1 00:00:01,441 --> 00:00:03,857 Speaking up is hard to do. 2 00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:09,507 I understood the true meaning of this phrase exactly one month ago, 3 00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:12,434 when my wife and I became new parents. 4 00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:14,791 It was an amazing moment. 5 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,000 It was exhilarating and elating, 6 00:00:17,024 --> 00:00:20,345 but it was also scary and terrifying. 7 00:00:20,369 --> 00:00:24,571 And it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital, 8 00:00:24,595 --> 00:00:26,056 and we were unsure 9 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:30,169 whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding. 10 00:00:30,616 --> 00:00:33,943 And we wanted to call our pediatrician, 11 00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:36,542 but we also didn't want to make a bad first impression 12 00:00:36,566 --> 00:00:39,030 or come across as a crazy, neurotic parent. 13 00:00:39,054 --> 00:00:40,701 So we worried. 14 00:00:40,725 --> 00:00:42,107 And we waited. 15 00:00:42,131 --> 00:00:44,426 When we got to the doctor's office the next day, 16 00:00:44,450 --> 00:00:48,704 she immediately gave him formula because he was pretty dehydrated. 17 00:00:49,312 --> 00:00:50,746 Our son is fine now, 18 00:00:50,770 --> 00:00:53,726 and our doctor has reassured us we can always contact her. 19 00:00:54,106 --> 00:00:55,632 But in that moment, 20 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:58,290 I should've spoken up, but I didn't. 21 00:00:58,943 --> 00:01:02,238 But sometimes we speak up when we shouldn't, 22 00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:06,188 and I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down. 23 00:01:06,579 --> 00:01:09,221 My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker, 24 00:01:09,245 --> 00:01:10,775 and for one of his first films, 25 00:01:10,799 --> 00:01:13,414 he got an offer from a distribution company. 26 00:01:13,438 --> 00:01:14,776 He was excited, 27 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,467 and he was inclined to accept the offer. 28 00:01:17,491 --> 00:01:19,584 But as a negotiations researcher, 29 00:01:19,608 --> 00:01:22,561 I insisted he make a counteroffer, 30 00:01:22,585 --> 00:01:25,815 and I helped him craft the perfect one. 31 00:01:25,839 --> 00:01:27,520 And it was perfect -- 32 00:01:27,544 --> 00:01:29,548 it was perfectly insulting. 33 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,136 The company was so offended, 34 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,209 they literally withdrew the offer 35 00:01:34,233 --> 00:01:36,450 and my brother was left with nothing. 36 00:01:36,474 --> 00:01:40,334 And I've asked people all over the world about this dilemma of speaking up: 37 00:01:40,358 --> 00:01:42,192 when they can assert themselves, 38 00:01:42,216 --> 00:01:43,930 when they can push their interests, 39 00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:46,149 when they can express an opinion, 40 00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:48,384 when they can make an ambitious ask. 41 00:01:48,887 --> 00:01:53,120 And the range of stories are varied and diverse, 42 00:01:53,144 --> 00:01:55,815 but they also make up a universal tapestry. 43 00:01:55,839 --> 00:01:58,517 Can I correct my boss when they make a mistake? 44 00:01:58,541 --> 00:02:02,644 Can I confront my coworker who keeps stepping on my toes? 45 00:02:02,996 --> 00:02:06,063 Can I challenge my friend's insensitive joke? 46 00:02:06,390 --> 00:02:10,486 Can I tell the person I love the most my deepest insecurities? 47 00:02:10,963 --> 00:02:13,676 And through these experiences, I've come to recognize 48 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:17,557 that each of us have something called a range of acceptable behavior. 49 00:02:17,581 --> 00:02:22,832 Now, sometimes we're too strong; we push ourselves too much. 50 00:02:22,856 --> 00:02:24,619 That's what happened with my brother. 51 00:02:24,643 --> 00:02:29,269 Even making an offer was outside his range of acceptable behavior. 