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I am the proud father
of two beautiful children,

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Elijah, 15, and Octavia, 12.

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When Elijah was in the fourth grade,

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he came to me,

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came home from school
bubbling over with excitement

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about what he had learned that day
about African-American history.

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Now, I'm an African-American
and cultural studies professor,

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and so, as you can imagine,

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African-American culture
is kind of serious around my home.

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So I was very proud that my son
was excited about what he had learned

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that day in school.

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So I said, "What did you learn?"

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He said, "I learned about Rosa Parks."

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I said, "OK, what did you learn
about Rosa Parks?"

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He said, "I learned that Rosa Parks
was this frail, old black woman

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in the 1950s

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in Montgomery, Alabama.

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And she sat down on this bus,

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and she had tired feet,

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and when the bus driver told her
to give up her seat to a white patron,

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she refused because she had tired feet.

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It had been a long day,

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and she was tired of oppression,

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and she didn't give up her seat.

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And she marched with Martin Luther King,

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and she believed in nonviolence."

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And I guess he must have looked at my face

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and saw that I was
a little less than impressed

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by his

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... um ...

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history lesson.

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And so he stopped, and he was like,
"Dad, what's wrong? What did I get wrong?"

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I said, "Son, you didn't
get anything wrong,

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but I think your teacher
got a whole lot of things wrong."

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(Laughter)

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He said, "Well, what do you mean?"

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I said, "Rosa Parks was not tired.

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She was not old.

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And she certainly didn't have tired feet."

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He said, "What?"

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I said, "Yes!

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Rosa Parks was only 42 years old" --

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Yeah, you're shocked, right?
Never heard that.

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"Rosa Parks was only 42 years old,

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she had only worked six hours that day,
and she was a seamstress

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and her feet were just fine.

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(Laughter)

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The only thing that she was tired of

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was she was tired of inequality.

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She was tired of oppression."

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And my son said,

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"Well, why would my teacher
tell me this thing?

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This is confusing for me."

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Because he loved his teacher,
and she was a good teacher,

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a young-ish, 20-something white woman,

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really, really smart, pushed him,
so I liked her as well.

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But he was confused.
"Why would she tell me this?" he said.

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He said, "Dad, tell me more. Tell me more.
Tell me more about Rosa Parks."

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And I said, "Son, I'll do you one better."

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He was like, "What?"

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I said, "I'm going to buy
her autobiography,

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and I'm going to let you
read it yourself."

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(Laughter)

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So as you can imagine,

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Elijah wasn't too excited about
this new, lengthy homework assignment

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that his dad had just given him,
but he took it in stride.

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And he came back after he had read it,

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and he was excited
about what he had learned.

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He said, "Dad, not only was Rosa Parks
not initially into nonviolence,

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but Rosa Parks's grandfather,
who basically raised her

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and was light enough to pass as white,

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used to walk around town
with his gun in his holster,

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and people knew if you messed with
Mr. Parks's children or grandchildren,

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he would put a cap
in your proverbial bottom."

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(Laughter)

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Right?

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He was not someone to mess with.

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And he said, "I also learned
that Rosa Parks married a man in Raymond

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who was a lot like her grandfather."

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He would organize.

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He was a civil rights activist.

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He would organize events

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and sometimes the events would be
at Rosa Parks's home.

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And one time Rosa Parks remarked

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that there were so many guns on the table,

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because they were prepared for somebody
to come busting into the door

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that they were prepared
for whatever was going to go down,

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that Rosa Parks said, "There were
so many guns on the table

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that I forgot to even
offer them coffee or food."

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This is who Rosa Parks was.

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And in fact, Rosa Parks,
when she was sitting on that bus that day,

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waiting for those
police officers to arrive

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and not knowing what was going
to happen to her,

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she was not thinking about
Martin Luther King,

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who she barely knew.

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She was not thinking about
nonviolence or Gandhi.

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She was thinking about her grandfather,

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a gun-toting, take-no-mess grandfather.

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That's who Rosa Parks was thinking about.

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My son was mesmerized by Rosa Parks,

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and I was proud of him
to see this excitement.

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But then I still had a problem.

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Because I still had to go his school

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and address the issue with his teacher,

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because I didn't want her
to continue to teach the kids

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obviously false history.

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So I'm agonizing over this,

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primarily because I understand,
as an African-American man,

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that whenever you talk
to whites about racism

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or anything that's racially sensitive,

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there's usually going to be a challenge.

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This is what white sociologist
Robin DiAngelo calls "white fragility."

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She argues that, in fact,

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because whites have
so little experience being challenged

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about their white privilege

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that whenever even the most
minute challenge is brought before them,

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they usually cry,

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get angry

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or run.

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(Laughter)

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And I have experienced them all.

