1 00:00:00,789 --> 00:00:03,524 From early spring down to the autumn of the year, 2 00:00:03,524 --> 00:00:05,438 A very sedate and contemplative man 3 00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,568 had been accustomed to call upon me 4 00:00:07,568 --> 00:00:10,912 in respect to his religious thoughts and anxieties. 5 00:00:10,912 --> 00:00:14,160 At first, he seemed to have thoughts only, 6 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:17,471 but they ripened by degrees into anxieties. 7 00:00:17,471 --> 00:00:20,347 He began by asking about theories or doctrines 8 00:00:20,347 --> 00:00:22,711 apparently without any idea of 9 00:00:22,711 --> 00:00:25,711 making an application of the truth to himself. 10 00:00:25,711 --> 00:00:29,304 He had points of difficulty which he wished to have explained. 11 00:00:29,304 --> 00:00:31,203 And then he found other points, 12 00:00:31,203 --> 00:00:33,553 and these gradually changed in character 13 00:00:33,553 --> 00:00:38,002 from abstract questions to those of the application of the truth. 14 00:00:38,002 --> 00:00:42,389 From the first, I tried to lead him on to the personal application. 15 00:00:42,389 --> 00:00:44,144 But months passed away before 16 00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:46,394 he appeared to have much sense of his sin 17 00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:49,506 or much anxiety about himself. 18 00:00:49,506 --> 00:00:51,694 But he came to this, and after quite 19 00:00:51,694 --> 00:00:54,124 a struggle of mind as it appeared to me, 20 00:00:54,124 --> 00:00:57,770 to lead himself to believe in salvation by personal merit, 21 00:00:57,770 --> 00:01:00,411 he gave that up. He said to me, 22 00:01:00,411 --> 00:01:03,411 "I had become convinced that sinners are saved 23 00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:05,459 not by their own goodness, 24 00:01:05,459 --> 00:01:08,959 but because they are pardoned on account of Jesus Christ. 25 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:12,501 Faith in Him is the only way for them." 26 00:01:12,501 --> 00:01:15,262 After this, I conversed with him several times 27 00:01:15,262 --> 00:01:18,682 when he appeared to me to be not far from the Kingdom of God. 28 00:01:18,682 --> 00:01:21,041 But, I was as often disappointed, 29 00:01:21,041 --> 00:01:23,491 for he would come back to me again 30 00:01:23,491 --> 00:01:26,648 in as much trouble and unbelief as before. 31 00:01:26,648 --> 00:01:30,439 Again and again, I had answered all his inquiries, 32 00:01:30,439 --> 00:01:32,757 teaching him out of the Scriptures, 33 00:01:32,757 --> 00:01:35,917 had brought up to his mind all the doctrines of truth, 34 00:01:35,917 --> 00:01:38,136 the divine promises and directions, 35 00:01:38,136 --> 00:01:41,906 sin and salvation, but all in vain. 36 00:01:41,906 --> 00:01:43,855 He had become very solemn 37 00:01:43,855 --> 00:01:47,775 and seemed to be entirely candid and really in earnest. 38 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,550 His Bible had become his constant study. 39 00:01:50,550 --> 00:01:52,500 He was a man of prayer. 40 00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:57,102 He attended upon all our religious services with manifest interest. 41 00:01:57,102 --> 00:02:01,251 He appeared to have a deep sense of his sin and danger, 42 00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:04,195 but he had no hope in Christ. 43 00:02:04,195 --> 00:02:08,478 I finally said to him one evening, "I do not know, my dear sir, 44 00:02:08,478 --> 00:02:10,603 what more can be said to you. 45 00:02:10,603 --> 00:02:12,993 I have told you all that I know. 46 00:02:12,993 --> 00:02:14,828 Your state as a sinner lost, 47 00:02:14,828 --> 00:02:17,828 exposed to the righteous penalty of God's law, 48 00:02:17,828 --> 00:02:20,123 and having a heart alienated from God, 49 00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:23,123 and the free offer of redemption by Christ, 50 00:02:23,123 --> 00:02:25,678 and your instant duty to repent of sin 51 00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:28,678 and give up the world and give God your heart, 52 00:02:28,678 --> 00:02:29,909 and the source of your help 53 00:02:29,909 --> 00:02:32,909 through the power of the Holy Spirit assured to you, 54 00:02:32,909 --> 00:02:36,560 if you will receive Christ, all these things have become 55 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:39,560 as familiar to you as household words. 