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今晚我要分享的是

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關於出櫃的故事

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並非只是一般人所認為的

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「同性戀」出櫃

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大家都有幾個櫃子

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你的櫃子可能是
初次告訴某人你愛她

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或是告訴別人妳懷孕了

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或是你得了癌症

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亦或是在我們生命中

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任何難以啟齒的話題

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每個櫃子都代表一個
不知如何開口的話題

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雖然每個人的問題都不同

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但從櫃子中走出來的經驗

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大同小異

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它令人害怕

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人人都討厭

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但又不得不做

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幾年前，我在南方核桃咖啡館工作

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(笑聲)

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那是城裡的一個小餐廳

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在我工作的那段時間

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我走過不同階段的同性戀奮鬥史

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(笑聲)

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像男人一樣不剃腋毛

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把 Ani DiFranco 的歌詞當是真理

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如果我穿著垮垮短褲

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剛好又剪了超短髮

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常常就會有人問

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通常是小孩子：

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「你是男生還女生啊？」

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接著整桌的人
就會尷尬的不說話

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然後我會咬緊嘴唇

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抓緊咖啡壺 開始不爽

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這時那爸爸會
笨拙地翻閱報紙

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媽媽則會使眼神給那孩子

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我則不發一語

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但內心快爆炸了

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搞到最後

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每次看到要服務的那桌
有3-10歲的孩子

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我就會進入戰鬥模式

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(笑聲)

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而那感覺很糟

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所以，我告訴自己

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下次要勇敢面對

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我不再緘默

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不到一星期
一樣的事又發生了

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「你是男生還女生啊？」

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熟悉的沉默

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但這次，我準備好了

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準備好好教育這桌客人
女權主義學是什麼

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(笑聲)

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我準備了女權主義者
Betty Friedan 的名言

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也想好 Gloria Steinem 的名言

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甚至還準備了
《陰道獨白》裡的台詞

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然後我深呼吸了一口氣，低下頭

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而看著我的是個

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穿著粉紅洋裝的四歲小女孩

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她沒有要向女權主義者
宣戰的意思

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只是個問問題的小孩

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「你是男生還女生啊？」

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我再深呼吸一口氣

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蹲下對她說：

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我知道這有點讓人搞不清楚

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我的頭髮短得像個男孩

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我穿男生的衣服

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但我是個女生

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就像有時妳喜歡穿粉紅洋裝

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有時妳喜歡穿寬鬆睡衣

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我就是那種喜歡
穿寬鬆衣服的女孩

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(笑聲)

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然後這小孩呆呆地看著我

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馬上說出：

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「我喜歡的睡衣是紫色
上面印有魚，我可以點個鬆餅嗎？」

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(笑聲)

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就這樣，好像說：

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「好，妳是女生。那給我個鬆餅吧。」

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(笑聲)

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那是我有史以來
最簡單的困難話題

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為什麼呢?

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因為那鬆餅女孩和我

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我們真實地對待彼此

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像很多的人一樣

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我這輩子有好幾個櫃子

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通常我的櫃門上
有彩虹般的美麗色彩

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但在裡面，在黑暗中

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你無法感受外面門板的顏色

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妳只能有活在櫃子中的感覺

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真的，我的櫃子跟其他人沒兩樣

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你的

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或是你的

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當然我可以給你100個理由

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解釋我從櫃子走出來的經驗
比你的還要困難

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但要知道，困難不是相對的

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困難就是困難

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誰能告訴我

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告訴某人你剛宣告破產比較困難

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還是告訴某人你劈腿了比較困難？

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誰可以告訴我

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他出櫃的故事比較難

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還是告訴你的五歲小孩
你們要離婚了比較難？

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沒有所謂的「比較」難
難就是難

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我們不該將困難分級

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跟別人的困難比

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來讓自己好過或難過

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只要用同情心

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知道每個人都有「難事」

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我們生命中，一定有些時候

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是住在櫃子裡的

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在那裡，我們感到安全

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至少比走出櫃子感覺更安全

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但我在這裡要告訴你

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不管你櫃門裝飾得多美

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櫃子不是人可以住的地方

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(歡呼聲) (笑聲)

