1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,976 Hello. 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,976 I'd like to introduce you to someone. 3 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,601 This is Jomny. 4 00:00:07,625 --> 00:00:10,559 That's "Jonny" but spelled accidentally with an "m," 5 00:00:10,583 --> 00:00:11,893 in case you were wondering, 6 00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:13,393 because we're not all perfect. 7 00:00:13,417 --> 00:00:15,434 Jomny is an alien 8 00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:18,518 who has been sent to earth with a mission to study humans. 9 00:00:18,542 --> 00:00:22,393 Jomny is feeling lost and alone and far from home, 10 00:00:22,417 --> 00:00:25,643 and I think we've all felt this way. 11 00:00:25,667 --> 00:00:27,434 Or, at least I have. 12 00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:30,434 I wrote this story about this alien at a moment in my life 13 00:00:30,458 --> 00:00:32,518 when I was feeling particularly alien. 14 00:00:32,542 --> 00:00:35,809 I had just moved to Cambridge and started my doctoral program at MIT, 15 00:00:35,833 --> 00:00:41,643 and I was feeling intimidated and isolated and very much like I didn't belong. 16 00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:43,768 But I had a lifeline of sorts. 17 00:00:43,792 --> 00:00:48,018 See, I was writing jokes for years and years 18 00:00:48,042 --> 00:00:50,351 and sharing them on social media, 19 00:00:50,375 --> 00:00:53,458 and I found that I was turning to doing this more and more. 20 00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:58,309 Now, for many people, the internet can feel like a lonely place. 21 00:00:58,333 --> 00:00:59,643 It can feel like this, 22 00:00:59,667 --> 00:01:02,434 a big, endless, expansive void 23 00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:05,667 where you can constantly call out to it but no one's ever listening. 24 00:01:06,708 --> 00:01:10,184 But I actually found a comfort in speaking out to the void. 25 00:01:10,208 --> 00:01:12,643 I found, in sharing my feelings with the void, 26 00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:14,917 eventually the void started to speak back. 27 00:01:16,375 --> 00:01:19,809 And it turns out that the void isn't this endless lonely expanse at all, 28 00:01:19,833 --> 00:01:22,268 but instead it's full of all sorts of other people, 29 00:01:22,292 --> 00:01:25,601 also staring out into it and also wanting to be heard. 30 00:01:25,625 --> 00:01:29,393 Now, there have been many bad things that have come from social media. 31 00:01:29,417 --> 00:01:31,268 I'm not trying to dispute that at all. 32 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:35,184 To be online at any given point is to feel so much sadness 33 00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:37,518 and anger and violence. 34 00:01:37,542 --> 00:01:39,393 It can feel like the end of the world. 35 00:01:39,417 --> 00:01:41,268 Yet, at the same time, I'm conflicted 36 00:01:41,292 --> 00:01:44,934 because I can't deny the fact that so many of my closest friends 37 00:01:44,958 --> 00:01:47,583 are people that I had met originally online. 38 00:01:48,458 --> 00:01:51,726 And I think that's partly because there's this confessional nature 39 00:01:51,750 --> 00:01:53,000 to social media. 40 00:01:53,750 --> 00:01:57,643 It can feel like you are writing in this personal, intimate diary 41 00:01:57,667 --> 00:01:59,143 that's completely private, 42 00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:02,434 yet at the same time you want everyone in the world to read it. 43 00:02:02,458 --> 00:02:05,226 And I think part of that, the joy of that 44 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,476 is that we get to experience things from perspectives from people 45 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,559 who are completely different from ourselves, 46 00:02:10,583 --> 00:02:12,226 and sometimes that's a nice thing. 47 00:02:12,250 --> 00:02:14,226 For example, when I first joined Twitter, 48 00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:17,101 I found that so many of the people that I was following 49 00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:19,809 were talking about mental health and going to therapy 50 00:02:19,833 --> 00:02:23,226 in ways that had none of the stigma that they often do 51 00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:25,768 when we talk about these issues in person. 52 00:02:25,792 --> 00:02:29,434 Through them, the conversation around mental health was normalized, 53 00:02:29,458 --> 00:02:32,476 and they helped me realize that going to therapy was something 54 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,101 that would help me as well. 55 00:02:34,125 --> 00:02:35,934 Now, for many people, 56 00:02:35,958 --> 00:02:40,434 it sounds like a scary idea to be talking about all these topics 57 00:02:40,458 --> 00:02:43,351 so publicly and so openly on the internet. 