,0:07:05.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we were united by our similarities,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.68,0:07:08.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not separated by our differences.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.84,0:07:12.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we were close, even though\Nwe came from very different worlds.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.11,0:07:15.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was from Mexico,\Nshe left her family behind
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.32,0:07:18.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so she could come here\Nand afford them a better life back home.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.77,0:07:23.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was a devout conservative catholic,\Na believer in traditional family values,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.83,0:07:25.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stereotypical roles of men and women,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.93,0:07:28.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was, well, me.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.73,0:07:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.63,0:07:34.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the things that bonded us\Nwere when she asked about my girlfriend,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.32,0:07:37.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or she shared pictures\Nthat she had from her family back home.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.79,0:07:40.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those were the things\Nthat brought us together.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.42,0:07:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So one day, we were in the back,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.00,0:07:45.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,scarfing down food as quick as we could,\Ngathered around a small table,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.68,0:07:47.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,during a very rare lull,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.41,0:07:50.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a new guy from the kitchen came over\N- who happened to be her cousin -
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.98,0:07:53.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sat down\Nwith all the bravado and machismo
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.79,0:07:55.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that his 21-year-old body could hold
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.95,0:07:57.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.77,0:08:02.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and said to her,\N(Spanish) "Does Ash have a boyfriend?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.90,0:08:07.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said,\N(Spanish) "No, she has a girlfriend."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.39,0:08:12.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said,\N(Spanish) "A girlfriend??"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.91,0:08:16.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she set down her fork,\Nand locked eyes with him,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.02,0:08:20.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and said: (Spanish) "Yes,\Na girlfriend, and that is all."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.05,0:08:25.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his smugged smile quickly dropped\Nto one of maternal respect,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.94,0:08:29.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,grabbed his plate, walked off,\Nwent back to work.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.14,0:08:30.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She never made eye contact with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.67,0:08:33.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She left, did the same thing
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.38,0:08:36.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- it was a 10 second conversation,\Nsuch a short interaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.66,0:08:39.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And on paper, she had\Nso much more in common with him:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.32,0:08:43.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,language, culture, history, family,\Nher community was her lifeline here,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.29,0:08:47.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but her moral compass trumped all of that.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.46,0:08:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a little bit later, they were joking\Naround in the kitchen, in Spanish,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.12,0:08:54.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that had nothing to do with me,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.02,0:08:56.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that is duality.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.47,0:08:59.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She didn't have to choose\Nsome PC stands
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.33,0:09:01.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on gayness over her heritage,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.34,0:09:04.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she didn't have to choose\Nher family over our friendship.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.13,0:09:06.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't Jesus or Ash.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.41,0:09:08.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.56,0:09:12.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.18,0:09:21.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her individual morality\Nwas so strongly rooted
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.76,0:09:25.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that she had the courage\Nto hold both things.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.14,0:09:28.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our moral integrity is our responsibility
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.32,0:09:32.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we must be prepared to defend it\Neven when it's not convenient.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.56,0:09:36.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what it means to be an ally,\Nand if you're going to be an ally,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.01,0:09:38.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to be an active ally:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.16,0:09:41.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ask questions, act when you hear\Nsomething inappropriate;
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.05,0:09:44.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually engage.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.08,0:09:48.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had a family friend who for years\Nused to call my girlfriend 'my lover.'
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.53,0:09:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really? Lover?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.98,0:09:55.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So overly sexual,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.00,0:09:57.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so '70s gay porn.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.05,0:09:58.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.29,0:10:03.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But she was trying, and she asked.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.79,0:10:05.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She could have called her my friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.57,0:10:09.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or my 'friend,' or my 'special friend'
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.71,0:10:11.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.09,0:10:14.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even worse, just not ask at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.06,0:10:17.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Believe me, we would rather have you ask,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.69,0:10:22.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would rather have her say 'lover,'\Nthan say nothing at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.93,0:10:25.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People often say to me:\N"Well, Ash I don't care,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.96,0:10:29.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't see race,\Nor religion, or sexuality.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.76,0:10:32.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't matter to me. I don't see it."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.91,0:10:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I think the opposite of homophobia,\Nand racism, and xenophobia is not love,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.24,0:10:40.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's apathy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.86,0:10:44.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't see my gayness,\Nthen you don't see me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.96,0:10:47.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If it doesn't matter to you\Nwho I sleep with,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.95,0:10:50.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you cannot imagine what it feels like
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.14,0:10:53.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I walk down the street,\Nlate at night, holding her hand,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.04,0:10:55.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and approach a group of people\Nand have to make the decision
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.89,0:10:58.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I should hang on to it,\Nor I should I drop it
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.18,0:11:00.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when all I want to do\Nis squeeze it tighter.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.49,0:11:03.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the small victory I feel