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And so, when I was contemplating
confronting his teacher,

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I wasn't happy about it,

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but I was like, this is a necessary evil

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of being a black parent trying to raise
self-actualized black children.

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So I called Elijah to me and said,

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"Elijah, I'm going to set up
an appointment with your teacher

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and try and correct this

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and maybe your principal.

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What do you think?"

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And Elijah said,

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"Dad, I have a better idea."

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And I said, "Really? What's your idea?"

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He said, "We have
a public speaking assignment,

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and why don't I use
that public speaking assignment

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to talk about debunking
the myths of Rosa Parks?"

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And I was like,

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"Well, that is a good idea."

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So Elijah goes to school,

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he does his presentation,

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he comes back home,

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and I could see something
positive happened.

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I said, "Well, what happened, son?"

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He said, "Well, later on in that day,

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the teacher pulled me aside,

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and she apologized to me
for giving that misinformation."

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And then something else
miraculous happened the next day.

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She actually taught
a new lesson on Rosa Parks,

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filling in the gaps that she had left
and correcting the mistakes that she made.

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And I was so, so proud of my son.

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But then I thought about it.

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And I got angry.

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And I got real angry.

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Why? Why would I get angry?

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Because my nine-year-old son
had to educate his teacher

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about his history,

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had to educate his teacher
about his own humanity.

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He's nine years old.

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He should be thinking about
basketball or soccer

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or the latest movie.

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He should not be thinking about
having to take the responsibility

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of educating his teacher,

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his students,

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about himself, about his history.

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That was a burden that I carried.

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That was a burden that my parents carried

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and generations before them carried.

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And now I was seeing my son
take on that burden, too.

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You see, that's why Rosa Parks
wrote her autobiography.

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Because during her lifetime,

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if you can imagine,

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you do this amazing thing,

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you're alive and you're talking
about your civil rights activism,

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and a story emerges

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in which somebody is telling the world

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that you were old and you had tired feet

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and you just were an accidental activist,

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not that you had been activist
by then for 20 years,

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not that the boycott
had been planned for months,

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not that you were not even the first
or the second or even the third woman

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to be arrested for doing that.

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You become an accidental activist,
even in her own lifetime.

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So she wrote that autobiography
to correct the record,

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because what she wanted
to remind people of

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was that this

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is what it was like

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in the 1950s

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trying to be black in America

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and fight for your rights.

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During the year, a little over a year,
that the boycott lasted,

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there were over four church bombings.

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Martin Luther King's house
was bombed twice.

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Other civil rights leaders' houses
were bombed in Birmingham.

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Rosa Parks's husband
slept at night with a shotgun,

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because they would get
constant death threats.

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In fact, Rosa Parks's mother
lived with them,

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and sometimes she would stay
on the phone for hours

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so that nobody would call in
with death threats,

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because it was constant and persistent.

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In fact, there was so much tension,

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there was so much pressure,
there was so much terrorism,

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that Rosa Parks and her husband,
they lost their jobs,

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and they became unemployable

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and eventually had to leave
and move out of the South.

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This is a civil rights reality

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that Rosa Parks wanted to make sure
that people understood.

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So you say, "Well, David,
what does that have to do with me?

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I'm a well-meaning person.

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I didn't own slaves.

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I'm not trying to whitewash history.

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I'm a good guy. I'm a good person."

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Let me tell you
what it has to do with you,

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and I'll tell it to you
by telling you a story

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about a professor of mine,
a white professor,

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00:10:36,509 --> 00:10:40,874
when I was in graduate school,
who was a brilliant, brilliant individual.

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We'll call him "Fred."

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And Fred was writing this history
of the civil rights movement,

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but he was writing specifically
about a moment

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that happened to him in North Carolina

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when this white man shot this black man
in cold blood in a wide-open space

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and was never convicted.

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And so it was this great book,

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and he called together
a couple of his professor friends

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and he called me to read a draft of it
before the final submission.

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And I was flattered that he called me;

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I was only a graduate student then.

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I was kind of feeling myself a little bit.
I was like, "OK, yeah."

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I'm sitting around amongst intellectuals,

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and I read the draft of the book.

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And there was a moment in the book

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that struck me as being
deeply problematic,

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and so I said,

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"Fred," as we were sitting around
talking about this draft,

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I said, "Fred, I've got a real problem
with this moment that you talk

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about your maid in your book."

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And I could see Fred get a little
"tight," as we say.

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He said, "What do you mean?
That's a great story.

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It happened just like I said."

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I said, "Mmm ... can I give you
another scenario?"

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Now, what's the story?

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It was 1968.

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Martin Luther King
had just been assassinated.

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00:12:04,443 --> 00:12:08,580
His maid, "domestic" --
we'll call her "Mabel,"

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was in the kitchen.

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00:12:10,706 --> 00:12:12,312
Little Fred is eight years old.

