0:00:00.066,0:00:01.882
No matter how hard you might try,

0:00:01.906,0:00:04.875
you can't just flip a switch[br]when you step into the office

0:00:04.899,0:00:06.282
and turn your emotions off.

0:00:06.306,0:00:09.341
Feeling feelings is part of being human.

0:00:09.365,0:00:12.279
[The Way We Work]

0:00:13.816,0:00:17.642
A pervasive myth exists[br]that emotions don't belong at work,

0:00:17.666,0:00:19.032
and this often leads us

0:00:19.056,0:00:23.212
to mistakenly equate professionalism[br]with being stoic or even cold.

0:00:23.236,0:00:25.975
But research shows that in the moments[br]when our colleagues

0:00:25.999,0:00:28.122
drop their glossy[br]professional presentation,

0:00:28.146,0:00:31.303
we're actually much more likely[br]to believe what they're telling us.

0:00:31.327,0:00:33.327
We feel connected to the people around us.

0:00:33.351,0:00:35.479
We try harder, we perform better

0:00:35.503,0:00:37.530
and we're just generally kinder.

0:00:37.554,0:00:41.242
So it's about time that we learn[br]how to embrace emotion at work.

0:00:41.266,0:00:43.142
Now, that's not to say

0:00:43.166,0:00:45.633
you should suddenly become[br]a feelings fire hose.

0:00:46.014,0:00:49.299
A line exists between sharing,[br]which builds trust,

0:00:49.323,0:00:51.722
and oversharing, which destroys it.

0:00:51.746,0:00:55.306
If you suddenly let your feelings[br]run wild at work

0:00:55.330,0:00:58.232
and give people far more information[br]than they bargained for,

0:00:58.256,0:01:00.362
you make everyone around you uncomfortable

0:01:00.386,0:01:01.932
and you also undermine yourself.

0:01:01.956,0:01:05.565
You're more likely to be seen as weak[br]or lacking self awareness,

0:01:05.589,0:01:08.986
so, great to say you weren't[br]feeling well last night --

0:01:09.010,0:01:11.142
you don't need to go[br]into every lurid detail

0:01:11.166,0:01:14.492
about how you got reacquainted[br]with your half-digested dinner.

0:01:14.516,0:01:17.432
So there's a wide spectrum[br]of emotional expression.

0:01:17.456,0:01:19.872
On one hand, you have under-emoters,

0:01:19.896,0:01:22.706
or people who have a hard time[br]talking about their feelings,

0:01:22.730,0:01:25.632
and on the other end are over-emoters,

0:01:25.656,0:01:29.985
those who constantly share everything[br]that's going on inside,

0:01:30.009,0:01:32.372
and neither of these make[br]for a healthy workplace.

0:01:32.396,0:01:34.982
So what's the balance[br]between these two extremes?

0:01:35.006,0:01:37.672
It's something called[br]selective vulnerability.

0:01:37.696,0:01:40.561
Selective vulnerability is opening up

0:01:40.585,0:01:44.582
while still prioritizing stability[br]and psychological safety,

0:01:44.606,0:01:46.912
both for you and for your colleagues.

0:01:46.936,0:01:48.601
Luckily, anyone can learn

0:01:48.625,0:01:51.083
to be selectively[br]vulnerable, with practice.

0:01:51.107,0:01:52.882
Here are four ways to get started.

0:01:52.906,0:01:56.832
First, flag your feelings[br]without becoming emotionally leaky.

0:01:56.856,0:01:58.362
Bad moods are contagious,

0:01:58.386,0:02:00.910
and even if you're not vocalizing[br]what you're feeling,

0:02:00.934,0:02:04.092
chances are your body language[br]or your expressions

0:02:04.116,0:02:05.392
are a dead giveaway.

0:02:05.416,0:02:08.442
So if you are crossing your arms[br]or hammering on your keyboard,

0:02:08.466,0:02:11.141
your coworkers are going[br]to know you're upset.

0:02:11.165,0:02:12.672
And if you don't say anything,

0:02:12.696,0:02:15.542
they might start to think[br]it's about them and get worried.