52 00:02:29,663 --> 00:02:31,187 But sometimes we're too weak. 53 00:02:31,211 --> 00:02:33,275 That's what happened with my wife and I. 54 00:02:33,299 --> 00:02:35,515 And this range of acceptable behaviors -- 55 00:02:35,539 --> 00:02:38,634 when we stay within our range, we're rewarded. 56 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:42,827 When we step outside that range, we get punished in a variety of ways. 57 00:02:42,851 --> 00:02:45,990 We get dismissed or demeaned or even ostracized. 58 00:02:46,014 --> 00:02:49,273 Or we lose that raise or that promotion or that deal. 59 00:02:49,929 --> 00:02:52,693 Now, the first thing we need to know is: 60 00:02:52,717 --> 00:02:54,205 What is my range? 61 00:02:54,744 --> 00:02:58,689 But the key thing is, our range isn't fixed; 62 00:02:59,265 --> 00:03:00,681 it's actually pretty dynamic. 63 00:03:00,705 --> 00:03:04,961 It expands and it narrows based on the context. 64 00:03:05,344 --> 00:03:09,472 And there's one thing that determines that range more than anything else, 65 00:03:10,038 --> 00:03:11,331 and that's your power. 66 00:03:11,355 --> 00:03:13,512 Your power determines your range. 67 00:03:13,536 --> 00:03:14,973 What is power? 68 00:03:14,997 --> 00:03:16,764 Power comes in lots of forms. 69 00:03:16,788 --> 00:03:19,877 In negotiations, it comes in the form of alternatives. 70 00:03:19,901 --> 00:03:21,901 So my brother had no alternatives; 71 00:03:21,925 --> 00:03:23,112 he lacked power. 72 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,956 The company had lots of alternatives; 73 00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:26,146 they had power. 74 00:03:26,170 --> 00:03:29,230 Sometimes it's being new to a country, like an immigrant, 75 00:03:29,254 --> 00:03:30,713 or new to an organization 76 00:03:30,737 --> 00:03:32,296 or new to an experience, 77 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,425 like my wife and I as new parents. 78 00:03:34,449 --> 00:03:35,950 Sometimes it's at work, 79 00:03:35,974 --> 00:03:38,585 where someone's the boss and someone's the subordinate. 80 00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:40,293 Sometimes it's in relationships, 81 00:03:40,317 --> 00:03:43,298 where one person's more invested than the other person. 82 00:03:43,322 --> 00:03:46,837 And the key thing is that when we have lots of power, 83 00:03:46,861 --> 00:03:48,690 our range is very wide. 84 00:03:48,714 --> 00:03:51,345 We have a lot of leeway in how to behave. 85 00:03:51,813 --> 00:03:54,141 But when we lack power, our range narrows. 86 00:03:54,537 --> 00:03:56,332 We have very little leeway. 87 00:03:56,947 --> 00:03:59,729 The problem is that when our range narrows, 88 00:03:59,753 --> 00:04:03,856 that produces something called the low-power double bind. 89 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,983 The low-power double bind happens 90 00:04:07,007 --> 00:04:09,944 when, if we don't speak up, we go unnoticed, 91 00:04:10,576 --> 00:04:12,918 but if we do speak up, we get punished. 92 00:04:13,359 --> 00:04:16,070 Now, many of you have heard the phrase the "double bind" 93 00:04:16,094 --> 00:04:19,041 and connected it with one thing, and that's gender. 94 00:04:19,065 --> 00:04:23,275 The gender double bind is women who don't speak up go unnoticed, 95 00:04:23,299 --> 00:04:25,730 and women who do speak up get punished. 96 00:04:26,127 --> 00:04:31,111 And the key thing is that women have the same need as men to speak up, 97 00:04:31,135 --> 00:04:33,032 but they have barriers to doing so. 98 00:04:34,004 --> 00:04:37,282 But what my research has shown over the last two decades 99 00:04:37,306 --> 00:04:40,587 is that what looks like a gender difference 100 00:04:41,035 --> 00:04:43,432 is not really a gender double bind, 101 00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:45,812 it's a really a low-power double bind. 102 00:04:45,836 --> 00:04:47,720 And what looks like a gender difference 103 00:04:47,744 --> 00:04:50,850 are really often just power differences in disguise. 104 00:04:51,394 --> 00:04:54,117 Oftentimes we see a difference between a man and a woman 105 00:04:54,141 --> 00:04:55,339 or men and women, 106 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:58,971 and think, "Biological cause. There's something fundamentally different 107 00:04:58,995 --> 00:05:00,241 about the sexes." 