0:00:04.810,0:00:05.530
~

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We all know a person,

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maybe that person is you,

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who opposes, denies and doubts.

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Who has no faith in human goodness,

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who is so pessimistic and so skeptical

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that it seems like they [br]either have no belief in

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or maybe even an animosity towards [br]or contempt for pleasure,

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hope,

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faith and positivity.

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Society calls this a cynic.

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I'm not here today to sell you [br]on the concept of positivity.

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It's a really outdated concept.

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Especially just fighting against [br]pessimism with optimism.

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What i'm here to do today

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is to make the argument that [br]cynicism is not a character trait.

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It's a coping mechanism.

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To cope is to make a specific alteration

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mentally, emotionally or physically

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so that you can manage or adapt [br]to something that's causing you stress.

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A coping mechanism is a specific [br]procedure, process or technique

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which manages or creates [br]adaptation to stress.

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And therefore it is [br]the opposite of change.

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Because it is to adapt to a stressor,

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rather than to change a situation [br]so that there is no longer a stressor.

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To understand this more in depth, [br]watch my video titled:

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How to Let Go of A Coping Mechanism

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Cynicism is a coping mechanism

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that most likely saved your life

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at one time.

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It's also a coping mechanism

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that can destroy your life.

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And it makes other people

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end up in so much pain

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that it actually creates a vicious spiral

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of self-fulfilling prophecy.

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To understand this pattern of cynicism,

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we have to go back to the onset [br]of this coping mechanism

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to begin with.

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Because people are not born[br]cynics and skeptics.

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When was the last time you met [br]a cynical or skeptical, baby?

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If you are cynical

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at some point in your life or many,

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most likely many,

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you experienced catastrophic letdown.

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Catastrophic sudden shocks

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or disappointments relative [br]to the positive elements of your life.

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For example, a situation or many

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that caused a catastrophic [br]blow to your belief in others,

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hopes, dreams, goals, trust,

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faith, desires or expectations.

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This experience was so psychologically,

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so emotionally

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and maybe even so physically [br]traumatizing to you,

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that you decided

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that at all costs you had to avoid

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the vulnerability of positivity.

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Essentially you got into [br]that situation and decided that

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positivity, state of positivity [br]puts you in such a vulnerable state,

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that you had to buffer yourself [br]against that for all time and eternity.

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No matter the cost.

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As a result,

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you started to use negativity

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as this way of buffering yourself

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against the vulnerability [br]and the positive states.

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But this negativity,

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other people on the outside [br]perceive to be so painful

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that it causes them to go into defense

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and to start to act hostile.

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That's what defense mode does, [br]causes you to be hostile, right?

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And that hostility

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further reinforced your belief [br]that you had to buffer yourself,

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which makes them even more hostile,

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which reinforces your cynical behavior,

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which makes them more hostile,

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which reinforces your cynicism.

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And this is the spiral [br]that just keeps on going

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and we could consider [br]self-fulfilling prophecy.

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It is ultimately your right [br]to remain cynical towards the world.

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In fact, you have every excuse to be.

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The reality is,

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There's no reason, [br]given your life experience,

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for you to feel optimistic.

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There is no reason [br]given your life experience

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to be trusting.

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So you have all the reason [br]you want in the world to stay cynical.

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that's completely your choice [br]and actually your right.

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The thing is, is that this state of being

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may just be preventing you [br]from the very life of well-being

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that you are meant to come here to live.

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Living in a constant state [br]of pessimism and letdown

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is not really living.

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It's also a coping mechanism,

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much like positive bypassing,

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smoking, cutting, gambling or suppression.

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For example.

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For this reason

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if you are interested in letting go [br]of the coping mechanism of cynicism

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I've got some suggestions.

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#1:

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Be brave enough to see [br]what you're getting out of cynicism.

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I don't mean this [br]in this obnoxious self-help way

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or like: "What are you getting [br]out of this horrible behavior?"

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No, I mean like really look at: [br]"How does it keep you safe?"

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How is it benefiting you?

