1
00:00:14,177 --> 00:00:15,314
(Sold)

2
00:00:15,532 --> 00:00:16,140
(Sold)

3
00:00:16,140 --> 00:00:16,778
(For Sale)

4
00:00:16,778 --> 00:00:17,516
(Bank like family!)

5
00:00:18,528 --> 00:00:20,766
(Loan)

6
00:00:20,782 --> 00:00:22,105
(Pile signs loan contract)

7
00:00:22,766 --> 00:00:25,011
[Dog barks]

8
00:00:26,965 --> 00:00:28,864
[Brakes screech]

9
00:00:34,553 --> 00:00:36,160
[Off voice] The American Dream.

10
00:00:37,282 --> 00:00:39,506
There's a reason to call it a dream.

11
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,613
[cock cries]
[Man] Who's there?

12
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,086
[Off voice] Cockadoodledo, Pile!

13
00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,147
[knocking]
(Foreclosed)

14
00:00:48,935 --> 00:00:50,881
[Pile] No, no, no, no no!

15
00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:52,534
I don't have any more money!

16
00:00:52,902 --> 00:00:55,232
My job sucks right now, please!

17
00:00:55,232 --> 00:00:56,800
I'll have more money next month!

18
00:00:57,329 --> 00:00:58,298
(Bank)

19
00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:00,627
You can't take my house!

20
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,750
[Banker] Is that your signature?
(Loan contract signed Pile)

21
00:01:02,765 --> 00:01:03,718
[Dog whines]

22
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,698
[Pile] OK, just tell me we'll work something out, OK?

23
00:01:06,698 --> 00:01:09,133
I mean you said I'm a good credit guy, right?

24
00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:11,841
Hey, wait! My dog is in there!

25
00:01:11,841 --> 00:01:17,263
No, don't take my Dream!
[He weeps]

26
00:01:18,335 --> 00:01:20,381
Oh, how did this happen?

27
00:01:20,938 --> 00:01:23,394
[Explosion and flare noise]

28
00:01:23,394 --> 00:01:24,501
(OUTATIME)

29
00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:30,137
Hartman? Is that you?

30
00:01:30,137 --> 00:01:32,696
[Hartman] It's been a long time since the fourth grade.

31
00:01:33,803 --> 00:01:36,193
(4th Grade)

32
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,398
[Pile] Is that a time machine?

33
00:01:43,398 --> 00:01:47,012
[Hartman] There's no need to concern yourself with my astounding accomplishments.

34
00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:49,287
Just get in. There's not much time.

35
00:01:49,287 --> 00:01:52,148
[Pile] Well, I got to go down to the bank to get my life back.

36
00:01:52,148 --> 00:01:54,063
They took everything!

37
00:01:54,063 --> 00:01:56,536
[Hartman] Oh! Bank ain't gonna help you now.

38
00:01:57,098 --> 00:01:57,974
Towel in the trunk.

39
00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:00,668
It's a set of balls. Put them on, you're going to need them.

40
00:02:00,668 --> 00:02:02,537
[Pile] You're going to get my dream back?

41
00:02:02,537 --> 00:02:05,344
[Hartman] No, pal: you are. I'm here to show you how.

42
00:02:09,373 --> 00:02:11,034
(E=mc squared)

43
00:02:11,284 --> 00:02:12,407
(Winter of 2006)

44
00:02:12,910 --> 00:02:16,367
[Hartman] Submitted for your approval:
1. First National Bank.

45
00:02:16,367 --> 00:02:17,959
What is a bank, you ask?

46
00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:21,761
A curious place where both space, time and irony exist -

47
00:02:22,171 --> 00:02:24,024
- and yet, don't.

48
00:02:24,024 --> 00:02:25,893
[Pile] Are you going to be doing that the whole time?

49
00:02:25,893 --> 00:02:27,439
[Hartman] Pay attention, Pile.

50
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:32,329
Exhibit A: those who have come to deposit and safely store their earned monies.

51
00:02:32,621 --> 00:02:37,862
Exhibit B: Those who need to borrow said money for purposes unknown.

52
00:02:37,862 --> 00:02:39,981
[Pile] Hey, that's me!
(Not so prime)

53
00:02:39,981 --> 00:02:40,788
[Hartman] Ergo.

54
00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:47,128
Exhibit C: The bank only has so much money in the vault to lend out to people such as you.

55
00:02:47,589 --> 00:02:50,432
[Pile] Hey! Hey, that's the guy! He took my house!

56
00:02:50,432 --> 00:02:52,615
[Hartman] Really screwing my vibe here, Pile.

57
00:02:52,615 --> 00:02:56,506
Space-time continuum: he can't hear you. Just let me narrate.

58
00:02:56,506 --> 00:02:57,452
Now where was I?

