[Script Info] Title: [Events] Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.62,0:00:05.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you think about a child,\Na close friend, or a romantic partner, Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.33,0:00:08.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the word "love" probably comes to mind, Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.25,0:00:11.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and instantly other emotions rush in: Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.42,0:00:13.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,joy and hope, Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.04,0:00:16.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,excitement, trust and security, Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.62,0:00:19.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yes, sometimes\Nsadness and disappointment. Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.71,0:00:21.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There might not be\Na word in the dictionary Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.79,0:00:23.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that more of us\Nare connected to than love. Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.29,0:00:27.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yet, given its central\Nimportance in our lives, Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.92,0:00:31.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,isn't it interesting that we're never\Nexplicitly taught how to love? Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.46,0:00:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We build friendships, Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.17,0:00:36.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,navigate early romantic relationships, Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.67,0:00:39.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get married and bring babies\Nhome from the hospital Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.12,0:00:41.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the expectation\Nthat we'll figure it out. Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.62,0:00:46.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the truth is, we often\Nharm and disrespect the ones we love. Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.50,0:00:47.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can be subtle things Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.83,0:00:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like guilting a friend\Ninto spending time with you Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.71,0:00:53.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or sneaking a peak at your partner's texts Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.00,0:00:56.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or shaming a child\Nfor their lack of effort at school. Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.00,0:01:00.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,100 percent of us\Nwill be on the receiving end Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.21,0:01:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of unhealthy relationship behaviors Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.54,0:01:05.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and 100 percent of us\Nwill do unhealthy things. Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.88,0:01:07.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's part of being human. Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.83,0:01:11.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In its worst form,\Nthe harm we inflict on loved ones Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.38,0:01:13.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shows up as abuse and violence, Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.33,0:01:15.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and relationship abuse Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.08,0:01:17.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is something that one in three women\Nand one in four men Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.00,0:01:19.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will experience in their lifetime. Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.62,0:01:23.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, if you're like most people,\Nwhen you hear those stats, Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.46,0:01:26.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'll go, "Oh, no, no, no,\Nthat would never happen to me." Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.29,0:01:29.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's instinctual to move away\Nfrom the words "abuse" and "violence," Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.75,0:01:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to think that they happen\Nto someone else somewhere else. Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.62,0:01:37.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the truth is, unhealthy relationships\Nand abuse are all around us. Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.00,0:01:40.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just call them different things\Nand ignore the connection. Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.04,0:01:45.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abuse sneaks up on us\Ndisguised in unhealthy love. Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.71,0:01:49.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I work for an organization called One Love Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.79,0:01:53.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,started by a family whose daughter\NYeardley was killed by her ex-boyfriend. Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.83,0:01:57.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was a tragedy no one saw coming, Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.88,0:02:01.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but when they looked back,\Nthey realized the warning signs were there Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.17,0:02:03.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just no one understood\Nwhat they were seeing. Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.04,0:02:07.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Called crazy or drama\Nor too much drinking, Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.83,0:02:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his actions weren't understood\Nto be what they really were, Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.00,0:02:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was clear signs of danger. Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.92,0:02:17.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her family realized that if anyone\Nhad been educated about these signs, Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.75,0:02:19.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,her death could have been prevented. Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.62,0:02:22.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So today we're on a mission to make sure Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.58,0:02:25.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that others have the information\Nthat Yeardley and her friends didn't. Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.89,0:02:27.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have three main goals: Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.67,0:02:30.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,give all of us a language\Nfor talking about a subject Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.96,0:02:34.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's quite awkward\Nand uncomfortable to discuss; Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.38,0:02:39.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,empower a whole front line,\Nnamely friends, to help; Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.25,0:02:42.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and, in the process, improve\Nall of our ability to love better. Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.88,0:02:47.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To do this, it's always important\Nto start by illuminating Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.17,0:02:49.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the unhealthy signs\Nthat we frequently miss, Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.92,0:02:52.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our work really focuses\Non creating content Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.42,0:02:54.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to start conversations with young people. Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.38,0:02:58.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As you'd expect, most of our content\Nis pretty serious, Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.04,0:02:59.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,given the subject at hand, Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.92,0:03:02.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but today I'm going to use\None of our more light-hearted Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.58,0:03:04.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yet still thought-provoking pieces, Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.42,0:03:05.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The Couplets," Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.75,0:03:08.