WEBVTT

00:00:00.480 --> 00:00:05.176
So I would like to start by telling you
about one of my greatest friends,

00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:06.840
Okoloma Maduewesi.

00:00:07.720 --> 00:00:09.336
Okoloma lived on my street

00:00:09.360 --> 00:00:11.656
and looked after me like a big brother.

00:00:11.680 --> 00:00:14.720
If I liked a boy,
I would ask Okoloma's opinion.

00:00:16.160 --> 00:00:20.016
Okoloma died in the notorious
Sosoliso plane crash

00:00:20.040 --> 00:00:22.400
in Nigeria in December of 2005.

00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:24.680
Almost exactly seven years ago.

00:00:26.080 --> 00:00:30.440
Okoloma was a person I could argue with,
laugh with and truly talk to.

00:00:31.680 --> 00:00:34.061
He was also the first person
to call me a feminist.

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:35.520 --> 00:00:38.936
I was about fourteen,
we were at his house, arguing.

00:00:38.960 --> 00:00:41.456
Both of us bristling
with half bit knowledge

00:00:41.480 --> 00:00:42.840
from books that we had read.

00:00:43.560 --> 00:00:46.320
I don't remember what this
particular argument was about,

00:00:47.320 --> 00:00:49.376
but I remember
that as I argued and argued,

00:00:49.400 --> 00:00:52.960
Okoloma looked at me and said,
"You know, you're a feminist."

00:00:53.880 --> 00:00:55.096
It was not a compliment.

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:55.120 --> 00:00:56.536
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:56.560 --> 00:00:57.896
I could tell from his tone,

00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:00.696
the same tone that you would use
to say something like,

00:01:00.720 --> 00:01:02.456
"You're a supporter of terrorism."

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:02.480 --> 00:01:05.256
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:08.936
I did not know exactly
what this word "feminist" meant,

00:01:08.960 --> 00:01:12.176
and I did not want Okoloma
to know that I did not know.

00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:15.216
So I brushed it aside,
and I continued to argue.

00:01:15.240 --> 00:01:17.656
And the first thing
I planned to do when I got home

00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:20.256
was to look up the word
"feminist" in the dictionary.

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:20.280 --> 00:01:23.416
Now fast forward to some years later,

00:01:23.440 --> 00:01:27.576
I wrote a novel about a man
who among other things beats his wife

00:01:27.600 --> 00:01:29.560
and whose story doesn't end very well.

00:01:30.600 --> 00:01:32.656
While I was promoting
the novel in Nigeria,

00:01:32.680 --> 00:01:35.696
a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man,

00:01:35.720 --> 00:01:37.720
told me he wanted to advise me.

00:01:39.280 --> 00:01:40.616
And for the Nigerians here,

00:01:40.640 --> 00:01:42.136
I'm sure we're all familiar

00:01:42.160 --> 00:01:48.400
with how quick our people are
to give unsolicited advice.

00:01:49.760 --> 00:01:53.216
He told me that people were saying
that my novel was feminist

00:01:53.240 --> 00:01:54.856
and his advice to me --

00:01:54.880 --> 00:01:58.056
and he was shaking his head
sadly as he spoke --

00:01:58.080 --> 00:02:00.256
was that I should never
call myself a feminist

00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:02.856
because feminists
are women who are unhappy

00:02:02.880 --> 00:02:04.816
because they cannot find husbands.

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:04.840 --> 00:02:07.240
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:11.720
So I decided to call myself
"a happy feminist."

00:02:13.040 --> 00:02:15.696
Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me

00:02:15.720 --> 00:02:17.416
that feminism was not our culture

00:02:17.440 --> 00:02:19.056
and that feminism wasn't African,

00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:21.016
and that I was calling myself a feminist

00:02:21.040 --> 00:02:23.280
because I had been corrupted
by "Western books."

00:02:24.120 --> 00:02:25.336
Which amused me,

00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:28.696
because a lot of my early readings
were decidedly unfeminist.

00:02:28.720 --> 00:02:31.936
I think I must have read every single
Mills & Boon romance published

00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:33.160
before I was sixteen.

00:02:33.960 --> 00:02:35.936
And each time I tried to read those books

00:02:35.960 --> 00:02:37.776
called "the feminist classics,"

00:02:37.800 --> 00:02:40.576
I'd get bored, and I really
struggled to finish them.

00:02:40.600 --> 00:02:43.336
But anyway, since feminism was un-African,

00:02:43.360 --> 00:02:46.840
I decided that I would now call myself
"a happy African feminist."

00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:52.256
At some point I was a happy African
feminist who does not hate men

00:02:52.280 --> 00:02:53.616
and who likes lip gloss

00:02:53.640 --> 00:02:56.136
and who wears high heels
for herself but not for men.

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:56.160 --> 00:02:57.896
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:57.920 --> 00:03:00.096
Of course a lot of this
was tongue-in-cheek,

00:03:00.120 --> 00:03:04.736
but that word feminist is so heavy
with baggage, negative baggage.

00:03:04.760 --> 00:03:07.096
You hate men, you hate bras,

00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:09.240
you hate African culture,
that sort of thing.

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:12.280
Now here's a story from my childhood.

00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:14.776
When I was in primary school,

00:03:14.800 --> 00:03:19.336
my teacher said at the beginning of term
that she would give the class a test

00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:22.296
and whoever got the highest score
would be the class monitor.

00:03:22.320 --> 00:03:24.400
Now, class monitor was a big deal.

00:03:25.240 --> 00:03:26.976
If you were a class monitor,

00:03:27.000 --> 00:03:29.456
you got to write down
the names of noisemakers --

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:29.480 --> 00:03:31.136
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:31.160 --> 00:03:33.640
which was having enough power of its own.

