WEBVTT

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- Hey everybody, happy Thursday.

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Now, today's question is all about

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therapists seeing their own therapists.

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But before we jump into that,
are you new to my channel?

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Welcome, I'm a licensed therapist

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creating educational mental health videos,

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and I release those videos
on Mondays and on Thursdays.

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So make sure you're subscribed

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and have your notifications turned on,

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so that you don't miss out.

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Now, let's jump into
today's question, and it is,

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"Kati, would you mind doing
a video about how and why

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"a therapist may need to see
their own therapist as well?

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"I think that it would be interesting.

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"'Cause I think most
people think therapists

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"don't need to see someone
else since they should be able

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"to fix their own issues."

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And I had, to be honest, I
really had to spend some time

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thinking about this question.

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Because as you know, I've
been in therapy off and on

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since I was like, 15 years old.

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And if I'm being honest,
I just always thought

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everyone should be in therapy,

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but once I got this question
I started asking around,

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and much to my surprise,
people didn't think that

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their therapists should need
to see another therapist.

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Many stating that if they were
actually good at their jobs,

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they shouldn't need to
see someone about it.

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Needless to say, I was completely shocked.

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But if I really think about it,
I can understand why people,

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you know, could think like that.

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If I do know all about
people and relationships

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and the power of our own thoughts,

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and ways that we can work to change them,

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then why can't I just,
you know, fix any issue

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that comes up for me?

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Well, the truth is, that I am more aware

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of how I think and act,

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but that doesn't make me
immune from being a human.

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Like, I can still be a complete jerk,

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I can take things personally,

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or let my mind take me down a dark path.

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And I also have my own upbringing,
that for better or worse,

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does shape my automatic
responses to things.

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And yes, I have worked
on that stuff in therapy

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to better understand my own
responses, where they come from,

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you know, why they happen and
what I can do to be better.

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But as I am sure we all know,

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knowing and doing can be
completely different things.

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And also consider that
I work with my husband,

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you know, I work with my
husband, Sean on the channel.

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And while we get along very well,

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and working together is
actually wonderful in many ways.

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We do struggle to separate
our life from work sometimes.

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So I talk about that a lot in therapy,

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and turn to my own therapist

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for her insight into this issue.

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Because I'm just so in it, you know.

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Sometimes it can help to
get an outside perspective,

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because I'm almost
blinded by the fact that,

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that's my day to day life.

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And there's also the self-care
that needs to come along with

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just being a therapist,
because we can take on

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so much of what other
people are going through.

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I mean, just consider, like, for example,

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I'll give you one of my regular days

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where I go to my office.

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And this isn't to make you
feel bad for me at all,

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I just really want you
to understand what I mean

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when I say that therapist
need therapy for self-care.

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So I get up, and I hop online,

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I try to answer some of your questions,

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I respond to many of you in
the comments below a new video,

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on Twitter, on Tumblr sometimes

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and I post in the Community
Tab, and Facebook Group,

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you know, the list goes on and on and on.

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Then I hop over to my office
and listen to my patients

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and what they're going through,

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you know, trying to focus and be with them

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present in the moment,
asking the right questions,

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offering tips and tools
where they may be needed.

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And then I could go home,
or even stay in my office

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and do more research or order workbooks,

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or look into different
tools and techniques

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that I should find to
better assist my patients.

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Then I go home, I go to bed

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and I wake up and I do it all over again.

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And that's a lot of me giving
of my energy out to others.

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So, it is a necessity that
I make time to re-energize

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and to give it back to myself, you know.

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Not to mention that if I don't
give myself enough me time

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and self-care to recharge,

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I could bring all of my own
bullshit into my sessions

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that could lead me to talking
about myself all the time,

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when it's someone else's session,

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or even countertransference.

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Which if you're not aware
of what that term means,

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it's really when a patient

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transfers another relationship on to me.

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But instead of noticing
that and talking it through,

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figuring out where it came from,

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I react back to them from
my own past experience.

