WEBVTT

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You've been dating for a while now,
and things seem to be going well.

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You have the same hobbies,
you both love dogs and kids,

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and neither of you
listens to dubstep.

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It might be time for someone
to pop the big question...

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"What's your credit score?"

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Nothing kills the mood like prying 
into your partner's financial history,

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so it's not surprising
that many young couples

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will spend hundreds of hours
planning their weddings

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but almost none preparing
their financial merger.

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And that's kind of a big deal.

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Nearly one-in-three couples say finances
cause the most stress in their relationship,

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followed distantly by intimacy,
children and in-laws.

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More than a third of 
millennials in relationships

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fight about money 
at least once a week!

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Which is troubling, because couples
who disagree about money

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once a week or more were over 30%
more likely to get divorced

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than those who disagree
a couple times a month.

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A lot of this marital strife
can be avoided

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just by having a few honest
conversations before tying the knot.

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It can be hard
to broach the subject,

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so to make it easier for all
those young lovers out there,

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here are five financial topics you should
discuss with your future partner.

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Number 1

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What do you earn, what do you own,
and what do you owe?

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It can be difficult to reveal
this information,

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but it's best to just 
rip the band-aid off.

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After all, lack of money is not
as bad as lack of communication.

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According to one study,
4 in 10 couples

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don't agree on what 
their partner's income was.

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And 10% of them got the number
wrong by $25,000 or more.

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Good planning is impossible if each
of you only has half the information,

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and getting everything out on
the table will only strengthen trust.

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Philip and I suggest having
this talk in two parts.

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Send each other an email with
a simple breakdown of your finances

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and then a few days later come together
in a non-judgmental frame of mind

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to discuss the human story
behind those numbers.

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Number 2

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How was money dealt with
in your household growing up?

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As much as we don't
like to admit it,

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we are heavily influenced by
the environment we were raised in,

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so learning about your 
partner's family traditions

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can offer a lot of insight and 
understanding into their financial habits.

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Did they grow up 
on a tight budget?

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Did one parent run the show 
or did they share responsibility?

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Were they ever taught 
to balance a checkbook?

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The second part of this conversation
is figuring out what traditions

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you each grew up with 
that you don't want to replicate.

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Maybe your partner's parents
struggled with debt

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so it's very important to them
to not get into that same quagmire.

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Number 3

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What will be yours, mine and ours?

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It's becoming more common for couples to
keep separate accounts even after marriage.

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Maybe they're afraid of 
losing independence,

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maybe they just haven't
gotten around to it yet,

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but they might be missing out
on some benefits of a joint account

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like easier organization 
and transparency.

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If you and your partner decide
to keep separate accounts,

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make sure that you're not creating
places where secrets can hide.

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About one third of spouses admit 
to committing financial infidelity,

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which means intentionally
deceiving your partner

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about how you're
spending or managing money.

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Of those, 16% ended up in divorce
expressly because of it.

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And remember, you don't need
to have separate accounts

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to enjoy 
financial independence.

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Julia and I have agreed on a set amount
of personal splurge money per month.

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It's always equal and we can do
whatever we want with zero discussion.

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It gives us space to be ourselves without
fear of lectures or petty squabbles.

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Number 4

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How much do you want
to spend on kids?

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While most couples will talk about
whether they want kids,

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far fewer will discuss 
the massive financial impact

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- which can start
before they're even born!

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About 15% of couples 
struggle with infertility,

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and the cost of a common
fertility treatment in the U.S.

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ranges from about
$12,000 - $15,000.

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The average private adoption
costs almost $40,000!

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Once you've got the kid, 
you have to decide about daycare,

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public school versus private,
and of course, college.

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Right now, the average cost
of sending a child

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to a 4-year public university
is around $100K.

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It's projected to be double that
18 years from now!

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Of course, this is an ongoing conversation
that you'll be having for many years,

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but it's important to weigh the financial
impact of these choices as early as possible.

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Number 5

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What are your financial goals
in order of priority?

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Sharing your financial goals with
each other can actually be kinda fun!

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But in our experience, taking on
too many goals at once

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can make it less likely
you'll achieve any of them.

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If one of you is focused
on buying a house,

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and the other on starting a business,
neither of you may get very far.

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But if you join forces and agree 
on what to tackle first,

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both of you will get where 
you want to be faster.

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A 2015 study asked couples for their best
piece of financial advice for newlyweds.

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The top two suggestions were to save
as early as possible for retirement

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and to make all
financial decisions together.

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Not all of these conversations will result
in firm agreements, but when they do,

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make sure to write them down in a sort of
Financial Constitution and then sign it!

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It might sound 
unromantic,

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but it's all too easy 
for two people

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to remember the same
conversation differently!

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And you can always jointly 
decide to amend your constitution!

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It's not set in stone.

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Of course, 
if you're already married,

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you may have skipped over a few
of these questions - but take heart!

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It's never too late to bring them up
and turn a fresh page.

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And that's our two cents!