WEBVTT

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People have been using media
to talk about sex for a long time.

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Love letters, phone sex, racy Polaroids.

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There's even a story of a girl who eloped
with a man that she met over the telegraph

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in 1886.

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Today we have sexting,
and I am a sexting expert.

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Not an expert sexter.

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Though, I do know what this means --
I think you do too.

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[it's a penis]

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(Laughter)

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I have been studying sexting since
the media attention to it began in 2008.

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I wrote a book on the moral
panic about sexting.

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And here's what I found:

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most people are worrying
about the wrong thing.

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They're trying to just prevent
sexting from happening entirely.

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But let me ask you this:

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As long as it's completely consensual,
what's the problem with sexting?

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People are into all sorts of things
that you may not be into,

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like blue cheese or cilantro.

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(Laughter)

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Sexting is certainly risky,
like anything that's fun,

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but as long as you're not sending an image
to someone who doesn't want to receive it,

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there's no harm.

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What I do think is a serious problem

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is when people share
private images of others

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without their permission.

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And instead of worrying about sexting,

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what I think we need to do
is think a lot more about digital privacy.

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The key is consent.

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Right now most people
are thinking about sexting

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without really thinking
about consent at all.

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Did you know that we currently
criminalize teen sexting?

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It can be a crime because
it counts as child pornography,

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if there's an image of someone under 18,

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and it doesn't even matter

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if they took that image of themselves
and shared it willingly.

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So we end up with this
bizarre legal situation

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where two 17-year-olds
can legally have sex in most US states

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but they can't photograph it.

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Some states have also tried
passing sexting misdemeanor laws

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but these laws repeat the same problem

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because they still
make consensual sexting illegal.

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It doesn't make sense

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to try to ban all sexting
to try to address privacy violations.

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This is kind of like saying,

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let's solve the problem of date rape
by just making dating completely illegal.

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Most teens don't get arrested for sexting,
but can you guess who does?

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It's often teens who are disliked
by their partner's parents.

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And this can be because of class bias,
racism or homophobia.

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Most prosecutors are,
of course, smart enough

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not to use child pornography charges
against teenagers, but some do.

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According to researchers
at the University of New Hampshire

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seven percent of all child pornography
possession arrests are teens,

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sexting consensually with other teens.

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Child pornography is a serious crime,

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but it's just not
the same thing as teen sexting.

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Parents and educators
are also responding to sexting

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without really thinking
too much about consent.

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Their message to teens is often:
just don't do it.

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And I totally get it --
there are serious legal risks

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and of course, that potential
for privacy violations.

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And when you were a teen,

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I'm sure you did exactly
as you were told, right?

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You're probably thinking,
my kid would never sext.

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And that's true, your little angel
may not be sexting

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because only 33 percent

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of 16- and 17-year-olds are sexting.

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But, sorry, by the time they're older,
odds are they will be sexting.

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Every study I've seen puts the rate
above 50 percent for 18- to 24-year-olds.

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And most of the time, nothing goes wrong.

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People ask me all the time things like,
isn't sexting just so dangerous, though?

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It's like you wouldn't
leave your wallet on a park bench

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and you expect it's going to get stolen
if you do that, right?

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Here's how I think about it:

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sexting is like leaving your wallet
at your boyfriend's house.

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If you come back the next day

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and all the money is just gone,

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you really need to dump that guy.

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(Laughter)

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So instead of criminalizing sexting

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to try to prevent
these privacy violations,

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instead we need to make consent central

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to how we think about the circulation
of our private information.

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Every new media technology
raises privacy concerns.

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In fact, in the US the very first
major debates about privacy

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were in response to technologies
that were relatively new at the time.

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In the late 1800s,
people were worried about cameras,

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which were just suddenly
more portable than ever before,

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and newspaper gossip columns.

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They were worried that the camera
would capture information about them,

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take it out of context
and widely disseminate it.

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Does this sound familiar?

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It's exactly what we're worrying about
now with social media and drone cameras,

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and, of course, sexting.

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And these fears about technology,

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they make sense

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because technologies
can amplify and bring out

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our worst qualities and behaviors.

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But there are solutions.

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And we've been here before
with a dangerous new technology.

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In 1908, Ford introduced the Model T car.

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Traffic fatality rates were rising.

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It was a serious problem --
it looks so safe, right?

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Our first response
was to try to change drivers' behavior,

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so we developed speed limits
and enforced them through fines.

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But over the following decades,

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we started to realize the technology
of the car itself is not just neutral.

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We could design the car to make it safer.

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So in the 1920s, we got
shatter-resistant windshields.

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In the 1950s, seat belts.

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And in the 1990s, airbags.

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All three of these areas:

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laws, individuals and industry
came together over time

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to help solve the problem
that a new technology causes.

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And we can do the same thing
with digital privacy.

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Of course, it comes back to consent.

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Here's the idea.

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Before anyone can distribute
your private information,

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they should have to get your permission.

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This idea of affirmative consent
comes from anti-rape activists

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who tell us that we need consent
for every sexual act.

