WEBVTT

00:00:14.177 --> 00:00:15.314
(Sold)

00:00:15.532 --> 00:00:16.140
(Sold)

00:00:16.140 --> 00:00:16.778
(For Sale)

00:00:16.778 --> 00:00:17.516
(Bank like family!)

00:00:18.528 --> 00:00:20.766
(Loan)

00:00:20.782 --> 00:00:22.105
(Pile signs loan contract)

00:00:22.766 --> 00:00:25.011
[Dog barks]

00:00:26.965 --> 00:00:28.864
[Brakes screech]

00:00:34.553 --> 00:00:36.160
[Off voice] The American Dream.

00:00:37.282 --> 00:00:39.506
There's a reason to call it a dream.

00:00:39.998 --> 00:00:41.613
[cock cries]
[Man] Who's there?

00:00:42.251 --> 00:00:44.086
[Off voice] Cockadoodledo, Pile!

00:00:44.086 --> 00:00:46.147
[knocking]
(Foreclosed)

00:00:48.935 --> 00:00:50.881
[Pile] No, no, no, no no!

00:00:50.881 --> 00:00:52.534
I don't have any more money!

00:00:52.902 --> 00:00:55.232
My job sucks right now, please!

00:00:55.232 --> 00:00:56.800
I'll have more money next month!

00:00:57.329 --> 00:00:58.298
(Bank)

00:00:58.958 --> 00:01:00.627
You can't take my house!

00:01:00.627 --> 00:01:02.750
[Banker] Is that your signature?
(Loan contract signed Pile)

00:01:02.765 --> 00:01:03.718
[Dog whines]

00:01:04.455 --> 00:01:06.698
[Pile] OK, just tell me we'll work something out, OK?

00:01:06.698 --> 00:01:09.133
I mean you said I'm a good credit guy, right?

00:01:09.133 --> 00:01:11.841
Hey, wait! My dog is in there!

00:01:11.841 --> 00:01:17.263
No, don't take my Dream!
[He weeps]

00:01:18.335 --> 00:01:20.381
Oh, how did this happen?

00:01:20.938 --> 00:01:23.394
[Explosion and flare noise]

00:01:23.394 --> 00:01:24.501
(OUTATIME)

00:01:27.910 --> 00:01:30.137
Hartman? Is that you?

00:01:30.137 --> 00:01:32.696
[Hartman] It's been a long time since the fourth grade.

00:01:33.803 --> 00:01:36.193
(4th Grade)

00:01:41.852 --> 00:01:43.398
[Pile] Is that a time machine?

00:01:43.398 --> 00:01:47.012
[Hartman] There's no need to concern yourself with my stern (?) accomplishments.

00:01:47.024 --> 00:01:49.287
Just get in. There's not much time.

00:01:49.287 --> 00:01:52.148
[Pile] Well, I got to go down to the bank to get my life back.

00:01:52.148 --> 00:01:54.063
They took everything!

00:01:54.063 --> 00:01:56.536
[Hartman] Oh! Bank ain't gonna help you now.

00:01:57.098 --> 00:01:57.974
.... in the trunk.

00:01:58.530 --> 00:02:00.668
It's a set of balls. Put them on, you're going to need them.

00:02:00.668 --> 00:02:02.537
[Pile] You're going to get my dream back?

00:02:02.537 --> 00:02:05.344
[Hartman] No, pal: you are. I'm here to show you how.

00:02:09.373 --> 00:02:11.034
(E=mc squared)

00:02:11.284 --> 00:02:12.407
(Winter of 2006)

00:02:12.910 --> 00:02:16.367
[Hartman] Submitted for your approval:
1. First National Bank.

00:02:16.367 --> 00:02:17.959
What is a bank, you ask?

00:02:17.959 --> 00:02:21.761
A curious place where both space, time and irony exist -

00:02:22.171 --> 00:02:24.024
- and yet, don't.

00:02:24.024 --> 00:02:25.893
[Pile] Are you going to be doing that the whole time?

00:02:25.893 --> 00:02:27.439
[Hartman] Pay attention, Pile.

00:02:27.439 --> 00:02:32.329
Exhibit A: those who have come to deposit and safely store their earned monies.

00:02:32.621 --> 00:02:37.862
Exhibit B: Those who need to borrow said money for purposes unknown.

00:02:37.862 --> 00:02:39.981
[Pile] Hey, that's me!
(Not so prime)

00:02:39.981 --> 00:02:40.788
[Hartman] Ergo.

