WEBVTT 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Sold) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Sold) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Loan) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Off voice] The American Dream. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's a reason to call it a dream. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [cock cries] [Man] Who's there? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Off voice] Cockadoodledo, pal! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [knocking] (Foreclosed) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Man] No, no, no, no no! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't have any more money! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 My job sucks right now, please! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'll have more money next month! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Bank) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You can't take my house! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Bank employee] Is that your signature? (Loan contract signed Pile) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Dog whines] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Man -> Pile] OK, just tell me we'll work something out, OK? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I mean you said I'm a good credit guy, right? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Hey, wait! My dog is in there! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, don't take my dream! [He weeps] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh, how did this happen? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Explosion and flare noise] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (OUTATIME) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Hartman? Is that you? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] It's been a long time since the fourth grade. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] Is that a time machine? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] There's no need to concern yourself with my stern (?) accomplishments. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Just get in. There's not much time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] Well, I got to go down to the bank to get my life back. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They took everything! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] Bank ain't gonna help you now. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 .... in the trunk. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a set of balls. Put them on, you're going to need them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] You're going to get my dream back? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] No, pal: you are. I'm here to show you how. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (E=mc squared) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Winter of 2006) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] Submitted for your approval: 1. First National Bank. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What is a bank, you ask? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 A curious place where both space, time and irony exist - 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - and yet, don't. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] Are you going to be doing that the whole time? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] Pay attention, pal. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Exhibit A: those who have come to deposit and safely store their earned monies. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Exhibit B: Those who need to borrow said money for purposes unknown. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [A voice] Hey, that's me! (Not so prime) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Here we go. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Exhibit C: The bank only has so much money in the vault to lend out to people such as you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] Hey! Hey, that's the guy! He took my house! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] Really screwing my vibe (?) here, pal. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Space-time continuum: he can't hear you. Just let me narrate. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now where was I? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So you see, by the time he got to you, pal, his bank was out of money. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] But he gave me lots of money and charged me a lot of interest. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] Yes: that's the only way banks make money, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 by making debt loans: debt equals money, pal. (DEBT=MONEY) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Remember that: debt equals money. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The more loans they make, the more money they make. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] But if they don't have any money, then where did my money come from? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] You're going to want to take a step back. (FED) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] Whoa! No way! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] Yes way. And that's nothing. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Banker] Hey, buddy! Need some money? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (BUM) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile, offscreen] They didn't do that!? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] Oh, they did exactly that, pal. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Remember: banks make money by making loans, by selling debt, even to - 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 bad credit risks. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Banker] Yo! Have some money, dude! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Just sign here. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] Oh my gosh! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] Mmm! They called it free money. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] Yeah! That's exactly what MY loan guy told me: free money! (Loan contract signed Pile) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Hartman] But it ain't free! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The worst part was offering money to people who don't even need it. (We own your ass!) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 People, Pal, like you. (New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Van honks] (Bank like family!) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Pile] You're right! I didn't need ..... I was happy here. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I didn't need it! (4:17) (New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)