WEBVTT 00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:02.471 [music] 00:00:10.001 --> 00:00:15.123 [Questioner] I have two questions. 00:00:15.123 --> 00:00:18.123 The first one is about sadness. 00:00:18.123 --> 00:00:20.186 [Mooji] About? [Q.] Sadness. 00:00:20.186 --> 00:00:25.372 [Mooji] Is it the more important one of the two questions? 00:00:25.372 --> 00:00:31.222 [Mooji] Of the two questions, give me the best one first. 00:00:31.222 --> 00:00:36.503 [Mooji] Because if you give the less important one first, 00:00:36.503 --> 00:00:44.143 [Mooji] then your mind will be on the second question, waiting. 00:00:44.143 --> 00:00:52.904 [Q.] OK, the other one. [laughter] 00:00:52.904 --> 00:01:04.224 The other one is about relationships. [laughter] 00:01:04.224 --> 00:01:13.383 [Mooji] I think this is the important one. [Q.] Yes. [laughter] 00:01:13.383 --> 00:01:22.313 [Mooji] The relationship and then the sadness. [laughter] 00:01:22.313 --> 00:01:27.033 [Mooji] I am only joking. 00:01:27.033 --> 00:01:34.467 [Q.] It's about when I am in a relationship, when I feel near, 00:01:34.467 --> 00:01:39.437 when I feel very intimate with a person 00:01:39.437 --> 00:01:46.007 and there comes a separation 00:01:46.007 --> 00:01:49.546 or the person pushes me away, 00:01:49.546 --> 00:01:52.546 I totally freak out. 00:01:52.546 --> 00:01:54.329 [Mooji] Yes, yes. 00:01:54.329 --> 00:02:02.650 [Q.] There is a feeling, it's like an automatic reaction. 00:02:02.650 --> 00:02:04.500 It comes by itself. 00:02:04.500 --> 00:02:07.894 [Mooji] Automatic reaction. [Q.] Automatically, yes. 00:02:07.894 --> 00:02:13.533 [Mooji] Why do they push you away? 00:02:19.545 --> 00:02:32.343 [Q.] Because I want to catch. [Mooji] Yes. 00:02:32.343 --> 00:02:35.403 [Mooji] You want to hold something. 00:02:35.403 --> 00:02:39.423 It's too much for another person. 00:02:39.423 --> 00:02:48.199 It's nice only for a short while. It's nice only for a short while. 00:02:48.199 --> 00:02:52.831 Somebody who feels insecure, maybe, they may like this. 00:02:52.831 --> 00:02:56.830 'You need me', but after a while it's too much. 00:02:56.830 --> 00:03:02.108 You must not try to catch anybody. 00:03:02.108 --> 00:03:07.948 You are not a spider. [laughter] 00:03:07.948 --> 00:03:12.023 It's a reaction that comes inside because something feels 00:03:12.023 --> 00:03:18.144 maybe you are not worthy enough by yourself, without any technique. 00:03:18.144 --> 00:03:24.912 Then, already, it's not such good ground. You must be aware of this. 00:03:24.912 --> 00:03:28.857 Not that you can be automatically strong like that. 00:03:28.857 --> 00:03:35.465 But relationships also offer some opportunity to discover what is true, 00:03:35.465 --> 00:03:47.827 and to discover what within ourself is so quick to compromise. 00:03:47.827 --> 00:04:00.244 [Q.] Yes, I can see. But it's still there. 00:04:00.244 --> 00:04:03.784 [Mooji] Then it's a good thing you come to satsang 00:04:03.784 --> 00:04:11.164 because you can begin to look at this tendency to cling. 00:04:11.164 --> 00:04:16.500 Or it may be a fear of rejection, or something like this. 00:04:16.500 --> 00:04:22.049 Relationships don't work by trying, like you try so hard. 00:04:22.049 --> 00:04:25.349 It doesn't work like that. They don't work. 00:04:25.349 --> 00:04:27.469 There has to be a freedom. 00:04:27.469 --> 00:04:31.169 There has to be an inner strength, 00:04:31.169 --> 00:04:36.951 a clarity, a wisdom - all of these things. 00:04:36.951 --> 00:04:40.890 It doesn't work on, 'How much you give', 'I give so much'. 00:04:40.890 --> 00:04:43.030 It's not a payment. 00:04:43.030 --> 00:04:46.522 And how much you try, and you try, and you talk - 00:04:46.522 --> 00:04:49.122 it doesn't work, it pushes people away. 00:04:49.122 --> 00:04:53.550 Because this is too beautiful to try. 00:04:53.550 --> 00:04:57.316 Something must come and it must be there as a freedom. 00:04:57.316 --> 00:05:07.346 If you are aware of this, intuitively you know when to allow space. 00:05:07.346 --> 00:05:09.385 All this will come. 00:05:09.385 --> 00:05:13.294 I believe you must also make use of this insight. 