108 00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:02,119 But in study after study, 109 00:05:02,143 --> 00:05:06,349 I've found that a better explanation for many sex differences 110 00:05:06,893 --> 00:05:08,405 is really power. 111 00:05:08,429 --> 00:05:11,496 And so it's the low-power double bind. 112 00:05:11,975 --> 00:05:16,791 And the low-power double bind means that we have a narrow range, 113 00:05:16,815 --> 00:05:18,645 and we lack power. 114 00:05:18,669 --> 00:05:19,901 We have a narrow range, 115 00:05:19,925 --> 00:05:21,847 and our double bind is very large. 116 00:05:22,335 --> 00:05:24,691 So we need to find ways to expand our range. 117 00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:26,292 And over the last couple decades, 118 00:05:26,316 --> 00:05:29,297 my colleagues and I have found two things really matter. 119 00:05:29,887 --> 00:05:33,892 The first: you seem powerful in your own eyes. 120 00:05:34,284 --> 00:05:37,605 The second: you seem powerful in the eyes of others. 121 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,484 When I feel powerful, 122 00:05:40,117 --> 00:05:41,992 I feel confident, not fearful; 123 00:05:42,016 --> 00:05:43,858 I expand my own range. 124 00:05:43,882 --> 00:05:46,028 When other people see me as powerful, 125 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:49,150 they grant me a wider range. 126 00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:53,928 So we need tools to expand our range of acceptable behavior. 127 00:05:53,952 --> 00:05:56,343 And I'm going to give you a set of tools today. 128 00:05:56,367 --> 00:05:57,985 Speaking up is risky, 129 00:05:58,503 --> 00:06:02,432 but these tools will lower your risk of speaking up. 130 00:06:03,067 --> 00:06:08,901 The first tool I'm going to give you got discovered in negotiations 131 00:06:08,925 --> 00:06:10,305 in an important finding. 132 00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:14,225 On average, women make less ambitions offers 133 00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:17,723 and get worse outcomes than men at the bargaining table. 134 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,317 But Hannah Riley Bowles and Emily Amanatullah have discovered 135 00:06:21,341 --> 00:06:25,019 there's one situation where women get the same outcomes as men 136 00:06:25,043 --> 00:06:26,642 and are just as ambitious. 137 00:06:27,196 --> 00:06:30,804 That's when they advocate for others. 138 00:06:31,251 --> 00:06:33,388 When they advocate for others, 139 00:06:33,412 --> 00:06:38,289 they discover their own range and expand it in their own mind. 140 00:06:38,313 --> 00:06:39,722 They become more assertive. 141 00:06:39,746 --> 00:06:42,620 This is sometimes called "the mama bear effect." 142 00:06:43,483 --> 00:06:45,742 Like a mama bear defending her cubs, 143 00:06:45,766 --> 00:06:49,714 when we advocate for others, we can discover our own voice. 144 00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:53,445 But sometimes, we have to advocate for ourselves. 145 00:06:53,469 --> 00:06:54,809 How do we do that? 146 00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:58,838 One of the most important tools we have to advocate for ourselves 147 00:06:58,862 --> 00:07:01,234 is something called perspective-taking. 148 00:07:01,258 --> 00:07:04,010 And perspective-taking is really simple: 149 00:07:04,034 --> 00:07:08,319 it's simply looking at the world through the eyes of another person. 150 00:07:09,014 --> 00:07:12,802 It's one of the most important tools we have to expand our range. 151 00:07:12,826 --> 00:07:14,533 When I take your perspective, 152 00:07:14,557 --> 00:07:16,996 and I think about what you really want, 153 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:20,390 you're more likely to give me what I really want. 154 00:07:21,461 --> 00:07:22,961 But here's the problem: 155 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,266 perspective-taking is hard to do. 156 00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:26,820 So let's do a little experiment. 