00:03:34.480 --> 00:03:39.256
But my teacher would also give you
a cane to hold in your hand

00:03:39.280 --> 00:03:42.240
while you walk around
and patrol the class for noisemakers.

00:03:43.360 --> 00:03:46.240
Now, of course you were not
actually allowed to use the cane.

00:03:46.920 --> 00:03:50.336
But it was an exciting prospect
for the nine-year-old me.

00:03:50.360 --> 00:03:53.136
I very much wanted
to be the class monitor.

00:03:53.160 --> 00:03:55.080
And I got the highest score on the test.

00:03:55.800 --> 00:03:59.160
Then, to my surprise, my teacher said
that the monitor had to be a boy.

00:04:00.240 --> 00:04:02.336
She had forgotten
to make that clear earlier

00:04:02.360 --> 00:04:04.218
because she assumed it was ... obvious.

NOTE Paragraph

00:04:04.242 --> 00:04:06.296
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:04:06.320 --> 00:04:09.096
A boy had the second highest
score on the test,

00:04:09.120 --> 00:04:11.160
and he would be monitor.

00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:14.136
Now, what was even more
interesting about this

00:04:14.160 --> 00:04:17.976
is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul

00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:20.959
who had no interest
in patrolling the class with the cane,

00:04:22.120 --> 00:04:25.320
while I was full of ambition to do so.

00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:28.656
But I was female and he was male,

00:04:28.680 --> 00:04:30.347
and so he became the class monitor.

00:04:31.240 --> 00:04:33.240
And I've never forgotten that incident.

NOTE Paragraph

00:04:34.160 --> 00:04:36.056
I often make the mistake of thinking

00:04:36.080 --> 00:04:39.536
that something that is obvious to me
is just as obvious to everyone else.

00:04:39.560 --> 00:04:41.136
Now, take my dear friend Louis

00:04:41.160 --> 00:04:42.496
for example.

00:04:42.520 --> 00:04:44.376
Louis is a brilliant, progressive man,

00:04:44.400 --> 00:04:46.896
and we would have conversations
and he would tell me,

00:04:46.920 --> 00:04:50.400
"I don't know what you mean by things
being different or harder for women.

00:04:50.960 --> 00:04:52.600
Maybe in the past, but not now."

00:04:53.560 --> 00:04:58.136
And I didn't understand how Louis
could not see what seems so self-evident.

00:04:58.160 --> 00:05:02.296
Then one evening, in Lagos,
Louis and I went out with friends.

00:05:02.320 --> 00:05:04.776
And for people here
who are not familiar with Lagos,

00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:06.696
there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture,

00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:11.376
the sprinkling of energetic men
who hang around outside establishments

00:05:11.400 --> 00:05:14.400
and very dramatically
"help" you park your car.

00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:19.296
I was impressed
with the particular theatrics

00:05:19.320 --> 00:05:22.296
of the man who found us
a parking spot that evening.

00:05:22.320 --> 00:05:25.280
And so as we were leaving,
I decided to leave him a tip.

00:05:26.760 --> 00:05:28.176
I opened my bag,

00:05:28.200 --> 00:05:29.576
put my hand inside my bag,

00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:32.320
brought out my money
that I had earned from doing my work,

00:05:33.160 --> 00:05:34.520
and I gave it to the man.

00:05:35.600 --> 00:05:39.976
And he, this man who was
very grateful and very happy,

00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:41.776
took the money from me,

00:05:41.800 --> 00:05:43.216
looked across at Louis

00:05:43.240 --> 00:05:45.096
and said, "Thank you, sir!"

NOTE Paragraph

00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:47.600
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:05:51.160 --> 00:05:54.416
Louis looked at me, surprised,

00:05:54.440 --> 00:05:57.840
and asked, "Why is he thanking me?
I didn't give him the money."

00:05:58.840 --> 00:06:01.800
Then I saw realization
dawn on Louis' face.

00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:05.456
The man believed that whatever money I had

00:06:05.480 --> 00:06:09.000
had ultimately come from Louis.

00:06:09.720 --> 00:06:10.960
Because Louis is a man.

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:12.600 --> 00:06:14.416
Men and women are different.

00:06:14.440 --> 00:06:17.296
We have different hormones,
we have different sexual organs,

00:06:17.320 --> 00:06:19.376
we have different biological abilities.

00:06:19.400 --> 00:06:21.200
Women can have babies, men can't.

00:06:22.800 --> 00:06:24.016
At least not yet.

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:24.040 --> 00:06:25.456
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:25.480 --> 00:06:29.760
Men have testosterone and are
in general physically stronger than women.

00:06:30.520 --> 00:06:33.176
There's slightly more women
than men in the world,

00:06:33.200 --> 00:06:36.296
about 52 percent of the world's
population is female.

00:06:36.320 --> 00:06:39.720
But most of the positions of power
and prestige are occupied by men.

00:06:40.840 --> 00:06:43.296
The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate,

00:06:43.320 --> 00:06:44.656
Wangari Maathai,

00:06:44.680 --> 00:06:46.800
put it simply and well when she said:

00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:50.320
"The higher you go,
the fewer women there are."

00:06:51.920 --> 00:06:56.536
In the recent US elections we kept hearing
of the Lilly Ledbetter law,

00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.976
and if we go beyond the nicely
alliterative name of that law,

00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:02.136
it was really about a man and a woman

00:07:02.160 --> 00:07:04.936
doing the same job,
being equally qualified,

00:07:04.960 --> 00:07:07.360
and the man being paid more
because he's a man.

NOTE Paragraph

00:07:08.160 --> 00:07:11.496
So in the literal way, men rule the world,

00:07:11.520 --> 00:07:14.360
and this made sense a thousand years ago

00:07:15.120 --> 00:07:17.976
because human beings lived then in a world

00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:22.176
in which physical strength was
the most important attribute for survival.