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Because it definitely is, [br]otherwise you wouldn't be doing it.

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Is it true that it's causing you pain?

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Is it true is ruining your life? Yes!

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But it's also benefiting you somehow.

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What is that way?

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When you feel hurt [br]and afraid and disappointed

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but you can't face [br]those emotions directly,

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you turn against the world [br]and begin to push things away.

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We use cynicism to make sure [br]we never ever get our hopes up,

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only to be let down again.

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Essentially we disappoint ourselves

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before the world can ever do it for us.

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But cynicism paints the lens [br]you see the world through dark

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and it also separates you [br]from genuine awareness.

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Whenever you have an antagonistic [br]perspective about something

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that someone else feels positive about

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or whenever you want to deny [br]or doubt or feel pessimism creeping in,

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stop caring about whether [br]you're right or wrong.

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Guess what?

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You might be either.

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You might be very right.

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You also might be wrong.

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It doesn't matter.

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Whether you're right or wrong

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shouldn't stop you from being able [br]to step back and ask yourself:

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"All right...

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In this situation,

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how is this pessimism...

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How is my:

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"Yeah, right, that's not going to happen" [br]actually serving me?

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What is it protecting me from?

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How is it keeping me safe [br]in this specific situation?"

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For example,

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let's say that you sit down [br]to dinner with a friend and they're like:

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"You know, what?

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I feel like this next year [br]is gonna be great."

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And you can feel yourself going:

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"This person is an optimistic idiot".

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Notice yourself having that reaction.

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And really think about it.

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"All right,

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what does believing [br]that this person is an idiot

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and believing that next year [br]is going to be crappy,

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do for me?

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What is it preventing me [br]from experiencing?

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How is this keeping me safe?"

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#2:

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You're gonna have to [br]see yourself as a scapegoater.

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Now, this should be [br]extremely painful for you.

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Why? Because most people [br]who turn into skeptics

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were actually scapegoats [br]in their family dynamics.

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And you know how painful that was

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to always be made the problem [br]even when you weren't the problem.

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Why do I say that you're a scapegoater?

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Because instead of making the person [br]who let you down the problem,

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You made the fact that you got [br]your hopes up, the problem.

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You scapegoated positivity.

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Many cynics do this [br]scapegoating of the positive

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so as to preserve their relationships

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with the very people who cause [br]them the trauma in the first place.

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In other words, it isn't [br]dad that's the problem,

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it's that I got my hopes up, [br]that's the problem.

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That way I can control [br]not getting hurt again.

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Not having the solution be in dad's hands

0:07:05.877,0:07:08.097
and still hang out and be close to dad,

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without there being [br]a problem between us

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and still feel a sense of belonging.

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Moving beyond cynicism [br]is about getting really real.

0:07:15.549,0:07:17.194
I mean deeply into reality

0:07:17.194,0:07:20.193
about what the real problem was and is,

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instead of the scapegoat

0:07:21.584,0:07:23.711
of the hope or the faith or the optimism

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or whatever else it is [br]you've been scapegoating.

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Getting into reality about what [br]the real problem was and is

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so that you can create [br]real solutions to it.

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So...

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What was the real problem

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relative to things not coming to fruition?

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Hopes and our expectations [br]not being fulfilled,

0:07:41.199,0:07:43.259
disappointments and negative trends.

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You gotta do this rather than [br]scapegoat the optimism,

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scapegoat the positivity,

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scapegoat the hope [br]or the positive expectations

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#3:

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Recognize that you set out [br]to prove everything wrong

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so as to not feel so wrong yourself.

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If you prove everything else wrong,

0:08:01.134,0:08:02.692
you're not wrong, right?

0:08:03.120,0:08:04.850
Many skeptics feel like in life

0:08:04.850,0:08:07.909
other people either made or [br]tend to make everything their fault.

0:08:07.909,0:08:10.720
So if they prove that [br]the fault lies with other things

0:08:10.720,0:08:12.319
and people in the external,

0:08:12.319,0:08:13.514
they don't have to feel

0:08:13.514,0:08:16.082
that deep down fear [br]that everything is their fault.