59
00:02:58,159 --> 00:03:02,852
So you see, by the time he got to you, Pile, his bank was out of money.

60
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:07,457
[Pile] But he gave me lots of money and charged me a lot of interest.

61
00:03:07,457 --> 00:03:10,374
[Hartman] Yes: that's the only way banks make money,

62
00:03:10,374 --> 00:03:13,562
by making debt loans: debt equals money, Pile.
(DEBT=MONEY)

63
00:03:13,562 --> 00:03:16,213
Remember that: debt equals money.

64
00:03:16,483 --> 00:03:19,184
The more loans they make, the more money they make.

65
00:03:19,184 --> 00:03:22,375
[Pile] But if they don't have any money, then where did my money come from?

66
00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:24,121
[Hartman] You're going to want to take a step back.
(FED)

67
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,690
(FED)

68
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,408
[Pile] Whoa! No way!

69
00:03:30,408 --> 00:03:32,431
[Hartman] Yes way. And that's nothing.

70
00:03:32,431 --> 00:03:35,162
[Banker] Hey, buddy! Need some money?

71
00:03:35,162 --> 00:03:36,285
(BUM)

72
00:03:37,879 --> 00:03:39,655
[Pile, offscreen] They didn't do that!?

73
00:03:39,655 --> 00:03:41,823
[Hartman] Oh, they did exactly that, pal.

74
00:03:41,823 --> 00:03:46,547
Remember: banks make money by making loans, by selling debt, even to -

75
00:03:47,131 --> 00:03:48,992
bad credit risks.

76
00:03:52,016 --> 00:03:54,447
[Banker] Yo! Have some money, dude!

77
00:03:54,447 --> 00:03:55,893
Just sign here.

78
00:03:56,297 --> 00:03:57,366
[Pile] Oh my gosh!

79
00:03:57,366 --> 00:03:59,435
[Hartman] Mmm! They called it free money.

80
00:03:59,435 --> 00:04:03,534
[Pile] Yeah! That's exactly what MY loan guy told me: free money!
(Loan contract signed Pile)

81
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:04,834
[Hartman] But it ain't free!

82
00:04:04,834 --> 00:04:07,693
The worst part was offering money to people who don't even need it.
(We own your ass!)

83
00:04:07,693 --> 00:04:09,841
People, Pal, like you.
(New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)

84
00:04:10,499 --> 00:04:12,204
[Van honks]
(Bank like family!)

85
00:04:12,204 --> 00:04:15,707
[Pile] You're right! I didn't need him: I was happy here.

86
00:04:15,707 --> 00:04:17,207
I didn't need it!
(New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)

87
00:04:23,450 --> 00:04:24,227
(Bank Like Family)

88
00:04:24,227 --> 00:04:26,841
[Pile] Why is he sad? He's making all that money.

89
00:04:26,841 --> 00:04:29,237
[Hartman] Shh. He's thinking.

90
00:04:29,237 --> 00:04:31,617
[Clock ticking]

91
00:04:31,617 --> 00:04:35,535
[Hartman] Now wait for it, now wait for it...

92
00:04:36,642 --> 00:04:37,911
Bingo!

93
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:40,479
See, the bank has loaned to everyone in town.

94
00:04:40,479 --> 00:04:43,757
But to make more money they have to loan even more.

95
00:04:43,757 --> 00:04:46,478
[Pile] More? How much money do they need?

96
00:04:46,478 --> 00:04:48,347
[Hartman] More...

97
00:04:48,931 --> 00:04:50,354
[Pile yells] What's that?

98
00:04:50,615 --> 00:04:54,627
[Hartman] Behold! A black horse riding: credit cards.

99
00:05:08,989 --> 00:05:11,123
(Refinance your home!!!)

100
00:05:12,248 --> 00:05:16,715
[Pile] Wow! Look! I mean it's going to be okay, everything is going to be okay.

101
00:05:16,715 --> 00:05:17,938
What now?

102
00:05:17,938 --> 00:05:23,157
[Hartman] Now? Pile, with all this money, we might as well party.

103
00:05:23,587 --> 00:05:26,569
[Music plays...]

104
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:33,460
[Pile] Woahao, this is awesome! I needed to get my head clear.

105
00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:36,385
When I get back I'm going to straighten all this out.

106
00:05:36,385 --> 00:05:38,515
I just hope Dream is doing okay.

107
00:05:38,893 --> 00:05:40,731
[Howling]

108
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:42,269
[Barking]

109
00:05:42,973 --> 00:05:45,192
[Male witch] I'm going to get you, my pretty.

110
00:05:47,759 --> 00:05:50,276
[Pile] Yup, he is. I'm sure he is.