00:07:22.200 --> 00:07:25.480
The physically stronger person
was more likely to lead,

00:07:27.280 --> 00:07:29.856
and men, in general,
are physically stronger.

00:07:29.880 --> 00:07:31.595
Of course there are many exceptions.

NOTE Paragraph

00:07:31.619 --> 00:07:33.176
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:07:33.200 --> 00:07:37.000
But today we live
in a vastly different world.

00:07:37.720 --> 00:07:41.776
The person more likely to lead
is not the physically stronger person;

00:07:41.800 --> 00:07:45.296
it is the more creative person,
the more intelligent person,

00:07:45.320 --> 00:07:47.736
the more innovative person,

00:07:47.760 --> 00:07:50.416
and there are no hormones
for those attributes.

00:07:50.440 --> 00:07:53.056
A man is as likely as a woman
to be intelligent,

00:07:53.080 --> 00:07:55.040
to be creative, to be innovative.

00:07:55.800 --> 00:07:57.096
We have evolved;

00:07:57.120 --> 00:08:00.640
but it seems to me that our ideas
of gender had not evolved.

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:01.760 --> 00:08:05.720
Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby
of one of the best Nigerian hotels.

00:08:06.280 --> 00:08:09.536
I thought about naming the hotel,
but I thought I probably shouldn't.

00:08:09.560 --> 00:08:12.920
And a guard at the entrance stopped me
and asked me annoying questions,

00:08:13.960 --> 00:08:15.776
because their automatic assumption is

00:08:15.800 --> 00:08:18.920
that a Nigerian female walking
into a hotel alone is a sex worker.

00:08:21.000 --> 00:08:22.216
And by the way,

00:08:22.240 --> 00:08:25.376
why do these hotels
focus on the ostensible supply

00:08:25.400 --> 00:08:27.840
rather than the demand for sex workers?

00:08:29.520 --> 00:08:34.775
In Lagos I cannot go alone
into many "reputable" bars and clubs.

00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:37.216
They just don't let you in
if you're a woman alone,

00:08:37.240 --> 00:08:38.960
you have to be accompanied by a man.

00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:42.336
Each time I walk into
a Nigerian restaurant with a man,

00:08:42.360 --> 00:08:44.560
the waiter greets the man and ignores me.

00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:47.816
The waiters are products --

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:48.976
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:49.000 --> 00:08:51.896
At this some women
felt like, "Yes! I thought that!"

00:08:51.920 --> 00:08:53.856
The waiters are products of a society

00:08:53.880 --> 00:08:56.920
that has taught them that men
are more important than women.

00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:01.096
And I know that waiters
don't intend any harm.

00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:05.416
But it's one thing to know intellectually
and quite another to feel it emotionally.

00:09:05.440 --> 00:09:07.816
Each time they ignore me,
I feel invisible.

00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:09.040
I feel upset.

00:09:09.720 --> 00:09:13.056
I want to tell them
that I am just as human as the man,

00:09:13.080 --> 00:09:15.880
that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment.

00:09:16.760 --> 00:09:18.016
These are little things,

00:09:18.040 --> 00:09:21.296
but sometimes it's the little things
that sting the most.

NOTE Paragraph

00:09:21.320 --> 00:09:23.056
And not long ago, I wrote an article

00:09:23.080 --> 00:09:26.376
about what it means
to be young and female in Lagos,

00:09:26.400 --> 00:09:28.320
and the printers told me,

00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:30.320
"It was so angry."

00:09:30.960 --> 00:09:32.336
Of course it was angry!

NOTE Paragraph

00:09:32.360 --> 00:09:34.120
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:09:36.840 --> 00:09:38.496
I am angry.

00:09:38.520 --> 00:09:41.656
Gender as it functions today
is a grave injustice.

00:09:41.680 --> 00:09:43.416
We should all be angry.

00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:47.296
Anger has a long history
of bringing about positive change;

00:09:47.320 --> 00:09:50.120
but, in addition to being angry,
I'm also hopeful.

00:09:50.880 --> 00:09:53.496
Because I believe deeply
in the ability of human beings

00:09:53.520 --> 00:09:55.640
to make and remake
themselves for the better.

NOTE Paragraph

00:09:56.920 --> 00:09:58.816
Gender matters everywhere in the world,

00:09:58.840 --> 00:10:01.496
but I want to focus on Nigeria

00:10:01.520 --> 00:10:02.976
and on Africa in general,

00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:06.576
because it is where I know,
and because it is where my heart is.

00:10:06.600 --> 00:10:08.536
And I would like today to ask

00:10:08.560 --> 00:10:12.696
that we begin to dream about
and plan for a different world,

00:10:12.720 --> 00:10:14.040
a fairer world,

00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:20.416
a world of happier men and happier women
who are truer to themselves.

00:10:20.440 --> 00:10:21.976
And this is how to start:

00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:24.456
we must raise our daughters differently.

00:10:24.480 --> 00:10:26.840
We must also raise our sons differently.

00:10:28.000 --> 00:10:31.656
We do a great disservice to boys
on how we raise them;

00:10:31.680 --> 00:10:33.520
we stifle the humanity of boys.

00:10:34.480 --> 00:10:37.056
We define masculinity
in a very narrow way,

00:10:37.080 --> 00:10:40.576
masculinity becomes this hard, small cage

00:10:40.600 --> 00:10:42.896
and we put boys inside the cage.

00:10:42.920 --> 00:10:44.840
We teach boys to be afraid of fear.

00:10:45.480 --> 00:10:49.240
We teach boys to be afraid
of weakness, of vulnerability.