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00:12:12,336 --> 00:12:14,177
Little Fred comes into the kitchen,

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00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:21,119
and Mabel, who he has only seen
as smiling and helpful and happy,

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is bent over the sink,

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and she's crying,

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and she's sobbing

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inconsolably.

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And little Fred comes over to her
and says, "Mabel, what is wrong?"

253
00:12:35,941 --> 00:12:37,980
Mabel turns, and she says,

254
00:12:38,004 --> 00:12:42,550
"They killed him! They killed our leader.
They killed Martin Luther King.

255
00:12:42,574 --> 00:12:45,916
He's dead! They are monsters."

256
00:12:47,054 --> 00:12:48,873
And little Fred says,

257
00:12:48,897 --> 00:12:52,222
"It'll be OK, Mabel.
It'll be OK. It'll be OK."

258
00:12:52,246 --> 00:12:55,345
And she looked at him, and she says,
"No, it's not going to be OK.

259
00:12:55,369 --> 00:12:57,311
Did you not hear what I just said?

260
00:12:57,335 --> 00:12:59,614
They killed Martin Luther King."

261
00:13:01,106 --> 00:13:03,087
And Fred,

262
00:13:03,111 --> 00:13:04,484
son of a preacher,

263
00:13:05,882 --> 00:13:08,344
looks up at Mabel, and he says,

264
00:13:08,368 --> 00:13:13,369
"But Mabel, didn't Jesus
die on the cross for our sins?

265
00:13:13,784 --> 00:13:15,326
Wasn't that a good outcome?

266
00:13:15,350 --> 00:13:18,742
Maybe this will be a good outcome.

267
00:13:18,766 --> 00:13:23,399
Maybe the death of Martin Luther King
will lead to a good outcome."

268
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,374
And as Fred tells the story,

269
00:13:26,398 --> 00:13:30,140
he says that Mabel
put her hand over her mouth,

270
00:13:31,417 --> 00:13:33,986
she reached down
and she gave little Fred a hug,

271
00:13:35,002 --> 00:13:37,579
and then she reached into the icebox,

272
00:13:37,603 --> 00:13:39,879
and took out a couple Pepsis,

273
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,359
gave him some Pepsis

274
00:13:41,383 --> 00:13:44,228
and sent him on his way
to play with his siblings.

275
00:13:44,948 --> 00:13:46,511
And he said,

276
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:52,169
"This was proof that even in the most
harrowing times of race struggle

277
00:13:52,193 --> 00:13:55,445
that two people could come together
across racial lines

278
00:13:55,469 --> 00:13:57,665
and find human commonality

279
00:13:57,689 --> 00:14:00,359
along the lines of love and affection."

280
00:14:00,383 --> 00:14:04,228
And I said, "Fred, that is some BS."

281
00:14:04,252 --> 00:14:06,252
(Laughter)

282
00:14:06,803 --> 00:14:08,179
(Applause)

283
00:14:08,203 --> 00:14:11,155
Fred was like,

284
00:14:11,179 --> 00:14:14,752
"But I don't understand, David.
That's the story."

285
00:14:14,776 --> 00:14:16,930
I said, "Fred, let me ask you a question."

286
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:23,951
I said, "You were
in North Carolina in 1968.

287
00:14:23,975 --> 00:14:27,280
If Mabel would've went to her community --
you were eight years old --

288
00:14:27,304 --> 00:14:30,222
what do you think the eight-year-old
African-American children

289
00:14:30,246 --> 00:14:31,397
were calling her?

290
00:14:31,421 --> 00:14:33,668
Do you think they called her
by her first name?"

291
00:14:33,692 --> 00:14:35,272
No, they called her "Miss Mabel,"

292
00:14:35,296 --> 00:14:38,700
or they called her "Miss Johnson,"
or they called her "Auntie Johnson."

293
00:14:38,724 --> 00:14:41,311
They would have never dared
call her by her first name,

294
00:14:41,335 --> 00:14:43,867
because that would have been
the height of disrespect.

295
00:14:43,891 --> 00:14:46,125
And yet, you were calling
her by her first name

296
00:14:46,149 --> 00:14:47,733
every single day that she worked,

297
00:14:47,757 --> 00:14:49,685
and you never thought about it."

298
00:14:49,709 --> 00:14:52,718
I said, "Let me ask you another question:
Was Mabel married?

299
00:14:53,255 --> 00:14:54,729
Did she have children?

300
00:14:54,753 --> 00:14:56,421
What church did she go to?

301
00:14:56,445 --> 00:14:58,675
What was her favorite dessert?"

302
00:15:00,754 --> 00:15:04,667
Fred could not answer
any of those questions.

303
00:15:05,337 --> 00:15:08,828
I said, "Fred, this story
is not about Mabel.