111
00:05:50,276 --> 00:05:51,206
[Burps]

112
00:05:51,206 --> 00:05:54,502
[Hartman] Yeah, you put it on his tab. A little something for yourself.

113
00:05:56,491 --> 00:05:57,291
Wait.

114
00:05:58,206 --> 00:06:01,592
[Pile] You know, wait a second Hartman, I just thought of something.

115
00:06:01,592 --> 00:06:03,666
If I got this money from the bank

116
00:06:03,666 --> 00:06:06,487
and the bank got this money from the Federal Reserve dump trucks

117
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,247
[Hartman] Go on.

118
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:11,384
[Pile] Then, where does the Federal Reserve get their money?

119
00:06:11,774 --> 00:06:12,581
[Glass breaks]

120
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,911
[Hartman] Real nice time ladies, real nice.

121
00:06:14,911 --> 00:06:17,410
Excuse me while I borrow these.
[Women screech]

122
00:06:17,764 --> 00:06:21,853
[Pile] Say, Hartman. Why am I wearing a burglar bikini top?

123
00:06:21,853 --> 00:06:24,782
[Hartman] Because no one is allowed inside the Fed.

124
00:06:24,782 --> 00:06:27,337
Not you, nor me, no American citizen,

125
00:06:27,337 --> 00:06:29,566
no duly elected member of our Congress,

126
00:06:29,566 --> 00:06:30,880
not the Supreme Court

127
00:06:30,881 --> 00:06:32,519
[Pile] Not the Supreme Court?

128
00:06:32,519 --> 00:06:34,126
[Hartman] Not the Supreme Court.

129
00:06:34,126 --> 00:06:40,198
Not the Justice Department, not the CIA, the DIA, FBI, ATF, ATENBC

130
00:06:40,198 --> 00:06:43,533
not even G-O-D.

131
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,056
[Knocking]

132
00:06:45,941 --> 00:06:48,847
[Pile] How come the government isn't allowed inside its own building?

133
00:06:48,847 --> 00:06:53,069
[Hartman] Government? Pile, the Fed is a private bank, owned by private stockholders,

134
00:06:53,069 --> 00:06:55,123
do NOT let the name "federal" fool you.

135
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,984
This place is about as federal as Federal Express.

136
00:06:58,414 --> 00:07:00,098
[Pile] A-a-a private bank?

137
00:07:00,098 --> 00:07:01,921
But, private?

138
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,213
[Hartman, quietly] Shh.

139
00:07:05,471 --> 00:07:07,654
Best to keep your voice down Pile.

140
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,584
[Phone ringing]

141
00:07:09,584 --> 00:07:11,345
[Ethan] This is Ethan, Federal Reserve.

142
00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:13,306
[Bill] Hey Eth, Bill here, First National.

143
00:07:13,306 --> 00:07:14,959
[Ethan] Hi there Bill, how are ya?

144
00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:17,477
[Bill] Good, good, we're running a little low on money.

145
00:07:17,477 --> 00:07:18,992
[Ethan] No problem. How much do you need?

146
00:07:18,992 --> 00:07:21,164
[Bill] Oh, how does 20 million sound?

147
00:07:21,164 --> 00:07:21,848
[Pile, loudly] What?

148
00:07:21,848 --> 00:07:22,394
[Slaps]

149
00:07:22,394 --> 00:07:24,831
[Ethan] Excellent. We'll ship it over first thing tomorrow.

150
00:07:24,831 --> 00:07:28,487
[Pile] Wait, he can just call up the Fed and ask for more money

151
00:07:28,487 --> 00:07:30,402
and they give him whatever they want?

152
00:07:30,402 --> 00:07:33,346
[Hartman] No, Pile. The Fed don't give the banks money.

153
00:07:33,346 --> 00:07:35,804
The Fed loans the banks money.

154
00:07:36,111 --> 00:07:37,034
[Slams]

155
00:07:38,193 --> 00:07:40,308
[Hartman] The banks have to pay it back with interest.

156
00:07:40,308 --> 00:07:41,531
Come on, ...

157
00:07:41,531 --> 00:07:43,918
[Pile] Wait wait wait wait, I still don't understand.

158
00:07:43,918 --> 00:07:47,120
Where does the Fed get their money? I mean if they're a private bank.

159
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,927
You said they were a private bank, right?

160
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,688
Okay, so who puts money into the Fed bank?

161
00:07:50,688 --> 00:07:52,157
(US MINT)

162
00:07:52,157 --> 00:07:53,795
[Phone ringing]

163
00:07:53,795 --> 00:07:56,064
[Mal] This is Mal, United States Mint.

164
00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:58,609
[Ethan] Hiya Mal, First National needs another 20 millies.

165
00:07:58,609 --> 00:08:01,484
[Mal] We're already running the press at full steam here Ethan.