00:02:40.788 --> 00:02:47.128
Exhibit C: The bank only has so much money in the vault to lend out to people such as you.

00:02:47.589 --> 00:02:50.432
[Pile] Hey! Hey, that's the guy! He took my house!

00:02:50.432 --> 00:02:52.615
[Hartman] Really screwing my vibe here, Pile.

00:02:52.615 --> 00:02:56.506
Space-time continuum: he can't hear you. Just let me narrate.

00:02:56.506 --> 00:02:57.452
Now where was I?

00:02:58.159 --> 00:03:02.852
So you see, by the time he got to you, Pile, his bank was out of money.

00:03:03.559 --> 00:03:07.457
[Pile] But he gave me lots of money and charged me a lot of interest.

00:03:07.457 --> 00:03:10.374
[Hartman] Yes: that's the only way banks make money,

00:03:10.374 --> 00:03:13.562
by making debt loans: debt equals money, Pile.
(DEBT=MONEY)

00:03:13.562 --> 00:03:16.213
Remember that: debt equals money.

00:03:16.483 --> 00:03:19.184
The more loans they make, the more money they make.

00:03:19.184 --> 00:03:22.375
[Pile] But if they don't have any money, then where did my money come from?

00:03:22.375 --> 00:03:24.121
[Hartman] You're going to want to take a step back.
(FED)

00:03:24.121 --> 00:03:25.690
(FED)

00:03:27.741 --> 00:03:30.408
[Pile] Whoa! No way!

00:03:30.408 --> 00:03:32.431
[Hartman] Yes way. And that's nothing.

00:03:32.431 --> 00:03:35.162
[Banker] Hey, buddy! Need some money?

00:03:35.162 --> 00:03:36.285
(BUM)

00:03:37.879 --> 00:03:39.655
[Pile, offscreen] They didn't do that!?

00:03:39.655 --> 00:03:41.823
[Hartman] Oh, they did exactly that, pal.

00:03:41.823 --> 00:03:46.547
Remember: banks make money by making loans, by selling debt, even to -

00:03:47.131 --> 00:03:48.992
bad credit risks.

00:03:52.016 --> 00:03:54.447
[Banker] Yo! Have some money, dude!

00:03:54.447 --> 00:03:55.893
Just sign here.

00:03:56.297 --> 00:03:57.366
[Pile] Oh my gosh!

00:03:57.366 --> 00:03:59.435
[Hartman] Mmm! They called it free money.

00:03:59.435 --> 00:04:03.534
[Pile] Yeah! That's exactly what MY loan guy told me: free money!
(Loan contract signed Pile)

00:04:03.534 --> 00:04:04.834
[Hartman] But it ain't free!

00:04:04.834 --> 00:04:07.693
The worst part was offering money to people who don't even need it.
(We own your ass!)

00:04:07.693 --> 00:04:09.841
People, Pal, like you.
(New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)

00:04:10.499 --> 00:04:12.204
[Van honks]
(Bank like family!)

00:04:12.204 --> 00:04:15.707
[Pile] You're right! I didn't need him: I was happy here.

00:04:15.707 --> 00:04:17.207
I didn't need it!
(New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)

00:04:23.450 --> 00:04:24.227
(Bank Like Family)

00:04:24.227 --> 00:04:26.841
[Pile] Why is he sad? He's making all that money.

00:04:26.841 --> 00:04:29.237
[Hartman] Shh. He's thinking.

00:04:29.237 --> 00:04:31.617
[Clock ticking]

00:04:31.617 --> 00:04:35.535
[Hartman] Now wait for it, now wait for it...

00:04:36.642 --> 00:04:37.911
Bingo!

00:04:37.911 --> 00:04:40.479
See, the bank has loaned to everyone in town.

00:04:40.479 --> 00:04:43.757
But to make more money they have to loan even more.

00:04:43.757 --> 00:04:46.478
[Pile] More? How much money do they need?

00:04:46.478 --> 00:04:48.347
[Hartman] More...

00:04:48.931 --> 00:04:50.354
[Pile yells] What's that?

00:04:50.615 --> 00:04:54.627
[Hartman] Behold! A black horse riding / writing (?) credit cards.

00:05:08.989 --> 00:05:11.123
(Refinance your home!!!)

00:05:12.248 --> 00:05:16.715
[Pile] Wow! Look! I mean it's going to be okay, everything is going to be okay.