0:08:16.679,0:08:18.992
This is the insecurity [br]that you can't face.

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Anything outside facing [br]this insecurity is avoidance.

0:08:21.960,0:08:24.209
And this is the real reason [br]why it doesn't work

0:08:24.209,0:08:26.355
to argue with a cynic or a skeptic.

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And if you're a cynic or a skeptic,

0:08:28.269,0:08:30.473
it doesn't work for you [br]to argue with people

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and for people to argue with you.

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Why? Because when you do this

0:08:33.684,0:08:36.199
it simply reinforces [br]this original wound of:

0:08:36.199,0:08:37.547
"You're wrong!"

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#4:

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If you are a cynic,

0:08:41.188,0:08:42.776
you're going to have to accept

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a very vulnerable truth about yourself...

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And that truth about yourself

0:08:48.372,0:08:49.707
is deeply hidden

0:08:49.707,0:08:51.999
under all the ways [br]you act towards other people.

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I mean all the ways you act [br]are basically used to disguise

0:08:55.889,0:08:57.126
the truth of you.

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Which is that deep down

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your ultimate need is kindness.

0:09:01.120,0:09:02.745
What you really want is kindness,

0:09:02.745,0:09:05.026
but you would never [br]dare reveal this vulnerability

0:09:05.026,0:09:07.050
or set yourself up to have [br]your hopes dashed again,

0:09:07.050,0:09:08.626
and so you would never admit to it

0:09:08.626,0:09:10.084
or ask for kindness directly.

0:09:10.560,0:09:11.825
If you're a skeptic,

0:09:11.825,0:09:13.380
you tend to isolate yourself.

0:09:13.380,0:09:14.729
You tend to push people away

0:09:14.729,0:09:18.160
and give the impression that you [br]don't really need or want other people.

0:09:18.160,0:09:19.353
This isn't true.

0:09:20.563,0:09:21.585
As a cynic

0:09:21.585,0:09:24.393
you don't want to be alone [br]anymore than anyone else does.

0:09:24.393,0:09:26.800
It's just that you associate [br]people with pain.

0:09:27.800,0:09:29.946
You want a relationship that feels good

0:09:29.946,0:09:31.032
and feels like ease

0:09:31.032,0:09:34.187
with people who are kind and [br]considerate and who really value you

0:09:34.187,0:09:35.565
and don't let you down.

0:09:35.760,0:09:37.065
Here's the thing;

0:09:37.065,0:09:40.566
Your cynicism which is this [br]coping mechanism that you've developed,

0:09:40.566,0:09:41.970
it hurts other people.

0:09:42.630,0:09:44.859
They associate you with pain.

0:09:45.710,0:09:48.005
Right now to be [br]in a relationship with you,

0:09:48.005,0:09:50.160
they have to be willing to be hurt,

0:09:50.160,0:09:52.161
they have to be willing to be kicked,

0:09:52.161,0:09:54.560
they have to be willing to be pricked.

0:09:54.970,0:09:57.023
You're perpetuating the very cycle

0:09:57.023,0:09:58.953
that hurt you in the first place.

0:09:59.950,0:10:01.756
So what are people going to do

0:10:01.756,0:10:03.616
when they're so wounded by you?

0:10:03.726,0:10:05.418
Because this behavior hurts people,

0:10:05.418,0:10:06.622
that's what it does.

0:10:06.880,0:10:08.618
They don't want to be around it.

0:10:09.170,0:10:11.029
If you want society to change,

0:10:11.029,0:10:12.852
you can't be sitting there

0:10:12.940,0:10:15.218
waiting for them to change first,

0:10:15.218,0:10:16.841
so that you can change.

0:10:17.140,0:10:20.029
If you want to have people [br]in your life who are kind

0:10:20.029,0:10:21.519
and who are considerate,

0:10:21.519,0:10:23.144
and who value you

0:10:23.144,0:10:25.231
and who don't let you down,

0:10:25.399,0:10:27.223
those are going to be the qualities

0:10:27.223,0:10:29.302
that you've got to offer other people.