166
00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:03,593
[Ethan] Gotta keep making loans, gotta keep the money flowing.

167
00:08:03,593 --> 00:08:07,458
[Mal] All right, you're the Fed. Whatever you guys say.

168
00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:09,527
Twenty million more, by morning!

169
00:08:09,527 --> 00:08:10,973
[Horn blowing]

170
00:08:11,318 --> 00:08:15,279
[Pile] But I don't get it, what's so wrong about the Fed printing money?

171
00:08:15,279 --> 00:08:18,086
[Hartman] Because it's unconstitutional, Pile!

172
00:08:18,101 --> 00:08:20,975
Our Treasury is supposed to create our money

173
00:08:20,975 --> 00:08:23,929
but now the Fed controls the printing of Americas money.

174
00:08:23,929 --> 00:08:28,634
Nobody gets a friggin' dollar that the Fed didn't print.

175
00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:29,580
[Pile] So?

176
00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:32,192
[Hartman] They print the money, then they loan it to the government

177
00:08:32,192 --> 00:08:33,968
then they charge the government interest,

178
00:08:33,968 --> 00:08:36,375
then the government taxes you to pay for it.

179
00:08:36,375 --> 00:08:37,505
Wake up Pile!

180
00:08:37,505 --> 00:08:39,752
[Pile] I don't see what the big deal is.

181
00:08:40,552 --> 00:08:41,913
[Hartman] You know, you're right Pile.

182
00:08:41,913 --> 00:08:43,674
[Pile] Wait a minute, wait, I am?

183
00:08:43,674 --> 00:08:47,609
[Hartman] Yeah, I forget how effective they are at keeping you ignorant.

184
00:08:47,609 --> 00:08:48,493
[Pile] Well that's okay -

185
00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:49,869
Hey! I'm not ignorant!

186
00:08:49,869 --> 00:08:51,922
[Hartman] Do you even know what money is, Pile?

187
00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:56,047
[10th Century]

188
00:08:56,047 --> 00:08:57,470
[Pies]

189
00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:00,200
[Hartman] In the long, long ago, people bartered:

190
00:09:00,262 --> 00:09:03,149
they traded things they had, for things they wanted.

191
00:09:03,149 --> 00:09:06,458
I'll trade you my raspberries for that there pot pie.

192
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,111
[Pile] I don't want your berries.

193
00:09:08,111 --> 00:09:10,561
[Hartman] Come on, Pile, they're sweet berries.

194
00:09:10,561 --> 00:09:13,488
[Pile] They're not sweet, they're old, and I don't like berries.

195
00:09:13,488 --> 00:09:14,757
[Hartman] Give me that pot pie!

196
00:09:14,757 --> 00:09:15,457
[Pile] No.

197
00:09:15,457 --> 00:09:18,872
[Hartman] As you can see, this bartering situation created some problems.

198
00:09:18,872 --> 00:09:22,347
Then one day, a goldsmith walked up and said,

199
00:09:22,347 --> 00:09:24,674
"Now, everybody thinks gold is valuable,

200
00:09:24,674 --> 00:09:27,663
so why doesn't everyone trade gold for things they need?"

201
00:09:27,663 --> 00:09:29,193
[Cheering]

202
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:33,330
The price was set for gold and now it was very easy to conduct commerce

203
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:37,405
because now people could trade gold for all the things they needed.

204
00:09:38,481 --> 00:09:41,464
[Pile] Hartman! Wow, look at all my gold!

205
00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:42,353
[Robber snickers evilly]

206
00:09:42,353 --> 00:09:45,136
[Pile] Hey! Hey, stop them! That's my gold!

207
00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:46,620
[Hartman] Damn thieves.

208
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,427
[Ethan] Say there, Pile

209
00:09:48,427 --> 00:09:50,111
I've got a vault and some guards.

210
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:51,857
I can keep your gold safe for you.

211
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,433
For a small fee.

212
00:09:53,433 --> 00:09:55,133
[Pile] Yeah, sure, that'd be awesome.

213
00:09:55,133 --> 00:09:58,804
[Hartman] You see Pile, this is how the first bank made money.

214
00:09:59,173 --> 00:10:02,825
[Ethan] There you go Pile, I.O.U 100 gold coins.

215
00:10:02,825 --> 00:10:04,355
[Pile] Okay, great!

216
00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:07,449
[Ethan] Come back anytime and redeem your gold when you want it.

217
00:10:07,449 --> 00:10:08,795
It will be right here-

218
00:10:08,795 --> 00:10:10,495
in my vault.

219
00:10:11,464 --> 00:10:14,511
[Hartman] Now you're holding the very first paper money Pile.

220
00:10:14,511 --> 00:10:18,141
[Pile] Wow, this is great. It all makes sense.