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.01,0:11:05.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I make it by,\Nand don't have to let go.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.72,0:11:10.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the incredible cowardice\Nand disappointment I feel when I drop it.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.84,0:11:12.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you do not see that struggle
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.79,0:11:18.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is unique to my human experience\Nbecause I am gay, then you don't see me.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.26,0:11:24.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you are going to be an ally,\NI need you to see me.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.68,0:11:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As individuals, as allies, as humans,\Nwe need to be able to hold both things,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.62,0:11:34.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,both the good and the bad,\Nthe easy and the hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.90,0:11:39.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you don't learn how to hold\Ntwo things just from the fluff,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.37,0:11:41.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you learn it from the grit.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.77,0:11:44.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what if duality\Nis just the first step?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.31,0:11:51.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if through compassion,\Nand empathy, and human interaction
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.14,0:11:53.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we are able to learn to hold two things?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.53,0:11:55.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we can hold\Ntwo things, we can hold four,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.85,0:11:57.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we can hold four,\Nwe can hold eight,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.86,0:12:00.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we can hold eight,\Nwe can hold hundreds.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.10,0:12:04.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are complex individuals,\Nswirls of contradiction.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.36,0:12:07.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are all holding\Nso many things right now!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.89,0:12:11.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What can you do to hold just a few more?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.10,0:12:16.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, back to Toledo, Ohio,\NI'm at the front of the line,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.42,0:12:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,niece on my shoulders,\Nthe frazzled clerk calls me dad.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.52,0:12:24.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you ever been mistaken\Nfor the wrong gender?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.11,0:12:27.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not even that.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.31,0:12:31.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you ever been called\Nsomething you are not?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.51,0:12:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's what it feels like for me:
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.04,0:12:40.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am instantly an internal storm\Nof contrasting emotions.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.11,0:12:45.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I break out onto a sweat that is\Na combination of rage and humiliation,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:45.66,0:12:48.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel like the entire store\Nis staring at me,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.62,0:12:51.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I simultaneously feel invisible.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.18,0:12:54.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to explode in a tirade of fury,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.12,0:12:56.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I want to crawl under a rock.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.72,0:12:59.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And top all of that off\Nwith the frustration that I'm wearing
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.82,0:13:03.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an out-of-characteristic,\Ntight-fitting, purple T-shirt,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.76,0:13:05.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so this whole store can see my boobs,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.70,0:13:08.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make sure this exact\Nsame thing doesn't happen.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.46,0:13:11.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.54,0:13:15.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, despite my best efforts\Nto be seen as the gender I am,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.17,0:13:16.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it still happens.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.80,0:13:21.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I hope with every ounce\Nof my body that no one here heard:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.50,0:13:26.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not my sister, not my girlfriend,\Nand certainly not my niece.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.70,0:13:29.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am accustomed to this familiar hurt,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.19,0:13:33.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I would do whatever I need to do\Nto protect the people I love from it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.91,0:13:36.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I take my niece off my shoulders,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.44,0:13:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she runs to Elsa and Anna
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.62,0:13:41.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- the thing she's been\Nwaiting so long for -
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.18,0:13:46.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all that stuff goes away;\Nall that matters is the smile on her face.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.98,0:13:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as the 30 seconds, we waited\Ntwo-and-a-half hours for, comes to a close
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.64,0:13:57.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we gather up our things,\Nand I lock eyes with the clerk again;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.84,0:14:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she gives me\Nan apologetic smile and mouths,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.98,0:14:03.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am so sorry!
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.28,0:14:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.39,0:14:10.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And her humanity, her willingness to admit\Nher mistake disarms me immediately,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.24,0:14:16.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I give her a: "It's OK, it happens.\NBut thanks!"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.42,0:14:19.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I realize in that moment
Dialogue: 0,0:14:19.41,0:14:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I don't have to be
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.44,0:14:25.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,either an aunt\Nor an advocate, I can be both.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.90,0:14:31.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can live in duality,\Nand I can hold two things.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.25,0:14:35.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if I can hold two things\Nin that environment,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.19,0:14:37.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can hold so many more things.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.54,0:14:41.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As my girlfriend and my niece hold hands\Nand skip out at the front of the door,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.30,0:14:44.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I turn to my sister and say,\N"Was it worth it?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.04,0:14:45.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said: "Are you kidding me?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.82,0:14:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Did you see the look on her face?\NThis was the greatest day of her life!"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.70,0:14:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.80,0:14:53.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was worth the two\Nand a half hours in the heat,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:53.76,0:14:58.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was worth the overpriced coloring book\Nthat we already had a copy of
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.15,0:14:59.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.86,0:15:03.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was even worth you getting called dad
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.51,0:15:04.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.20,0:15:12.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for the first time ever\Nin my life, it actually was.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.92,0:15:15.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you Boulder, have a good night.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.10,0:15:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) (Cheers)