(Sold) (Sold) (Loan) [Off voice] The American Dream. There's a reason to call it a dream. [cock cries] [Man] Who's there? [Off voice] Cockadoodledo, pal! [knocking] (Foreclosed) [Man] No, no, no, no no! I don't have any more money! My job sucks right now, please! I'll have more money next month! (Bank) You can't take my house! [Bank employee] Is that your signature? (Loan contract signed Pile) [Dog whines] [Man -> Pile] OK, just tell me we'll work something out, OK? I mean you said I'm a good credit guy, right? Hey, wait! My dog is in there! No, don't take my dream! [He weeps] Oh, how did this happen? [Explosion and flare noise] (OUTATIME) Hartman? Is that you? [Hartman] It's been a long time since the fourth grade. [Pile] Is that a time machine? [Hartman] There's no need to concern yourself with my stern (?) accomplishments. Just get in. There's not much time. [Pile] Well, I got to go down to the bank to get my life back. They took everything! [Hartman] Bank ain't gonna help you now. .... in the trunk. It's a set of balls. Put them on, you're going to need them. [Pile] You're going to get my dream back? [Hartman] No, pal: you are. I'm here to show you how. (E=mc squared) (Winter of 2006) [Hartman] Submitted for your approval: 1. First National Bank. What is a bank, you ask? A curious place where both space, time and irony exist - - and yet, don't. [Pile] Are you going to be doing that the whole time? [Hartman] Pay attention, pal. Exhibit A: those who have come to deposit and safely store their earned monies. Exhibit B: Those who need to borrow said money for purposes unknown. [A voice] Hey, that's me! (Not so prime) Here we go. Exhibit C: The bank only has so much money in the vault to lend out to people such as you. [Pile] Hey! Hey, that's the guy! He took my house! [Hartman] Really screwing my vibe (?) here, pal. Space-time continuum: he can't hear you. Just let me narrate. Now where was I? So you see, by the time he got to you, pal, his bank was out of money. [Pile] But he gave me lots of money and charged me a lot of interest. [Hartman] Yes: that's the only way banks make money, by making debt loans: debt equals money, pal. (DEBT=MONEY) Remember that: debt equals money. The more loans they make, the more money they make. [Pile] But if they don't have any money, then where did my money come from? [Hartman] You're going to want to take a step back. (FED) [Pile] Whoa! No way! [Hartman] Yes way. And that's nothing. [Banker] Hey, buddy! Need some money? (BUM) [Pile, offscreen] They didn't do that!? [Hartman] Oh, they did exactly that, pal. Remember: banks make money by making loans, by selling debt, even to - bad credit risks. [Banker] Yo! Have some money, dude! Just sign here. [Pile] Oh my gosh! [Hartman] Mmm! They called it free money. [Pile] Yeah! That's exactly what MY loan guy told me: free money! (Loan contract signed Pile) [Hartman] But it ain't free! The worst part was offering money to people who don't even need it. (We own your ass!) People, Pal, like you. (New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers) [Van honks] (Bank like family!) [Pile] You're right! I didn't need ..... I was happy here. I didn't need it! (4:17) (New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)