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to illuminate five markers\Nof unhealthy love. Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.38,0:03:12.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first is intensity. Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.38,0:03:15.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Blue: I haven't seen you\Nin a couple days. I've missed you. Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.58,0:03:17.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange: I've missed you too. (#thatslove) Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.56,0:03:20.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue: I haven't seen you in five minutes.\NIt feels like a lifetime. Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.75,0:03:23.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What have you been doing\Nwithout me for five whole minutes? Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.58,0:03:26.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange: It's been three minutes.\N(#thatsnotlove) Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.04,0:03:28.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Katie Hood: Anybody recognize that?\NI don't know. I do. Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.00,0:03:32.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abusive relationships\Ndon't start out abusive. Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.21,0:03:34.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They start out exciting and exhilarating. Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.21,0:03:37.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's an intensity\Nof affection and emotion, a rush. Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.54,0:03:39.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It feels really good. Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.25,0:03:41.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You feel so lucky,\Nlike you've hit the jackpot. Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.75,0:03:45.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in unhealthy love,\Nthese feelings shift over time Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.96,0:03:50.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from exciting to overwhelming\Nand maybe a little bit suffocating. Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.88,0:03:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You feel it in your gut. Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.62,0:03:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe it's when your\Nnew boyfriend or girlfriend Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.92,0:03:57.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,says "I love you"\Nfaster than you were ready for Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.21,0:04:00.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or starts showing up everywhere,\Ntexting and calling a lot. Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.67,0:04:04.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe they're impatient\Nwhen you're slow to respond, Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.83,0:04:07.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though they know\Nyou had other things going on that day. Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.58,0:04:12.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's important to remember that it's not\Nhow a relationship starts that matters, Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.42,0:04:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's how it evolves. Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.96,0:04:16.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's important in the early days\Nof a new relationship Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.54,0:04:18.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to pay attention to how you're feeling. Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.58,0:04:21.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you comfortable\Nwith the pace of intimacy? Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.21,0:04:23.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you feel like you have space\Nand room to breathe? Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.79,0:04:28.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's also really important\Nto start practicing using your voice Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.54,0:04:30.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to talk about your own needs. Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.42,0:04:32.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are your requests respected? Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.83,0:04:37.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A second marker is isolation. Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.29,0:04:39.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Orange 2: Want to hang out? Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.04,0:04:41.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 1: Me and my boyfriend\Nalways have Monday Funday. Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.38,0:04:43.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 2: Want to hang out? Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.71,0:04:46.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 1: Me and my boyfriend\Nalways have Monday Funday. Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.38,0:04:49.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 2: Tomorrow?\NOrange 1: It's our Tuesday Snooze Day. Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.12,0:04:51.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 2: Wednesday?\NOrange 1: No Friends Day. Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.79,0:04:55.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,KH: If you ask me, isolation\Nis one of the most frequently missed Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.88,0:04:58.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and misunderstood signs of unhealthy love. Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.25,0:04:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why? Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.54,0:05:02.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because every new relationship\Nstarts out with this intense desire Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.71,0:05:04.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to spend time together, Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.08,0:05:07.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's easy to miss when something shifts. Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.04,0:05:09.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Isolation creeps in\Nwhen your new boyfriend or girlfriend Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.79,0:05:12.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,starts pulling you away\Nfrom your friends and family, Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.67,0:05:14.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your support system, Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.25,0:05:16.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and tethering you more tightly to them. Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.38,0:05:18.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They might say things like, Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.83,0:05:21.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why do you hang out with them?\NThey're such losers" Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.33,0:05:22.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about your best friends, Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.62,0:05:25.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or, "They want us to break up.\NThey're totally against us" Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.50,0:05:27.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about your family. Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.33,0:05:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Isolation is about sowing seeds of doubt Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.96,0:05:32.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about everyone from\Nyour prerelationship life. Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.12,0:05:36.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Healthy love includes independence, Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.21,0:05:38.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two people who love spending time together Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.71,0:05:42.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but who stay connected to the people\Nand activities they cared about before. Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.96,0:05:45.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,While at first you might spend\Nevery waking minute together, Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.88,0:05:48.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,over time maintaining independence is key. Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.75,0:05:51.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You do this by making plans with friends\Nand sticking to them Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.92,0:05:54.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and encouraging your partner\Nto do the same. Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.83,0:05:58.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A third marker of unhealthy love\Nis extreme jealousy. Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.75,0:06:01.