[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.46,0:00:09.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I have a Facebook friend\Nwhose life seems perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.39,0:00:11.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She lives in a gorgeous house.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.77,0:00:14.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she has a really rewarding career.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.46,0:00:15.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she and her family go
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.66,0:00:19.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on all these exciting adventures\Ntogether on the weekends.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.27,0:00:20.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I swear that they must take\N
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.78,0:00:22.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a professional photographer\Nalong with them,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.88,0:00:24.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.23,0:00:26.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because no matter where they go\Nor what they do,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.56,0:00:29.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the whole family just looks beautiful.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.50,0:00:33.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she's always posting \Nabout how blessed she is,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.27,0:00:36.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how grateful she is\Nfor the life that she has.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.27,0:00:39.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I get the feeling\Nthat she's not just saying those things\N
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.18,0:00:43.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the sake of Facebook,\Nbut she truly means it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.51,0:00:48.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many of you have a friend\Nkind of like that?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.56,0:00:50.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how many of you
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.51,0:00:53.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of don't like that person sometimes?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.41,0:00:56.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.22,0:00:58.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all do this, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.80,0:01:00.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's hard not to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.74,0:01:04.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that way of thinking \Ncosts us something.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.55,0:01:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what I want to talk\Nto you about today--
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.96,0:01:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is what our bad habits cost us.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.88,0:01:13.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe you've scrolled through\Nyour Facebook feed\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.22,0:01:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you think, "So what\Nif I roll my eyes?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.69,0:01:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just five seconds of my time.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.22,0:01:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How could it be hurting me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.58,0:01:22.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, researchers have found \N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.25,0:01:25.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that envying your friends on Facebook,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.21,0:01:28.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,actually leads to depression.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.08,0:01:32.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's just one of the traps\Nthat our minds can set for us.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.02,0:01:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you ever complained about your boss?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.46,0:01:37.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or looked at your friends'\Nlives and thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.79,0:01:40.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why do they have all the luck?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.47,0:01:43.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't help thinking that way, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.03,0:01:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That way of thinking seems\Nsmall in the moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.86,0:01:49.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, it might even make you feel\Nbetter in the moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.69,0:01:55.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that way of thinking is\Neating away at your mental strength.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.05,0:01:57.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's three kinds of destructive beliefs\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.77,0:01:59.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that make us less effective,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.85,0:02:03.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and rob us of our mental strength.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.06,0:02:07.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first one is unhealthy\Nbeliefs about ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.85,0:02:10.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We tend to feel sorry for ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.72,0:02:14.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And while it's OK to be sad\Nwhen something bad happens,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.42,0:02:16.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,self-pity goes beyond that.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.22,0:02:19.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's when you start\Nto magnify your misfortune.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.08,0:02:20.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you think things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.67,0:02:23.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why do these things\Nalways have to happen to me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.04,0:02:25.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I shouldn't have to deal with it."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.88,0:02:27.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That way of thinking keeps you stuck,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.76,0:02:29.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,keeps you focused on the problem,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.89,0:02:33.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,keeps you from finding a solution.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.16,0:02:35.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And even when you can't create a solution,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.25,0:02:39.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can always take steps to make\Nyour life or somebody else's life better.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.46,0:02:40.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you can't do that
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.65,0:02:45.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you're busy\Nhosting your own pity party.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.16,0:02:48.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second type of destructive\Nbelief that holds us back
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.81,0:02:52.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is unhealthy beliefs about others.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.08,0:02:54.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We think that other people can control us,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.51,0:02:57.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we give away our power.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.85,0:03:00.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as adults who live in a free country,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.70,0:03:04.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's very few things in life\Nthat you have to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.48,0:03:07.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you say, "I have to work late,"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.26,0:03:09.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you give away your power.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.45,0:03:12.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, maybe there will be\Nconsequences if you don't work late,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.37,0:03:15.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's still a choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.68,0:03:19.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or when you say, "My\Nmother-in-law drives me crazy,"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.76,0:03:22.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you give away your power.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.26,0:03:25.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe she's not the nicest \Nperson on earth,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.17,0:03:27.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's up to you how you respond to her,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.19,0:03:31.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because you're in control.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.42,0:03:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The third type of unhealthy\Nbelief that holds us back,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.02,0:03:38.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is unhealthy beliefs about the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.53,0:03:41.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We tend to think that the world\Nowes us something.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.29,0:03:44.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We think, "If I put in enough hard work,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.08,0:03:47.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I deserve success."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.08,0:03:49.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But expecting success\Nto fall into your lap