221
00:10:18,141 --> 00:10:20,148
[Hartman] Oh, that's right, it was good,

222
00:10:20,148 --> 00:10:22,367
and everybody started using "I.O.U"

223
00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:27,205
because everybody knew the I.O.U was as good as gold.

224
00:10:27,205 --> 00:10:27,888
(Chocolate $1)

225
00:10:27,905 --> 00:10:30,256
[Pile] Wow, this candy is really a good price.

226
00:10:30,256 --> 00:10:33,412
1 I.O.U, I'm getting some more for later.

227
00:10:33,412 --> 00:10:34,727
(Chocolate $10)

228
00:10:34,727 --> 00:10:36,750
Wait a minute, it was just 1 I.O.U.

229
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,757
10 I.O.U's for chocolate?

230
00:10:38,757 --> 00:10:41,116
He can't just raise prices like that!

231
00:10:41,116 --> 00:10:43,107
[Hartman] Oh, the candyman can.

232
00:10:43,107 --> 00:10:43,695
[Music plays]

233
00:10:43,695 --> 00:10:46,663
[Hartman] ♪Oh, the candyman can!♪

234
00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:49,471
[Pile] Wait, that is just freakin' wrong!

235
00:10:49,551 --> 00:10:50,374
(Water 20)

236
00:10:50,374 --> 00:10:51,619
(Water 200)
[Hartman] It's called inflation Pile.

237
00:10:51,619 --> 00:10:54,360
It makes your I.O.U's worth less and less

238
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,321
until they are worth nothing.

239
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:59,884
Less bang for the buck, dollar ain't what it used to be.

240
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:02,951
[Pile] But I worked hard and made all those pot pies.

241
00:11:02,951 --> 00:11:05,044
Now I have to work harder to make less?

242
00:11:05,044 --> 00:11:06,374
That's not fair.

243
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,513
[Hartman] Oh, if you think that's not fair

244
00:11:08,513 --> 00:11:10,051
you're gonna love the next part.

245
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:13,702
[Pile] Oh, what's he doing?
(Chart - Gold | I.O.U.S)

246
00:11:13,702 --> 00:11:15,586
[Hartman] How do banks make money, Pile?

247
00:11:15,586 --> 00:11:18,095
[Pile] Errh, by making more loans?

248
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,948
[Hartman] Oh, that's right! He's good.

249
00:11:19,948 --> 00:11:22,562
See, he prints more IOUs without any more gold,

250
00:11:22,562 --> 00:11:26,803
loans them out for interest, makes a pretty penny - and nobody is the wiser,

251
00:11:26,972 --> 00:11:27,902
unless -

252
00:11:28,149 --> 00:11:30,806
- everybody wanted their gold back at the same time.

253
00:11:30,806 --> 00:11:32,798
[Pile] No no no no no no, that's my gold!

254
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:33,973
[Hartman] Not -

255
00:11:34,496 --> 00:11:35,503
anymore.

256
00:11:35,503 --> 00:11:37,916
[Pile] What are you talking about?

257
00:11:37,916 --> 00:11:40,411
[Hartman] I'd like to redeem my IOUs, please.

258
00:11:40,903 --> 00:11:42,203
Thank you very much.

259
00:11:42,649 --> 00:11:43,779
(Out to lunch)
[Pile] Hey!

260
00:11:43,779 --> 00:11:47,732
[Crowd shouting]
[Pile] I want my gold back now!

261
00:11:48,701 --> 00:11:53,195
[Man] Thief! Thief! 
[Hartman] Battle of the bank run. Bringing people together.

262
00:11:53,195 --> 00:11:54,971
See, they all found out he was stealing,

263
00:11:54,971 --> 00:11:57,270
made a run on the bank and demanded their gold.

264
00:11:57,270 --> 00:12:01,546
But as as you can see, there ain't no gold to get.

265
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:02,584
[Pile] Hartman!

266
00:12:02,584 --> 00:12:05,042
[Hartman] Don't worry about it. Back in these times,

267
00:12:05,042 --> 00:12:07,110
vengeance will be yours.

268
00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:09,665
Three things in this world you don't do:

269
00:12:09,665 --> 00:12:11,457
Never mess with another man's woman.

270
00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:13,568
Never mess with another man's ego.

271
00:12:13,568 --> 00:12:19,166
And, most importantly, you never mess with another man's money.

272
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,964
Else, man, we'll mess with you.

273
00:12:24,457 --> 00:12:26,495
[Pile] My God! You hung him?

274
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:30,714
[Hartman] Yes, Pile. Oh, we hung him, we hung him high.

275
00:12:30,714 --> 00:12:32,628
And do you know why?

276
00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:35,375
[Pile] Well, because he was a thief?