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And we have really high standards
for consent in a lot of other areas.

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Think about having surgery.

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Your doctor has to make sure

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that you are meaningfully and knowingly
consenting to that medical procedure.

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This is not the type of consent
like with an iTunes Terms of Service

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where you just scroll to the bottom
and you're like, agree, agree, whatever.

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(Laughter)

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If we think more about consent,
we can have better privacy laws.

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Right now, we just don't have
that many protections.

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If your ex-husband or your ex-wife
is a terrible person,

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they can take your nude photos
and upload them to a porn site.

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It can be really hard
to get those images taken down.

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And in a lot of states,

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you're actually better off
if you took the images of yourself

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because then you can
file a copyright claim.

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(Laughter)

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Right now, if someone
violates your privacy,

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whether that's an individual
or a company or the NSA,

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you can try filing a lawsuit,

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though you may not be successful

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because many courts assume
that digital privacy is just impossible.

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So they're not willing
to punish anyone for violating it.

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I still hear people
asking me all the time,

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isn't a digital image somehow blurring
the line between public and private

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because it's digital, right?

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No! No!

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Everything digital
is not just automatically public.

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That doesn't make any sense.

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As NYU legal scholar
Helen Nissenbaum tells us,

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we have laws and policies and norms

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that protect all kinds
of information that's private,

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and it doesn't make a difference
if it's digital or not.

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All of your health records are digitized

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but your doctor can't
just share them with anyone.

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All of your financial information
is held in digital databases,

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but your credit card company can't
just post your purchase history online.

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Better laws could help address
privacy violations after they happen,

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but one of the easiest things
we can all do is make personal changes

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to help protect each other's privacy.

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We're always told that privacy

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is our own, sole,
individual responsibility.

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We're told, constantly monitor
and update your privacy settings.

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We're told, never share anything
you wouldn't want the entire world to see.

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This doesn't make sense.

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Digital media are social environments

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and we share things
with people we trust all day, every day.

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As Princeton researcher
Janet Vertesi argues,

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our data and our privacy,
they're not just personal,

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they're actually interpersonal.

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And so one thing you can do
that's really easy

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is just start asking for permission before
you share anyone else's information.

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If you want to post a photo
of someone online, ask for permission.

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If you want to forward an email thread,

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ask for permission.

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And if you want to share
someone's nude selfie,

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obviously, ask for permission.

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These individual changes can really
help us protect each other's privacy,

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but we need technology companies
on board as well.

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These companies have very little
incentive to help protect our privacy

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because their business models
depend on us sharing everything

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with as many people as possible.

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Right now, if I send you an image,

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you can forward that
to anyone that you want.

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But what if I got to decide
if that image was forwardable or not?

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This would tell you, you don't
have my permission to send this image out.

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We do this kind of thing all the time
to protect copyright.

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If you buy an e-book, you can't just
send it out to as many people as you want.

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So why not try this with mobile phones?

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What you can do is we can demand
that tech companies add these protections

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to our devices and our platforms
as the default.

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After all, you can choose
the color of your car,

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but the airbags are always standard.

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If we don't think more
about digital privacy and consent,

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there can be serious consequences.

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There was a teenager from Ohio --

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let's call her Jennifer,
for the sake of her privacy.

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She shared nude photos of herself
with her high school boyfriend,

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thinking she could trust him.

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Unfortunately, he betrayed her

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and sent her photos
around the entire school.

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Jennifer was embarrassed and humiliated,

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but instead of being compassionate,
her classmates harassed her.

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They called her a slut and a whore

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and they made her life miserable.

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Jennifer started missing school
and her grades dropped.

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Ultimately, Jennifer decided
to end her own life.

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Jennifer did nothing wrong.

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All she did was share a nude photo

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with someone she thought
that she could trust.

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And yet our laws tell her

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that she committed a horrible crime
equivalent to child pornography.

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Our gender norms tell her

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that by producing
this nude image of herself,

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she somehow did the most
horrible, shameful thing.

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And when we assume that privacy
is impossible in digital media,

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we completely write off and excuse
her boyfriend's bad, bad behavior.

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People are still saying all the time
to victims of privacy violations,

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"What were you thinking?

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You should have never sent that image."

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If you're trying to figure out
what to say instead, try this.

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Imagine you've run into your friend
who broke their leg skiing.

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They took a risk to do something fun,
and it didn't end well.

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But you're probably
not going to be the jerk who says,

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"Well, I guess you shouldn't
have gone skiing then."

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If we think more about consent,

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we can see that victims
of privacy violations

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deserve our compassion,

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not criminalization, shaming,
harassment or punishment.

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We can support victims,
and we can prevent some privacy violations

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by making these legal,
individual and technological changes.

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Because the problem is not sexting,
the issue is digital privacy.

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And one solution is consent.

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So the next time a victim
of a privacy violation comes up to you,

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instead of blaming them,
let's do this instead:

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let's shift our ideas
about digital privacy,

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and let's respond with compassion.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)