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.26,0:03:52.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like some sort of cosmic reward,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.21,0:03:56.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will only lead to disappointment.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.43,0:03:59.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I know it's hard to give up\Nour bad mental habits.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.38,0:04:01.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's hard to get rid of those \Nunhealthy beliefs
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.63,0:04:04.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we've carried around\Nwith us for so long.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.73,0:04:07.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you can't afford not to give them up.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.85,0:04:11.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because sooner or later, you're\Ngoing to hit a time in your life
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.48,0:04:16.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you need all the mental \Nstrength that you can muster.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.91,0:04:19.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was 23 years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.07,0:04:23.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought I had life all figured out.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.01,0:04:25.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I graduated from grad school.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.16,0:04:28.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I landed my first big job as a therapist.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.46,0:04:29.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got married.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.68,0:04:31.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I even bought a house.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.36,0:04:33.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought,\N"This is going to be great!"\N
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.36,0:04:36.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I've got this incredible\Njump start on success."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.46,0:04:39.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What could go wrong?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.50,0:04:41.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That all changed for me one day
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.46,0:04:44.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I got a phone call from my sister.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.57,0:04:47.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said that our mother\Nwas found unresponsive
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.86,0:04:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she'd been taken to the hospital.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.80,0:04:54.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My husband Lincoln and I jumped \Nin the car and rushed to the hospital.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.93,0:04:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We couldn't imagine what could be wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.50,0:04:59.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mother was only 51.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.32,0:05:04.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She didn't have any history\Nof any kind of health problems.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.43,0:05:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we got to the hospital,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.90,0:05:10.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doctors explained she'd had\Na brain aneurysm.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.07,0:05:13.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And within 24 hours, my mother,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.02,0:05:17.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who used to wake up in the morning\Nsaying, "It's a great day to be alive,"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.24,0:05:19.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,passed away.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.48,0:05:21.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That news was devastating to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.23,0:05:23.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mother and I had been very close.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.89,0:05:28.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a therapist, I knew on an intellectual\Nlevel how to go through grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.28,0:05:32.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But knowing it, and doing it, \Ncan be two very different things.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.87,0:05:38.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It took a long time before I felt\Nlike I was really healing.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.21,0:05:42.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then on the three year anniversary\Nof my mother's death,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.50,0:05:44.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some friends called,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.19,0:05:48.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and invited Lincoln and me\Nto a basketball game.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.47,0:05:50.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Coincidentally, it was being played\N
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.78,0:05:54.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the same auditorium\Nwhere I'd last seen my mother,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.39,0:05:57.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the night before she'd passed away.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.44,0:05:59.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hadn't been back there since.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.49,0:06:01.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't even sure I wanted to go back.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.92,0:06:05.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But Lincoln and I talked about it,\Nand ultimately we said,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.41,0:06:08.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Maybe that would be a good way\Nto honor her memory."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.47,0:06:10.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we went to the game.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.32,0:06:13.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we actually had a really good\Ntime with our friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.49,0:06:15.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the drive home that night,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.17,0:06:16.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we talked about how great it was
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.71,0:06:19.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to finally be able to go\Nback to that place,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.06,0:06:21.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and remember my mother with a smile,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.25,0:06:25.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than all those feelings of sadness.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.84,0:06:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But shortly after we got home that night, \NLincoln said he didn't feel well.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.21,0:06:34.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A few minutes later, he collapsed.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.55,0:06:37.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had to call for an ambulance.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.85,0:06:40.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His family met me at the emergency room.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.63,0:06:43.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We waited for what seemed like forever,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.70,0:06:46.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until finally a doctor came out.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.70,0:06:49.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But rather than taking\Nus out back to see Lincoln,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.65,0:06:53.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he took us back to a private room,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.48,0:06:55.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sat us down,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.27,0:06:57.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and explained to us that Lincoln,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.10,0:06:59.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was the most adventurous\Nperson I'd ever met,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.95,0:07:03.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was gone.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.25,0:07:06.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We didn't know at the time, \Nbut he'd had a heart attack.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.58,0:07:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was only 26.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.98,0:07:14.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He didn't have any history\Nof heart problems.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.02,0:07:17.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So now I found myself a 26-year-old widow,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.02,0:07:19.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I didn't have my mom.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.66,0:07:22.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought, "How am I going\Nto get through this/"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.59,0:07:25.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to describe that\Nas a painful period in my life
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.27,0:07:27.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feels like an understatement.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.51,0:07:29.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was during that time\Nthat I realized