56 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,643 What more can I say? 57 00:02:41,643 --> 00:02:44,643 I know not what more there is to be said. 58 00:02:44,643 --> 00:02:50,409 I cannot read your heart. God can. And you can by His aid. 59 00:02:50,409 --> 00:02:54,699 Some things you have said almost made me think you a Christian, 60 00:02:54,699 --> 00:02:57,656 and others again have destroyed that hope. 61 00:02:57,656 --> 00:03:00,226 I now put it to your own heart. 62 00:03:00,226 --> 00:03:04,456 If you are not a Christian, what hinders you?" 63 00:03:04,456 --> 00:03:09,426 He thought a moment. Said he, "I can't feel." 64 00:03:09,426 --> 00:03:12,123 "Why didn't you tell me this before?" 65 00:03:12,123 --> 00:03:14,753 "I never thought of it before, sir." 66 00:03:14,753 --> 00:03:17,845 "How do you know this hinders you?" 67 00:03:17,845 --> 00:03:20,754 "I can think of nothing else, but I am sure 68 00:03:20,754 --> 00:03:23,344 I shall never be converted to God 69 00:03:23,344 --> 00:03:25,716 if I have no more feeling than I have now. 70 00:03:25,716 --> 00:03:28,716 But that is my own fault. 71 00:03:28,716 --> 00:03:30,999 I know you cannot help me." 72 00:03:30,999 --> 00:03:35,227 "No, sir, I cannot. Nor can you help yourself. 73 00:03:35,227 --> 00:03:38,817 Your heart will not feel at your bidding." 74 00:03:38,817 --> 00:03:42,478 "What then can I do?" said he with much anxiety. 75 00:03:42,478 --> 00:03:47,010 "Come to Christ now. Trust Him. Give up your darling world. 76 00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:51,904 Repent, so iniquity shall not be your ruin." 77 00:03:51,904 --> 00:03:55,152 He seemed perplexed, annoyed, vexed. 78 00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,082 And with an accent of impatience, 79 00:03:57,082 --> 00:04:00,569 such as I had never witnessed in him before, he replied, 80 00:04:00,569 --> 00:04:02,855 "That is impossible. I want the feeling 81 00:04:02,855 --> 00:04:06,595 to bring me to that, and I can't feel." 82 00:04:06,595 --> 00:04:10,231 "Hear me, sir," said I, "and heed well what I say. 83 00:04:10,231 --> 00:04:12,231 I have several points: 84 00:04:12,231 --> 00:04:17,013 One, the Bible never tells you that you must feel, 85 00:04:17,013 --> 00:04:20,263 but that you must repent and believe. 86 00:04:20,263 --> 00:04:23,937 Two, your complaint that you can't feel 87 00:04:23,937 --> 00:04:26,937 is just an excuse by which your wicked heart 88 00:04:26,937 --> 00:04:31,881 would justify you for not coming to Christ now. 89 00:04:31,881 --> 00:04:35,891 Three, this complaint that you can't feel 90 00:04:35,891 --> 00:04:38,891 is the complaint of a self-righteous spirit." 91 00:04:38,891 --> 00:04:41,131 "How is it?" said he. 92 00:04:41,131 --> 00:04:45,414 "Because you look to the desired feeling to commend you to God, 93 00:04:45,414 --> 00:04:50,674 or to make you fit to come, or to enable you to come." 94 00:04:50,674 --> 00:04:53,275 "Yes, to enable me," said he. 95 00:04:53,275 --> 00:04:56,755 "Well, that is self-righteousness in the shape of 96 00:04:56,755 --> 00:05:00,946 self-justification for not coming. 97 00:05:00,946 --> 00:05:03,946 Or in the shape of self-reliance if you attempt to come. 98 00:05:03,946 --> 00:05:08,761 That is all legalism and not the acceptance of gracious Christianity. 99 00:05:08,761 --> 00:05:12,110 You cannot be saved by the Law. 100 00:05:12,110 --> 00:05:17,300 Four, your complaint is the language of the most profound ignorance. 101 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,204 To feel would do you no good. 102 00:05:20,204 --> 00:05:24,324 Devils feel. Lost spirits feel. 103 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,899 Five, your complaint that you can't feel 104 00:05:27,899 --> 00:05:30,899 tends to lead you to a false religion. 105 00:05:30,899 --> 00:05:34,310 A religion of mere self-righteous feeling. 106 00:05:34,310 --> 00:05:36,360 Religion is duty. 107 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:40,166 "But sir," said he, "there is feeling in religion." 