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And then could like, and then
I transfer on my own feelings

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and pass on to them in return.

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Countertransference is
really bad stuff, okay.

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And so if I'm not in therapy,
not taking care of myself,

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that could happen more.

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Not to mention that
just an overall struggle

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to uphold safe and healthy boundaries

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with my patients can be hard.

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There's so much that goes
into being a therapist.

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Correction, there's so
much that goes into being

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a good therapist.

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So, I truly believe that every therapist

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or mental health professional
should see their own therapist

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so that they have time to process it all.

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And I was just talking with
my good friend Malik Ducard,

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he'll be in a video very
soon, so stay tuned.

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Anyways, he was telling
me that he is really good

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at compartmentalizing things,

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but he's not really sure if
that's a good or bad thing.

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And it really made me think

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because I'm also very good
at compartmentalizing,

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but sometimes compartmentalization
can turn into repression.

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By telling myself, oh yeah,
that bad thing happened,

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you know, but I don't,
I don't really have time

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to deal with that right now.

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I can get so used to doing
that, pushing things back,

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that I never actually take the time

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to look back at that issue
and allow myself to feel it,

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and process it, you know.

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There even times when
something really exciting

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will happen for me like
getting to ride with my book,

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or go on a wonderful trip and
get to meet so many of you.

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And I find myself struggling
to really feel it,

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to let myself just soak it in.

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And to be honest, I hate that I do that.

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And I'm trying to work on it in therapy.

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And my hypothesis is really
that it's because I'm so busy,

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that I get distracted by the
next thing that I need to do,

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so I don't really make the time and space

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to just be in the moment.

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And Malik described this so beautifully.

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He said that when he's compartmentalizing,

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he feels like he's building these cities,

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like placing issues in houses or parks

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where he can leave them.

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And then I added when he
was saying that I was like,

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well then, that means that
therapy is kind of like making

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a point to take a trip
to that certain city

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to see what issues have been left there.

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And anyways, compartmentalizing
is imperative

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when you're a therapist,

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so that you don't bring your own stuff

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to therapy with your patients

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or another patient's stuff
into another session,

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or worse, taking all
of that home with you.

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However, we still need to take the time

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to drive back into those
cities that we've created

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and clean it up, you know.

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Does that even make any sense?

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I just really like that,
like visualization,

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it worked for me, so
hopefully it works for you.

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Also, I really think it's
important for a therapist

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to know what it's like to be
on the other side, you know?

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Like, I know what it's like
to call around to see someone,

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to be nervous about my
first therapy appointment.

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To fill out all that annoying paperwork,

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try to figure out how
I'm gonna pay for it.

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You know, flip the light switch on

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to let them know that I'm
there and actually do the work.

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And I know therapy can be
really hard, exhausting,

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and so incredibly life changing.

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And I know all of that because
I've been there myself.

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And I think that that makes me a better,

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not worse therapist.

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And I guess my final thought is that,

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you know, a surgeon can't
do surgery on themselves.

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A hairdresser cannot always
successfully cut their own hair.

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And a therapist cannot do
therapy on themselves either.

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Some tasks just require some outside help

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and perspective to get the job done.

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And I personally I'm so thankful
for all of the therapists

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that I've had over the years,
and how much they've pushed me

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to become a better version of myself

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because I really wouldn't be
who I am today without them.

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But that's just my opinion.

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And honestly, I would
love to to hear yours.

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Would you prefer that your therapist

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not see someone themselves?

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Do you even care?

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Maybe you don't, but
you wouldn't want them

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to tell you about it.

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I'm just curious what your
thoughts are about this.

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So let me know on those
comments down below,

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and I will see you next time.

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Bye.

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(laughing)

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Okay.

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What month is up?

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Shit, (mumbles) they always notice.

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Okay, okay, I'm sorry (mumbles).

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Okay, ready?

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Sorry.

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(mumbles).

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Okay.