1
00:00:04,590 --> 00:00:08,570
You've been dating for a while now,
and things seem to be going well.

2
00:00:08,570 --> 00:00:12,066
You have the same hobbies,
you both love dogs and kids,

3
00:00:12,066 --> 00:00:14,864
and neither of you
listens to dubstep.

4
00:00:14,864 --> 00:00:19,259
It might be time for someone
to pop the big question...

5
00:00:19,259 --> 00:00:21,975
"What's your credit score?"

6
00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:35,050
Nothing kills the mood like prying 
into your partner's financial history,

7
00:00:35,050 --> 00:00:37,710
so it's not surprising
that many young couples

8
00:00:37,710 --> 00:00:40,820
will spend hundreds of hours
planning their weddings

9
00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:43,780
but almost none preparing
their financial merger.

10
00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:45,470
And that's kind of a big deal.

11
00:00:45,470 --> 00:00:50,610
Nearly one-in-three couples say finances
cause the most stress in their relationship,

12
00:00:50,610 --> 00:00:53,860
followed distantly by intimacy,
children and in-laws.

13
00:00:53,860 --> 00:00:56,540
More than a third of 
millennials in relationships

14
00:00:56,540 --> 00:00:59,430
fight about money 
at least once a week!

15
00:00:59,430 --> 00:01:02,620
Which is troubling, because couples
who disagree about money

16
00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:07,140
once a week or more were over 30%
more likely to get divorced

17
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:09,310
than those who disagree
a couple times a month.

18
00:01:09,310 --> 00:01:11,705
A lot of this marital strife
can be avoided

19
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:15,690
just by having a few honest
conversations before tying the knot.

20
00:01:15,690 --> 00:01:17,940
It can be hard
to broach the subject,

21
00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:20,635
so to make it easier for all
those young lovers out there,

22
00:01:20,635 --> 00:01:25,235
here are five financial topics you should
discuss with your future partner.

23
00:01:25,235 --> 00:01:25,972
Number 1

24
00:01:25,972 --> 00:01:29,760
What do you earn, what do you own,
and what do you owe?

25
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:34,140
It can be difficult to reveal
this information,

26
00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:35,140
but it's best to just 
rip the band-aid off.

27
00:01:35,140 --> 00:01:39,700
After all, lack of money is not
as bad as lack of communication.

28
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,970
According to one study,
4 in 10 couples

29
00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:44,420
don't agree on what 
their partner's income was.

30
00:01:44,420 --> 00:01:49,130
And 10% of them got the number
wrong by $25,000 or more.

31
00:01:49,130 --> 00:01:53,290
Good planning is impossible if each
of you only has half the information,

32
00:01:53,290 --> 00:01:56,830
and getting everything out on
the table will only strengthen trust.

33
00:01:56,830 --> 00:02:00,039
Philip and I suggest having
this talk in two parts.

34
00:02:00,039 --> 00:02:03,660
Send each other an email with
a simple breakdown of your finances

35
00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:08,439
and then a few days later come together
in a non-judgmental frame of mind

36
00:02:08,439 --> 00:02:11,739
to discuss the human story
behind those numbers.

37
00:02:11,739 --> 00:02:13,199
Number 2

38
00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:16,519
How was money dealt with
in your household growing up?

39
00:02:16,519 --> 00:02:21,230
As much as we don't
like to admit it,

40
00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:25,390
we are heavily influenced by
the environment we were raised in,

41
00:02:25,390 --> 00:02:27,810
so learning about your 
partner's family traditions

42
00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:28,810
can offer a lot of insight and 
understanding into their financial habits.

43
00:02:28,810 --> 00:02:30,710
Did they grow up 
on a tight budget?

44
00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:34,310
Did one parent run the show 
or did they share responsibility?

45
00:02:34,310 --> 00:02:37,040
Were they ever taught 
to balance a checkbook?

46
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:40,925
The second part of this conversation
is figuring out what traditions

47
00:02:40,925 --> 00:02:44,450
you each grew up with 
that you don't want to replicate.

48
00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:48,981
Maybe your partner's parents
struggled with debt

49
00:02:48,981 --> 00:02:51,360
so it's very important to them
to not get into that same quagmire.

50
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:52,360
Number 3

51
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,433
What will be yours, mine and ours?