58 00:02:43,375 --> 00:02:48,184 I feel like a lot of people think that it is a big, scary thing 59 00:02:48,208 --> 00:02:52,351 to be online if you're not already perfectly and fully formed. 60 00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:55,768 But I think the internet can be actually a great place to not know, 61 00:02:55,792 --> 00:02:59,768 and I think we can treat that with excitement, 62 00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:04,393 because to me there's something important about sharing your imperfections 63 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:07,559 and your insecurities and your vulnerabilities 64 00:03:07,583 --> 00:03:08,875 with other people. 65 00:03:10,083 --> 00:03:11,851 (Laughter) 66 00:03:11,875 --> 00:03:15,434 Now, when someone shares that they feel sad or afraid 67 00:03:15,458 --> 00:03:17,143 or alone, for example, 68 00:03:17,167 --> 00:03:19,309 it actually makes me feel less alone, 69 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:22,434 not by getting rid of any of my loneliness 70 00:03:22,458 --> 00:03:24,893 but by showing me that I am not alone 71 00:03:24,917 --> 00:03:26,309 in feeling lonely. 72 00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,059 And as a writer and as an artist, 73 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:31,726 I care very much about making this comfort of being vulnerable 74 00:03:31,750 --> 00:03:34,976 a communal thing, something that we can share with each other. 75 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,518 I'm excited about externalizing the internal, 76 00:03:37,542 --> 00:03:42,476 about taking those invisible personal feelings that I don't have words for, 77 00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,018 holding them to the light, putting words to them, 78 00:03:45,042 --> 00:03:46,934 and then sharing them with other people 79 00:03:46,958 --> 00:03:50,673 in the hopes that it might help them find words to find their feelings as well. 80 00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:53,059 Now, I know that sounds like a big thing, 81 00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,768 but ultimately I'm interested in putting all these things 82 00:03:55,792 --> 00:03:58,309 into small, approachable packages, 83 00:03:58,333 --> 00:04:00,976 because when we can hide them into these smaller pieces, 84 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,934 I think they are easier to approach, I think they're more fun. 85 00:04:03,958 --> 00:04:06,893 I think they can more easily help us see our shared humanness. 86 00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:09,309 Sometimes that takes the form of a short story, 87 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:12,893 sometimes that takes the form of a cute book of illustrations, for example. 88 00:04:12,917 --> 00:04:14,518 And sometimes that takes the form 89 00:04:14,542 --> 00:04:17,017 of a silly joke that I'll throw on the internet. 90 00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:20,517 For example, a few months ago, I posted this app idea 91 00:04:20,541 --> 00:04:22,476 for a dog-walking service 92 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,809 where a dog shows up at your door and you have to get out of the house 93 00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,101 and go for a walk. 94 00:04:27,125 --> 00:04:29,000 (Laughter) 95 00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:32,476 If there are app developers in the audience, 96 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,958 please find me after the talk. 97 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,476 Or, I like to share every time I feel anxious about sending an email. 98 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:39,934 When I sign my emails "Best," 99 00:04:39,958 --> 00:04:42,059 it's short for "I am trying my best," 100 00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:45,500 which is short for "Please don't hate me, I promise I'm trying my best!" 101 00:04:46,708 --> 00:04:49,226 Or my answer to the classic icebreaker, 102 00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:52,059 if I could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, I would. 103 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,393 I am very lonely. 104 00:04:53,417 --> 00:04:55,042 (Laughter) 105 00:04:57,750 --> 00:05:01,643 And I find that when I post things like these online, 106 00:05:01,667 --> 00:05:03,101 the reaction is very similar. 107 00:05:03,125 --> 00:05:04,976 People come together to share a laugh, 108 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,309 to share in that feeling, 109 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,434 and then to disburse just as quickly. 110 00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:10,018 (Laughter) 111 00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:13,000 Yes, leaving me once again alone. 