00:10:50.200 --> 00:10:52.656
We teach them to mask their true selves,

00:10:52.680 --> 00:10:56.920
because they have to be,
in Nigerian speak, "hard man!"

00:10:58.440 --> 00:11:02.576
In secondary school, a boy and a girl,
both of them teenagers,

00:11:02.600 --> 00:11:06.096
both of them with the same amount
of pocket money, would go out

00:11:06.120 --> 00:11:08.896
and then the boy
would be expected always to pay,

00:11:08.920 --> 00:11:10.560
to prove his masculinity.

00:11:11.440 --> 00:11:15.240
And yet we wonder why boys are more likely
to steal money from their parents.

NOTE Paragraph

00:11:17.240 --> 00:11:20.736
What if both boys and girls were raised

00:11:20.760 --> 00:11:22.880
not to link masculinity with money?

00:11:23.720 --> 00:11:26.736
What if the attitude
was not "the boy has to pay"

00:11:26.760 --> 00:11:29.520
but rather "whoever has more should pay?"

00:11:30.360 --> 00:11:32.936
Now, of course because
of that historical advantage,

00:11:32.960 --> 00:11:35.416
it is mostly men who will have more today,

00:11:35.440 --> 00:11:38.056
but if we start
raising children differently,

00:11:38.080 --> 00:11:40.616
then in fifty years, in a hundred years,

00:11:40.640 --> 00:11:44.440
boys will no longer have the pressure
of having to prove this masculinity.

00:11:45.680 --> 00:11:48.696
But by far the worst thing we do to males,

00:11:48.720 --> 00:11:51.056
by making them feel
that they have to be hard,

00:11:51.080 --> 00:11:54.200
is that we leave them
with very fragile egos.

00:11:55.120 --> 00:11:58.520
The more "hard man"
the man feels compelled to be,

00:11:59.320 --> 00:12:00.920
the weaker his ego is.

00:12:02.960 --> 00:12:05.976
And then we do a much greater
disservice to girls

00:12:06.000 --> 00:12:09.320
because we raise them
to cater to the fragile egos of men.

00:12:10.200 --> 00:12:13.696
We teach girls to shrink themselves,
to make themselves smaller,

00:12:13.720 --> 00:12:14.920
we say to girls,

00:12:15.640 --> 00:12:17.816
"You can have ambition, but not too much."

NOTE Paragraph

00:12:17.840 --> 00:12:19.216
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:12:19.240 --> 00:12:21.936
"You should aim to be successful,
but not too successful,

00:12:21.960 --> 00:12:24.000
otherwise you would threaten the man."

00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:27.616
If you are the breadwinner
in your relationship with a man,

00:12:27.640 --> 00:12:29.616
you have to pretend that you're not,

00:12:29.640 --> 00:12:31.296
especially in public,

00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:33.360
otherwise you will emasculate him.

NOTE Paragraph

00:12:34.720 --> 00:12:37.056
But what if we question
the premise itself?

00:12:37.080 --> 00:12:40.400
Why should a woman's success
be a threat to a man?

00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:44.736
What if we decide
to simply dispose of that word,

00:12:44.760 --> 00:12:49.480
and I don't think there's an English word
I dislike more than "emasculation."

00:12:50.720 --> 00:12:53.016
A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me

00:12:53.040 --> 00:12:55.680
if I was worried that men
would be intimidated by me.

00:12:56.560 --> 00:12:58.296
I was not worried at all.

00:12:58.320 --> 00:13:00.576
In fact, it had not occurred
to me to be worried

00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:02.816
because a man who would
be intimidated by me

00:13:02.840 --> 00:13:05.456
is exactly the kind of man
I would have no interest in.

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:05.480 --> 00:13:06.696
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:06.720 --> 00:13:08.800
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:14.120 --> 00:13:16.960
But still I was really struck by this.

00:13:17.640 --> 00:13:21.240
Because I'm female,
I'm expected to aspire to marriage;

00:13:21.960 --> 00:13:23.736
I'm expected to make my life choices

00:13:23.760 --> 00:13:26.840
always keeping in mind
that marriage is the most important.

00:13:28.040 --> 00:13:30.016
A marriage can be a good thing;

00:13:30.040 --> 00:13:34.456
it can be a source of joy
and love and mutual support.

00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:36.936
But why do we teach girls
to aspire to marriage

00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:38.680
and we don't teach boys the same?

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:40.840 --> 00:13:43.016
I know a woman
who decided to sell her house

00:13:43.040 --> 00:13:46.080
because she didn't want
to intimidate a man who might marry her.

00:13:47.880 --> 00:13:52.336
I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria
who, when she goes to conferences,

00:13:52.360 --> 00:13:53.736
wears a wedding ring

00:13:53.760 --> 00:13:54.976
because according to her,

00:13:55.000 --> 00:13:58.920
she wants the other participants
in the conference to "give her respect."

00:14:00.120 --> 00:14:02.456
I know young women
who are under so much pressure

00:14:02.480 --> 00:14:06.576
from family, from friends,
even from work to get married,

00:14:06.600 --> 00:14:08.680
and they're pushed
to make terrible choices.

00:14:09.520 --> 00:14:12.136
A woman at a certain age who is unmarried,

00:14:12.160 --> 00:14:16.280
our society teaches her
to see it as a deep, personal failure.

00:14:17.040 --> 00:14:19.816
And a man at a certain age
who is unmarried,

00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:22.456
we just think he hasn't come around
to making his pick.

NOTE Paragraph

00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:24.336
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:14:24.360 --> 00:14:25.976
It's easy for us to say,

00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:28.256
"Oh, but women can
just say no to all of this."

00:14:28.280 --> 00:14:30.720
But the reality is more difficult
and more complex.