52
00:02:55,433 --> 00:03:00,272
It's becoming more common for couples to
keep separate accounts even after marriage.

53
00:03:00,272 --> 00:03:02,560
Maybe they're afraid of 
losing independence,

54
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,100
maybe they just haven't
gotten around to it yet,

55
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:09,730
but they might be missing out
on some benefits of a joint account

56
00:03:09,730 --> 00:03:10,730
like easier organization 
and transparency.

57
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:15,690
If you and your partner decide
to keep separate accounts,

58
00:03:15,690 --> 00:03:18,060
make sure that you're not creating
places where secrets can hide.

59
00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:22,620
About one third of spouses admit 
to committing financial infidelity,

60
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:25,380
which means intentionally
deceiving your partner

61
00:03:25,380 --> 00:03:27,840
about how you're
spending or managing money.

62
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:32,650
Of those, 16% ended up in divorce
expressly because of it.

63
00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:35,660
And remember, you don't need
to have separate accounts

64
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:37,840
to enjoy 
financial independence.

65
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:42,389
Julia and I have agreed on a set amount
of personal splurge money per month.

66
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:46,910
It's always equal and we can do
whatever we want with zero discussion.

67
00:03:46,910 --> 00:03:51,640
It gives us space to be ourselves without
fear of lectures or petty squabbles.

68
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:52,900
Number 4

69
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:55,960
How much do you want
to spend on kids?

70
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,439
While most couples will talk about
whether they want kids,

71
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:03,194
far fewer will discuss 
the massive financial impact

72
00:04:03,194 --> 00:04:05,444
- which can start
before they're even born!

73
00:04:05,444 --> 00:04:08,349
About 15% of couples 
struggle with infertility,

74
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:11,080
and the cost of a common
fertility treatment in the U.S.

75
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,970
ranges from about
$12,000 - $15,000.

76
00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:18,224
The average private adoption
costs almost $40,000!

77
00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:20,890
Once you've got the kid, 
you have to decide about daycare,

78
00:04:20,890 --> 00:04:24,180
public school versus private,
and of course, college.

79
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,669
Right now, the average cost
of sending a child

80
00:04:26,669 --> 00:04:31,099
to a 4-year public university
is around $100K.

81
00:04:31,099 --> 00:04:34,959
It's projected to be double that
18 years from now!

82
00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:39,379
Of course, this is an ongoing conversation
that you'll be having for many years,

83
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:44,200
but it's important to weigh the financial
impact of these choices as early as possible.

84
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,140
Number 5

85
00:04:45,140 --> 00:04:48,300
What are your financial goals
in order of priority?

86
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:51,639
Sharing your financial goals with
each other can actually be kinda fun!

87
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:54,789
But in our experience, taking on
too many goals at once

88
00:04:54,789 --> 00:04:57,689
can make it less likely
you'll achieve any of them.

89
00:04:57,689 --> 00:04:59,829
If one of you is focused
on buying a house,

90
00:04:59,829 --> 00:05:03,069
and the other on starting a business,
neither of you may get very far.

91
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:06,649
But if you join forces and agree 
on what to tackle first,

92
00:05:06,649 --> 00:05:09,219
both of you will get where 
you want to be faster.

93
00:05:09,219 --> 00:05:14,520
A 2015 study asked couples for their best
piece of financial advice for newlyweds.

94
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,720
The top two suggestions were to save
as early as possible for retirement

95
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,590
and to make all
financial decisions together.

96
00:05:21,590 --> 00:05:26,440
Not all of these conversations will result
in firm agreements, but when they do,

97
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:32,216
make sure to write them down in a sort of
Financial Constitution and then sign it!

98
00:05:32,224 --> 00:05:34,139
It might sound 
unromantic,

99
00:05:34,139 --> 00:05:36,550
but it's all too easy 
for two people

100
00:05:36,550 --> 00:05:39,000
to remember the same
conversation differently!

101
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,750
And you can always jointly 
decide to amend your constitution!

102
00:05:41,750 --> 00:05:43,589
It's not set in stone.

103
00:05:43,589 --> 00:05:45,689
Of course, 
if you're already married,

104
00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:49,499
you may have skipped over a few
of these questions - but take heart!

105
00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:53,440
It's never too late to bring them up
and turn a fresh page.

106
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,446
And that's our two cents!