112 00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:18,601 But I think sometimes these little gatherings can be quite meaningful. 113 00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:21,184 For example, when I graduated from architecture school 114 00:05:21,208 --> 00:05:22,518 and I moved to Cambridge, 115 00:05:22,542 --> 00:05:24,018 I posted this question: 116 00:05:24,042 --> 00:05:26,421 "How many people in your life have you already had 117 00:05:26,435 --> 00:05:27,870 your last conversation with?" 118 00:05:28,958 --> 00:05:32,768 And I was thinking about my own friends who had moved away 119 00:05:32,792 --> 00:05:35,143 to different cities and different countries, even, 120 00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:37,976 and how hard it would be for me to keep in touch with them. 121 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,226 But other people started replying and sharing their own experiences. 122 00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:44,393 Somebody talked about a family member they had a falling out with. 123 00:05:44,417 --> 00:05:47,059 Someone talked about a loved one who had passed away 124 00:05:47,083 --> 00:05:48,684 quickly and unexpectedly. 125 00:05:48,708 --> 00:05:51,143 Someone else talked about their friends from school 126 00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:52,851 who had moved away as well. 127 00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:55,601 But then something really nice started happening. 128 00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:57,143 Instead of just replying to me, 129 00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:59,559 people started replying to each other, 130 00:05:59,583 --> 00:06:02,893 and they started to talk to each other and share their own experiences 131 00:06:02,917 --> 00:06:04,309 and comfort each other 132 00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:07,268 and encourage each other to reach out to that friend 133 00:06:07,292 --> 00:06:09,101 that they hadn't spoken to in a while 134 00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:11,726 or that family member that they had a falling out with. 135 00:06:11,750 --> 00:06:16,518 And eventually, we got this little tiny microcommunity. 136 00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:19,018 It felt like this support group formed 137 00:06:19,042 --> 00:06:21,643 of all sorts of people coming together. 138 00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:24,768 And I think every time we post online, 139 00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:26,684 every time we do this, there's a chance 140 00:06:26,708 --> 00:06:28,851 that these little microcommunities can form. 141 00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:32,893 There's a chance that all sorts of different creatures 142 00:06:32,917 --> 00:06:35,101 can come together and be drawn together. 143 00:06:35,125 --> 00:06:37,393 And sometimes, through the muck of the internet, 144 00:06:37,417 --> 00:06:39,625 you get to find a kindred spirit. 145 00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:44,351 Sometimes that's in the reading the replies 146 00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:47,851 and the comments sections and finding a reply that is particularly kind 147 00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,559 or insightful or funny. 148 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:52,476 Sometimes that's in going to follow someone 149 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:55,226 and seeing that they already follow you back. 150 00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:58,518 And sometimes that's in looking at someone that you know in real life 151 00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:01,726 and seeing the things that you write and the things that they write 152 00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:05,059 and realizing that you share so many of the same interests as they do, 153 00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:07,268 and that brings them closer together to you. 154 00:07:07,292 --> 00:07:09,476 Sometimes, if you're lucky, 155 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,458 you get to meet another alien. 156 00:07:12,874 --> 00:07:15,351 [when two aliebns find each other in a strange place, 157 00:07:15,375 --> 00:07:16,976 it feels a litle more like home] 158 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,184 But I am worried, too, because as we all know, 159 00:07:19,208 --> 00:07:22,226 the internet for the most part doesn't feel like this. 160 00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:23,976 We all know that for the most part, 161 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:27,684 the internet feels like a place where we misunderstand each other, 162 00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:31,500 where we come into conflict with each other, 163 00:07:32,583 --> 00:07:37,851 where there's all sorts of confusion and screaming and yelling and shouting, 164 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:40,184 and it feels like there's too much of everything. 