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Blue 2:\NWhat are you so happy about? Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.88,0:06:04.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue 1: She just started\Nfollowing me on Instagram! Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.83,0:06:06.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue 2: What are you so nervous about? Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.71,0:06:10.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue 1: She, she just started\Nfollowing me, like, everywhere. Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.96,0:06:12.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(#thatsnotlove) Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.46,0:06:16.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,KH: As the honeymoon period\Nbegins to fade, Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.54,0:06:18.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,extreme jealousy can creep in. Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.33,0:06:21.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your partner might become more demanding, Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.33,0:06:24.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,needing to know where you are\Nand who you're with all the time, Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.33,0:06:27.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or they might start following you\Neverywhere, online and off. Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.54,0:06:31.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Extreme jealousy also brings with it\Npossessiveness and mistrust, Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.83,0:06:35.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,frequent accusations\Nof flirting with other people or cheating, Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.12,0:06:37.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and refusal to listen to you\Nwhen you tell them Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.38,0:06:40.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they have nothing to worry about\Nand that you only love them. Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.08,0:06:43.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jealousy is a part\Nof any human relationship, Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.83,0:06:46.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but extreme jealousy is different. Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.04,0:06:48.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a threatening, desperate\Nand angry edge to it. Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.83,0:06:50.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love shouldn't feel like this. Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.33,0:06:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A fourth marker is belittling. Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.92,0:06:57.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Blue: Wanna hang out?\NOrange: I gotta study. Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.50,0:07:00.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue: You'll get an A anyway,\NA for amazing. (#thatslove) Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.88,0:07:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue: Wanna hang out?\NOrange: I gotta study. Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.33,0:07:04.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue: You'll get an F anyway, Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.79,0:07:07.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,F for, F for... stupid. (#thatsnotlove) Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.67,0:07:10.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,KH: Yeah, hmm. Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.46,0:07:13.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In unhealthy love,\Nwords are used as weapons. Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.04,0:07:15.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Conversations that used to be\Nfun and lighthearted Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.42,0:07:17.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,turn mean and embarrassing. Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.25,0:07:20.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe your partner makes fun of you\Nin a way that hurts, Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.29,0:07:23.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or maybe they tell stories and jokes\Nfor laughs at your expense. Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.79,0:07:26.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you try to explain\Nthat your feelings have been hurt, Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.54,0:07:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they shut you down\Nand accuse you of overreacting. Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.96,0:07:33.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why are you so sensitive?\NWhat's your problem. Give me a break." Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.42,0:07:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are silenced by these words. Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.42,0:07:40.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems pretty obvious,\Nbut your partner should have your back. Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.83,0:07:43.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Their words should build you up,\Nnot break you down. Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.50,0:07:45.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They should keep\Nyour secrets and be loyal. Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.92,0:07:47.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They should make you feel more confident, Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.92,0:07:49.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not less. Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.25,0:07:53.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Finally, a fifth marker: volatility. Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.04,0:07:56.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Orange 1:\NI'd be sad if we broke up. Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.17,0:07:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 2: I'd be sad too. (#thatslove) Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.04,0:08:01.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 1: I'd so depressed\Nif we ever broke up. Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.29,0:08:02.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd throw myself off this step. Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.83,0:08:05.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would! Don't try to stop me! Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.42,0:08:06.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(#thatsnotlove) Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.17,0:08:12.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,KH: Frequent breakups and makeups,\Nhigh highs and low lows: Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.92,0:08:15.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as tension rises, so does volatility. Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.46,0:08:20.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tearful, frustrated fights\Nfollowed by emotional makeups, Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.04,0:08:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hateful and hurtful comments like, Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.71,0:08:24.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You're worthless,\NI'm not even sure why I'm with you!" Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.38,0:08:29.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,followed quickly by apologies\Nand promises it will never happen again. Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.21,0:08:33.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By this point, you've been so conditioned\Nto this relationship roller coaster Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.04,0:08:36.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you may not realize how unhealthy\Nand maybe even dangerous Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.08,0:08:37.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your relationship has become. Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.54,0:08:41.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can be really hard to see Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.04,0:08:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when unhealthy love turns towards abuse, Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.00,0:08:46.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's fair to say\Nthat the more of these markers Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.46,0:08:47.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your relationship might have, Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.92,0:08:51.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more unhealthy and maybe dangerous\Nyour relationship could be. Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.42,0:08:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if your instinct is\Nto break up and leave, Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.62,0:08:55.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is advice\Nso many of us give our friends Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.83,0:08:57.