1 00:00:14,177 --> 00:00:15,314 (Sold) 2 00:00:15,532 --> 00:00:16,140 (Sold) 3 00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:16,778 (For Sale) 4 00:00:16,778 --> 00:00:17,516 (Bank like family!) 5 00:00:18,528 --> 00:00:20,766 (Loan) 6 00:00:20,782 --> 00:00:22,105 (Pile signs loan contract) 7 00:00:22,766 --> 00:00:25,011 [Dog barks] 8 00:00:26,965 --> 00:00:28,864 [Brakes screech] 9 00:00:34,553 --> 00:00:36,160 [Off voice] The American Dream. 10 00:00:37,282 --> 00:00:39,506 There's a reason to call it a dream. 11 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,613 [cock cries] [Man] Who's there? 12 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,086 [Off voice] Cockadoodledo, Pile! 13 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,147 [knocking] (Foreclosed) 14 00:00:48,935 --> 00:00:50,881 [Pile] No, no, no, no no! 15 00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:52,534 I don't have any more money! 16 00:00:52,902 --> 00:00:55,232 My job sucks right now, please! 17 00:00:55,232 --> 00:00:56,800 I'll have more money next month! 18 00:00:57,329 --> 00:00:58,298 (Bank) 19 00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:00,627 You can't take my house! 20 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,750 [Banker] Is that your signature? (Loan contract signed Pile) 21 00:01:02,765 --> 00:01:03,718 [Dog whines] 22 00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,698 [Pile] OK, just tell me we'll work something out, OK? 23 00:01:06,698 --> 00:01:09,133 I mean you said I'm a good credit guy, right? 24 00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:11,841 Hey, wait! My dog is in there! 25 00:01:11,841 --> 00:01:17,263 No, don't take my Dream! [He weeps] 26 00:01:18,335 --> 00:01:20,381 Oh, how did this happen? 27 00:01:20,938 --> 00:01:23,394 [Explosion and flare noise] 28 00:01:23,394 --> 00:01:24,501 (OUTATIME) 29 00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:30,137 Hartman? Is that you? 30 00:01:30,137 --> 00:01:32,696 [Hartman] It's been a long time since the fourth grade. 31 00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:36,193 (4th Grade) 32 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,398 [Pile] Is that a time machine? 33 00:01:43,398 --> 00:01:47,012 [Hartman] There's no need to concern yourself with my stern (?) accomplishments. 34 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:49,287 Just get in. There's not much time. 35 00:01:49,287 --> 00:01:52,148 [Pile] Well, I got to go down to the bank to get my life back. 36 00:01:52,148 --> 00:01:54,063 They took everything! 37 00:01:54,063 --> 00:01:56,536 [Hartman] Oh! Bank ain't gonna help you now. 38 00:01:57,098 --> 00:01:57,974 .... in the trunk. 39 00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:00,668 It's a set of balls. Put them on, you're going to need them. 40 00:02:00,668 --> 00:02:02,537 [Pile] You're going to get my dream back? 41 00:02:02,537 --> 00:02:05,344 [Hartman] No, pal: you are. I'm here to show you how. 42 00:02:09,373 --> 00:02:11,034 (E=mc squared) 43 00:02:11,284 --> 00:02:12,407 (Winter of 2006) 44 00:02:12,910 --> 00:02:16,367 [Hartman] Submitted for your approval: 1. First National Bank. 45 00:02:16,367 --> 00:02:17,959 What is a bank, you ask? 46 00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:21,761 A curious place where both space, time and irony exist - 47 00:02:22,171 --> 00:02:24,024 - and yet, don't. 48 00:02:24,024 --> 00:02:25,893 [Pile] Are you going to be doing that the whole time? 49 00:02:25,893 --> 00:02:27,439 [Hartman] Pay attention, Pile. 50 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:32,329 Exhibit A: those who have come to deposit and safely store their earned monies. 51 00:02:32,621 --> 00:02:37,862 Exhibit B: Those who need to borrow said money for purposes unknown. 52 00:02:37,862 --> 00:02:39,981 [Pile] Hey, that's me! (Not so prime) 53 00:02:39,981 --> 00:02:40,788 [Hartman] Ergo. 54 00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:47,128 Exhibit C: The bank only has so much money in the vault to lend out to people such as you. 55 00:02:47,589 --> 00:02:50,432 [Pile] Hey! Hey, that's the guy! He took my house! 56 00:02:50,432 --> 00:02:52,615 [Hartman] Really screwing my vibe here, Pile. 57 00:02:52,615 --> 00:02:56,506 Space-time continuum: he can't hear you. Just let me narrate. 58 00:02:56,506 --> 00:02:57,452 Now where was I? 59 00:02:58,159 --> 00:03:02,852 So you see, by the time he got to you, Pile, his bank was out of money. 60 00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:07,457 [Pile] But he gave me lots of money and charged me a lot of interest. 61 00:03:07,457 --> 00:03:10,374 [Hartman] Yes: that's the only way banks make money, 62 00:03:10,374 --> 00:03:13,562 by making debt loans: debt equals money, Pile. (DEBT=MONEY) 63 00:03:13,562 --> 00:03:16,213 Remember that: debt equals money. 64 00:03:16,483 --> 00:03:19,184 The more loans they make, the more money they make. 65 00:03:19,184 --> 00:03:22,375 [Pile] But if they don't have any money, then where did my money come from? 66 00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:24,121 [Hartman] You're going to want to take a step back. (FED) 67 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,690 (FED) 68 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,408 [Pile] Whoa! No way! 69 00:03:30,408 --> 00:03:32,431 [Hartman] Yes way. And that's nothing. 70 00:03:32,431 --> 00:03:35,162 [Banker] Hey, buddy! Need some money? 71 00:03:35,162 --> 00:03:36,285 (BUM) 72 00:03:37,879 --> 00:03:39,655 [Pile, offscreen] They didn't do that!? 73 00:03:39,655 --> 00:03:41,823 [Hartman] Oh, they did exactly that, pal. 74 00:03:41,823 --> 00:03:46,547 Remember: banks make money by making loans, by selling debt, even to - 75 00:03:47,131 --> 00:03:48,992 bad credit risks. 76 00:03:52,016 --> 00:03:54,447 [Banker] Yo! Have some money, dude! 77 00:03:54,447 --> 00:03:55,893 Just sign here. 78 00:03:56,297 --> 00:03:57,366 [Pile] Oh my gosh! 79 00:03:57,366 --> 00:03:59,435 [Hartman] Mmm! They called it free money. 80 00:03:59,435 --> 00:04:03,534 [Pile] Yeah! That's exactly what MY loan guy told me: free money! (Loan contract signed Pile) 81 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:04,834 [Hartman] But it ain't free! 82 00:04:04,834 --> 00:04:07,693 The worst part was offering money to people who don't even need it. (We own your ass!) 83 00:04:07,693 --> 00:04:09,841 People, Pal, like you. (New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers) 84 00:04:10,499 --> 00:04:12,204 [Van honks] (Bank like family!) 85 00:04:12,204 --> 00:04:15,707 [Pile] You're right! I didn't need him: I was happy here. 86 00:04:15,707 --> 00:04:17,207 I didn't need it! (New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers) 87 00:04:23,450 --> 00:04:24,227 (Bank Like Family) 88 00:04:24,227 --> 00:04:26,841 [Pile] Why is he sad? He's making all that money. 89 00:04:26,841 --> 00:04:29,237 [Hartman] Shh. He's thinking. 90 00:04:29,237 --> 00:04:31,617 [Clock ticking] 91 00:04:31,617 --> 00:04:35,535 [Hartman] Now wait for it, now wait for it... 92 00:04:36,642 --> 00:04:37,911 Bingo! 93 00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:40,479 See, the bank has loaned to everyone in town. 94 00:04:40,479 --> 00:04:43,757 But to make more money they have to loan even more. 95 00:04:43,757 --> 00:04:46,478 [Pile] More? How much money do they need? 96 00:04:46,478 --> 00:04:48,347 [Hartman] More... 97 00:04:48,931 --> 00:04:50,354 [Pile yells] What's that? 98 00:04:50,615 --> 00:04:54,627 [Hartman] Behold! A black horse riding / writing (?) credit cards. 99 00:05:08,989 --> 00:05:11,123 (Refinance your home!!!) 100 00:05:12,248 --> 00:05:16,715 [Pile] Wow! Look! I mean it's going to be okay, everything is going to be okay. 101 00:05:16,715 --> 00:05:17,938 What now? 102 00:05:17,938 --> 00:05:23,157 [Hartman] Now? Pile, with all this money, we might as well party. 103 00:05:23,587 --> 00:05:26,569 [Music plays...] 104 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:33,460 [Pile] Woahao, this is awesome! I needed to get my head clear. 105 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:36,385 When I get back I'm going to straighten all this out. 106 00:05:36,385 --> 00:05:38,515 I just hope Dream is doing okay. 107 00:05:38,893 --> 00:05:40,731 [Howling] 108 00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:42,269 [Barking] 109 00:05:42,973 --> 00:05:45,192 [Male witch] I'm going to get you, my pretty. 110 00:05:47,759 --> 00:05:50,276 [Pile] Yup, he is. I'm sure he is. 111 00:05:50,276 --> 00:05:51,206 [Burps] 112 00:05:51,206 --> 00:05:54,502 [Hartman] Yeah, you put it on his tab. A little something ... 113 00:05:56,491 --> 00:05:57,291 Wait. 114 00:05:58,206 --> 00:06:01,592 [Pile] You know, wait a second Hartman, I just thought of something. 115 00:06:01,592 --> 00:06:03,666 If I got this money from the bank 116 00:06:03,666 --> 00:06:06,487 and the bank got this money from the Federal Reserve dump trucks 117 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,247 [Hartman] Go on. 118 00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:11,384 [Pile] Then, where does the Federal Reserve get their money? 119 00:06:11,774 --> 00:06:12,581 [Glass breaks] 120 00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,911 [Hartman] Real nice time ladies, real nice. 121 00:06:14,911 --> 00:06:17,410 Excuse me while I borrow these. [Women screech] 122 00:06:17,764 --> 00:06:21,853 [Pile] Say, Hartman. Why am I wearing a burglar bikini top? 123 00:06:21,853 --> 00:06:24,782 [Hartman] Because no one is allowed inside the Fed. 124 00:06:24,782 --> 00:06:27,337 Not you, nor me, no American citizen, 125 00:06:27,337 --> 00:06:29,566 no duly elected member of our Congress, 126 00:06:29,566 --> 00:06:30,880 not the Supreme Court 127 00:06:30,881 --> 00:06:32,519 [Pile] Not the Supreme Court? 128 00:06:32,519 --> 00:06:34,126 [Hartman] Not the Supreme Court. 129 00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:40,198 Not the Justice Department, not the CIA, the DIA, FBI, ATF, ATENBC 130 00:06:40,198 --> 00:06:43,533 not even G-O-D. 131 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,056 [Knocking] 132 00:06:45,941 --> 00:06:48,847 [Pile] How come the government isn't allowed inside its own building? 133 00:06:48,847 --> 00:06:53,069 [Hartman] Government? Pile, the Fed is a private bank, owned by private stockholders, 134 00:06:53,069 --> 00:06:55,123 do NOT let the name "federal" fool you. 135 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,984 This place is about as federal as Federal Express. 136 00:06:58,414 --> 00:07:00,098 [Pile] A-a-a private bank? 137 00:07:00,098 --> 00:07:01,921 But, private? 138 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,213 [Hartman, quietly] Shh. 139 00:07:05,471 --> 00:07:07,654 Best to keep your voice down Pile. 140 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,584 [Phone ringing] 141 00:07:09,584 --> 00:07:11,345 [Ethan] This is Ethan, Federal Reserve. 142 00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:13,306 [Bill] Hey Eth, Bill here, First National. 143 00:07:13,306 --> 00:07:14,959 [Ethan] Hi there Bill, how are ya? 144 00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:17,477 [Bill] Good, good, we're running a little low on money. 145 00:07:17,477 --> 00:07:18,992 [Ethan] No problem. How much do you need? 146 00:07:18,992 --> 00:07:21,164 [Bill] Oh, how does 20 million sound? 147 00:07:21,164 --> 00:07:21,848 [Pile, loudly] What? 148 00:07:21,848 --> 00:07:22,394 [Slaps] 149 00:07:22,394 --> 00:07:24,831 [Ethan] Excellent. We'll ship it over first thing tomorrow. 150 00:07:24,831 --> 00:07:28,487 [Pile] Wait, he can just call up the Fed and ask for more money 151 00:07:28,487 --> 00:07:30,402 and they give him whatever they want? 152 00:07:30,402 --> 00:07:33,346 [Hartman] No, Pile. The Fed don't give the banks money. 153 00:07:33,346 --> 00:07:35,804 The Fed loans the banks money. 154 00:07:36,111 --> 00:07:37,034 [Slams] 155 00:07:38,193 --> 00:07:40,308 [Hartman] The banks have to pay it back with interest. 156 00:07:40,308 --> 00:07:41,531 Come on, ... 157 00:07:41,531 --> 00:07:43,918 [Pile] Wait wait wait wait, I still don't understand. 158 00:07:43,918 --> 00:07:47,120 Where does the Fed get their money? I mean if they're a private bank. 159 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,927 You said they were a private bank, right? 160 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,688 Okay, so who puts money into the Fed bank? 161 00:07:50,688 --> 00:07:52,157 (US MINT) 162 00:07:52,157 --> 00:07:53,795 [Phone ringing] 163 00:07:53,795 --> 00:07:56,064 [Mal] This is Mal, United States Mint. 164 00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:58,609 [Ethan] Hiya Mal, First National needs another 20 millies. 165 00:07:58,609 --> 00:08:01,484 [Mal] We're already running the press at full steam here Ethan. 166 00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:03,593 [Ethan] Gotta keep making loans, gotta keep the money flowing. 167 00:08:03,593 --> 00:08:07,458 [Mal] All right, you're the Fed. Whatever you guys say. 168 00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:09,527 Twenty million more, by morning! 169 00:08:09,527 --> 00:08:10,973 [Horn blowing] 170 00:08:11,318 --> 00:08:15,279 [Pile] But I don't get it, what's so wrong about the Fed printing money? 171 00:08:15,279 --> 00:08:18,086 [Hartman] Because it's unconstitutional, Pile! 172 00:08:18,101 --> 00:08:20,975 Our Treasury is supposed to create our money 173 00:08:20,975 --> 00:08:23,929 but now the Fed controls the printing of Americas money. 174 00:08:23,929 --> 00:08:28,634 Nobody gets a friggin' dollar that the Fed didn't print. 175 00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:29,580 [Pile] So? 176 00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:32,192 [Hartman] They print the money, then they loan it to the government 177 00:08:32,192 --> 00:08:33,968 then they charge the government interest, 178 00:08:33,968 --> 00:08:36,375 then the government taxes you to pay for it. 179 00:08:36,375 --> 00:08:37,505 Wake up Pile! 180 00:08:37,505 --> 00:08:39,752 [Pile] I don't see what the big deal is. 181 00:08:40,552 --> 00:08:41,913 [Hartman] You know, you're right Pile. 182 00:08:41,913 --> 00:08:43,674 [Pile] Wait a minute, wait, I am? 183 00:08:43,674 --> 00:08:47,609 [Hartman] Yeah, I forget how effective they are at keeping you ignorant. 184 00:08:47,609 --> 00:08:48,493 [Pile] Well that's okay- 185 00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:49,869 Hey! I'm not ignorant! 186 00:08:49,869 --> 00:08:51,922 [Hartman] Do you even know what money is, Pile? 187 00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:56,047 [10th Century] 188 00:08:56,047 --> 00:08:57,470 [Pies] 189 00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:00,200 [Hartman] In the long, long ago, people bartered: 190 00:09:00,262 --> 00:09:03,149 they traded things they had, for things they wanted. 191 00:09:03,149 --> 00:09:06,458 I'll trade you my raspberries for that magpie? pie. 192 00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,111 [Pile] I don't want your berries. 193 00:09:08,111 --> 00:09:10,561 [Hartman] Come on, Pile, they're sweet berries. 194 00:09:10,561 --> 00:09:13,488 [Pile] They're not sweet, they're old, and I don't like berries. 195 00:09:13,488 --> 00:09:14,757 [Hartman] Give me that fine? pie! 196 00:09:14,757 --> 00:09:15,457 [Pile] No. 197 00:09:15,457 --> 00:09:18,872 [Hartman] As you can see, this moderate? situation created some problems. 198 00:09:18,872 --> 00:09:22,347 Then one day, a goldsmith walked up and said, 199 00:09:22,347 --> 00:09:24,674 "Now, everybody thinks gold is valuable, 200 00:09:24,674 --> 00:09:27,663 so why doesn't everyone trade gold for things they need?" 201 00:09:27,663 --> 00:09:29,193 [Cheering] 202 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:33,330 The price was set for gold and now it was very easy to conduct commerce 203 00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:37,405 because now people could trade gold for all the things they needed. 204 00:09:38,481 --> 00:09:41,464 [Pile] Hartman! Wow, look at all my gold! 205 00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:42,353 [Robber snickers evilly] 206 00:09:42,353 --> 00:09:45,136 [Pile] Hey! Hey, stop them! That's my gold! 207 00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:46,620 [Hartman] Damn thieves. 208 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,427 [Ethan] Say there, Pile 209 00:09:48,427 --> 00:09:50,111 I've got a vault and some guards. 210 00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:51,857 I can keep your gold safe for you. 211 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,433 For a small fee. 212 00:09:53,433 --> 00:09:55,133 [Pile] Yeah, sure, that'd be awesome. 213 00:09:55,133 --> 00:09:58,804 [Hartman] You see Pile, this is how the first bank made money. 214 00:09:59,173 --> 00:10:02,825 [Ethan] There you go Pile, I.O.U 100 gold coins. 215 00:10:02,825 --> 00:10:04,355 [Pile] Okay, great! 216 00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:07,449 [Ethan] Come back anytime and redeem your gold when you want it. 217 00:10:07,449 --> 00:10:08,795 It will be right here- 218 00:10:08,795 --> 00:10:10,495 in my vault. 219 00:10:11,464 --> 00:10:14,511 [Hartman] Now you're holding the very first paper money Pile. 220 00:10:14,511 --> 00:10:18,141 [Pile] Wow, this is great. It all makes sense. 221 00:10:18,141 --> 00:10:20,148 [Hartman] Oh, that's right, it was good, 222 00:10:20,148 --> 00:10:22,367 and everybody started using "I.O.U" 223 00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:27,205 because everybody knew the I.O.U was as good as gold. 224 00:10:27,205 --> 00:10:27,888 (Chocolate $1) 225 00:10:27,905 --> 00:10:30,256 [Pile] Wow, this candy is really a good price. 226 00:10:30,256 --> 00:10:33,412 1 I.O.U, I'm getting some more for later. 227 00:10:33,412 --> 00:10:34,727 (Chocolate $10) 228 00:10:34,727 --> 00:10:36,750 Wait a minute, it was just 1 I.O.U. 229 00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,757 10 I.O.U's for chocolate? 230 00:10:38,757 --> 00:10:41,116 He can't just raise prices like that! 231 00:10:41,116 --> 00:10:43,107 [Hartman] Oh, the candyman can. 232 00:10:43,107 --> 00:10:43,695 [Music plays] 233 00:10:43,695 --> 00:10:46,663 [Hartman] ♪Oh, the candyman can!♪ 234 00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:49,471 [Pile] Wait, that is just freakin' wrong! 235 00:10:49,551 --> 00:10:50,374 (Water 20) 236 00:10:50,374 --> 00:10:51,619 (Water 200) [Hartman] It's called inflation Pile. 237 00:10:51,619 --> 00:10:54,360 It makes your I.O.U's worth less and less 238 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,321 until they are worth nothing. 239 00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:59,884 Less bang for the buck, dollar ain't what it used to be. 240 00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:02,951 [Pile] But I worked hard and made all those pot pies. 241 00:11:02,951 --> 00:11:05,044 Now I have to work harder to make less? 242 00:11:05,044 --> 00:11:06,374 That's not fair. 243 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,513 [Hartman] Oh, if you think that's not fair 244 00:11:08,513 --> 00:11:10,051 you're gonna love the next part.