WEBVTT

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Have you ever felt lonely?

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The urge of wanting
to connect with people,

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but you seem to have no one
you really would want to contact?

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Or, it's a Friday night
and you want to be with others,

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but you have no energy to go out,
so instead you sit at home all evening,

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watch Netflix

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and feel more alone than ever?

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You feel like a monster

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between humans that know how to function.

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This is what loneliness felt like to me.

NOTE Paragraph

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So I'm an artist,

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and I process my emotional world
by sharing my feelings through my art.

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If you share your feelings with someone,

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and they understand
and share those feelings too,

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you create an emotional
and deep connection.

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This is why you can be surrounded
by hundreds of people,

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jump from one candidate to the next,

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but still feel lonely.

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It's because these deeper connections
haven't been made.

NOTE Paragraph

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I was an always-happy child.

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I think we nearly have
no single photo of me

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where I don't smile broadly
or laugh or joke around.

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And this went on until ...

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well, it's still the case.

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But I had many friend groups

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up until, as a young adult,
I moved to another city

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for my first job, as a comic artist.

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And like so many young,
thriving people all over the planet,

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I concentrated all my energy
into my work life.

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But, if you spend, like, 90 percent
of your daily capacity

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trying to succeed at work,

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of course there is nothing left

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to take care of all the other
important aspects in your life,

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like your human relationships.

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Nourishing friendships
as an adult is work.

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You need to be consistent with connecting.

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You need to be open,
you need to be honest.

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And this is all I struggled with,

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because I tend to camouflage
my real feelings

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by trying to appear always happy

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and trying to make
everyone else happy, too,

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by trying to fix their problems.

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And I know a lot of us are guilty of this,

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because it's an easy way to not
think about your own issues.

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Isn't it?

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Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

NOTE Paragraph

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(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

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OK.

NOTE Paragraph

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The turning point came

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when I fell into an emotionally
abusive relationship

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just a few years ago.

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He isolated me

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and left me feeling more alone than ever.

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It was the lowest point in my life,

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but it was also my wake-up call,

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because it was the first time

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that I really felt loneliness.

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Many others put
their feelings into their art.

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There are endless books,
movies, paintings, music,

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all filled with the real
emotion of an artist.

NOTE Paragraph

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So, as an artist myself, I did the same.

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I shared my feelings.

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I wanted to help people
cope with loneliness.

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I wanted, yeah, to make them
understand it,

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to really experience it through my art

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in the form of an interactive story,

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a video game.

NOTE Paragraph

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So, in our game --

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we called it "Sea of Solitude" --

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you are a person named Kay,

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who is suffering from
such strong loneliness

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that her inner feelings --

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the anger,

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the feeling of hopelessness,
worthlessness --

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turn to the outside,

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and she becomes a monster.

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The game -- well, Kay --

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is actually a representation of me

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and the path I went through
to overcome my struggles.

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The game plays, actually, in Kay's mind,

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so you walk through a world
that is flooded by her tears,

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and the weather is changing by her mood,

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how her mood is changing.

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And, well, the only thing Kay wears,

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the only thing,

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is her backpack.

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It's the baggage we all carry
throughout our life.

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And Kay doesn't know how to cope
with her emotions in the right way,

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so her backpack becomes bigger and bigger

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until it bursts,

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and she finally is forced
to overcome her own struggles.

NOTE Paragraph

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In our story, we present many different
manifestations of loneliness.

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Loneliness through
social exclusion is very common.

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In our game, the brother of Kay
got bullied in his school,

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and he just wants to hide and fly away.

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And we portray him as a huge bird monster
surrounded by thick fog.

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The player has to actually
walk through his school

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and experience, really feel the harm,

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that the brother had been through,

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because for a long time,
nobody really listens to him.

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But the very moment
friends and family start to listen,

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the first step towards overcoming
this form of loneliness had been made.

NOTE Paragraph

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We also show loneliness in relationships,

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like when parents just stay together
for the sake of their kids

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but end up hurting the entire family.

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We put the player literally in between
the two parents while they are fighting,

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and you get hurt in the middle.

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They don't even see that their daughter,
Kay, is right there,

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until she breaks down.