157 00:07:26,844 --> 00:07:29,858 I want you all to hold your hand just like this: 158 00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,177 your finger -- put it up. 159 00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:36,002 And I want you to draw a capital letter E on your forehead 160 00:07:36,026 --> 00:07:37,607 as quickly as possible. 161 00:07:40,066 --> 00:07:43,383 OK, it turns out that we can draw this E in one of two ways, 162 00:07:43,407 --> 00:07:46,892 and this was originally designed as a test of perspective-taking. 163 00:07:46,916 --> 00:07:48,837 I'm going to show you two pictures 164 00:07:48,861 --> 00:07:50,861 of someone with an E on their forehead -- 165 00:07:50,885 --> 00:07:52,743 my former student, Erika Hall. 166 00:07:53,294 --> 00:07:55,262 And you can see over here, 167 00:07:55,286 --> 00:07:56,553 that's the correct E. 168 00:07:56,577 --> 00:08:00,027 I drew the E so it looks like an E to another person. 169 00:08:00,051 --> 00:08:02,158 That's the perspective-taking E 170 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:05,237 because it looks like an E from someone else's vantage point. 171 00:08:05,261 --> 00:08:08,271 But this E over here is the self-focused E. 172 00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,509 We often get self-focused. 173 00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:13,500 And we particularly get self-focused in a crisis. 174 00:08:14,064 --> 00:08:16,235 I want to tell you about a particular crisis. 175 00:08:16,259 --> 00:08:19,263 A man walks into a bank in Watsonville, California. 176 00:08:20,285 --> 00:08:22,724 And he says, "Give me $2,000, 177 00:08:22,748 --> 00:08:25,044 or I'm blowing the whole bank up with a bomb." 178 00:08:25,503 --> 00:08:28,028 Now, the bank manager didn't give him the money. 179 00:08:28,052 --> 00:08:29,351 She took a step back. 180 00:08:29,873 --> 00:08:31,329 She took his perspective, 181 00:08:31,353 --> 00:08:33,720 and she noticed something really important. 182 00:08:33,744 --> 00:08:36,450 He asked for a specific amount of money. 183 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:37,679 So she said, 184 00:08:38,669 --> 00:08:40,928 "Why did you ask for $2,000?" 185 00:08:41,265 --> 00:08:43,633 And he said, "My friend is going to be evicted 186 00:08:43,657 --> 00:08:45,920 unless I get him $2,000 immediately." 187 00:08:45,944 --> 00:08:48,994 And she said, "Oh! You don't want to rob the bank -- 188 00:08:49,018 --> 00:08:50,506 you want to take out a loan." 189 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,615 (Laughter) 190 00:08:51,639 --> 00:08:53,512 "Why don't you come back to my office, 191 00:08:53,536 --> 00:08:55,715 and we can have you fill out the paperwork." 192 00:08:55,739 --> 00:08:56,778 (Laughter) 193 00:08:57,214 --> 00:09:01,717 Now, her quick perspective-taking defused a volatile situation. 194 00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:04,095 So when we take someone's perspective, 195 00:09:04,119 --> 00:09:08,725 it allows us to be ambitious and assertive, but still be likable. 196 00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:12,450 Here's another way to be assertive but still be likable, 197 00:09:12,474 --> 00:09:15,005 and that is to signal flexibility. 198 00:09:15,413 --> 00:09:19,475 Now, imagine you're a car salesperson, and you want to sell someone a car. 199 00:09:19,790 --> 00:09:23,793 You're going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options. 200 00:09:24,141 --> 00:09:25,564 Let's say option A: 201 00:09:25,588 --> 00:09:28,688 $24,000 for this car and a five-year warranty. 202 00:09:29,084 --> 00:09:30,257 Or option B: 203 00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:33,493 $23,000 and a three-year warranty. 204 00:09:33,845 --> 00:09:37,423 My research shows that when you give people a choice among options, 205 00:09:37,447 --> 00:09:39,336 it lowers their defenses, 206 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,558 and they're more likely to accept your offer. 207 00:09:42,202 --> 00:09:44,319 And this doesn't just work with salespeople; 208 00:09:44,343 --> 00:09:45,534 it works with parents. 