00:05:16.715 --> 00:05:17.938
What now?

00:05:17.938 --> 00:05:23.157
[Hartman] Now? Pile, with all this money, we might as well party.

00:05:23.587 --> 00:05:26.569
[Music plays...]

00:05:29.162 --> 00:05:33.460
[Pile] Woahao, this is awesome! I needed to get my head clear.

00:05:33.460 --> 00:05:36.385
When I get back I'm going to straighten all this out.

00:05:36.385 --> 00:05:38.515
I just hope Dream is doing okay.

00:05:38.893 --> 00:05:40.731
[Howling]

00:05:40.731 --> 00:05:42.269
[Barking]

00:05:42.973 --> 00:05:45.192
[Male witch] I'm going to get you, my pretty.

00:05:47.759 --> 00:05:50.276
[Pile] Yup, he is. I'm sure he is.

00:05:50.276 --> 00:05:51.206
[Burps]

00:05:51.206 --> 00:05:54.502
[Hartman] Yeah, you put it on his tab. A little something ...

00:05:56.491 --> 00:05:57.291
Wait.

00:05:58.206 --> 00:06:01.592
[Pile] You know, wait a second Hartman, I just thought of something.

00:06:01.592 --> 00:06:03.666
If I got this money from the bank

00:06:03.666 --> 00:06:06.487
and the bank got this money from the Federal Reserve dump trucks

00:06:07.240 --> 00:06:08.247
[Hartman] Go on.

00:06:08.585 --> 00:06:11.384
[Pile] Then, where does the Federal Reserve get their money?

00:06:11.774 --> 00:06:12.581
[Glass breaks]

00:06:12.581 --> 00:06:14.911
[Hartman] Real nice time ladies, real nice.

00:06:14.911 --> 00:06:17.410
Excuse me while I borrow these.
[Women screech]

00:06:17.764 --> 00:06:21.853
[Pile] Say, Hartman. Why am I wearing a burglar bikini top?

00:06:21.853 --> 00:06:24.782
[Hartman] Because no one is allowed inside the Fed.

00:06:24.782 --> 00:06:27.337
Not you, nor me, no American citizen,

00:06:27.337 --> 00:06:29.566
no duly elected member of our Congress,

00:06:29.566 --> 00:06:30.880
not the Supreme Court

00:06:30.881 --> 00:06:32.519
[Pile] Not the Supreme Court?

00:06:32.519 --> 00:06:34.126
[Hartman] Not the Supreme Court.

00:06:34.126 --> 00:06:40.198
Not the Justice Department, not the CIA, the DIA, FBI, ATF, ATENBC

00:06:40.198 --> 00:06:43.533
not even G-O-D.

00:06:43.533 --> 00:06:45.056
[Knocking]

00:06:45.941 --> 00:06:48.847
[Pile] How come the government isn't allowed inside its own building?

00:06:48.847 --> 00:06:53.069
[Hartman] Government? Pile, the Fed is a private bank, owned by private stockholders,

00:06:53.069 --> 00:06:55.123
do NOT let the name "federal" fool you.

00:06:55.123 --> 00:06:57.984
This place is about as federal as Federal Express.

00:06:58.414 --> 00:07:00.098
[Pile] A-a-a private bank?

00:07:00.098 --> 00:07:01.921
But, private?

00:07:01.921 --> 00:07:03.213
[Hartman, quietly] Shh.

00:07:05.471 --> 00:07:07.654
Best to keep your voice down Pile.

00:07:08.177 --> 00:07:09.584
[Phone ringing]

00:07:09.584 --> 00:07:11.345
[Ethan] This is Ethan, Federal Reserve.

00:07:11.345 --> 00:07:13.306
[Bill] Hey Eth, Bill here, First National.

00:07:13.306 --> 00:07:14.959
[Ethan] Hi there Bill, how are ya?

00:07:14.959 --> 00:07:17.477
[Bill] Good, good, we're running a little low on money.

00:07:17.477 --> 00:07:18.992
[Ethan] No problem. How much do you need?

00:07:18.992 --> 00:07:21.164
[Bill] Oh, how does 20 million sound?

00:07:21.164 --> 00:07:21.848
[Pile, loudly] What?

00:07:21.848 --> 00:07:22.394
[Slaps]

00:07:22.394 --> 00:07:24.831
[Ethan] Excellent. We'll ship it over first thing tomorrow.