00:14:31.360 --> 00:14:33.136
We're all social beings.

00:14:33.160 --> 00:14:35.656
We internalize ideas
from our socialization.

00:14:35.680 --> 00:14:37.656
Even the language we use

00:14:37.680 --> 00:14:41.096
in talking about marriage
and relationships illustrates this.

00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:43.976
The language of marriage
is often the language of ownership

00:14:44.000 --> 00:14:46.160
rather than the language of partnership.

00:14:46.800 --> 00:14:49.496
We use the word "respect"

00:14:49.520 --> 00:14:52.296
to mean something a woman shows a man

00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:54.400
but often not something
a man shows a woman.

NOTE Paragraph

00:14:56.160 --> 00:14:58.616
Both men and women in Nigeria will say --

00:14:58.640 --> 00:15:00.936
this is an expression
I'm very amused by --

00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:03.280
"I did it for peace in my marriage."

00:15:04.400 --> 00:15:05.976
Now, when men say it,

00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:09.176
it is usually about something
that they should not be doing anyway.

NOTE Paragraph

00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:11.136
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:15:11.160 --> 00:15:13.936
Sometimes they say it to their friends,

00:15:13.960 --> 00:15:17.896
it's something to say to their friends
in a kind of fondly exasperated way,

00:15:17.920 --> 00:15:21.056
you know, something that ultimately
proves how masculine they are,

00:15:21.080 --> 00:15:22.536
how needed, how loved.

00:15:22.560 --> 00:15:25.056
"Oh, my wife said
I can't go to the club every night,

00:15:25.080 --> 00:15:27.896
so for peace in my marriage,
I do it only on weekends."

NOTE Paragraph

00:15:27.920 --> 00:15:29.616
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:15:29.640 --> 00:15:33.896
Now, when a woman says,
"I did it for peace in my marriage,"

00:15:33.920 --> 00:15:37.456
she's usually talking
about giving up a job,

00:15:37.480 --> 00:15:38.936
a dream,

00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:40.320
a career.

00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:43.496
We teach females that in relationships,

00:15:43.520 --> 00:15:45.800
compromise is what women do.

00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:49.656
We raise girls to see
each other as competitors --

00:15:49.680 --> 00:15:53.136
not for jobs or for accomplishments,
which I think can be a good thing,

00:15:53.160 --> 00:15:54.760
but for attention of men.

00:15:55.920 --> 00:15:58.856
We teach girls that they
cannot be sexual beings

00:15:58.880 --> 00:16:00.376
in the way that boys are.

00:16:00.400 --> 00:16:03.720
If we have sons, we don't mind
knowing about our sons' girlfriends.

00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:06.816
But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.

NOTE Paragraph

00:16:06.840 --> 00:16:08.456
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:10.296
But of course when the time is right,

00:16:10.320 --> 00:16:14.216
we expect those girls to bring back
the perfect man to be their husbands.

00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:17.616
We police girls,
we praise girls for virginity,

00:16:17.640 --> 00:16:19.576
but we don't praise boys for virginity,

00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:23.505
and it's always made me wonder how exactly
this is supposed to work out because ...

NOTE Paragraph

00:16:23.529 --> 00:16:25.856
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:16:25.880 --> 00:16:28.840
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:16:33.760 --> 00:16:37.160
I mean, the loss of virginity
is usually a process that involves ...

NOTE Paragraph

00:16:38.680 --> 00:16:42.856
Recently a young woman
was gang raped in a university in Nigeria,

00:16:42.880 --> 00:16:44.576
I think some of us know about that.

00:16:44.600 --> 00:16:47.856
And the response of many young Nigerians,
both male and female,

00:16:47.880 --> 00:16:50.376
was something along the lines of this:

00:16:50.400 --> 00:16:52.576
"Yes, rape is wrong.

00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:55.880
But what is a girl doing
in a room with four boys?"

00:16:56.920 --> 00:17:01.040
Now, if we can forget
the horrible inhumanity of that response,

00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:06.000
these Nigerians have been raised
to think of women as inherently guilty,

00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:10.455
and they have been raised
to expect so little of men

00:17:10.480 --> 00:17:14.175
that the idea of men as savage beings
without any control

00:17:14.200 --> 00:17:15.440
is somehow acceptable.

00:17:16.839 --> 00:17:18.856
We teach girls shame.

00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:20.760
"Close your legs." "Cover yourself."

00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:23.695
We make them feel
as though by being born female

00:17:23.720 --> 00:17:25.816
they're already guilty of something.

00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:28.175
And so, girls grow up to be women

00:17:28.200 --> 00:17:30.336
who cannot see they have desire.

00:17:30.360 --> 00:17:33.240
They grow up to be women
who silence themselves.

00:17:35.080 --> 00:17:38.496
They grow up to be women
who cannot say what they truly think,

00:17:38.520 --> 00:17:39.856
and they grow up --

00:17:39.880 --> 00:17:42.056
and this is the worst thing
we did to girls --

00:17:42.080 --> 00:17:46.216
they grow up to be women
who have turned pretense into an art form.

NOTE Paragraph

00:17:46.240 --> 00:17:50.080
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:55.856
I know a woman who hates domestic work,

00:17:55.880 --> 00:17:57.376
she just hates it,

00:17:57.400 --> 00:17:59.120
but she pretends that she likes it,

00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:04.296
because she's been taught
that to be "good wife material"

00:18:04.320 --> 00:18:06.696
she has to be --
to use that Nigerian word --

00:18:06.720 --> 00:18:08.200
very "homely."

00:18:09.440 --> 00:18:10.976
And then she got married,

00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:14.816
and after a while her husband's family
began to complain that she had changed.