304
00:15:08,852 --> 00:15:10,241
This story is about you."

305
00:15:10,883 --> 00:15:13,850
I said, "This story made you feel good,

306
00:15:13,874 --> 00:15:16,033
but this story is not about Mabel.

307
00:15:16,057 --> 00:15:17,651
The reality is,

308
00:15:17,675 --> 00:15:20,229
what probably happened was,
Mabel was crying,

309
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,329
which was not something
she customarily did,

310
00:15:22,353 --> 00:15:24,118
so she was letting her guard down.

311
00:15:24,637 --> 00:15:26,269
And you came into the kitchen,

312
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:29,790
and you caught her at a weak moment
where she was letting her guard down.

313
00:15:30,278 --> 00:15:33,764
And see, because you thought of yourself
as just like one of her children,

314
00:15:33,788 --> 00:15:38,470
you didn't recognize that you
were in fact the child of her employer.

315
00:15:38,899 --> 00:15:41,263
And she'd found herself yelling at you.

316
00:15:41,287 --> 00:15:42,661
And then she caught herself,

317
00:15:42,685 --> 00:15:45,057
realizing that, 'If I'm yelling at him

318
00:15:45,081 --> 00:15:47,658
and he goes back and he tells
his dad or he tells mom,

319
00:15:47,682 --> 00:15:50,104
I could lose my job.'

320
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:53,223
And so she tempered herself,
and she ended up --

321
00:15:53,247 --> 00:15:57,845
even though she needed consoling --
she ended up consoling you

322
00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,498
and sending you on your way,

323
00:15:59,522 --> 00:16:03,197
perhaps so she could finish
mourning in peace."

324
00:16:04,033 --> 00:16:05,298
And Fred was stunned.

325
00:16:05,782 --> 00:16:09,802
And he realized that he had actually
misread that moment.

326
00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:13,590
And see, this is what
they did to Rosa Parks.

327
00:16:13,614 --> 00:16:19,040
Because it's a lot easier to digest
an old grandmother with tired feet

328
00:16:19,064 --> 00:16:22,485
who doesn't stand up because
she wants to fight for inequality,

329
00:16:22,509 --> 00:16:24,800
but because her feet
and her back are tired,

330
00:16:24,824 --> 00:16:26,462
and she's worked all day.

331
00:16:27,269 --> 00:16:30,074
See, old grandmothers are not scary.

332
00:16:30,098 --> 00:16:32,250
But young, radical black women

333
00:16:32,274 --> 00:16:34,415
who don't take any stuff from anybody

334
00:16:34,439 --> 00:16:35,943
are very scary,

335
00:16:35,967 --> 00:16:37,853
who stand up to power

336
00:16:37,877 --> 00:16:39,941
and are willing to die for that --

337
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:42,240
those are not the kind of people

338
00:16:42,264 --> 00:16:45,024
that make us comfortable.

339
00:16:47,270 --> 00:16:48,441
So you say,

340
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,978
"What do you want me to do, David?

341
00:16:51,002 --> 00:16:54,262
I don't know what to do."

342
00:16:55,159 --> 00:16:57,656
Well, what I would say to you is,

343
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,725
there was a time in which,

344
00:16:59,749 --> 00:17:01,965
if you were Jewish, you were not white,

345
00:17:01,989 --> 00:17:03,997
if you were Italian, you were not white,

346
00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:05,919
if you were Irish, you were not white

347
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:07,105
in this country.

348
00:17:07,129 --> 00:17:12,137
It took a while before the Irish,
the Jews and the Italians became white.

349
00:17:12,843 --> 00:17:14,014
Right?

350
00:17:14,038 --> 00:17:16,189
There was a time in which
you were "othered,"

351
00:17:16,213 --> 00:17:19,193
when you were the people on the outside.

352
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:23,016
Toni Morrison said,

353
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,765
"If, in order for you to be tall,
I have to be on my knees,

354
00:17:26,789 --> 00:17:28,163
you have a serious problem."

355
00:17:28,187 --> 00:17:31,305
She says, "White America
has a serious, serious problem."

356
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:37,596
To be honest, I don't know
if race relations will improve in America.

357
00:17:38,127 --> 00:17:39,922
But I know that if they will improve,

358
00:17:39,946 --> 00:17:43,904
we have to take
these challenges on head on.

359
00:17:44,619 --> 00:17:46,613
The future of my children depends on it.

360
00:17:46,637 --> 00:17:49,209
The future of my children's
children depends on it.

361
00:17:49,731 --> 00:17:51,622
And, whether you know it or not,

362
00:17:51,646 --> 00:17:55,812
the future of your children
and your children's children

363
00:17:55,836 --> 00:17:57,119
depends on it, too.

364
00:17:57,632 --> 00:17:58,786
Thank you.

365
00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:00,205
(Applause)