[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Had situations in my lab where I had underperforming
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.80,0:00:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Graduate students and one of the things that was really awful about that was that it was [really] hard on the high
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.14,0:00:09.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,performing graduate students
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.42,0:00:15.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You [know] because they felt that even being in the same category as the people who weren't working hard and pulling their weight
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.48,0:00:21.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Devalued what they were doing you [know] and that's exactly right, and so this is also. Why there's there's a
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.45,0:00:29.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Conscientiousness trait and an agreeableness trait because conscientious people judge you on your accomplishments, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.31,0:00:31.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They don't give a damn about your feelings not a bit
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.89,0:00:35.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like are you doing the work or not [whereas] agreeable people think well?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.76,0:00:37.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know your mother is sick
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.29,0:00:42.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you know you you've got a bunch of family problems and and we all have to take care of each other
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.42,0:00:46.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's no wonder that you're having a rough time and like you can't say that one of those
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.60,0:00:51.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Attitudes is correct and the other isn't correct you can't say that there wouldn't be those two dimensions
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.61,0:00:54.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If there wasn't something correct about both of them
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.19,0:00:57.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you can certainly point out that often they conflict
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.40,0:01:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know and so the demand for for inclusiveness and unity and care and the demand for
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.80,0:01:08.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[High-level] performance in a hierarchical structure [they're] very different orientations in the world and so
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.43,0:01:13.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's complicated for people who are agreeable and conscientious and
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.96,0:01:21.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually, I think often that large corporations [and] large large institutions of any sort run on the
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.00,0:01:26.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unheralded labor of people who are high in agreeable lifts and high in conscientiousness
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.43,0:01:32.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they're disproportionately women in my experience in large institutions has been that if you want to hire someone to exploit
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.24,0:01:38.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Appropriately no not appropriately if you want to hire someone to exploit productively
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.04,0:01:41.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You hire middle-aged women who are hyper conscientious?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.82,0:01:45.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And who are agreeable because they'll do everything they won't take credit for it
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.81,0:01:47.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they won't complain and
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.38,0:01:48.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.10,0:01:53.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nasty and I think that happens all the time and so one of the things you have to be careful of if you're agreeable [is]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.35,0:01:56.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not to be exploited because you'll line up to be exploited
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.94,0:02:01.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I think the reason for that is [because] you're wired to be exploited by infants and
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.50,0:02:08.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that just doesn't work so well in that actual world and one of the things one of the things that happens very often in
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.29,0:02:11.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Psychotherapy, you know people come to psychotherapy for multiple reasons
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.53,0:02:17.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But one of them is they often come because to agreeable and so what they get is so-called assertiveness training although
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.73,0:02:23.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's not exactly assertiveness that's being trained what it is is the ability to learn how to negotiate on your own behalf and
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.83,0:02:27.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the things I tell agreeable people especially if their conscientious is
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.87,0:02:34.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Say what you think tell the truth about what you think there's going to be things you think that you think are nasty and harsh
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.80,0:02:37.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they probably are nasty and harsh
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.45,0:02:42.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But they're also probably true and you need to bring those [up] to the forefront and deliver the message
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.75,0:02:47.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's not straightforward at all because agreeable people do not like conflict
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.86,0:02:53.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not at all they smooth the water you know and you can see you can see why that is in accordance with the
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.04,0:02:58.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hypothesis that I've been putting forward [you] don't want conflict around infants. It's too damn dangerous
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.95,0:03:02.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't want fights to break out you don't want anything to
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.29,0:03:08.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Disturb the the relative peace you know and if you're also more prone [to] being hurt physically and perhaps
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.92,0:03:12.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,emotionally you also may be loath to engage in the kind of
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.31,0:03:16.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,High-Intensity conflict that will solve problems in the short term because [a] lot of conflict
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.93,0:03:20.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it takes a lot of conflict to solve problems in the short term and
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.35,0:03:26.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know if that can spiral up to where it's dangerous which it can if it gets uncontrolled it might be safer in
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.95,0:03:31.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The short term [to] keep the waters smooth and to not delve into those situations
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.24,0:03:35.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where conflict emerges the problem with that is it's not a very good medium to long term
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.29,0:03:39.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Strategy right because lots lots of times there are things you have to talk about
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.79,0:03:41.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they're not going to go away and
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.43,0:03:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so partly what you do with agreeable people is you get them to figure out and they have a hard time with this too if
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.88,0:03:51.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You ask a disagreeable person. What what he wants say or she wants they'll tell you right away
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.96,0:03:54.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They know like this is what I want and this is how I'm going to get it
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.91,0:04:00.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But agreeable people especially if they're really agreeable are so agreeable that they often don't even know what they want
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.70,0:04:07.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they're so accustomed to living for other people and to finding out what other people want and to trying to make them comfortable and
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.35,0:04:10.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So forth that it's harder for them to find a sense of their own
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.23,0:04:14.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Desires as they move [through] life, and that's not
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.98,0:04:20.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, there's situations where that's Advantageous, but it's certainly not advantageous if you're going to try to
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.70,0:04:25.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,forge yourself a career that just doesn't work at all so
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.88,0:04:29.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right