NOTE Paragraph

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We also show loneliness
through mental health issues,

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with the boyfriend of Kay,
who suffers from depression

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and shows that sometimes

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it is most important to focus
on your own well-being first.

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The boyfriend also tends
to camouflage his feelings,

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so he appears like a lone,
shiny white wolf.

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But the moment he starts
to interact with his girlfriend, Kay,

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the mask falls off,

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and we see the black dog beneath it:

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depression.

NOTE Paragraph

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Sometimes we put on a smile

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instead of dealing
with the issues at hand,

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and that can ultimately make it worse,

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affect the people around us

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and damage our relationships.

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So Kay herself

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we portray as ripped apart
into her basic emotions.

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Some help you,

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some are trying to stop you.

NOTE Paragraph

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Self-doubt is a huge creature,

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always telling Kay how worthless she is

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and that she should just give up.

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Like in real life,

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self-doubt is blocking the path,

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and it seems impossible to overcome it.

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Destroying the omnipresence
of self-doubt is a slow process.

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But in the game,
you can slowly, like, shrink her,

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so she turns from self-doubt

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to actually healthy doubt,

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and you can finally trust her advice.

NOTE Paragraph

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We also show self-destruction.

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It's a huge monster

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always lurking nearby
under the water's surface.

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Self-destruction is actually
the main antagonist of the game,

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and she is always trying to drown you
in the ocean of tears.

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But, when she actually drowns you,

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you wake up just a few moments [ahead],

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and you have a chance to progress again.

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We wanted to show

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that we all go through hardships
in our life, we all do.

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But if you at least, like, stand up
and try to move forward,

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you are very likely to make it
through your struggle,

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step by step.

NOTE Paragraph

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Joy is something that Kay
cannot really embrace or touch.

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It's always something in the distance.

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We portrayed joy
as a child version of Kay,

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with a yellow raincoat,

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so she is invulnerable
to the ocean of tears.

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But joy can also turn into obsession

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and start to be actually harmful for Kay,

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like when she starts obsessing
over her boyfriend.

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Joy will not turn back to normal
until Kay realizes

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that her happiness
should not depend on anybody else

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but herself.

NOTE Paragraph

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So our monsters appear huge and scary,

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but if you overcome your reluctance
and approach them,

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you soon see that they
are no monsters at all,

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but just fragile beings that are simply
overwhelmed by what life throws at them.

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All of those emotions,

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be it self-doubt or even self-destruction,

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don't completely vanish in our game.

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The key message is to not only
chase for joy or happiness

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but to embrace all your emotions

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and bring them into balance,

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being OK with sometimes not being OK.

NOTE Paragraph

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Everyone has their own
loneliness story to tell.

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This realization changed
everything for me.

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Being much more open with my emotions

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and concentrating much more
on my private life,

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my friends, my family.

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When we released the game,

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literally thousands of fans wrote us,

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all sharing their stories with us

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and telling us they felt
not so alone anymore

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just because they played our game.

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Many people wrote us that they felt hope

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for a better future for themselves
for the first time in decades.

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Many wrote us that they seek therapy now,

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just because they played our game

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and felt hopeful to overcome
their own struggles.

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Our game is not a therapy.

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It's not meant to be a therapy.

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It's just my friends and me
sharing our stories

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through our art, video games.

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But we are so deeply thankful
for every single message

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that people feel better,

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just because we shared
our story with them.

NOTE Paragraph

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So ...

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I didn't completely overcome
my urge to help others.

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But I don't want to overcome it anymore.

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I love it.

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I just needed to bring it
to a healthy size

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so it doesn't stand in the way
of deeper relationships anymore,

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but even help me to connect with people.

NOTE Paragraph

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So, if you have an inner monster

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that is born out of negative emotions,

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it is not only the goal
to kill that monster

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but to understand that we humans
are complex beings.

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Look at what part of your life
is so big that others fall short.

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Look at what emotions you barely feel

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or maybe feel too much

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and move towards lowering those peaks.

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Most of all, it's about understanding

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that all the wide range
of emotions and struggles

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makes us what we are:

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humans.

NOTE Paragraph

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Thank you.

NOTE Paragraph

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(Applause)