277
00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:39,002
[Hartman] Because, Pile, an evil invention was born

278
00:12:39,002 --> 00:12:43,575
Man discovered how to turn worthless paper into gold.

279
00:12:44,498 --> 00:12:47,939
Thus was invented the ultimate machine to steal real money

280
00:12:47,939 --> 00:12:50,267
and enslave all the nations on earth.

281
00:12:51,005 --> 00:12:54,650
[bang and growling]

282
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,365
[Financier] It's alive!

283
00:12:56,365 --> 00:12:59,056
[Pile] Oh now, come on! You're just being dramatic.

284
00:12:59,056 --> 00:13:00,863
I mean, I lost my house, but...

285
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,424
[Hartman] What is that? Explain.

286
00:13:02,424 --> 00:13:04,047
[Pile] A nuclear power plant?

287
00:13:04,047 --> 00:13:07,361
[Hartman] Mmm. Produces lots of electricity and little pollution.

288
00:13:07,361 --> 00:13:09,595
An invention for the good of humanity.

289
00:13:09,595 --> 00:13:11,971
[Pile] OK, but what does this have to do with...
[watch ticking]

290
00:13:11,971 --> 00:13:13,778
[Hartman] Three, two,

291
00:13:14,009 --> 00:13:15,802
[Explosion]

292
00:13:15,802 --> 00:13:17,927
[Pile] Holy...!
[Hartman] Atomic energy.

293
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:21,863
A discovery more powerful than anything man had yet conceived.

294
00:13:21,863 --> 00:13:23,609
It can be used for good

295
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:25,338
or evil.

296
00:13:26,046 --> 00:13:32,507
Now, unlike Einstein, the goldsmith's discovery has been kept a closely guarded secret.

297
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,775
(Fractional Reserve Banking - Reserve | Loans)
It was never intended for you to see.

298
00:13:34,775 --> 00:13:37,953
(Depositor)
This discovery is called Fractional Reserve Banking.

299
00:13:37,953 --> 00:13:42,318
(Borrower)
In the wrong hands, it's more powerful than the nuclear bomb

300
00:13:42,318 --> 00:13:47,795
in its ability to completely and utterly destroy a nation who is subjected to its perversion.

301
00:13:48,671 --> 00:13:51,450
[Pile] No - no no no no no.

302
00:13:51,450 --> 00:13:55,434
[Hartman] It is time we stop this evil secret and the men behind it ...

303
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:59,161
[Pile] You're being ridiculous!
[Hartman] ... before America is destroyed forever.

304
00:13:59,161 --> 00:14:00,860
Believe it, Pile!

305
00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:03,725
[Pile] No no no no no! I just want my dog back.

306
00:14:03,725 --> 00:14:06,259
[Hartman] Damn it! That's it. I give up.

307
00:14:06,259 --> 00:14:07,882
Let them live in chains.

308
00:14:07,882 --> 00:14:08,982
[Tinkling]

309
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,082
[18th c. ghost] No, Hartman!

310
00:14:11,082 --> 00:14:16,786
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."

311
00:14:16,786 --> 00:14:19,077
[Pile] Thomas Jefferson?

312
00:14:19,366 --> 00:14:21,914
[Hartman] Mr President, how do I get him to understand?

313
00:14:21,914 --> 00:14:25,572
[Jefferson's ghost] As we did, son, remain vigilant.

314
00:14:25,572 --> 00:14:31,151
Too many have hidden the truth and the light of our liberty dims with every passing day.

315
00:14:31,151 --> 00:14:35,428
[Tinkling]
Quickly, take my horse! Show him! 
[Tinkling]

316
00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:37,822
[Pile] Wait. Show me what? Where are we going?

317
00:14:37,822 --> 00:14:38,598
[Horse whinnies]

318
00:14:38,598 --> 00:14:43,763
[Hartman] Away, Stallion of Liberty! Ride hard the hoary wind!

319
00:14:44,839 --> 00:14:46,815
[Pile] Oh, where are we?

320
00:14:46,815 --> 00:14:49,823
[Hartman] Battle of Waterloo. Hold on! We gotta get through!

321
00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:53,733
A money machine. There it is!

322
00:14:53,733 --> 00:14:56,254
[Pile] Hey, is that the same people?

323
00:14:56,254 --> 00:14:59,825
[Hartman] Rich banker men from Germany flying under the banner of the Red Shield.

324
00:14:59,825 --> 00:15:02,953
They financed both sides of the war. We must hurry.

325
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:07,254
That's him, the Red Shield courier. Shoot him!

326
00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:09,738
[Pile] No. I'm not shooting anyone.

327
00:15:09,738 --> 00:15:11,468
[Hartman] Dammit, Pile. 
[Pile] What?