165 00:07:40,208 --> 00:07:41,559 It feels like chaos, 166 00:07:41,583 --> 00:07:45,809 and I don't know how to square away the bad parts with the good, 167 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,643 because as we know and as we've seen, 168 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:51,417 the bad parts can really, really hurt us. 169 00:07:52,417 --> 00:07:57,476 It feels to me that the platforms that we use to inhabit these online spaces 170 00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:00,101 have been designed either ignorantly or willfully 171 00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:03,893 to allow for harassment and abuse, to propagate misinformation, 172 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:07,601 to enable hatred and hate speech and the violence that comes from it, 173 00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:09,976 and it feels like none of our current platforms 174 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,083 are doing enough to address and to fix that. 175 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:16,476 But still, and maybe probably unfortunately, 176 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:20,143 I'm still drawn to these online spaces, as many others are, 177 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:24,434 because sometimes it just feels like that's where all the people are. 178 00:08:24,458 --> 00:08:26,268 And I feel silly 179 00:08:26,292 --> 00:08:28,393 and stupid sometimes 180 00:08:28,417 --> 00:08:33,308 for valuing these small moments of human connection in times like these. 181 00:08:33,332 --> 00:08:35,643 But I've always operated under this idea 182 00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:40,518 that these little moments of humanness are not superfluous. 183 00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:42,601 They're not retreats from the world at all, 184 00:08:42,625 --> 00:08:45,476 but instead they're the reasons why we come to these spaces. 185 00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:48,667 They are important and vital and they affirm and they give us life. 186 00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:53,143 And they are these tiny, temporary sanctuaries 187 00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:55,875 that show us that we are not as alone as we think we are. 188 00:08:57,792 --> 00:09:00,601 And so yes, even though life is bad and everyone's sad 189 00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:03,351 and one day we're all going to die -- 190 00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:05,018 [look. life is bad. everyones sad. 191 00:09:05,042 --> 00:09:08,351 We're all gona die, but i alredy bought this inflatable bouncey castle 192 00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:10,309 so are u gona take Ur shoes off or not] 193 00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:14,893 I think the inflatable metaphorical bouncy castle in this case 194 00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:19,792 is really our relationships and our connections to other people. 195 00:09:22,542 --> 00:09:23,851 And so one night, 196 00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:26,976 when I was feeling particularly sad and hopeless about the world, 197 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,184 I shouted out to the void, 198 00:09:29,208 --> 00:09:30,518 to the lonely darkness. 199 00:09:30,542 --> 00:09:33,684 I said, "At this point, logging on to social media 200 00:09:33,708 --> 00:09:36,684 feels like holding someone's hand at the end of the world." 201 00:09:36,708 --> 00:09:39,184 And this time, instead of the void responding, 202 00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:41,851 it was people who showed up, 203 00:09:41,875 --> 00:09:45,559 who started replying to me and then who started talking to each other, 204 00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:48,809 and slowly this little tiny community formed. 205 00:09:48,833 --> 00:09:50,958 Everybody came together to hold hands. 206 00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:56,059 And in these dangerous and unsure times, 207 00:09:56,083 --> 00:09:58,184 in the midst of it all, 208 00:09:58,208 --> 00:10:02,601 I think the thing that we have to hold on to is other people. 209 00:10:02,625 --> 00:10:07,059 And I know that is a small thing made up of small moments, 210 00:10:07,083 --> 00:10:10,518 but I think it is one tiny, tiny sliver of light 211 00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:12,351 in all the darkness. 212 00:10:12,375 --> 00:10:13,643 Thank you. 213 00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:18,184 (Applause) 214 00:10:18,208 --> 00:10:19,476 Thank you. 215 00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:23,375 (Applause)