NOTE Paragraph

00:18:14.840 --> 00:18:16.416
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:18:16.440 --> 00:18:17.896
Actually, she had not changed,

00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:19.840
she just got tired of pretending.

NOTE Paragraph

00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:23.856
The problem with gender,

00:18:23.880 --> 00:18:26.416
is that it prescribes how we should be

00:18:26.440 --> 00:18:28.440
rather than recognizing how we are.

NOTE Paragraph

00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:31.856
Now imagine how much happier we would be,

00:18:31.880 --> 00:18:35.376
how much freer to be
our true individual selves,

00:18:35.400 --> 00:18:38.040
if we didn't have the weight
of gender expectations.

00:18:39.240 --> 00:18:44.016
Boys and girls are
undeniably different biologically,

00:18:44.040 --> 00:18:47.016
but socialization
exaggerates the differences

00:18:47.040 --> 00:18:49.616
and then it becomes
a self-fulfilling process.

00:18:49.640 --> 00:18:51.680
Now, take cooking for example.

00:18:52.280 --> 00:18:55.776
Today women in general are more likely
to do the housework than men,

00:18:55.800 --> 00:18:57.056
the cooking and cleaning.

00:18:57.080 --> 00:18:58.656
But why is that?

00:18:58.680 --> 00:19:01.536
Is it because women
are born with a cooking gene?

NOTE Paragraph

00:19:01.560 --> 00:19:02.976
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:19:03.000 --> 00:19:07.256
Or because over years they have been
socialized to see cooking as their role?

00:19:07.280 --> 00:19:10.856
Actually, I was going to say that maybe
women are born with a cooking gene,

00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:14.336
until I remember that the majority
of the famous cooks in the world,

00:19:14.360 --> 00:19:16.656
whom we give the fancy title of "chefs,"

00:19:16.680 --> 00:19:17.880
are men.

NOTE Paragraph

00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:20.656
I used to look up to my grandmother

00:19:20.680 --> 00:19:22.736
who was a brilliant, brilliant woman,

00:19:22.760 --> 00:19:24.496
and wonder how she would have been

00:19:24.520 --> 00:19:27.880
if she had the same opportunities
as men when she was growing up.

NOTE Paragraph

00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:31.536
Now today, there are
many more opportunities for women

00:19:31.560 --> 00:19:33.816
than there were
during my grandmother's time

00:19:33.840 --> 00:19:36.456
because of changes in policy,
changes in law,

00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:38.056
all of which are very important.

00:19:38.080 --> 00:19:42.616
But what matters even more
is our attitude, our mindset,

00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:45.936
what we believe
and what we value about gender.

00:19:45.960 --> 00:19:48.376
What if in raising children

00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:51.200
we focus on ability instead of gender?

00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:56.120
What if in raising children
we focus on interest instead of gender?

NOTE Paragraph

00:19:57.000 --> 00:19:59.216
I know a family
who have a son and a daughter,

00:19:59.240 --> 00:20:01.136
both of whom are brilliant at school,

00:20:01.160 --> 00:20:03.056
who are wonderful, lovely children.

00:20:03.080 --> 00:20:05.616
When the boy is hungry,
the parents say to the girl,

00:20:05.640 --> 00:20:07.856
"Go and cook Indomie noodles
for your brother."

NOTE Paragraph

00:20:07.880 --> 00:20:09.096
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:20:09.120 --> 00:20:12.616
Now, the daughter doesn't
particularly like to cook Indomie noodles,

00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:15.416
but she's a girl, and so she has to.

00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:17.216
Now, what if the parents,

00:20:17.240 --> 00:20:18.856
from the beginning,

00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:22.800
taught both the boy and the girl
to cook Indomie?

00:20:23.920 --> 00:20:26.936
Cooking, by the way,
is a very useful skill for boys to have.

00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:31.816
I've never thought it made sense
to leave such a crucial thing,

00:20:31.840 --> 00:20:33.736
the ability to nourish oneself --

NOTE Paragraph

00:20:33.760 --> 00:20:34.976
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:36.536
in the hands of others.

NOTE Paragraph

00:20:36.560 --> 00:20:39.480
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:20:41.760 --> 00:20:45.616
I know a woman who has the same degree
and the same job as her husband.

00:20:45.640 --> 00:20:48.536
When they get back from work,
she does most of the housework,

00:20:48.560 --> 00:20:50.736
which I think is true for many marriages.

00:20:50.760 --> 00:20:52.496
But what struck me about them

00:20:52.520 --> 00:20:55.496
was that whenever her husband
changed the baby's diaper,

00:20:55.520 --> 00:20:57.800
she said "thank you" to him.

00:20:59.040 --> 00:21:03.456
Now, what if she saw this
as perfectly normal and natural

00:21:03.480 --> 00:21:06.816
that he should, in fact,
care for his child?

NOTE Paragraph

00:21:06.840 --> 00:21:08.680
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:21:09.680 --> 00:21:13.176
I'm trying to unlearn
many of the lessons of gender

00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:15.496
that I internalized when I was growing up.

00:21:15.520 --> 00:21:20.576
But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable
in the face of gender expectations.

00:21:20.600 --> 00:21:23.600
The first time I taught
a writing class in graduate school,

00:21:24.360 --> 00:21:25.616
I was worried.

00:21:25.640 --> 00:21:27.976
I wasn't worried
about the material I would teach

00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:29.336
because I was well-prepared,

00:21:29.360 --> 00:21:31.576
and I was going to teach
what I enjoy teaching.

00:21:31.600 --> 00:21:33.680
Instead, I was worried about what to wear.

00:21:34.680 --> 00:21:36.280
I wanted to be taken seriously.

00:21:37.480 --> 00:21:39.056
I knew that because I was female

00:21:39.080 --> 00:21:42.240
I will automatically
have to prove my worth.