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謝謝

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所以為何要從那走出來

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為何要面對困難的話題

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為何這麼難？

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因為有壓力

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我們太在意對方的反應

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這是可以理解的

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他們會不會生氣？

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難過？

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失望？

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會失去這個朋友嗎？

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失去親人？

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愛人？

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這些對話讓人有壓力

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那我們就先談壓力

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壓力是身體內的自然反應

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當你感到受威脅時

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注意這個字 「威脅」

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你的下丘腦發出警報

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腎上腺素和皮質醇

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在血管中流竄

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這就是所謂的

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迎頭對戰或逃走

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有時你對抗

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有時逃跑

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這都是正常反應

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這種反應有時候

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像是被長毛象追趕

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問題是

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你的下丘腦並不知

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你是被長毛象追趕

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還是你的電腦當機了

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或是你的公婆突然出現在家門口

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或你正要從飛機跳下去

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或是要告訴你愛的人

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你得了腦瘤

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不同的是

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長毛象會追你多久

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大概十分鐘吧

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躲避這那些難以啟齒的話題

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卻可以是好幾年

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而你的身體就是無法承受

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長期暴露在腎上腺素和皮質醇中

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會影響身體中的每種系統

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可造成焦慮、

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憂鬱症、心臟疾病

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等其他疾病

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當不觸碰困難話題

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當你將事實藏在心裡

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你基本上抱著一顆手榴彈

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想像一下自己

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20年前的樣子

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我20年前

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留個馬尾

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穿著露肩禮服

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頂著高跟鞋

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我不是個公開的女同性戀

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不是個要跟咖啡廳裡
四歲小孩打仗的人

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(笑聲)

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我被恐懼冰凍

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我蜷在漆黑的櫃子角落

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緊抓著同性戀手榴彈

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動一條肌肉

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我都

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覺得可怕

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不管對我的家人

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對朋友或陌生人

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我這一生

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都希望不讓這些人失望

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現在，我顛覆了這個世界

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我故意的

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把過去生活很久的劇本

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燒掉了

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但你若不丟掉這手榴彈

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你會死

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我最有印象的丟手榴彈經驗

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是在我姊姊的婚禮

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(笑聲)

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這是第一次這麼多人

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得知我是同性戀

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身為伴娘

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穿著我的黑禮服和高跟鞋

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我穿梭於桌子之間

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最後到我父母親的好友那桌坐下

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他們認識我好幾年了

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聊了 一下天

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有個女人突然大喊：

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「我愛 Nathan Lane (同性戀演員)！」

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然後他們開始比賽
誰比較了解同性戀話題

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「Ash，你有去過 Castro (同性戀城) 嗎？」

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「其實我們有朋友住在那裡。」

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「我們還沒去過
但聽說 Castro 棒極了！」

207
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「Ash，我的髮型師 Antonio

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他很棒，但從沒提有女朋友」

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「Ash，你最喜歡的電視節目是？」

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「我們最喜歡《威爾和葛雷絲》」

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你知道戲中我們最愛誰嗎？

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就是 Jack，我們的最愛」

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然後有個女人

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不知該說什麼

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但又急著想表示她對同性戀的支持

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讓我知道她站在我這邊

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終於脫口說出

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「有時啊，我老公穿粉紅色襯衫！」

219
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(笑聲)

220
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那瞬間，我有個選擇

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就像每個拿著手榴彈的人一樣

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我可回到我女友那桌

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回到同性戀擁護桌

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對那些人的反應嗤之以鼻

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鄙視他們的沒見過世面

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和他們無法用正確的方式

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來應對

228
00:08:14,084 --> 00:08:15,429
同性戀話題

229
00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:16,245
或是

230
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,070
我可同情他們

231
00:08:18,070 --> 00:08:21,306
試著了解這可能是他們做過最困難的事

232
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,286
開始那個話題

233
00:08:23,286 --> 00:08:24,933
討論那個話題

234
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:27,607
是他們走出了櫃子

235
00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:30,575
當然，指責他們哪裡沒做好很簡單