0:10:29.579,0:10:34.011
Currently all people feel is stupid [br]and wrong and unvalued by you.

0:10:34.392,0:10:37.193
This means they can't [br]really share themselves.

0:10:37.319,0:10:40.249
This means they can't [br]really develop intimacy with you.

0:10:40.799,0:10:43.091
I want you to sit with this for a minute.

0:10:43.360,0:10:46.606
Sit with the truth of this [br]and sit with how sucky it may be.

0:10:46.606,0:10:47.837
What I mean by that is:

0:10:48.118,0:10:49.362
Sit with the idea of:

0:10:49.362,0:10:52.774
"How can I make myself [br]safer and more pleasant

0:10:53.331,0:10:55.254
for other people to be around?"

0:10:55.700,0:10:58.203
Ultimately, do you want [br]them to feel good around you

0:10:58.203,0:11:00.560
or do you want them [br]to feel like crap around you?

0:11:00.560,0:11:02.421
If you want them to [br]feel like crap around you,

0:11:02.421,0:11:03.919
you can continue doing [br]what you're doing.

0:11:03.920,0:11:05.859
But most likely when you sit with this [br]you're going to be like:

0:11:05.859,0:11:07.670
"Yeah, I would like [br]if people feel safe around me,

0:11:07.670,0:11:10.400
I would like if they feel like [br]i'm kind and considerate."

0:11:10.640,0:11:12.464
Okay, so how might you act in a way

0:11:12.464,0:11:14.961
that gives them that feeling around you?

0:11:14.979,0:11:17.176
And also sit with [br]the side of you that's like:

0:11:17.176,0:11:17.890
"This sucks!

0:11:17.890,0:11:20.187
I don't want to have to be the first [br]person to give this crap to people

0:11:20.187,0:11:22.410
when they're not giving [br]the same thing to me."

0:11:22.410,0:11:25.013
I want you to sit with [br]your resistance to doing this.

0:11:25.013,0:11:27.793
And also the part that [br]may be interested in doing this.

0:11:27.793,0:11:29.427
The thing you're going to have to swallow

0:11:29.427,0:11:31.153
regardless of what you do [br]relative to this point,

0:11:31.153,0:11:34.486
is that you're going to have to accept[br]that the impression you give off

0:11:35.160,0:11:37.360
is that you don't want and need

0:11:37.630,0:11:39.631
exactly what it is that you want and need.

0:11:39.631,0:11:42.459
And that's not a recipe for getting [br]what you want and need.

0:11:42.880,0:11:43.712
#5:

0:11:43.712,0:11:46.247
Most cynics come from families

0:11:46.247,0:11:49.254
where there's already a problem [br]with happiness to begin with,

0:11:49.254,0:11:51.479
regardless of what is said.

0:11:51.930,0:11:53.335
Now, why do I mention this?

0:11:53.335,0:11:55.788
Because it's quite common [br]in dysfunctional families

0:11:55.788,0:11:57.454
for a parent to say something like:

0:11:57.454,0:12:00.240
"All I ever cared about[br]was your happiness."

0:12:00.950,0:12:02.334
When in reality,

0:12:02.334,0:12:04.545
any time the kid got happy,

0:12:04.545,0:12:06.439
the parent turned it against them.

0:12:06.439,0:12:08.455
The parent got frustrated.

0:12:08.560,0:12:10.666
The parent called them selfish.

0:12:11.516,0:12:13.950
Whenever the kid got its hopes up,

0:12:15.279,0:12:18.045
the kid got shamed [br]for getting its hopes up.

0:12:18.840,0:12:21.401
So even though the narrative [br]in a household may be:

0:12:21.401,0:12:23.522
"I cared about your happiness",

0:12:23.680,0:12:25.734
really there was an in general issue

0:12:25.734,0:12:29.112
with positive emotional states in general.