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they're in unhealthy relationships, Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.79,0:08:59.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's not always the best advice. Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.75,0:09:02.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Time of breakup can be\Na real trigger for violence. Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.38,0:09:05.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you fear you might be\Nheaded towards abuse or in abuse, Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.67,0:09:09.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you need to consult with experts\Nto get the advice on how to leave safely. Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.04,0:09:13.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's not just\Nabout romantic relationships Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.46,0:09:15.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's not just about violence. Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.67,0:09:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Understanding the signs of unhealthy love Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.96,0:09:21.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can help you audit and understand\Nnearly every relationship in your life. Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.62,0:09:26.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For the first time, you might understand\Nwhy you're disappointed in a friendship Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.50,0:09:29.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or why every interaction\Nwith a certain family member Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.25,0:09:32.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,leaves you discouraged and anxious. Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.54,0:09:35.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might even begin to see\Nhow your own intensity and jealousy Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.58,0:09:37.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is causing problems\Nwith colleagues at work. Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.21,0:09:42.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Understanding is\Nthe first step to improving, Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.50,0:09:45.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and while you can't make\Nevery unhealthy relationship healthy -- Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.58,0:09:47.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some you're going\Nto have to leave behind -- Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.71,0:09:51.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can do your part every day\Nto do relationships better. Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.25,0:09:53.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here's the exciting news: Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.92,0:09:56.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's actually not rocket science. Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.25,0:09:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Open communication, mutual respect, Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.00,0:10:01.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kindness, patience -- Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.25,0:10:03.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can practice these things every day. Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.88,0:10:07.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And while practice\Nwill definitely make you better, Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.62,0:10:11.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to promise you\Nit's also not going to make you perfect. Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.42,0:10:12.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do this for a living Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.79,0:10:15.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and every day I think and talk\Nabout healthy relationships, Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.62,0:10:18.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and still I do unhealthy things. Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.25,0:10:21.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just the other day as I was trying\Nto shuttle my four kids out the door Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.67,0:10:24.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,amidst quarreling, squabbling\Nand complaints about breakfast, Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.67,0:10:26.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I completely lost it. Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.79,0:10:28.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With an intentionally angry edge, Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.96,0:10:30.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I screamed, Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.29,0:10:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Everybody just shut up and do what I say! Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.58,0:10:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are the worst! Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.17,0:10:36.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am going to take away\Nscreen time and dessert Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.42,0:10:39.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and anything else you could possibly\Never enjoy in life!" Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.62,0:10:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.12,0:10:42.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anybody been there? Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.46,0:10:45.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.88,0:10:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Volatility, belittling. Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.42,0:10:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My oldest son turned around\Nand looked at me, and said, Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.38,0:10:53.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mom, that's not love." Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.00,0:10:57.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.38,0:11:00.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For a minute, I really wanted\Nto kill him for calling me out. Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.29,0:11:01.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Trust me. Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.83,0:11:03.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I gathered myself Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.38,0:11:06.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I thought, you know what,\NI'm actually proud. Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.46,0:11:09.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm proud that he has a language\Nto make me pause. Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.51,0:11:13.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want all of my kids to understand\Nwhat the bar should be Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.25,0:11:14.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for how they're treated Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.71,0:11:17.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to have a language and a voice\Nto use when that bar is not met Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.88,0:11:19.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,versus just accepting it. Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.67,0:11:26.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For too long, we've treated\Nrelationships as a soft topic, Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.54,0:11:29.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when relationship skills\Nare one of the most important Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.12,0:11:31.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and hard to build things in life. Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.71,0:11:34.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only can understanding unhealthy signs Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.38,0:11:37.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,help you avoid the rabbit hole\Nthat leads to unhealthy love, Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.92,0:11:40.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but understanding and practicing\Nthe art of being healthy Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.92,0:11:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can improve nearly\Nevery aspect of your life. Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.62,0:11:46.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm completely convinced Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.71,0:11:49.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that while love is\Nan instinct and an emotion, Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.38,0:11:52.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ability to love better\Nis a skill we can all build Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.71,0:11:54.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and improve on over time. Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.58,0:11:55.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you. Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.88,0:12:00.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)