00:05:13.294 --> 00:05:17.498 You've come now and you see that there is something that feels, 00:05:17.498 --> 00:05:21.778 'I need to hold this thing'. 00:05:21.778 --> 00:05:26.044 It's the same thing with freedom also. Sometimes, you feel, 'Ah'. 00:05:26.044 --> 00:05:30.794 As soon as you realize the true state, you feel the immensity of Being, 00:05:30.794 --> 00:05:34.104 something goes, 'How can I keep it?' 00:05:34.104 --> 00:05:37.571 This one is the same one in the relationship. 00:05:37.571 --> 00:05:41.931 'How can I keep it?' 00:05:41.931 --> 00:05:44.875 How are you going to keep it? 00:05:44.875 --> 00:05:49.285 A relationship is not something to keep. 00:05:49.285 --> 00:05:54.014 It's to be enjoyed out of your freshness. 00:05:54.014 --> 00:05:58.464 In your strength, you find that everything becomes more pure. 00:05:58.464 --> 00:06:04.419 Everything wants to be with you, when you are empty of intention. 00:06:04.419 --> 00:06:12.889 Too much intention creates tension. 00:06:12.889 --> 00:06:16.783 When you are empty of this need, from any kind of need, 00:06:16.783 --> 00:06:18.832 and this is not an arrogance, 00:06:18.832 --> 00:06:22.662 it means, in your natural state of being, you don't need, 00:06:22.662 --> 00:06:27.646 you don't need to be approved of. 00:06:27.646 --> 00:06:33.666 You don't even feel you need to be loved. 00:06:39.763 --> 00:06:42.290 Can you imagine such a thing, 00:06:42.290 --> 00:06:48.820 being in a place where you don't even need, you don't need to be loved? 00:06:48.820 --> 00:06:50.923 It's a very quiet place. 00:06:50.923 --> 00:06:55.633 In this place, your love becomes very open, 00:06:55.633 --> 00:07:02.693 very broad, very beautiful, very strong. 00:07:02.693 --> 00:07:06.664 But, for now, I am not asking you to jump over this thing. 00:07:06.664 --> 00:07:12.964 I say, Look at what it is that feels, 'Anything good, I must grab it'. 00:07:12.964 --> 00:07:16.222 Just look at that. 00:07:16.222 --> 00:07:20.062 Who is doing this? 00:07:20.062 --> 00:07:22.222 Who needs this thing? 00:07:22.222 --> 00:07:25.941 And be very, very quiet with this kind of question. 00:07:25.941 --> 00:07:27.957 Just be very quiet. 00:07:27.957 --> 00:07:30.957 In fact, I am going to ask you to do this exercise. 00:07:30.957 --> 00:07:33.957 Maybe tell me tomorrow what happened. 00:07:33.957 --> 00:07:39.161 Just look and feel this, recreate that scenario in your mind 00:07:39.161 --> 00:07:42.101 and see what comes up and feels, 'Arghh', 00:07:42.101 --> 00:07:47.000 if you are going to be abandoned or left, something is behaving like this. 00:07:47.000 --> 00:07:51.530 Take a look. What are you afraid of? 00:07:51.530 --> 00:07:53.506 Push it to the extreme. 00:07:53.506 --> 00:07:58.142 Go to the extreme in your image and see what will be the worst. 00:07:58.142 --> 00:08:03.312 In the worst case what is going to happen? How is it going to feel? 00:08:03.312 --> 00:08:07.184 And see who suffers it. Who really is suffering it? 00:08:07.184 --> 00:08:13.112 But don't forget that you are also observing. 00:08:13.112 --> 00:08:14.770 So these three things. 00:08:14.770 --> 00:08:22.500 One is, what do you imagine is going to happen if your fear comes true? 00:08:22.500 --> 00:08:24.871 That you are going to be rejected. 00:08:24.871 --> 00:08:28.853 You cannot keep what you want to keep and you'll feel pain. 00:08:28.853 --> 00:08:33.853 Already, I look in your eyes, I see, 'Arghh, something is going to leave'. 00:08:33.853 --> 00:08:36.132 Then you go and see what happens. 00:08:36.132 --> 00:08:39.422 So you are left now, abandoned. 'Don't want you!' 00:08:39.422 --> 00:08:42.003 Then feel what comes up 00:08:42.003 --> 00:08:46.673 but also be very present in the place where you are looking. 00:08:46.673 --> 00:08:49.445 And be at the same time with the feeling. 00:08:49.445 --> 00:08:52.523 See what happens. What are you afraid of? 00:08:52.523 --> 00:08:55.587 This is very intelligent work: looking at it. 00:08:55.587 --> 00:09:00.507 And then, somehow, you feel maybe the worst feelings 00:09:00.507 --> 00:09:04.007 of what you imagine is going to happen. 