0:12:29.609,0:12:30.822
If you're a cynic

0:12:30.822,0:12:34.139
the vulnerability of positivity [br]is what you're trying to avoid.

0:12:34.350,0:12:36.579
For this reason, [br]it's critical to understand

0:12:36.579,0:12:39.373
your negative association [br]with positivity and happiness.

0:12:39.373,0:12:40.997
And see that positive emotion

0:12:40.997,0:12:43.233
could in and of itself [br]be a trigger for you.

0:12:43.269,0:12:44.782
Negating anything positive

0:12:44.782,0:12:47.160
is how many cynics control [br]their rather wounded

0:12:47.160,0:12:49.117
and therefore fragile emotional system

0:12:49.117,0:12:52.690
by maintaining a predictable feeling [br]of negative or monotone

0:12:52.959,0:12:54.751
so as to create predictability.

0:12:55.019,0:12:57.749
It's a "no real dramatic ups and downs

0:12:57.749,0:13:01.595
if I keep myself at a predictably [br]low emotional altitude" thing.

0:13:01.849,0:13:04.358
But this is not the life [br]you came here to live.

0:13:04.358,0:13:06.932
It is also not a recipe for fulfillment.

0:13:06.932,0:13:08.666
To understand this dynamic fully,

0:13:08.666,0:13:09.729
watch my video titled:

0:13:09.729,0:13:12.015
When Happiness Is A Bad Thing

0:13:12.339,0:13:13.059
#6:

0:13:13.059,0:13:14.915
Be brave enough [br]to look at the wounding

0:13:14.915,0:13:17.259
that is hiding underneath [br]this coping mechanism.

0:13:17.360,0:13:19.530
This means you're going to [br]have to be attuned

0:13:19.530,0:13:23.124
to the subtle negative [br]emotional trigger you have,

0:13:23.270,0:13:25.864
as a result of positive things.

0:13:25.864,0:13:27.815
Like people telling you good news,

0:13:27.815,0:13:30.357
or feeling hope creep up in you

0:13:30.357,0:13:32.838
towards what might happen [br]in this new relationship,

0:13:32.838,0:13:34.812
or, you know... Anything that stirs

0:13:34.812,0:13:37.256
any kind of positive expectation in you.

0:13:37.460,0:13:39.839
You can use this discomfort that arises

0:13:39.839,0:13:42.350
as well as any accompanying thoughts like:

0:13:42.350,0:13:45.440
"This person's only doing this [br]for their own self gratification".

0:13:45.440,0:13:49.119
or: "That's never going to work out" [br]or: "The world's going to shit anyways"

0:13:49.119,0:13:51.780
as a doorway to this original experience.

0:13:52.064,0:13:53.494
And this way,

0:13:53.724,0:13:57.003
you can create resolve[br]with that original experience

0:13:57.279,0:13:59.472
which changes your world today.

0:13:59.562,0:14:00.704
To do this,

0:14:01.140,0:14:03.463
I want you to use [br]The Completion Process

0:14:03.570,0:14:06.259
Doing this process will help you [br]to answer the question:

0:14:06.259,0:14:07.759
"When did I experience a trauma

0:14:07.759,0:14:10.073
in which my faith in people [br]or my positive goals

0:14:10.073,0:14:12.712
or hopes or expectations [br]or faith was dashed?"

0:14:12.840,0:14:14.624
When did I feel totally blindsided?

0:14:14.624,0:14:16.600
When did I become disillusioned?

0:14:16.600,0:14:19.706
What painful disappointment [br]was too much for me to resolve?

0:14:19.769,0:14:21.276
To learn how to do this process

0:14:21.276,0:14:24.007
you can pick up a copy [br]of my book titled quite literally:

0:14:24.007,0:14:25.333
The Completion Process o

0:14:25.333,0:14:27.871
r visit: [br]thecompletionprocess.com

0:14:27.920,0:14:30.410
And select a practitioner [br]to lead you through it.

