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No matter how hard you might try,

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you can't just flip a switch
when you step into the office

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and turn your emotions off.

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Feeling feelings is part of being human.

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[The Way We Work]

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A pervasive myth exists
that emotions don't belong at work,

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and this often leads us

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to mistakenly equate professionalism
with being stoic or even cold.

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But research shows that in the moments
when our colleagues

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drop their glossy
professional presentation,

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we're actually much more likely
to believe what they're telling us.

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We feel connected to the people around us.

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We try harder, we perform better

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and we're just generally kinder.

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So it's about time that we learn
how to embrace emotion at work.

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Now, that's not to say

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you should suddenly become
a feelings fire hose.

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A line exists between sharing,
which builds trust,

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and oversharing, which destroys it.

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If you suddenly let your feelings
run wild at work

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and give people far more information
than they bargained for,

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you make everyone around you uncomfortable

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and you also undermine yourself.

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You're more likely to be seen as weak
or lacking self awareness,

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so, great to say you weren't
feeling well last night --

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you don't need to go
into every lurid detail

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about how you got reacquainted
with your half-digested dinner.

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So there's a wide spectrum
of emotional expression.

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On one hand, you have under-emoters,

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or people who have a hard time
talking about their feelings,

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and on the other end are over-emoters,

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those who constantly share everything
that's going on inside,

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and neither of these make
for a healthy workplace.

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So what's the balance
between these two extremes?

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It's something called
selective vulnerability.

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Selective vulnerability is opening up

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while still prioritizing stability
and psychological safety,

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both for you and for your colleagues.

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Luckily, anyone can learn

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to be selectively
vulnerable, with practice.

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Here are four ways to get started.

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First, flag your feelings
without becoming emotionally leaky.

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Bad moods are contagious,

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and even if you're not vocalizing
what you're feeling,

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chances are your body language
or your expressions

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are a dead giveaway.

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So if you are crossing your arms
or hammering on your keyboard,

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your coworkers are going
to know you're upset.

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And if you don't say anything,

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they might start to think
it's about them and get worried.

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So if you are reacting
to a non-work-related event,

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so traffic for example, just flag it.

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You don't need to go into detail.

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You can say something as simple as
"I'm having a bad morning.

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It has nothing to do with you."

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Now if it's a work-related event

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that's causing you
to feel strong emotions,

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that brings us to point number two.

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Try to understand
the need behind your emotion,

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and then address that need.

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If you suddenly start to find
everyone around you irritating,

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sit back and reflect on that.

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And it might be that you're irritable
because you're anxious,

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and you're anxious because you're worried
about hitting a looming deadline.

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And in that case, you
can go back to your team

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to address that need
and say something like,

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"I want to make sure I get everything
done ahead of the deadline.

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Can you help me put together
a realistic plan to do that?"

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If you're thinking of sharing,

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try and put yourself in
the other person's shoes.

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So if what you're about to say
would help you feel more supported

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and better understand the situation,

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then go ahead and share it.

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But if it gives you any kind of pause,
you might want to leave it out.

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And finally, read the room
and provide a path forward.

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If everyone on your team
has been pulling long hours,

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and you notice that one of your colleagues
seems particularly deflated or anxious,

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you can acknowledge that
and show some empathy,

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but then try to give
them something actionable

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that they could hold on to.

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And in this case,

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you could suggest that
you go to your manager

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and ask that your weekly meeting

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be pushed back a day
so you both have more time to work.

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You're showing you're invested
in their success,

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but also that you care
about their well-being.

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When we can be honest about what we feel,

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and freely suggest ideas, make mistakes

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and just not have to hide
every piece of who we are,

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we're much more likely
to stay at the company for a long time.

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We're also happier and more productive.

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So take a moment to reflect
on the emotional expression

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that you bring to work each day.

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And if you are prone
to oversharing, try editing.

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And if you're a little bit more reserved,

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look for moments when you can
open up to your colleagues

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and be a bit vulnerable.

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And chances are,
there will be a big difference

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in how people respond to you.

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And selective vulnerability
might just become

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one of your most valuable tools.