209 00:09:45,558 --> 00:09:46,837 When my niece was four, 210 00:09:46,861 --> 00:09:49,778 she resisted getting dressed and rejected everything. 211 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,688 But then my sister-in-law had a brilliant idea. 212 00:09:53,079 --> 00:09:55,630 What if I gave my daughter a choice? 213 00:09:55,654 --> 00:09:57,675 This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt. 214 00:09:57,699 --> 00:09:59,821 This pant or that pant? OK, that pant. 215 00:09:59,845 --> 00:10:01,183 And it worked brilliantly. 216 00:10:01,207 --> 00:10:04,741 She got dressed quickly and without resistance. 217 00:10:05,498 --> 00:10:07,785 When I've asked the question around the world 218 00:10:07,809 --> 00:10:09,860 when people feel comfortable speaking up, 219 00:10:09,884 --> 00:10:11,220 the number one answer is: 220 00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:15,998 "When I have social support in my audience; when I have allies." 221 00:10:16,022 --> 00:10:19,568 So we want to get allies on our side. 222 00:10:19,957 --> 00:10:21,227 How do we do that? 223 00:10:21,841 --> 00:10:24,010 Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear. 224 00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:25,510 When we advocate for others, 225 00:10:25,534 --> 00:10:29,063 we expand our range in our own eyes and the eyes of others, 226 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,243 but we also earn strong allies. 227 00:10:31,806 --> 00:10:36,513 Another way we can earn strong allies, especially in high places, 228 00:10:36,537 --> 00:10:39,386 is by asking other people for advice. 229 00:10:39,410 --> 00:10:45,291 When we ask others for advice, they like us because we flatter them, 230 00:10:45,315 --> 00:10:46,802 and we're expressing humility. 231 00:10:47,281 --> 00:10:50,477 And this really works to solve another double bind. 232 00:10:50,831 --> 00:10:53,159 And that's the self-promotion double bind. 233 00:10:53,498 --> 00:10:55,002 The self-promotion double bind 234 00:10:55,026 --> 00:10:58,181 is that if we don't advertise our accomplishments, 235 00:10:58,205 --> 00:10:59,415 no one notices. 236 00:10:59,439 --> 00:11:01,843 And if we do, we're not likable. 237 00:11:01,867 --> 00:11:05,433 But if we ask for advice about one of our accomplishments, 238 00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:09,767 we are able to be competent in their eyes but also be likeable. 239 00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:12,502 And this is so powerful 240 00:11:12,526 --> 00:11:15,074 it even works when you see it coming. 241 00:11:15,469 --> 00:11:19,509 There have been multiple times in life when I have been forewarned 242 00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:23,971 that a low-power person has been given the advice to come ask me for advice. 243 00:11:24,289 --> 00:11:26,531 I want you to notice three things about this: 244 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:29,543 First, I knew they were going to come ask me for advice. 245 00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:33,932 Two, I've actually done research on the strategic benefits 246 00:11:33,956 --> 00:11:35,257 of asking for advice. 247 00:11:35,882 --> 00:11:38,208 And three, it still worked! 248 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,873 I took their perspective, 249 00:11:39,897 --> 00:11:42,084 I became more invested in their calls, 250 00:11:42,108 --> 00:11:45,914 I became more committed to them because they asked for advice. 251 00:11:46,343 --> 00:11:49,527 Now, another time we feel more confident speaking up 252 00:11:49,949 --> 00:11:51,690 is when we have expertise. 253 00:11:52,144 --> 00:11:54,299 Expertise gives us credibility. 254 00:11:54,862 --> 00:11:57,789 When we have high power, we already have credibility. 255 00:11:57,813 --> 00:11:59,278 We only need good evidence. 256 00:11:59,777 --> 00:12:02,747 When we lack power, we don't have the credibility. 257 00:12:02,771 --> 00:12:05,033 We need excellent evidence. 258 00:12:05,394 --> 00:12:09,141 And one of the ways we can come across as an expert 259 00:12:09,165 --> 00:12:11,263 is by tapping into our passion. 