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.68,0:07:31.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you're really going\Nthrough tough times,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.87,0:07:34.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,good habits aren't enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.05,0:07:37.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It only takes one or two small habits
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.27,0:07:40.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to really hold you back.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.02,0:07:41.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I worked as hard as I could,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.97,0:07:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just to create good habits in my life,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.00,0:07:46.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but to get rid of those small habits,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.24,0:07:49.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no matter how small they might seem.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.26,0:07:50.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Throughout it all,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.52,0:07:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I held out hope that someday\Nlife could get better.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.76,0:07:57.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And eventually it did.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.22,0:07:59.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A few years down the road, I met Steve.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.56,0:08:01.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we fell in love.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.27,0:08:03.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I got remarried.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.56,0:08:05.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We sold the house that\NLincoln and I had lived in,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.96,0:08:09.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we bought a new house, in a new area,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.16,0:08:12.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I got a new job.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.16,0:08:15.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But almost as quickly\Nas I breathed my sigh of relief
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.10,0:08:17.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,over that fresh start that I had,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.95,0:08:22.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we got the news that Steve's dad\Nhad terminal cancer.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.97,0:08:24.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I started to think,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.18,0:08:26.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why do these things always\Nhave to keep happening?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.61,0:08:29.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why do I have to keep losing\Nall my loved ones?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.02,0:08:33.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"This isn't fair."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.10,0:08:34.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if I'd learned anything,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.86,0:08:39.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was that that way of thinking\Nwould hold me back.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.65,0:08:41.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew I was going to need
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.04,0:08:43.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as much mental strength as I could muster,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.33,0:08:46.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get through one more loss.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.46,0:08:48.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I sat down and I wrote a list
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.53,0:08:52.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of all the things mentally\Nstrong people don't do.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.70,0:08:54.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I read over that list.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.24,0:08:56.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a reminder of all\Nof those bad habits
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.80,0:09:01.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I'd done at one time or another, \Nthat would keep me stuck.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.10,0:09:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I kept reading\Nthat list over and over.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.68,0:09:05.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I really needed it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.42,0:09:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because within a few weeks of writing it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.98,0:09:12.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Steve's dad passed away.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.97,0:09:17.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My journey taught me that the secret\Nto being mentally strong,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.41,0:09:21.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that you had to give up\Nyour bad mental habits.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.22,0:09:24.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mental strength is a lot\Nlike physical strength.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.07,0:09:26.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you wanted to be physically strong,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.56,0:09:29.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'd need to go to the gym\Nand lift weights.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.06,0:09:31.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if you really wanted to see results,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.93,0:09:35.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'd also have to give up\Neating junk food.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.00,0:09:36.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mental strength is the same.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.38,0:09:38.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you want to be mentally strong,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.23,0:09:41.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you need good habits\Nlike practicing gratitude.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.94,0:09:43.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you also have to give up bad habits,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.87,0:09:47.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like resenting somebody else's success.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.27,0:09:49.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No matter how often that happens,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.69,0:09:53.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it will hold you back.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.26,0:09:57.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, how do you train\Nyour brain to think differently?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.28,0:10:00.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do you give up those bad mental habits
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.29,0:10:03.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you've carried around with you?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.09,0:10:07.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It starts by countering those\Nunhealthy beliefs that I talked about,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.53,0:10:10.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with healthier ones.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.75,0:10:13.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, unhealthy\Nbeliefs about ourselves
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.88,0:10:17.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mostly come about because we're \Nuncomfortable with our feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.41,0:10:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Feeling sad, or hurt, or angry, or scared,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.98,0:10:22.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those things are all uncomfortable.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.51,0:10:25.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we go to great lengths\Nto avoid that discomfort.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.78,0:10:28.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We try to escape it
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.16,0:10:31.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by doing things like hosting a pity party.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.86,0:10:34.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And although that's\Na temporary distraction,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.46,0:10:36.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it just prolongs the pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.65,0:10:39.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only way to get through \Nuncomfortable emotions,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.62,0:10:42.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the only way to deal with them,\Nis you have to go through them.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.70,0:10:46.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To let yourself feel sad,\Nand then move on.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.26,0:10:47.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To gain confidence in your ability
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.95,0:10:51.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to deal with that discomfort.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.85,0:10:54.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unhealthy beliefs about others come about