0:14:30.470,0:14:32.455
You can also watch my video titled:

0:14:32.455,0:14:34.318
How To Heal The Emotional Body

0:14:34.318,0:14:37.760
And because disappointment is so often [br]the deep wound beneath cynicism,

0:14:37.760,0:14:39.965
it would benefit you [br]to watch my video titled:

0:14:39.965,0:14:42.320
Disappointment [br](How To Get Over Disappointment)

0:14:42.320,0:14:43.287
as well.

0:14:43.287,0:14:44.013
#7:

0:14:44.013,0:14:46.405
Like so many of [br]the best coping mechanisms,

0:14:46.405,0:14:47.521
by this point

0:14:47.521,0:14:50.729
it has wound itself [br]into your self-concept

0:14:50.789,0:14:53.505
so as to make it a part [br]of your self-esteem

0:14:53.715,0:14:55.229
and therefore ego.

0:14:55.640,0:14:57.639
Your self-esteem and self-concept

0:14:57.639,0:14:59.708
is dependent upon cynicism now.

0:15:00.000,0:15:01.309
If you're a cynic

0:15:01.309,0:15:03.099
you maintain the coping mechanism

0:15:03.099,0:15:06.200
partly because you tell yourself [br]that being cynical or skeptical

0:15:06.200,0:15:07.722
makes you more intelligent,

0:15:07.722,0:15:09.595
more experienced and worldly,

0:15:09.595,0:15:11.089
i.e. better.

0:15:11.470,0:15:13.757
Your sense of superiority is derived

0:15:13.757,0:15:14.974
from seeing what you call

0:15:14.974,0:15:17.005
the harsh reality of others in the world.

0:15:17.005,0:15:19.318
You tend to drive self-esteem [br]through how dumb

0:15:19.318,0:15:21.388
and innocent and naive and inexperienced

0:15:21.388,0:15:23.618
you think others are [br]when they're positive.

0:15:24.010,0:15:27.978
The reality is when you experience [br]this original letdown

0:15:28.979,0:15:32.291
you didn't just turn against [br]and scapegoat positivity,

0:15:32.460,0:15:34.390
you also turned against yourself.

0:15:34.390,0:15:36.368
Instead of making the real problem,

0:15:36.368,0:15:39.409
the problem which was the person [br]who let you down, for example,

0:15:39.409,0:15:41.071
you made yourself the problem.

0:15:41.071,0:15:42.855
"I'm such a freaking idiot

0:15:42.855,0:15:45.095
for getting my hopes up [br]in the first place."

0:15:45.200,0:15:47.592
Now whenever you see anyone else

0:15:47.592,0:15:50.105
who mirrors that original [br]way that you were

0:15:50.105,0:15:52.180
when you had your hopes up [br]at that moment,

0:15:52.180,0:15:54.134
it triggers you to respond to that person

0:15:54.134,0:15:56.061
the same way you responded to yourself:

0:15:56.061,0:15:58.010
"You're a naive freaking idiot."

0:15:58.010,0:16:00.660
This probably means that [br]some work needs to be done

0:16:00.660,0:16:03.180
about that little part of you [br]that got its hopes up,

0:16:03.180,0:16:04.968
that had faith and optimism

0:16:04.968,0:16:07.475
and positive expectations for the future.

0:16:08.184,0:16:08.891
#8:

0:16:08.891,0:16:11.424
Start the practice of 'And Consciousness.

0:16:11.424,0:16:14.271
And Consciousness is by far a better idea

0:16:14.271,0:16:16.140
to include as your self-concept

0:16:16.140,0:16:17.546
or part of your self-concept,

0:16:17.546,0:16:18.607
than cynicism.

0:16:18.607,0:16:20.333
Because it's far deeper in reality.

0:16:20.333,0:16:21.227
In fact.

0:16:21.440,0:16:24.679
Reality is comprised of polarities.

0:16:25.019,0:16:27.149
And Consciousness is a state of mind

0:16:27.149,0:16:30.385
where you develop the ability [br]to hold space for extremes.

0:16:30.385,0:16:32.959
This is an extremely important part [br]of the development

0:16:32.959,0:16:35.399
of both mental and emotional maturity.