260 00:12:11,784 --> 00:12:15,958 I want everyone in the next few days to go up to friend of theirs 261 00:12:15,982 --> 00:12:17,227 and just say to them, 262 00:12:17,251 --> 00:12:19,961 "I want you to describe a passion of yours to me." 263 00:12:20,738 --> 00:12:23,223 I've had people do this all over the world 264 00:12:23,247 --> 00:12:24,503 and I asked them, 265 00:12:24,527 --> 00:12:26,696 "What did you notice about the other person 266 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,774 when they described their passion?" 267 00:12:28,798 --> 00:12:30,698 And the answers are always the same. 268 00:12:30,722 --> 00:12:32,730 "Their eyes lit up and got big." 269 00:12:32,754 --> 00:12:35,703 "They smiled a big beaming smile." 270 00:12:35,727 --> 00:12:37,371 "They used their hands all over -- 271 00:12:37,395 --> 00:12:39,877 I had to duck because their hands were coming at me." 272 00:12:39,911 --> 00:12:42,112 "They talk quickly with a little higher pitch." 273 00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:43,110 (Laughter) 274 00:12:43,134 --> 00:12:45,578 "They leaned in as if telling me a secret." 275 00:12:45,602 --> 00:12:46,923 And then I said to them, 276 00:12:46,947 --> 00:12:50,021 "What happened to you as you listened to their passion?" 277 00:12:50,374 --> 00:12:52,654 They said, "My eyes lit up. 278 00:12:52,678 --> 00:12:53,948 I smiled. 279 00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:55,345 I leaned in." 280 00:12:55,369 --> 00:12:57,438 When we tap into our passion, 281 00:12:57,462 --> 00:13:00,828 we give ourselves the courage, in our own eyes, to speak up, 282 00:13:00,852 --> 00:13:03,720 but we also get the permission from others to speak up. 283 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:09,824 Tapping into our passion even works when we come across as too weak. 284 00:13:10,533 --> 00:13:15,007 Both men and women get punished at work when they shed tears. 285 00:13:15,344 --> 00:13:21,762 But Lizzie Wolf has shown that when we frame our strong emotions as passion, 286 00:13:21,786 --> 00:13:27,872 the condemnation of our crying disappears for both men and women. 287 00:13:28,598 --> 00:13:32,066 I want to end with a few words from my late father 288 00:13:32,090 --> 00:13:34,251 that he spoke at my twin brother's wedding. 289 00:13:34,675 --> 00:13:36,260 Here's a picture of us. 290 00:13:37,664 --> 00:13:39,921 My dad was a psychologist like me, 291 00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:43,667 but his real love and his real passion was cinema, 292 00:13:43,691 --> 00:13:44,891 like my brother. 293 00:13:44,915 --> 00:13:47,481 And so he wrote a speech for my brother's wedding 294 00:13:47,505 --> 00:13:50,654 about the roles we play in the human comedy. 295 00:13:50,678 --> 00:13:52,967 And he said, "The lighter your touch, 296 00:13:52,991 --> 00:13:56,843 the better you become at improving and enriching your performance. 297 00:13:57,170 --> 00:14:01,256 Those who embrace their roles and work to improve their performance 298 00:14:02,001 --> 00:14:04,620 grow, change and expand the self. 299 00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:06,375 Play it well, 300 00:14:06,399 --> 00:14:08,372 and your days will be mostly joyful." 301 00:14:08,946 --> 00:14:10,571 What my dad was saying 302 00:14:10,595 --> 00:14:14,381 is that we've all been assigned ranges and roles in this world. 303 00:14:15,048 --> 00:14:18,513 But he was also saying the essence of this talk: 304 00:14:19,005 --> 00:14:24,022 those roles and ranges are constantly expanding and evolving. 305 00:14:24,770 --> 00:14:26,532 So when a scene calls for it, 306 00:14:27,114 --> 00:14:28,730 be a ferocious mama bear 307 00:14:29,251 --> 00:14:30,893 and a humble advice seeker. 308 00:14:31,802 --> 00:14:35,515 Have excellent evidence and strong allies. 309 00:14:35,910 --> 00:14:38,248 Be a passionate perspective taker. 310 00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:40,490 And if you use those tools -- 311 00:14:40,514 --> 00:14:44,080 and each and every one of you can use these tools -- 312 00:14:44,104 --> 00:14:47,970 you will expand your range of acceptable behavior, 313 00:14:47,994 --> 00:14:50,952 and your days will be mostly joyful. 314 00:14:52,082 --> 00:14:53,232 Thank you. 315 00:14:53,256 --> 00:14:55,687 (Applause)