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Shake it out, shake it out

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okay

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Hey everyone,

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this week's video comes from a question that I got

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and I thought it was really good,

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it was about what is the therapeutic relationship,

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and why is it so important?

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So stay tuned.

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[Kati Morton MFTI]

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[Healthy Mind, Healthy Body]

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So I got a great question,

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I believe it was on Twitter,

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last week or the week before,

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asking about the therapeutic relationship

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because as many of you know,

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whether you've been told this or whether I've told you

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because I say this a lot

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but it's very important that we like our therapists

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and we have what we call a "therapeutic relationship."

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And sometimes I use these terms,

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these "therapist terms," and it's kind of frustrating

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because you're like "Kati,

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I don't know what the hell you're talking about,

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because I'm not a therapist..." Right?

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And so thanks for cluing me in to that because

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I'm kind of silly sometimes.

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But, the therapeutic relationship is just that,

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it's your relationship with your therapist

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and how you feel about him or her.

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And all of the research, ALL of the research

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(If I was on a movie set all these file would fall down...it's research, right?)

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All of it shows that the most important thing

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is how we feel about our therapist

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and how that relationship works.

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So, that's the most important thing

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because if we like them and we respect them

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and they respect us and we understand one another,

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miracles can happen, right?

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We can actually feel confident and comfortable enough

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to talk about those things that we're like

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that you guys tell me "uh, I don't want to tell him,

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I'm so nervous..." right, but we feel comfortable

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because they're like our partner in crime, you know?

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And it can make things a lot easier for us.

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So, that's what the therapeutic relationship is.

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It's when you sit with your therapist

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and when you meet with them for the first time,

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you know how some of you are like,

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"yeah, I met with this person, it's just not right..."


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I'm like, "Find somebody else!"

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If we can, I know insurance makes things all annoying,

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but if we can, I always encourage people,

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let's find somebody else for you,

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because if you don't like them already,

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and you've only met them once,

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chances are you probably won't like them.

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But, when you go to see somebody,

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and you're like "Kati, it was amazing!

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You're right, it's not as scary as I thought it was going to be!"

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then that's a great pair.

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You've met someone you can really work with.

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And that's why it's so important.

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Especially when we're finally reaching out.

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Right, because I know it's so nervewracking

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and it makes us really nervous,

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and we think about it and we second-guess and we question and we think again

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whether we should tell someone, whether we should get help

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and I always urge people: do! Do!

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But, like any job,

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there are people who are really good at their job

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and there's people who are really shitty at their job.

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You know?

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It's like you might go to the same Starbucks every morning,

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I'm guilty, and there's somebody that makes your coffee

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"uh, it's so good, it's just amazing!"

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And then there's somebody else who's like

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slopping it together and there's stuff running down the side

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and they're like "Here's your soy latte."

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I'm like, "Thanks a lot..."

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So, it's the same with therapists.

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And I'm not calling anybody out,

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but there are people who love their jobs who have compassion

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and really want to help

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and they do research

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and we go to conventions and we go to conferences

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and we stay up on everything and we want to know,

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and we get excited to hear how things are going.

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Right? There's always those people.

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I love my job, and other people love their jobs too,

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but then there's people who don't, and so

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if it doesn't feel right, don't make a second appointment.

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Make another first appointment with somebody else.

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And that's okay.

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And that's why it's so important to our treatment, because

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we need to have a team behind us that's rooting for us,

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that we feel comfortable coming in and being like

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"Well, I cut this week. I'm sorry."

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or, "I binged and purged," or "I restricted, I

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hid food in my jacket in my pocket when I was out

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on a meal out with my friend." Or whatever.

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We need to be comfortable enough to say those things because

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that's what the treatment is about, that's what therapy's about

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is me knowing what's going right, what's going wrong,

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and then us working together to change our goals

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and to say "okay, that was really hard,

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what can we do to make it better?" Right?

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Because we're always trying to get better,

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and to work through things.

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And it's a process, it's not perfection.

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It's a process, and everybody's process is different.

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And we can't compare.

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And we can't get competitive.

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You know, everybody's different.

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So, make sure that when you make that appointment

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and you meet with a therapist that you have that kind of spark,

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not to sound creepy and it's like romantic or anything

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but you need to have that friendship spark,

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where you're like "Wow, this person really gets me, and I feel comfortable

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and I could really cry if I needed to or scream

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or shout or throw a pillow or something." Right?

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We need to have that.

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So, I hope that helps a little bit,

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and I know many of you are in the process of looking

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into seeing that first therapist and you're really nervous,

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and I have an old video,

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back when I first started about making that first therapy appointment

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so check that out, okay? Because it's really helpful

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and it kind of walks you through what to expect.

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But this is more about what you should feel in the moment

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when you're sitting with your therapist, okay?

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So that you know that this is your therapist,

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this is part of your treatment team,

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this is someone you want to make weekly appointments with.

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Okay?

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I hope that helps and kind of makes sense,

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I know I've been getting that question a lot.

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And don't forget to subscribe to my channel,

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because often times I put out videos

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not on a Monday or a Sunday,

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it might be in the middle of the week,

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and then you get an e-mail and you know about it right away

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So I know some of you are like

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"Kati, I'm having a really bad week,

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I hope there's a mid-week video!"

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And then you'll know if there is!

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So please subscribe.

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And also, leave the comments below,

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let me know about good and bad experiences,

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and kind of what you felt.

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Try to help people know what they're going to feel and think in the session

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because I know it's really hard to describe,

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like that little spark and that click, it's like,

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talking about the how you meet person you're going to marry,

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"I just knew!" Right?

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But we need to kind of know what to look for.

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"Yeah, it was kind of uncomfortable, but it was just my anxiety,

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but I really liked them." So, please share what it was like

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when you met that therapist, that match for you,

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that worked out.

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And you had that good connection,

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and they were part of your treatment team for a long time.

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Just let us know, so that we can learn from one another

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we're a big community, we're growing,

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we're getting to know one another

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we're sharing our successes and our little failures

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and our let-downs and our excitement and

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it's great, so please keep sharing,

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and we'll keep working together, and I'll keep putting out videos

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as we work towards a healthy mind and a healthy body.

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Find out from friends and family

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if anybody's seeing somebody that they're comfortable with

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it's possible that you'll be comfortable as well.

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But if that's not the case, you don't feel comfortable asking someone,

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you can also call your insurance company...

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[Click here to view video-Making your 1st appointment with a Therapist]