0:16:35.720,0:16:39.032
In the moment we acknowledge [br]a contradictory truth or state of being

0:16:39.032,0:16:41.289
and expand wide enough [br]to be able to hold both

0:16:41.289,0:16:42.753
as if holding both is okay,

0:16:42.753,0:16:45.700
we have disidentified[br]from both extremes.

0:16:45.869,0:16:47.874
We've ceased to become either or

0:16:47.874,0:16:50.917
and instead have become [br]the thing that is holding both.

0:16:51.190,0:16:54.539
Reality includes both [br]positive and negative.

0:16:54.875,0:16:56.591
Both faith and doubt.

0:16:57.010,0:16:59.094
The most conscious person in the world

0:16:59.094,0:17:02.259
is not a person who uses [br]one to negate the other.

0:17:02.709,0:17:05.668
Or who recognizes one [br]and not the other.

0:17:06.039,0:17:08.449
It's a person who is able to hold both

0:17:08.600,0:17:10.720
as a picture of the reality.

0:17:11.039,0:17:12.067
In other words,

0:17:12.067,0:17:14.820
it's not any more aware of a person

0:17:14.820,0:17:16.869
to be only aware of the negative,

0:17:16.959,0:17:20.978
than it is aware of a person [br]to be only aware of the positive.

0:17:21.639,0:17:22.600
#9:

0:17:22.930,0:17:25.764
If you're a cynic, you're going to [br]have to swallow the fact

0:17:25.764,0:17:28.054
that you are relationally traumatized.

0:17:28.860,0:17:30.675
What is relational trauma?

0:17:30.675,0:17:32.776
It is trauma that occurs [br]within the context

0:17:32.776,0:17:34.699
of interpersonal relationships.

0:17:35.120,0:17:36.308
And that's you.

0:17:36.308,0:17:39.202
Whenever trauma happens [br]in interpersonal relationships

0:17:39.202,0:17:41.853
a person loses their [br]sense of trust in others.

0:17:42.450,0:17:43.280
Guess what?

0:17:43.280,0:17:46.270
You're a deeply distrustful person [br]for a very good reason

0:17:46.270,0:17:49.193
and anybody who tells you: [br]"You just need to start trusting people"

0:17:49.193,0:17:50.318
is not in reality.

0:17:50.318,0:17:54.189
Because to just decide [br]with your free will to trust someone,

0:17:54.280,0:17:55.906
isn't actually possible.

0:17:56.450,0:17:57.429
But...

0:17:57.429,0:18:01.109
Trust in relationships is a key [br]component of relationship success

0:18:01.109,0:18:02.959
and also personal happiness.

0:18:03.050,0:18:06.073
This means it's time to master trust.

0:18:07.120,0:18:09.373
To understand how to do this

0:18:09.539,0:18:11.466
or to take your first two steps,

0:18:11.466,0:18:12.968
watch two of my videos.

0:18:12.968,0:18:13.703
The first is:

0:18:13.703,0:18:16.641
Trust (What is Trust & How to [br]Build Trust In Relationships)

0:18:16.641,0:18:17.560
The second is:

0:18:17.560,0:18:19.624
How to Create A Safe Relationship

0:18:20.010,0:18:20.880
#10:

0:18:20.880,0:18:21.918
As a cynic

0:18:21.918,0:18:24.077
you are trying harder to buffer yourself

0:18:24.077,0:18:25.328
from suffering and pain,

0:18:25.328,0:18:28.005
than you are trying to really see truth

0:18:28.005,0:18:29.968
or see reality as it is.

0:18:29.968,0:18:31.097
That being said,

0:18:31.097,0:18:33.608
I think one of the very best [br]things about you

0:18:33.680,0:18:35.918
is that unlike a lot of people

0:18:35.918,0:18:40.197
you actually genuinely [br]do have a desire for reality.

0:18:41.016,0:18:43.287
You want to be in reality.

0:18:44.230,0:18:45.790
I consider this

0:18:45.790,0:18:47.945
a crazy awesome trait.