00:21:43.240 --> 00:21:45.496
And I was worried
that if I looked too feminine,

00:21:45.520 --> 00:21:47.296
I would not be taken seriously.

00:21:47.320 --> 00:21:51.656
I really wanted to wear
my shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt,

00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:53.496
but I decided not to.

00:21:53.520 --> 00:21:55.896
Instead, I wore a very serious,

00:21:55.920 --> 00:21:58.496
very manly and very ugly suit.

NOTE Paragraph

00:21:58.520 --> 00:22:00.016
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:22:00.040 --> 00:22:02.736
Because the sad truth is
that when it comes to appearance

00:22:02.760 --> 00:22:05.360
we start off with men
as the standard, as the norm.

00:22:05.960 --> 00:22:08.296
If a man is getting ready
for a business meeting,

00:22:08.320 --> 00:22:10.456
he doesn't worry
about looking too masculine

00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:12.976
and therefore not being taken for granted.

00:22:13.000 --> 00:22:15.496
If a woman has to get ready
for business meeting,

00:22:15.520 --> 00:22:18.296
she has to worry
about looking too feminine

00:22:18.320 --> 00:22:22.600
and what it says and whether or not
she will be taken seriously.

NOTE Paragraph

00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:26.200
I wish I had not worn
that ugly suit that day.

00:22:27.440 --> 00:22:30.576
I've actually banished it
from my closet, by the way.

00:22:30.600 --> 00:22:35.536
Had I then the confidence
that I have now to be myself,

00:22:35.560 --> 00:22:38.496
my students would have benefited
even more from my teaching,

00:22:38.520 --> 00:22:40.576
because I would have been more comfortable

00:22:40.600 --> 00:22:42.600
and more fully and more truly myself.

00:22:43.800 --> 00:22:47.816
I have chosen to no longer
be apologetic for my femaleness

00:22:47.840 --> 00:22:49.040
and for my femininity.

NOTE Paragraph

00:22:49.680 --> 00:22:52.680
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:22:55.800 --> 00:22:58.656
And I want to be respected
in all of my femaleness

00:22:58.680 --> 00:23:00.240
because I deserve to be.

00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:03.640
Gender is not an easy
conversation to have.

00:23:05.080 --> 00:23:06.656
For both men and women,

00:23:06.680 --> 00:23:10.616
to bring up gender is sometimes
to encounter almost immediate resistance.

00:23:10.640 --> 00:23:13.896
I can imagine some people here
are actually thinking,

00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:15.840
"Women too do sef."

00:23:17.520 --> 00:23:19.696
Some of the men here might be thinking,

00:23:19.720 --> 00:23:21.456
"OK, all of this is interesting,

00:23:21.480 --> 00:23:23.040
but I don't think like that."

00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:26.176
And that is part of the problem.

NOTE Paragraph

00:23:26.200 --> 00:23:29.176
That many men do not
actively think about gender

00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:30.696
or notice gender

00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:32.736
is part of the problem of gender.

00:23:32.760 --> 00:23:35.416
That many men, say, like my friend Louis,

00:23:35.440 --> 00:23:37.120
that everything is fine now.

00:23:38.160 --> 00:23:41.016
And that many men do nothing to change it.

00:23:41.040 --> 00:23:43.896
If you are a man and you walk
into a restaurant with a woman

00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:45.600
and the waiter greets only you,

00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:48.896
does it occur to you to ask the waiter,

00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:50.480
"Why haven't you greeted her?"

00:23:53.320 --> 00:23:54.816
Because gender can be --

NOTE Paragraph

00:23:54.840 --> 00:23:56.920
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:09.376
Actually, we may repose
part of a longer version of this talk.

00:24:09.400 --> 00:24:12.976
So, because gender can be
a very uncomfortable conversation to have,

00:24:13.000 --> 00:24:16.096
there are very easy ways to close it,
to close the conversation.

00:24:16.120 --> 00:24:20.296
So some people will bring up
evolutionary biology and apes,

00:24:20.320 --> 00:24:23.976
how, you know, female apes
bow down to male apes

00:24:24.000 --> 00:24:25.240
and that sort of thing.

00:24:25.880 --> 00:24:27.936
But the point is we're not apes.

NOTE Paragraph

00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:29.376
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:24:29.400 --> 00:24:33.400
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:24:34.160 --> 00:24:38.976
Apes also live on trees
and have earthworms for breakfast,

00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:40.200
and we don't.

00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:45.240
Some people will say,
"Well, poor men also have a hard time."

00:24:45.880 --> 00:24:47.080
And this is true.

00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:49.256
But that is not what this --

NOTE Paragraph

00:24:49.280 --> 00:24:50.376
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:24:50.400 --> 00:24:53.080
But this is not
what this conversation is about.

00:24:54.480 --> 00:24:58.256
Gender and class
are different forms of oppression.

00:24:58.280 --> 00:25:01.936
I actually learned quite a bit
about systems of oppression

00:25:01.960 --> 00:25:04.416
and how they can be blind to one another

00:25:04.440 --> 00:25:05.920
by talking to black men.

NOTE Paragraph

00:25:07.320 --> 00:25:10.496
I was once talking
to a black man about gender

00:25:10.520 --> 00:25:11.896
and he said to me,

00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:15.376
"Why do you have to say
'my experience as a woman'?

00:25:15.400 --> 00:25:16.616
Why can't it be

00:25:16.640 --> 00:25:18.520
'your experience as a human being'?"

00:25:19.840 --> 00:25:21.096
Now, this was the same man

00:25:21.120 --> 00:25:24.120
who would often talk
about his experience as a black man.

NOTE Paragraph

00:25:27.360 --> 00:25:28.576
Gender matters.