0:02:15.566,0:02:18.582
So if you are reacting[br]to a non-work-related event,

0:02:18.606,0:02:21.122
so traffic for example, just flag it.

0:02:21.146,0:02:22.902
You don't need to go into detail.

0:02:22.926,0:02:26.306
You can say something as simple as[br]"I'm having a bad morning.

0:02:26.330,0:02:27.822
It has nothing to do with you."

0:02:27.846,0:02:29.412
Now if it's a work-related event

0:02:29.436,0:02:31.901
that's causing you[br]to feel strong emotions,

0:02:31.925,0:02:33.612
that brings us to point number two.

0:02:33.636,0:02:36.485
Try to understand[br]the need behind your emotion,

0:02:36.509,0:02:37.832
and then address that need.

0:02:37.856,0:02:42.373
If you suddenly start to find[br]everyone around you irritating,

0:02:42.397,0:02:43.932
sit back and reflect on that.

0:02:43.956,0:02:46.862
And it might be that you're irritable[br]because you're anxious,

0:02:46.886,0:02:50.458
and you're anxious because you're worried[br]about hitting a looming deadline.

0:02:50.482,0:02:52.625
And in that case, you[br]can go back to your team

0:02:52.649,0:02:54.702
to address that need[br]and say something like,

0:02:54.726,0:02:57.807
"I want to make sure I get everything[br]done ahead of the deadline.

0:02:57.831,0:03:00.543
Can you help me put together[br]a realistic plan to do that?"

0:03:00.567,0:03:02.140
If you're thinking of sharing,

0:03:02.164,0:03:04.531
try and put yourself in[br]the other person's shoes.

0:03:04.555,0:03:08.729
So if what you're about to say[br]would help you feel more supported

0:03:08.753,0:03:10.857
and better understand the situation,

0:03:10.881,0:03:12.436
then go ahead and share it.

0:03:12.460,0:03:16.062
But if it gives you any kind of pause,[br]you might want to leave it out.

0:03:16.086,0:03:19.182
And finally, read the room[br]and provide a path forward.

0:03:19.206,0:03:22.149
If everyone on your team[br]has been pulling long hours,

0:03:22.173,0:03:27.274
and you notice that one of your colleagues[br]seems particularly deflated or anxious,

0:03:27.298,0:03:29.502
you can acknowledge that[br]and show some empathy,

0:03:29.526,0:03:31.702
but then try to give[br]them something actionable

0:03:31.726,0:03:33.033
that they could hold on to.

0:03:33.057,0:03:34.208
And in this case,

0:03:34.232,0:03:36.352
you could suggest that[br]you go to your manager

0:03:36.376,0:03:37.902
and ask that your weekly meeting

0:03:37.926,0:03:40.672
be pushed back a day[br]so you both have more time to work.

0:03:40.696,0:03:42.982
You're showing you're invested[br]in their success,

0:03:43.006,0:03:45.149
but also that you care[br]about their well-being.

0:03:45.173,0:03:47.212
When we can be honest about what we feel,

0:03:47.236,0:03:50.045
and freely suggest ideas, make mistakes

0:03:50.069,0:03:53.219
and just not have to hide[br]every piece of who we are,

0:03:53.243,0:03:56.521
we're much more likely[br]to stay at the company for a long time.

0:03:56.545,0:03:59.060
We're also happier and more productive.

0:03:59.084,0:04:02.872
So take a moment to reflect[br]on the emotional expression

0:04:02.896,0:04:04.925
that you bring to work each day.

0:04:04.949,0:04:08.052
And if you are prone[br]to oversharing, try editing.

0:04:08.076,0:04:10.102
And if you're a little bit more reserved,

0:04:10.126,0:04:12.812
look for moments when you can[br]open up to your colleagues

0:04:12.836,0:04:14.026
and be a bit vulnerable.

0:04:14.050,0:04:16.351
And chances are,[br]there will be a big difference

0:04:16.375,0:04:17.982
in how people respond to you.

0:04:18.006,0:04:20.432
And selective vulnerability[br]might just become

0:04:20.456,0:04:22.571
one of your most valuable tools.