00:07:24.831 --> 00:07:28.487
[Pile] Wait, he can just call up the Fed and ask for more money

00:07:28.487 --> 00:07:30.402
and they give him whatever they want?

00:07:30.402 --> 00:07:33.346
[Hartman] No, Pile. The Fed don't give the banks money.

00:07:33.346 --> 00:07:35.804
The Fed loans the banks money.

00:07:36.111 --> 00:07:37.034
[Slams]

00:07:38.193 --> 00:07:40.308
[Hartman] The banks have to pay it back with interest.

00:07:40.308 --> 00:07:41.531
Come on, ...

00:07:41.531 --> 00:07:43.918
[Pile] Wait wait wait wait, I still don't understand.

00:07:43.918 --> 00:07:47.120
Where does the Fed get their money? I mean if they're a private bank.

00:07:47.120 --> 00:07:48.927
You said they were a private bank, right?

00:07:48.927 --> 00:07:50.688
Okay, so who puts money into the Fed bank?

00:07:50.688 --> 00:07:52.157
(US MINT)

00:07:52.157 --> 00:07:53.795
[Phone ringing]

00:07:53.795 --> 00:07:56.064
[Mal] This is Mal, United States Mint.

00:07:56.064 --> 00:07:58.609
[Ethan] Hiya Mal, First National needs another 20 millies.

00:07:58.609 --> 00:08:01.484
[Mal] We're already running the press at full steam here Ethan.

00:08:01.484 --> 00:08:03.593
[Ethan] Gotta keep making loans, gotta keep the money flowing.

00:08:03.593 --> 00:08:07.458
[Mal] All right, you're the Fed. Whatever you guys say.

00:08:07.458 --> 00:08:09.527
Twenty million more, by morning!

00:08:09.527 --> 00:08:10.973
[Horn blowing]

00:08:11.318 --> 00:08:15.279
[Pile] But I don't get it, what's so wrong about the Fed printing money?

00:08:15.279 --> 00:08:18.086
[Hartman] Because it's unconstitutional, Pile!

00:08:18.101 --> 00:08:20.975
Our Treasury is supposed to create our money

00:08:20.975 --> 00:08:23.929
but now the Fed controls the printing of Americas money.

00:08:23.929 --> 00:08:28.634
Nobody gets a friggin' dollar that the Fed didn't print.

00:08:28.634 --> 00:08:29.580
[Pile] So?

00:08:29.580 --> 00:08:32.192
[Hartman] They print the money, then they loan it to the government

00:08:32.192 --> 00:08:33.968
then they charge the government interest,

00:08:33.968 --> 00:08:36.375
then the government taxes you to pay for it.

00:08:36.375 --> 00:08:37.505
Wake up Pile!

00:08:37.505 --> 00:08:39.752
[Pile] I don't see what the big deal is.

00:08:40.552 --> 00:08:41.913
[Hartman] You know, you're right Pile.

00:08:41.913 --> 00:08:43.674
[Pile] Wait a minute, wait, I am?

00:08:43.674 --> 00:08:47.609
[Hartman] Yeah, I forget how effective they are at keeping you ignorant.

00:08:47.609 --> 00:08:48.493
[Pile] Well that's okay-

00:08:48.493 --> 00:08:49.869
Hey! I'm not ignorant!

00:08:49.869 --> 00:08:51.922
[Hartman] Do you even know what money is, Pile?

00:08:51.922 --> 00:08:56.047
[10th Century]

00:08:56.047 --> 00:08:57.470
[Pies]

00:08:57.470 --> 00:09:00.200
[Hartman] In the long, long ago, people bartered:

00:09:00.262 --> 00:09:03.149
they traded things they had, for things they wanted.

00:09:03.149 --> 00:09:06.458
I'll trade you my raspberries for that magpie? pie.

00:09:06.458 --> 00:09:08.111
[Pile] I don't want your berries.

00:09:08.111 --> 00:09:10.561
[Hartman] Come on, Pile, they're sweet berries.

00:09:10.561 --> 00:09:13.488
[Pile] They're not sweet, they're old, and I don't like berries.

00:09:13.488 --> 00:09:14.757
[Hartman] Give me that fine? pie!

00:09:14.757 --> 00:09:15.457
[Pile] No.

00:09:15.457 --> 00:09:18.872
[Hartman] As you can see, this moderate? situation created some problems.