00:25:28.600 --> 00:25:31.096
Men and women
experience the world differently.

00:25:31.120 --> 00:25:33.936
Gender colors the way
we experience the world.

00:25:33.960 --> 00:25:35.360
But we can change that.

NOTE Paragraph

00:25:36.520 --> 00:25:38.456
Some people will say,

00:25:38.480 --> 00:25:40.936
"Oh, but women have the real power,

00:25:40.960 --> 00:25:42.736
bottom power."

00:25:42.760 --> 00:25:45.656
And for non-Nigerians,
bottom power is an expression

00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:47.536
which I suppose means
something like a woman

00:25:47.560 --> 00:25:50.320
who uses her sexuality
to get favors from men.

00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:53.920
But bottom power is not power at all.

00:25:56.400 --> 00:25:59.176
Bottom power means that a woman

00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:02.096
simply has a good root to tap into,
from time to time --

00:26:02.120 --> 00:26:03.560
somebody else's power.

00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:06.496
And then, of course, we have to wonder

00:26:06.520 --> 00:26:09.176
what happens when
that somebody else is in a bad mood,

00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:10.576
or sick

00:26:10.600 --> 00:26:11.800
or impotent.

NOTE Paragraph

00:26:12.280 --> 00:26:15.696
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:26:15.720 --> 00:26:21.960
Some people will say that a woman
being subordinate to a man is our culture.

00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:24.616
But culture is constantly changing.

00:26:24.640 --> 00:26:29.296
I have beautiful twin nieces
who are fifteen and live in Lagos.

00:26:29.320 --> 00:26:31.280
If they had been born a hundred years ago

00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:34.136
they would have been
taken away and killed.

00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:37.200
Because it was our culture,
it was our culture to kill twins.

NOTE Paragraph

00:26:39.040 --> 00:26:40.760
So what is the point of culture?

00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:43.056
I mean there's the decorative,

00:26:43.080 --> 00:26:44.696
the dancing ...

00:26:44.720 --> 00:26:49.336
but also, culture really is about
preservation and continuity of a people.

00:26:49.360 --> 00:26:50.616
In my family,

00:26:50.640 --> 00:26:53.816
I am the child who is most interested
in the story of who we are,

00:26:53.840 --> 00:26:55.096
in our traditions,

00:26:55.120 --> 00:26:57.296
in the knowledge about ancestral lands.

00:26:57.320 --> 00:26:59.896
My brothers are not as interested as I am.

00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:01.360
But I cannot participate,

00:27:02.200 --> 00:27:04.216
I cannot go to umunna meetings,

00:27:04.240 --> 00:27:05.976
I cannot have a say.

00:27:06.000 --> 00:27:07.200
Because I'm female.

00:27:08.080 --> 00:27:10.176
Culture does not make people,

00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:11.600
people make culture.

00:27:12.920 --> 00:27:14.696
So if it is in fact true --

NOTE Paragraph

00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:18.216
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:19.856
So if it is in fact true

00:27:19.880 --> 00:27:22.776
that the full humanity of women
is not our culture,

00:27:22.800 --> 00:27:24.520
then we must make it our culture.

NOTE Paragraph

00:27:26.040 --> 00:27:31.656
I think very often of my dear friend,
Okoloma Maduewesi.

00:27:31.680 --> 00:27:35.656
May he and all the others
who passed away in that Sosoliso crash

00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:37.160
continue to rest in peace.

00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:41.480
He will always be remembered
by those of us who loved him.

00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:47.376
And he was right that day many years ago
when he called me a feminist.

NOTE Paragraph

00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:48.640
I am a feminist.

00:27:49.400 --> 00:27:52.096
And when I looked up the word
in the dictionary that day,

00:27:52.120 --> 00:27:53.376
this is what it said:

00:27:53.400 --> 00:27:56.776
"Feminist: a person
who believes in the social, political

00:27:56.800 --> 00:28:00.496
and economic equality of the sexes."

00:28:00.520 --> 00:28:03.456
My great grandmother,
from the stories I've heard,

00:28:03.480 --> 00:28:05.056
was a feminist.

00:28:05.080 --> 00:28:08.456
She ran away from the house of the man
she did not want to marry

00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:10.560
and ended up marrying
the man of her choice.

00:28:11.160 --> 00:28:14.136
She refused, she protested, she spoke up

00:28:14.160 --> 00:28:19.456
whenever she felt she was being deprived
of access, of land, that sort of thing.

NOTE Paragraph

00:28:19.480 --> 00:28:22.776
My great grandmother
did not know that word "feminist,"

00:28:22.800 --> 00:28:24.720
but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one.

00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:28.080
More of us should reclaim that word.

00:28:30.040 --> 00:28:32.440
My own definition of feminist is:

00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:35.576
"A feminist is a man or a woman

00:28:35.600 --> 00:28:36.800
who says --

NOTE Paragraph

00:28:37.480 --> 00:28:40.616
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:44.400
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:28:46.600 --> 00:28:49.856
A feminist is a man or a woman who says,

00:28:49.880 --> 00:28:53.176
"Yes, there's a problem
with gender as it is today,

00:28:53.200 --> 00:28:54.496
and we must fix it.

00:28:54.520 --> 00:28:56.240
We must do better."

00:28:57.960 --> 00:29:00.016
The best feminist I know

00:29:00.040 --> 00:29:01.360
is my brother Kene.

00:29:02.920 --> 00:29:06.816
He's also a kind,
good-looking, lovely man,

00:29:06.840 --> 00:29:08.600
and he's very masculine.

NOTE Paragraph

00:29:09.320 --> 00:29:10.536
Thank you.

NOTE Paragraph

00:29:10.560 --> 00:29:14.840
(Applause)