328
00:15:11,468 --> 00:15:14,141
[Hatrman] He beat everyone back with the news of the war

329
00:15:14,141 --> 00:15:16,179
and told England that Napoleon won.

330
00:15:16,179 --> 00:15:20,012
The Red Shield bankers of London pretended that England was doomed

331
00:15:20,012 --> 00:15:22,516
and started selling their English stocks.

332
00:15:22,516 --> 00:15:26,562
The English went into a selling frenzy to get rid of worthless English money.

333
00:15:26,562 --> 00:15:29,018
[Pile] But, the English won, right?

334
00:15:29,018 --> 00:15:30,333
[Hartman] Of course they won.

335
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,817
But it was a trick by Red Shield.
(London Stock Exchange)

336
00:15:32,817 --> 00:15:37,793
They waited until the stocks plummeted to pennies and then bought England back for nearly nothing.

337
00:15:37,793 --> 00:15:40,295
[Pile] What? They did that? How?

338
00:15:40,295 --> 00:15:42,327
[Hartman] When the English leaders found out,

339
00:15:42,327 --> 00:15:45,881
they had no choice but to give themselves over to the Red Shield.

340
00:15:45,881 --> 00:15:49,726
Their money was gone and they were slaves to the Red Shield war debt.

341
00:15:49,726 --> 00:15:53,156
Since that time the English have been paying their national taxes

342
00:15:53,156 --> 00:15:55,865
directly to the Red Shield private bankers.

343
00:15:55,865 --> 00:15:58,335
The people have no idea.

344
00:15:58,335 --> 00:16:01,312
But the bankers bragged about what they did to us,

345
00:16:01,312 --> 00:16:03,892
laughing at us all the way to the bank. 
{Buckingham Palace)

346
00:16:03,892 --> 00:16:06,836
[Nathan Rothschild] Why, it's the best pistes (?) I've ever done.

347
00:16:06,836 --> 00:16:11,186
If I can control a nation's wealth I cannot make its laws.

348
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:16,294
[Pile] Oh, is this what Jefferson wanted to show me?

349
00:16:16,294 --> 00:16:19,053
[Hartman] No, Pile. Look.

350
00:16:20,591 --> 00:16:23,044
[Pile] They're in America too?

351
00:16:23,044 --> 00:16:28,269
[Hartman] The Red Shield banks are here, Pile, seeking a way to conquer our American Dream.

352
00:16:28,269 --> 00:16:32,440
The dream you had, Pile. The dream of free men.

353
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,537
They tried to take over our country many times

354
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:40,834
and failed because Jefferson and the patriots vowed to stop the evil tyrants at all costs.

355
00:16:42,249 --> 00:16:43,549
[Kiss - tinkling]

356
00:16:43,810 --> 00:16:48,792
[Hartman] By authority of eternal God he would not let the bankers win here.

357
00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:54,458
[Jefferson] To preserve our independence we must not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt.

358
00:16:54,458 --> 00:16:59,672
We must make our choice between economy and liberty or profusion and servitude.

359
00:16:59,672 --> 00:17:01,310
(Thomas Jefferson actually said this...)
[Pile] Wow!

360
00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:05,862
[Jefferson] I place economy among the first and most important of republican virtues,

361
00:17:05,862 --> 00:17:09,639
and public debt is the greatest of the dangers to be feared.

362
00:17:09,639 --> 00:17:14,125
It is incumbent on every generation to pay its own debts as it goes.

363
00:17:14,125 --> 00:17:18,818
(Banking) 
[Banker] We must have a central bank to secure this country's finances!

364
00:17:18,818 --> 00:17:25,173
[Jefferson] If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their money,

365
00:17:25,173 --> 00:17:28,724
(Yes. He actually said this.)
first by inflation and then by deflation,

366
00:17:28,724 --> 00:17:34,354
the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprive the people of their property

367
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:39,975
until their children will wake up homeless on the very continent their fathers conquered. (17:39)

368
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Banker] Jefferson, you're mad! This country will have a central bank.

369
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[shouts]

370
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] Who's that? 
[Hartman] America's first Secretary of Treasury.

371
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] Alexander Hamilton. 
[Hartman] Not for long.

372
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Aaron Burr, Thomas Jefferson's Vice President.

373
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They didn't take too kindly to our first Sec[retary of] Treasury.

374
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Off voice] Sweet shot, Burr.

375
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Hartman] The first attempt at a central bank only lasted 20 years and was shut down.

376
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But the bankers tried again against "Old Hickory", President Andrew Jackson.

377
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Jackson] You are a den of vipers and thieves.

378
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I intend to rout you out and by the eternal God I will rout you out.

379
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Hartman] After surviving an assassination attempt, Jackson finally defeated the bank in 1836.