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.66,0:10:57.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we compare\Nourselves to other people.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.68,0:11:00.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We think that they're\Neither above us or below us.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.66,0:11:02.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or we think that they can\Ncontrol how we feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.87,0:11:05.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or that we can control how they behave.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.21,0:11:07.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or we blame them for holding us back.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.91,0:11:11.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But really, it's our own\Nchoices that do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.35,0:11:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to accept\Nthat you're your own person,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.56,0:11:16.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and other people are separate from you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.03,0:11:18.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only person you should\Ncompare yourself to,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.30,0:11:22.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the person that you were yesterday.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.30,0:11:25.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And unhealthy beliefs\Nabout the world come about
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.17,0:11:29.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because deep down,\Nwe want the world to be fair.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.03,0:11:32.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We want to think that if we\Nput in enough good deeds,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.51,0:11:34.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,enough good things will happen to us.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.77,0:11:37.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or if we tough it out\Nthrough enough bad times,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.42,0:11:40.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'll get some sort of reward.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.42,0:11:44.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But ultimately you have\Nto accept that life isn't fair.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.56,0:11:46.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that can be liberating.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.55,0:11:50.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, it means you won't necessarily\Nbe rewarded for your goodness,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.08,0:11:52.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it also means no matter\Nhow much you've suffered,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.86,0:11:56.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're not doomed to keep suffering.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.50,0:11:59.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The world doesn't work that way.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.20,0:12:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your world is what you make it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.64,0:12:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But of course before you\Ncan change your world,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.02,0:12:08.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to believe\Nthat you can change it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.84,0:12:13.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I once worked with this man\Nwho had been diabetic for years.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.24,0:12:15.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His doctor referred him to therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.45,0:12:17.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because he had some bad mental habits
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.72,0:12:21.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that were starting to affect\Nhis physical health.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.18,0:12:25.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His mother had died from complications\Nof diabetes at a young age,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.24,0:12:27.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so he just believed he was doomed,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.69,0:12:31.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he'd given up trying to manage\Nhis blood sugar altogether.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.83,0:12:34.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, his blood sugar\Nhad gotten so high lately,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.78,0:12:37.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it was starting to affect his vision.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.38,0:12:40.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he had his driver's\Nlicense taken away.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.38,0:12:44.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his world was shrinking.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.13,0:12:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When he came into my office, it was clear
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.49,0:12:50.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he knew all the things\Nhe could do to manage his blood sugar.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.20,0:12:54.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He just didn't think\Nit was worth the effort.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.22,0:12:58.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But eventually, he agreed\Nto make one small change.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.91,0:13:02.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "I'll give up\Nmy two liter-a-day Pepsi habit,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.32,0:13:05.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'll trade it in for Diet Pepsi."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.14,0:13:10.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he couldn't believe how quickly\Nhis numbers started to improve.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.63,0:13:12.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And even though he came every week
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.46,0:13:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to remind me how horrible\NDiet Pepsi tasted,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.62,0:13:19.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he stuck with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.57,0:13:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And once he started to see\Na little bit of improvement,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.18,0:13:25.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he said, "Well, maybe I could\Nlook at some of my other habits."\N
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.93,0:13:28.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "I could trade in\Nmy nightly bowl of ice cream
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.94,0:13:32.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a snack with a little less sugar."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.18,0:13:35.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then one day he was at a thrift\Nstore with some friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.78,0:13:38.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he found this beat-up\Nold exercise bike.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.68,0:13:40.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He bought it for a couple of bucks,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.72,0:13:44.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he brought it home,\Nand he parked it in front of his TV.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.22,0:13:45.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he started to pedal
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.42,0:13:49.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while he'd watch some\Nof his favorite shows every night.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.48,0:13:51.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And not only did he lose weight,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.78,0:13:55.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but one day, he noticed\Nhe could see the TV
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.59,0:13:59.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just a little bit more clearly\Nthan he had before.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.78,0:14:01.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And suddenly it occurred to him,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.88,0:14:06.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe the damage done\Nto his eyesight wasn't permanent.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.64,0:14:08.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he set a new goal for himself--
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.33,0:14:11.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get his driver's license back.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.24,0:14:14.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And from that day forward, he was on fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.71,0:14:17.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By the end of our time together,\Nhe was coming in every week
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.58,0:14:21.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,saying, "OK, what are we\Ngoing to do this week?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.02,0:14:24.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because he finally believed\Nthat he could change his world.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.54,0:14:27.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that he had the mental\Nstrength to change it.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:27.80,0:14:30.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that he could give up\Nhis bad mental habits.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.33,0:14:35.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it all started\Nwith just one small step.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.68,0:14:37.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I invite you to consider
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.68,0:14:41.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what bad mental habits\Nare holding you back?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.56,0:14:43.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What unhealthy beliefs
Dialogue: 0,0:14:43.17,0:14:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are keeping you from being\Nas mentally strong as you could be?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.88,0:14:51.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what is one small step\Nthat you could take today?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.48,0:14:54.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right here, right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.57,0:14:55.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.91,0:14:57.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)