00:09:18.872 --> 00:09:22.347
Then one day, a goldsmith walked up and said,

00:09:22.347 --> 00:09:24.674
"Now, everybody thinks gold is valuable,

00:09:24.674 --> 00:09:27.663
so why doesn't everyone trade gold for things they need?"

00:09:27.663 --> 00:09:29.193
[Cheering]

00:09:29.193 --> 00:09:33.330
The price was set for gold and now it was very easy to conduct commerce

00:09:33.330 --> 00:09:37.405
because now people could trade gold for all the things they needed.

00:09:38.481 --> 00:09:41.464
[Pile] Hartman! Wow, look at all my gold!

00:09:41.464 --> 00:09:42.353
[Robber snickers evilly]

00:09:42.353 --> 00:09:45.136
[Pile] Hey! Hey, stop them! That's my gold!

00:09:45.136 --> 00:09:46.620
[Hartman] Damn thieves.

00:09:46.620 --> 00:09:48.427
[Ethan] Say there, Pile

00:09:48.427 --> 00:09:50.111
I've got a vault and some guards.

00:09:50.111 --> 00:09:51.857
I can keep your gold safe for you.

00:09:51.857 --> 00:09:53.433
For a small fee.

00:09:53.433 --> 00:09:55.133
[Pile] Yeah, sure, that'd be awesome.

00:09:55.133 --> 00:09:58.804
[Hartman] You see Pile, this is how the first bank made money.

00:09:59.173 --> 00:10:02.825
[Ethan] There you go Pile, I.O.U 100 gold coins.

00:10:02.825 --> 00:10:04.355
[Pile] Okay, great!

00:10:04.355 --> 00:10:07.449
[Ethan] Come back anytime and redeem your gold when you want it.

00:10:07.449 --> 00:10:08.795
It will be right here-

00:10:08.795 --> 00:10:10.495
in my vault.

00:10:11.464 --> 00:10:14.511
[Hartman] Now you're holding the very first paper money Pile.

00:10:14.511 --> 00:10:18.141
[Pile] Wow, this is great. It all makes sense.

00:10:18.141 --> 00:10:20.148
[Hartman] Oh, that's right, it was good,

00:10:20.148 --> 00:10:22.367
and everybody started using "I.O.U"

00:10:22.367 --> 00:10:27.205
because everybody knew the I.O.U was as good as gold.

00:10:27.205 --> 00:10:27.888
(Chocolate $1)

00:10:27.905 --> 00:10:30.256
[Pile] Wow, this candy is really a good price.

00:10:30.256 --> 00:10:33.412
1 I.O.U, I'm getting some more for later.

00:10:33.412 --> 00:10:34.727
(Chocolate $10)

00:10:34.727 --> 00:10:36.750
Wait a minute, it was just 1 I.O.U.

00:10:36.750 --> 00:10:38.757
10 I.O.U's for chocolate?

00:10:38.757 --> 00:10:41.116
He can't just raise prices like that!

00:10:41.116 --> 00:10:43.107
[Hartman] Oh, the candyman can.

00:10:43.107 --> 00:10:43.695
[Music plays]

00:10:43.695 --> 00:10:46.663
[Hartman] ♪Oh, the candyman can!♪

00:10:47.140 --> 00:10:49.471
[Pile] Wait, that is just freakin' wrong!

00:10:49.551 --> 00:10:50.374
(Water 20)

00:10:50.374 --> 00:10:51.619
(Water 200)
[Hartman] It's called inflation Pile.

00:10:51.619 --> 00:10:54.360
It makes your I.O.U's worth less and less

00:10:54.360 --> 00:10:56.321
until they are worth nothing.

00:10:56.321 --> 00:10:59.884
Less bang for the buck, dollar ain't what it used to be.

00:11:00.268 --> 00:11:02.951
[Pile] But I worked hard and made all those pot pies.

00:11:02.951 --> 00:11:05.044
Now I have to work harder to make less?

00:11:05.044 --> 00:11:06.374
That's not fair.

00:11:06.374 --> 00:11:08.513
[Hartman] Oh, if you think that's not fair

00:11:08.513 --> 00:11:10.051
you're gonna love the next part.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
[Pile] Oh, what's he doing?
(Chart - Gold | I.O.U.S)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
[Hartman] How do banks make money, Pile? (?)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
[Pile] Errh, by making more loans?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
[Hartman] Oh, that's right! He's good.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
See, he prints more IOUs without any more gold (11:18)