108 00:05:40,166 --> 00:05:45,859 "But sir," said I, "there is duty in religion, and which shall come first? 109 00:05:45,859 --> 00:05:47,988 You ought to feel. 110 00:05:47,988 --> 00:05:49,668 You ought to love God 111 00:05:49,668 --> 00:05:52,828 and grieve that you are such a senseless sinner." 112 00:05:52,828 --> 00:05:55,212 "I know I am a sinner, but I can't feel 113 00:05:55,212 --> 00:05:59,602 any confidence to turn to God, to draw me to Him." 114 00:05:59,602 --> 00:06:02,371 "You are like the prodigal in the 15th of Luke 115 00:06:02,371 --> 00:06:05,021 when he thought of saying to his father, 116 00:06:05,021 --> 00:06:07,725 'make me as one of the hired servants.'" 117 00:06:07,725 --> 00:06:11,114 "Poor fool, to say that to his father, 118 00:06:11,114 --> 00:06:14,634 why the very idea is a libel on his father's heart. 119 00:06:14,634 --> 00:06:18,841 But he didn't think so. Poor fool, he knew no better. 120 00:06:18,841 --> 00:06:21,841 And you are a greater fool than he. 121 00:06:21,841 --> 00:06:24,032 He went home. 122 00:06:24,032 --> 00:06:27,032 And where he met his father, he found his heart. 123 00:06:27,032 --> 00:06:30,613 He could feel when he found his father's arms around him 124 00:06:30,613 --> 00:06:33,913 and felt the strong beatings of his father's heart. 125 00:06:33,913 --> 00:06:36,359 Do as he did. Go home. 126 00:06:36,359 --> 00:06:40,239 And you will feel, if you've never felt before. 127 00:06:40,239 --> 00:06:44,825 You will starve where you are. Your husks will not save you." 128 00:06:44,825 --> 00:06:49,387 As I was uttering this, he hung his head, cast his eyes upon the floor 129 00:06:49,387 --> 00:06:51,904 and stood like a statue of stone. 130 00:06:51,904 --> 00:06:53,958 I let him think. 131 00:06:53,958 --> 00:06:58,526 There he stood for some minutes. Then, turning suddenly to me, 132 00:06:58,526 --> 00:07:01,096 reaching to me his hand, he said, 133 00:07:01,096 --> 00:07:04,556 "I'm very much obliged to you. Good night." 134 00:07:04,556 --> 00:07:06,610 I let him go. 135 00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:10,202 About a month afterwards, I met him riding alone in his wagon, 136 00:07:10,202 --> 00:07:12,588 and he insisted upon my taking a seat with him, 137 00:07:12,588 --> 00:07:15,588 for he had something to say to me. 138 00:07:15,588 --> 00:07:18,607 And he would drive wherever I wanted to go. 139 00:07:18,607 --> 00:07:22,507 I was no sooner seated in the wagon than he said to me, 140 00:07:22,507 --> 00:07:26,247 "the human heart is the greatest mystery in the world, 141 00:07:26,247 --> 00:07:31,673 inexplicable, contradictory to itself. It is absurd. 142 00:07:31,673 --> 00:07:35,137 The sinner says, as I said to you that last night, 143 00:07:35,137 --> 00:07:38,137 'I can't feel' as an excuse 144 00:07:38,137 --> 00:07:40,100 for holding on to the world. 145 00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:43,100 I found as soon as I was willing to 'go home' 146 00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:47,132 as you called it, the road was plain enough." 147 00:07:47,132 --> 00:07:50,289 "Were you hindered long with that want of feeling?" 148 00:07:50,289 --> 00:07:52,911 "No. I never thought of it till that night. 149 00:07:52,911 --> 00:07:55,911 It came upon me like a flash. 150 00:07:55,911 --> 00:07:59,976 And then just as I was thinking it was a good reason in my favor, 151 00:07:59,976 --> 00:08:03,687 you dashed it all into shivers." 152 00:08:03,687 --> 00:08:05,612 "And can you feel now?" 153 00:08:05,612 --> 00:08:08,572 "Oh, yes. I have no trouble about that. 154 00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:11,572 I find that if a poor creature will turn to God, 155 00:08:11,572 --> 00:08:17,998 in the name of Jesus, he will learn to feel as he never felt before." 156 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,772 Sinners not willing to give up the world 157 00:08:20,772 --> 00:08:24,842 and wanting an excuse for their irreligion exclaim, 158 00:08:24,842 --> 00:08:27,390 "I can't feel." 159 00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:33,849 This chapter is from "A Pastor's Sketches: Conversations with Anxious Souls Concerning the Way of Salvation." 160 00:08:33,849 --> 00:08:37,736 by Ichabod Spencer, originally published in the mid-19th century.