380
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
When asked what was the greatest accomplishment in his life, Old Hickory replied:

381
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Jackson] I killed a bank.

382
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And those were his last words: "I killed the bank."

383
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And, with real money backed with real gold,

384
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
our country experienced the greatest boom in any nation's history.

385
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Oh, it was beautiful, Pile.

386
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
But the bankers, greedy for more power and wealth, were concocting their most ambitious plan yet:

387
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to once and for all take control of the finances of the United States.

388
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
In 1910, a secret meeting was held in the J.P. Morgan estate on Jekyll Island of the coast of Georgia.

389
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This meeting was so secret, so concealed from government and public knowledge,

390
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that the 10 attendees used code names.

391
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(J.P. Morgan
code name: Hula Girl)

392
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Morgan] I am clearly the richest man, so I should be the one to run the super secret central bank.

393
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(J.D. Rockefeller
code name: Lube Job)

394
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Rockefeller] I own all the oil in America. I'm clearly richer than you will ever be Hula Girl.

395
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I should run the super secret central bank.

396
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Morgan] You're nothing compared to me, Lube Job.

397
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I shall run the secret bank.

398
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Boom!]

399
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Off voice] Silence!

400
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Rockefeller (?)]

401
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Supreme Master leader
(name withheld for scary security reasons)

402
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Supreme Master Leader, I didn't know you were gonna be here.

403
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Supreme Master Leader] I'm not. Neither are you, dumb ass.

404
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Rockefeller] Oh yeah, right, right.

405
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Morgan] He's so smart! [thunk]

406
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[SML] None of you shall run the bank.

407
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
We have failed in the past because of openness. This time the key to success is secrecy.

408
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
The people must believe that they run the bank.

409
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Morgan] Yes, brilliant! A sneak attack. What's the plan? [thunk]

410
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[SML] We first create panic, then we show them the solution.

411
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
With our man in office and well-planned timing, we will have our central bank.

412
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And so the people think it is theirs.

413
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
We shall christen it Federal, the Federal Reserve.
[general laughter]

414
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Thunderclap]
[Hartman] [bell] They struck on December 23rd, 1913,

415
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
when most of our Congress were at home eating fruit cake,

416
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
these bastards - I mean bankers - presented their treasonous act

417
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to their newly elected accomplice Woodrow Wilson,

418
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
who had fortuitously already agreed to sign it
(Federal Reserve Act - The 10th Amendment to the Constitusion of the United States - I.R.S)

419
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
before he was even elected.

420
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] Wait. The IRS? I thought we always had the IRS.

421
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Hartman] No, Pile. They did this to us too.

422
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
The Fed now has the exclusive power to print America's money.

423
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They loan this money to our banks and our government at interest,

424
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
putting immediate debt on our own money,

425
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
printing more and more so each dollar they print becomes worth less than the one before.

426
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Bang]
[Hartman] Merry Christmas.

427
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(IRS)
[screeching, mechanical noises]

428
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] What in the hell is that?

429
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Hartman] That, Pile, is how our government now must pay back these debts to the Fed.

430
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Your taxes did not go to your government.

431
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] They don't?

432
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Hartman] Hmm. It's the greatest theft in human history.

433
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] But... Okay. I mean, I sorta get what you're saying,

434
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
but it's also confusing and really Hartman, I don't see how it affects me at all.

435
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If I had more money, none of this would have happened.

436
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Hartman?
[Car door clanks - engine revs up]

437
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] 1955! Wow, what are we doing here?

438
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Hartman] Oh, a little bit of shopping.

439
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Here, hold this. Gallon of gas: 23 cents.

440
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Postage stamp: 3 cents.

441
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Ounce of gold: 35 dollars.

442
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Hot baby: priceless.

443
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Best be getting back.
[Flying noise]

444
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Boy] Hey, Hartman! I need my car, man!

445
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] Oh, was that Michael J?

446
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Hartman] Yeah, he'll be fine.

447
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(For Sale $20,000 -> $400,000)

448
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(Gas - Everything Must Go!!!)
[Hartman] Now Pile (?),

449
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
would you agree that you have the same exact things you had in 1955?

450
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] Yeah: one stamp, one gallon of gas, one ounce of gold and one home.

451
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Wow, we just made a lot of money.

452
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[IRS men] Grab grab grab grab grab grab grab.

453
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] Hey!

454
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Hartman] Gotta pay your taxes. Then it's nice to have made all that money.

455
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Pile] Wait, that isn't fair! Now I actually have less money. I can't even go buy the things I just sold.

456
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
[Hartman] The IRS and the Fed's inflation work together, Pile.

457
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
They aren't just taxing gain, they are taxing their inflation.

458
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
You are no richer than you were in 1955.

459
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Now, does that sound fair or American to you? (23:08)