236
00:08:30,575 --> 00:08:31,711
比較難的是

237
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,113
去了解他們的處境

238
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,247
且相信他們

239
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:35,182
也在嘗試去做的事實

240
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:39,433
他們都願意嘗試了
你還能多要求什麼

241
00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:42,235
如果你誠實對待

242
00:08:42,235 --> 00:08:43,543
別人也會

243
00:08:43,543 --> 00:08:45,191
誠實以對

244
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,862
面對難以啟齒的話題
仍不是我的強項

245
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,768
問那些跟我交往過的人就知道

246
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,695
但我越來越厲害

247
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:56,291
運用「如何面對鬆餅女孩的三個原理」

248
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,025
接下來我要說的

249
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,889
除了用同性戀的角度來看

250
00:08:59,889 --> 00:09:00,907
同樣的

251
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:04,413
這也適用在每個有櫃子的人身上

252
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,086
第一：

253
00:09:06,393 --> 00:09:07,508
真實對自己

254
00:09:07,508 --> 00:09:09,245
丟掉盔甲，做自己

255
00:09:09,245 --> 00:09:10,283
那咖啡廳的小女孩

256
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,281
她沒戴盔甲

257
00:09:11,281 --> 00:09:12,830
但我卻準備要打戰

258
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,958
都是愚蠢的下丘腦惹的禍

259
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:18,158
如果你要別人真實對待你

260
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,753
讓他們知道你也會受傷

261
00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:21,962
第二：

262
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:22,696
直接了當

263
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,064
說出來，不拖泥帶水

264
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,232
如果你知道你是同性戀

265
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,473
就說出來

266
00:09:27,037 --> 00:09:28,502
如果你告訴父母
你「可能」是同性戀

267
00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,066
他們會抱著你會改變的希望

268
00:09:30,066 --> 00:09:32,877
別讓他們抱有不可能的希望

269
00:09:32,887 --> 00:09:34,829
(笑聲)

270
00:09:34,829 --> 00:09:36,449
而第三

271
00:09:36,449 --> 00:09:37,923
且是最重要的:

272
00:09:37,923 --> 00:09:42,249
(螢幕：第三，別感到愧疚)
(笑聲)

273
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,174
別感到愧疚

274
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:47,978
你坦白的說了實話

275
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:50,896
絕對不要為此道歉

276
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,038
有些人會因你的實話而受傷

277
00:09:54,038 --> 00:09:55,095
當然

278
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,997
你感到遺憾

279
00:09:56,997 --> 00:10:00,267
但別因為你是什麼人而抱歉

280
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,142
有些人可能因此失望

281
00:10:03,142 --> 00:10:04,773
但那是他們的問題

282
00:10:04,773 --> 00:10:05,791
不是你的

283
00:10:06,182 --> 00:10:07,941
那是他們對你的期許

284
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:08,675
而非你自己的

285
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:10,377
那是他們要聽的故事

286
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,169
不是你的

287
00:10:13,093 --> 00:10:14,681
唯一有意義的故事

288
00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,631
是你想寫下的故事

289
00:10:16,631 --> 00:10:19,186
所以下次你發現你自己

290
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:20,520
在一個漆黑的櫃子裡

291
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:21,521
握著手榴彈

292
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:24,224
你要知道我們都經歷過

293
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,383
你可能感到孤單

294
00:10:26,383 --> 00:10:27,960
但其實不是

295
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,429
我們知道這不容易

296
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,822
但不管是什麼樣的櫃子

297
00:10:31,822 --> 00:10:34,100
你都要站出來

298
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,635
因為我保證

299
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,161
有其他人也躲在櫃中
從鑰匙孔向外窺視

300
00:10:38,161 --> 00:10:40,470
尋找下一個打開櫃子
勇敢站出來的人

301
00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:42,778
當那個先鋒吧

302
00:10:42,778 --> 00:10:45,311
讓這世界知道櫃子容不下我們

303
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,351
而那櫃子絕對不是

304
00:10:47,351 --> 00:10:50,357
讓人居住的地方

305
00:10:50,357 --> 00:10:52,552
謝謝 Boulder 市，祝大家有美麗的夜晚

306
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:56,552
(歡呼聲)
(掌聲)