00:09:04.007 --> 00:09:07.802 And then see, actually who really is suffering it. 00:09:07.802 --> 00:09:13.502 See if you can identify the one who is suffering it. 00:09:13.502 --> 00:09:16.663 Don't fall inside the story though, just look. 00:09:16.663 --> 00:09:21.053 Be very present, that you are looking at this, but at the same time, 00:09:21.053 --> 00:09:24.760 give it the best shot at really trying to see and look. 00:09:24.760 --> 00:09:29.503 You can do this with any feeling, any kind of thought, you can do it. 00:09:29.503 --> 00:09:34.443 Then you will come to see what is functioning in your name 00:09:34.443 --> 00:09:36.563 and find out, is it really you? 00:09:36.563 --> 00:09:41.575 Or is it just some kind of image, that is a projection of your mind? 00:09:41.575 --> 00:09:44.575 And some space will come. 00:09:44.575 --> 00:09:51.654 And that space will be something very important to recover again. 00:09:51.654 --> 00:09:55.253 Do not be afraid of this experience. Invite it even! 00:09:55.253 --> 00:09:59.573 Next time you invite the experience to come and throw the best punch. 00:09:59.573 --> 00:10:02.834 'Throw the best punch. Go to extreme. 00:10:02.834 --> 00:10:07.034 But I will look at you only through my eyes.' 00:10:07.034 --> 00:10:11.956 Look. Don't interfere. Don't judge. Don't interpret. See if you can do it. 00:10:11.956 --> 00:10:14.873 It's a skill that you will quickly develop 00:10:14.873 --> 00:10:20.943 because the fruits of your looking are so sweet. 00:10:20.943 --> 00:10:26.252 It will be sweeter than any relationship, to discover your freedom. 00:10:26.252 --> 00:10:28.792 'Aah, I am free of this thing.' 00:10:28.792 --> 00:10:31.312 'It wasn't that I needed this thing 00:10:31.312 --> 00:10:34.123 but what is more important 00:10:34.123 --> 00:10:39.423 is that I see that I am free of the need to be this.' 00:10:39.423 --> 00:10:44.762 And amazingly, amazingly, when that space is cleaned inside you, 00:10:44.762 --> 00:10:48.602 what a beautiful attraction also. 00:10:48.602 --> 00:10:50.832 People want to come. 00:10:50.832 --> 00:10:55.835 If you have some agenda in your mind, 00:10:55.835 --> 00:11:00.135 already you have an eye on someone, 'Hmm'. 00:11:00.135 --> 00:11:06.665 And then you start to get all your best fire power together ... 00:11:06.665 --> 00:11:09.308 But they will smell it. 00:11:09.308 --> 00:11:16.008 If they are a bit intuitive, they'll smell, 'This one's dangerous'. 00:11:16.008 --> 00:11:24.083 'She's going to hit me on the head and pull me inside and I am finished.' 00:11:24.083 --> 00:11:27.270 But, honestly, this is a good thing to do. 00:11:27.270 --> 00:11:29.770 Any sort of thing that you feel 00:11:29.770 --> 00:11:34.910 is keeping your mind or your attention trapped in a kind of scenario, 00:11:34.910 --> 00:11:38.568 which you're afraid of, then you start to protect. 00:11:38.568 --> 00:11:43.498 We protect our fears and our attachments, our sense of vulnerability. 00:11:43.498 --> 00:11:47.833 And it's not a good way to go through life at all, as you know. 00:11:47.833 --> 00:11:52.933 I don't even have to tell you, because it takes so much energy. 00:11:52.933 --> 00:11:57.853 So this is a way to go through these things. 00:11:57.853 --> 00:12:01.502 If you like, if you've really understood what I am asking, 00:12:01.502 --> 00:12:04.502 then look at it. 00:12:04.502 --> 00:12:06.903 I don't know if you're able to do it 00:12:06.903 --> 00:12:11.493 outside of the actuality of the situation, but some people can do it. 00:12:11.493 --> 00:12:15.544 They can really re-present and create 00:12:15.544 --> 00:12:19.784 their worst case scenario of suffering. 00:12:19.784 --> 00:12:24.863 And they can really be present and watch what happens inside. 00:12:24.863 --> 00:12:29.321 If you are able to do this, it will be a very good exercise for you. 00:12:29.321 --> 00:12:33.391 And please, come, and give me some feedback on what you have found. 00:12:33.391 --> 00:12:35.551 [Q.] OK, yes, I think, I can. 00:12:35.551 --> 00:12:36.996 [Mooji] Yes. 00:12:39.516 --> 00:12:49.096 ...and don't forget that you are also observing... [music] 00:12:52.985 --> 00:12:56.857 Video extract from the Satsang DVD 'Don't fight with Mind' 00:12:56.857 --> 00:12:59.387 13th January 2012 Tiruvannamalai, India