0:18:48.349,0:18:51.570
You may be currently [br]leaving the picture of positivity

0:18:51.570,0:18:53.461
out of the picture of reality,

0:18:53.749,0:18:55.565
but you want reality nonetheless.

0:18:55.950,0:18:57.826
And you're more brave than most

0:18:57.826,0:19:01.828
when it comes to seeing those [br]unsavory elements of reality.

0:19:01.828,0:19:05.649
The opposite polarity from the one [br]that most people want to look at.

0:19:05.920,0:19:09.499
You have broken out of many [br]patterns of ignorance and falsehood

0:19:09.499,0:19:11.179
and discovered more of what is real

0:19:11.179,0:19:13.785
and you have seen the genuine [br]problems in this world.

0:19:13.840,0:19:16.138
This knowledge can give you power in fact.

0:19:16.340,0:19:19.288
After all, your only access [br]of power is to be in reality.

0:19:19.560,0:19:21.185
So I want you to ask yourself:

0:19:21.185,0:19:25.097
What have you become [br]disillusioned with and why?

0:19:25.619,0:19:27.931
What is that disillusionment showing you

0:19:27.931,0:19:30.063
that you do want?

0:19:30.469,0:19:33.001
And how might you take steps

0:19:33.001,0:19:36.279
in the direction of creating [br]what you do want?

0:19:36.559,0:19:39.286
Once you have that answer, [br]do those things.

0:19:39.649,0:19:40.694
For example,

0:19:40.694,0:19:43.523
if the issue with the world [br]is that people aren't kind,

0:19:43.600,0:19:46.178
and if you had to be the one [br]to show people by example

0:19:46.178,0:19:48.000
what it looked like to be kind,

0:19:48.000,0:19:50.233
what would you think say and do?

0:19:50.260,0:19:54.009
As a skeptic your negative assessments [br]are a defense against suffering.

0:19:54.162,0:19:56.507
You are deeply afraid [br]of expecting anything

0:19:56.507,0:19:59.170
that turns out to be less [br]than what you want or expect.

0:19:59.170,0:20:01.168
You spend your life disappointing yourself

0:20:01.168,0:20:03.579
and letting yourself down [br]and countering hope and faith

0:20:03.579,0:20:05.280
before the world can do it for you.

0:20:05.280,0:20:06.960
This was a brilliant strategy,

0:20:06.960,0:20:08.309
but all brilliant strategies

0:20:08.309,0:20:10.600
can wind up being [br]the very thing that harms you.

0:20:10.600,0:20:13.578
In your case, the very thing [br]committing you to a painful life.

0:20:13.620,0:20:16.480
I'm not here today [br]to make a case for positivity.

0:20:16.480,0:20:19.307
I'm not here today to convince you [br]that the world is good

0:20:19.307,0:20:21.595
or the people are good, [br]because let's face it...

0:20:21.595,0:20:24.624
You have so much proof [br]to the opposite, it's almost ridiculous.

0:20:24.624,0:20:26.868
What i'm here today to do [br]is to make a case

0:20:26.868,0:20:29.027
that you're living in a coping mechanism.

0:20:29.490,0:20:30.708
Not in reality.

0:20:30.708,0:20:33.646
And it just so happens [br]to be a coping mechanism

0:20:33.929,0:20:38.111
that is preventing you from living [br]the life you actually came here to live.

0:20:38.977,0:20:40.238
Have a good week.

0:20:40.740,0:20:42.101
If you liked this video,

0:20:42.401,0:20:45.850
be sure to share it, like it, [br]and also subscribe to my channel

0:20:45.850,0:20:48.131
so you can see more content like this.

0:20:48.419,0:20:51.424
But I want to personally thank you[br]for taking the initiative

0:20:51.424,0:20:54.250
and having the bravery [br]to step into the space of awareness

0:20:54.250,0:20:57.610
not only for yourself, [br]but for the benefit of those around you.

0:21:16.466,0:21:18.876
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte