0:00:14.177,0:00:15.314 (Sold) 0:00:15.532,0:00:16.140 (Sold) 0:00:16.140,0:00:16.778 (For Sale) 0:00:16.778,0:00:17.516 (Bank like family!) 0:00:18.528,0:00:20.766 (Loan) 0:00:20.782,0:00:22.105 (Pile signs loan contract) 0:00:22.766,0:00:25.011 [Dog barks] 0:00:26.965,0:00:28.864 [Brakes screech] 0:00:34.553,0:00:36.160 [Off voice] The American Dream. 0:00:37.282,0:00:39.506 There's a reason to call it a dream. 0:00:39.998,0:00:41.613 [cock cries][br][Man] Who's there? 0:00:42.251,0:00:44.086 [Off voice] Cockadoodledo, Pile! 0:00:44.086,0:00:46.147 [knocking][br](Foreclosed) 0:00:48.935,0:00:50.881 [Pile] No, no, no, no no! 0:00:50.881,0:00:52.534 I don't have any more money! 0:00:52.902,0:00:55.232 My job sucks right now, please! 0:00:55.232,0:00:56.800 I'll have more money next month! 0:00:57.329,0:00:58.298 (Bank) 0:00:58.958,0:01:00.627 You can't take my house! 0:01:00.627,0:01:02.750 [Banker] Is that your signature?[br](Loan contract signed Pile) 0:01:02.765,0:01:03.718 [Dog whines] 0:01:04.455,0:01:06.698 [Pile] OK, just tell me we'll work something out, OK? 0:01:06.698,0:01:09.133 I mean you said I'm a good credit guy, right? 0:01:09.133,0:01:11.841 Hey, wait! My dog is in there! 0:01:11.841,0:01:17.263 No, don't take my Dream![br][He weeps] 0:01:18.335,0:01:20.381 Oh, how did this happen? 0:01:20.938,0:01:23.394 [Explosion and flare noise] 0:01:23.394,0:01:24.501 (OUTATIME) 0:01:27.910,0:01:30.137 Hartman? Is that you? 0:01:30.137,0:01:32.696 [Hartman] It's been a long time since the fourth grade. 0:01:33.803,0:01:36.193 (4th Grade) 0:01:41.852,0:01:43.398 [Pile] Is that a time machine? 0:01:43.398,0:01:47.012 [Hartman] There's no need to concern yourself with my stern (?) accomplishments. 0:01:47.024,0:01:49.287 Just get in. There's not much time. 0:01:49.287,0:01:52.148 [Pile] Well, I got to go down to the bank to get my life back. 0:01:52.148,0:01:54.063 They took everything! 0:01:54.063,0:01:56.536 [Hartman] Oh! Bank ain't gonna help you now. 0:01:57.098,0:01:57.974 .... in the trunk. 0:01:58.530,0:02:00.668 It's a set of balls. Put them on, you're going to need them. 0:02:00.668,0:02:02.537 [Pile] You're going to get my dream back? 0:02:02.537,0:02:05.344 [Hartman] No, pal: you are. I'm here to show you how. 0:02:09.373,0:02:11.034 (E=mc squared) 0:02:11.284,0:02:12.407 (Winter of 2006) 0:02:12.910,0:02:16.367 [Hartman] Submitted for your approval:[br]1. First National Bank. 0:02:16.367,0:02:17.959 What is a bank, you ask? 0:02:17.959,0:02:21.761 A curious place where both space, time and irony exist - 0:02:22.171,0:02:24.024 - and yet, don't. 0:02:24.024,0:02:25.893 [Pile] Are you going to be doing that the whole time? 0:02:25.893,0:02:27.439 [Hartman] Pay attention, Pile. 0:02:27.439,0:02:32.329 Exhibit A: those who have come to deposit and safely store their earned monies. 0:02:32.621,0:02:37.862 Exhibit B: Those who need to borrow said money for purposes unknown. 0:02:37.862,0:02:39.981 [Pile] Hey, that's me![br](Not so prime) 0:02:39.981,0:02:40.788 [Hartman] Ergo. 0:02:40.788,0:02:47.128 Exhibit C: The bank only has so much money in the vault to lend out to people such as you. 0:02:47.589,0:02:50.432 [Pile] Hey! Hey, that's the guy! He took my house! 0:02:50.432,0:02:52.615 [Hartman] Really screwing my vibe here, Pile. 0:02:52.615,0:02:56.506 Space-time continuum: he can't hear you. Just let me narrate. 0:02:56.506,0:02:57.452 Now where was I? 0:02:58.159,0:03:02.852 So you see, by the time he got to you, Pile, his bank was out of money. 0:03:03.559,0:03:07.457 [Pile] But he gave me lots of money and charged me a lot of interest. 0:03:07.457,0:03:10.374 [Hartman] Yes: that's the only way banks make money, 0:03:10.374,0:03:13.562 by making debt loans: debt equals money, Pile.[br](DEBT=MONEY) 0:03:13.562,0:03:16.213 Remember that: debt equals money. 0:03:16.483,0:03:19.184 The more loans they make, the more money they make. 0:03:19.184,0:03:22.375 [Pile] But if they don't have any money, then where did my money come from? 0:03:22.375,0:03:24.121 [Hartman] You're going to want to take a step back.[br](FED) 0:03:24.121,0:03:25.690 (FED) 0:03:27.741,0:03:30.408 [Pile] Whoa! No way! 0:03:30.408,0:03:32.431 [Hartman] Yes way. And that's nothing. 0:03:32.431,0:03:35.162 [Banker] Hey, buddy! Need some money? 0:03:35.162,0:03:36.285 (BUM) 0:03:37.879,0:03:39.655 [Pile, offscreen] They didn't do that!? 0:03:39.655,0:03:41.823 [Hartman] Oh, they did exactly that, pal. 0:03:41.823,0:03:46.547 Remember: banks make money by making loans, by selling debt, even to - 0:03:47.131,0:03:48.992 bad credit risks. 0:03:52.016,0:03:54.447 [Banker] Yo! Have some money, dude! 0:03:54.447,0:03:55.893 Just sign here. 0:03:56.297,0:03:57.366 [Pile] Oh my gosh! 0:03:57.366,0:03:59.435 [Hartman] Mmm! They called it free money. 0:03:59.435,0:04:03.534 [Pile] Yeah! That's exactly what MY loan guy told me: free money![br](Loan contract signed Pile) 0:04:03.534,0:04:04.834 [Hartman] But it ain't free! 0:04:04.834,0:04:07.693 The worst part was offering money to people who don't even need it.[br](We own your ass!) 0:04:07.693,0:04:09.841 People, Pal, like you.[br](New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers) 0:04:10.499,0:04:12.204 [Van honks][br](Bank like family!) 0:04:12.204,0:04:15.707 [Pile] You're right! I didn't need him: I was happy here. 0:04:15.707,0:04:17.207 I didn't need it![br](New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers) 0:04:23.450,0:04:24.227 (Bank Like Family) 0:04:24.227,0:04:26.841 [Pile] Why is he sad? He's making all that money. 0:04:26.841,0:04:29.237 [Hartman] Shh. He's thinking. 0:04:29.237,0:04:31.617 [Clock ticking] 0:04:31.617,0:04:35.535 [Hartman] Now wait for it, now wait for it... 0:04:36.642,0:04:37.911 Bingo! 0:04:37.911,0:04:40.479 See, the bank has loaned to everyone in town. 0:04:40.479,0:04:43.757 But to make more money they have to loan even more. 0:04:43.757,0:04:46.478 [Pile] More? How much money do they need? 0:04:46.478,0:04:48.347 [Hartman] More... 0:04:48.931,0:04:50.354 [Pile yells] What's that? 0:04:50.615,0:04:54.627 [Hartman] Behold! A black horse riding / writing (?) credit cards. 0:05:08.989,0:05:11.123 (Refinance your home!!!) 0:05:12.248,0:05:16.715 [Pile] Wow! Look! I mean it's going to be okay, everything is going to be okay. 0:05:16.715,0:05:17.938 What now? 0:05:17.938,0:05:23.157 [Hartman] Now? Pile, with all this money, we might as well party. 0:05:23.587,0:05:26.569 [Music plays...] 0:05:29.162,0:05:33.460 [Pile] Woahao, this is awesome! I needed to get my head clear. 0:05:33.460,0:05:36.385 When I get back I'm going to straighten all this out. 0:05:36.385,0:05:38.515 I just hope Dream is doing okay. 0:05:38.893,0:05:40.731 [Howling] 0:05:40.731,0:05:42.269 [Barking] 0:05:42.973,0:05:45.192 [Male witch] I'm going to get you, my pretty. 0:05:47.759,0:05:50.276 [Pile] Yup, he is. I'm sure he is. 0:05:50.276,0:05:51.206 [Burps] 0:05:51.206,0:05:54.502 [Hartman] Yeah, you put it on his tab. A little something ... 0:05:56.491,0:05:57.291 Wait. 0:05:58.206,0:06:01.592 [Pile] You know, wait a second Hartman, I just thought of something. 0:06:01.592,0:06:03.666 If I got this money from the bank 0:06:03.666,0:06:06.487 and the bank got this money from the Federal Reserve dump trucks 0:06:07.240,0:06:08.247 [Hartman] Go on. 0:06:08.585,0:06:11.384 [Pile] Then, where does the Federal Reserve get their money? 0:06:11.774,0:06:12.581 [Glass breaks] 0:06:12.581,0:06:14.911 [Hartman] Real nice time ladies, real nice. 0:06:14.911,0:06:17.410 Excuse me while I borrow these.[br][Women screech] 0:06:17.764,0:06:21.853 [Pile] Say, Hartman. Why am I wearing a burglar bikini top? 0:06:21.853,0:06:24.782 [Hartman] Because no one is allowed inside the Fed. 0:06:24.782,0:06:27.337 Not you, nor me, no American citizen, 0:06:27.337,0:06:29.566 no duly elected member of our Congress, 0:06:29.566,0:06:30.880 not the Supreme Court 0:06:30.881,0:06:32.519 [Pile] Not the Supreme Court? 0:06:32.519,0:06:34.126 [Hartman] Not the Supreme Court. 0:06:34.126,0:06:40.198 Not the Justice Department, not the CIA, the DIA, FBI, ATF, ATENBC 0:06:40.198,0:06:43.533 not even G-O-D. 0:06:43.533,0:06:45.056 [Knocking] 0:06:45.941,0:06:48.847 [Pile] How come the government isn't allowed inside its own building? 0:06:48.847,0:06:53.069 [Hartman] Government? Pile, the Fed is a private bank, owned by private stockholders, 0:06:53.069,0:06:55.123 do NOT let the name "federal" fool you. 0:06:55.123,0:06:57.984 This place is about as federal as Federal Express. 0:06:58.414,0:07:00.098 [Pile] A-a-a private bank? 0:07:00.098,0:07:01.921 But, private? 0:07:01.921,0:07:03.213 [Hartman, quietly] Shh. 0:07:05.471,0:07:07.654 Best to keep your voice down Pile. 0:07:08.177,0:07:09.584 [Phone ringing] 0:07:09.584,0:07:11.345 [Ethan] This is Ethan, Federal Reserve. 0:07:11.345,0:07:13.306 [Bill] Hey Eth, Bill here, First National. 0:07:13.306,0:07:14.959 [Ethan] Hi there Bill, how are ya? 0:07:14.959,0:07:17.477 [Bill] Good, good, we're running a little low on money. 0:07:17.477,0:07:18.992 [Ethan] No problem. How much do you need? 0:07:18.992,0:07:21.164 [Bill] Oh, how does 20 million sound? 0:07:21.164,0:07:21.848 [Pile, loudly] What? 0:07:21.848,0:07:22.394 [Slaps] 0:07:22.394,0:07:24.831 [Ethan] Excellent. We'll ship it over first thing tomorrow. 0:07:24.831,0:07:28.487 [Pile] Wait, he can just call up the Fed and ask for more money 0:07:28.487,0:07:30.402 and they give him whatever they want? 0:07:30.402,0:07:33.346 [Hartman] No, Pile. The Fed don't give the banks money. 0:07:33.346,0:07:35.804 The Fed loans the banks money. 0:07:36.111,0:07:37.034 [Slams] 0:07:38.193,0:07:40.308 [Hartman] The banks have to pay it back with interest. 0:07:40.308,0:07:41.531 Come on, ... 0:07:41.531,0:07:43.918 [Pile] Wait wait wait wait, I still don't understand. 0:07:43.918,0:07:47.120 Where does the Fed get their money? I mean if they're a private bank. 0:07:47.120,0:07:48.927 You said they were a private bank, right? 0:07:48.927,0:07:50.688 Okay, so who puts money into the Fed bank? 0:07:50.688,0:07:52.157 (US MINT) 0:07:52.157,0:07:53.795 [Phone ringing] 0:07:53.795,0:07:56.064 [Mal] This is Mal, United States Mint. 0:07:56.064,0:07:58.609 [Ethan] Hiya Mal, First National needs another 20 millies. 0:07:58.609,0:08:01.484 [Mal] We're already running the press at full steam here Ethan. 0:08:01.484,0:08:03.593 [Ethan] Gotta keep making loans, gotta keep the money flowing. 0:08:03.593,0:08:07.458 [Mal] All right, you're the Fed. Whatever you guys say. 0:08:07.458,0:08:09.527 Twenty million more, by morning! 0:08:09.527,0:08:10.973 [Horn blowing] 0:08:11.318,0:08:15.279 [Pile] But I don't get it, what's so wrong about the Fed printing money? 0:08:15.279,0:08:18.086 [Hartman] Because it's unconstitutional, Pile! 0:08:18.101,0:08:20.975 Our Treasury is supposed to create our money 0:08:20.975,0:08:23.929 but now the Fed controls the printing of Americas money. 0:08:23.929,0:08:28.634 Nobody gets a friggin' dollar that the Fed didn't print. 0:08:28.634,0:08:29.580 [Pile] So? 0:08:29.580,0:08:32.192 [Hartman] They print the money, then they loan it to the government 0:08:32.192,0:08:33.968 then they charge the government interest, 0:08:33.968,0:08:36.375 then the government taxes you to pay for it. 0:08:36.375,0:08:37.505 Wake up Pile! 0:08:37.505,0:08:39.752 [Pile] I don't see what the big deal is. 0:08:40.552,0:08:41.913 [Hartman] You know, you're right Pile. 0:08:41.913,0:08:43.674 [Pile] Wait a minute, wait, I am? 0:08:43.674,0:08:47.609 [Hartman] Yeah, I forget how effective they are at keeping you ignorant. 0:08:47.609,0:08:48.493 [Pile] Well that's okay- 0:08:48.493,0:08:49.869 Hey! I'm not ignorant! 0:08:49.869,0:08:51.922 [Hartman] Do you even know what money is, Pile? 0:08:51.922,0:08:56.047 [10th Century] 0:08:56.047,0:08:57.470 [Pies] 0:08:57.470,0:09:00.200 [Hartman] In the long, long ago, people bartered: 0:09:00.262,0:09:03.149 they traded things they had, for things they wanted. 0:09:03.149,0:09:06.458 I'll trade you my raspberries for that magpie? pie. 0:09:06.458,0:09:08.111 [Pile] I don't want your berries. 0:09:08.111,0:09:10.561 [Hartman] Come on, Pile, they're sweet berries. 0:09:10.561,0:09:13.488 [Pile] They're not sweet, they're old, and I don't like berries. 0:09:13.488,0:09:14.757 [Hartman] Give me that fine? pie! 0:09:14.757,0:09:15.457 [Pile] No. 0:09:15.457,0:09:18.872 [Hartman] As you can see, this moderate? situation created some problems. 0:09:18.872,0:09:22.347 Then one day, a goldsmith walked up and said, 0:09:22.347,0:09:24.674 "Now, everybody thinks gold is valuable, 0:09:24.674,0:09:27.663 so why doesn't everyone trade gold for things they need?" 0:09:27.663,0:09:29.193 [Cheering] 0:09:29.193,0:09:33.330 The price was set for gold and now it was very easy to conduct commerce 0:09:33.330,0:09:37.405 because now people could trade gold for all the things they needed. 0:09:38.481,0:09:41.464 [Pile] Hartman! Wow, look at all my gold! 0:09:41.464,0:09:42.353 [Robber snickers evilly] 0:09:42.353,0:09:45.136 [Pile] Hey! Hey, stop them! That's my gold! 0:09:45.136,0:09:46.620 [Hartman] Damn thieves. 0:09:46.620,0:09:48.427 [Ethan] Say there, Pile 0:09:48.427,0:09:50.111 I've got a vault and some guards. 0:09:50.111,0:09:51.857 I can keep your gold safe for you. 0:09:51.857,0:09:53.433 For a small fee. 0:09:53.433,0:09:55.133 [Pile] Yeah, sure, that'd be awesome. 0:09:55.133,0:09:58.804 [Hartman] You see Pile, this is how the first bank made money. 0:09:59.173,0:10:02.825 [Ethan] There you go Pile, I.O.U 100 gold coins. 0:10:02.825,0:10:04.355 [Pile] Okay, great! 0:10:04.355,0:10:07.449 [Ethan] Come back anytime and redeem your gold when you want it. 0:10:07.449,0:10:08.795 It will be right here- 0:10:08.795,0:10:10.495 in my vault. 0:10:11.464,0:10:14.511 [Hartman] Now you're holding the very first paper money Pile. 0:10:14.511,0:10:18.141 [Pile] Wow, this is great. It all makes sense. 0:10:18.141,0:10:20.148 [Hartman] Oh, that's right, it was good, 0:10:20.148,0:10:22.367 and everybody started using "I.O.U" 0:10:22.367,0:10:27.205 because everybody knew the I.O.U was as good as gold. 0:10:27.205,0:10:27.888 (Chocolate $1) 0:10:27.905,0:10:30.256 [Pile] Wow, this candy is really a good price. 0:10:30.256,0:10:33.412 1 I.O.U, I'm getting some more for later. 0:10:33.412,0:10:34.727 (Chocolate $10) 0:10:34.727,0:10:36.750 Wait a minute, it was just 1 I.O.U. 0:10:36.750,0:10:38.757 10 I.O.U's for chocolate? 0:10:38.757,0:10:41.116 He can't just raise prices like that! 0:10:41.116,0:10:43.107 [Hartman] Oh, the candyman can. 0:10:43.107,0:10:43.695 [Music plays] 0:10:43.695,0:10:46.663 [Hartman] ♪Oh, the candyman can!♪ 0:10:47.140,0:10:49.471 [Pile] Wait, that is just freakin' wrong! 0:10:49.551,0:10:50.374 (Water 20) 0:10:50.374,0:10:51.619 (Water 200)[br][Hartman] It's called inflation Pile. 0:10:51.619,0:10:54.360 It makes your I.O.U's worth less and less 0:10:54.360,0:10:56.321 until they are worth nothing. 0:10:56.321,0:10:59.884 Less bang for the buck, dollar ain't what it used to be. 0:11:00.268,0:11:02.951 [Pile] But I worked hard and made all those pot pies. 0:11:02.951,0:11:05.044 Now I have to work harder to make less? 0:11:05.044,0:11:06.374 That's not fair. 0:11:06.374,0:11:08.513 [Hartman] Oh, if you think that's not fair 0:11:08.513,0:11:10.051 you're gonna love the next part.