WEBVTT

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Hi.

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My role was that he called me
after every jump.

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I'd spoken to him the day before,

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and he was so excited
about the way his trip was going.

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The next day when the phone rang,
it was J.T. calling.

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He said two words:

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"Shane's dead."

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I went silent, I screamed,
I hung up the phone.

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I had no idea what to do,

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my brain was screaming,
I couldn't breathe,

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and my daughter was staring at me,
scared and confused.

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I left South Africa when I was 21
to go travel the world

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and find my Persian birth father.

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I never met him,
and it's really pissed me off.

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(Laughter)

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But now that I look back,

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it's thanks to him that I met
the love of my life and my soulmate.

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Shane McConkey

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was named one of the most
influential skiers in the world.

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He completely disrupted the ski industry
by changing everything

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from the shape of skis
to the way we ski in powder.

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Shane won extreme ski competitions;
he was a ski movie star.

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And he did insane skiing feats

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like combining skiing
with BASE jumping and wingsuiting.

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People loved Shane.

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They loved him because he was real.

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He made them laugh with his wacky
sense of humor and practical jokes,

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and he invited them into his world
and made them feel special.

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He loved oddballs and outcasts,
and he shattered the idea of cool cliques.

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When he had an idea, he made it happen.

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Like going to K2 and asking them

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to spend millions of dollars
and change their skis.

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They looked at him sideways,

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but through dedication and determination
he blew the roof off the ski industry

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both as an athlete and an innovator.

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He was kind and he had empathy.

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When "Make a Wish" approached him
to grant a kid's wish

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he was honored and went above and beyond

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to make this kid
have the time of his life.

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He loved animals and our world

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and was not afraid to preach
in what he believed in.

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He was a horrible cook
and a terrible cleaner -

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(Laughter)

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but when he did do this,
it was awesome and entertaining.

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We married in 2004,

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and in 2005 he gave me the best gift ever:

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our daughter Ayla.

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We went through the world
with a wow and delight

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and his infectious personality
poured into Ayla.

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He was smitten
and he was an amazing father.

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On March 26, 2009,

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in the Dolomite Alps of Italy,

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Shane and one of his
best friends, J.T. Holmes,

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performing a wingsuit ski BASE jump -

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this is where you ski off a huge cliff,
release your skis

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and fly away and then eventually land.

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Shane skied off this cliff,
did two huge backflips,

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reached down to pull off his skis,
but only one came off.

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You have to get both skis off
in order to pull your chute;

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otherwise, they could get tangled
in your parachute lines.

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By the time Shane got his skis off,

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turned around to pull his chute,

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it was too late.

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My life changed forever.

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There's no way
to explain that kind of pain,

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it's a constant circle of emotions:

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fear, guilt, loss, anger,

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and those words don't do justice.

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It's like somebody's squeezing your throat
and stepping on your chest;

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you can't breathe.

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In the last few years in Tahoe,
our community's seen a lot of death.

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Not all of it has been BASE
or parachute related,

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but a lot of it has.

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Soon after I was asked to do this talk,
one of those deaths hit close to home.

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This particular death was
a result of a sky diving accident

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of yet another amazing friend.

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I'm not an angry person,
but for the first time in my life

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I was overcome with anger,
real raw gut-wringing anger.

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I felt the pain of a grieving wife

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and the kids that
wouldn't know their father.

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And I saw herself in me, and it killed me.

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I was re-living Shane's passing,
and I was emotionally exhausted

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by so many of our friends
dying way too young.

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All I wanted to do is run.

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I wanted to leave Tahoe,
I wanted to go find a normal life,

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I wanted to escape
the trauma and the pain.

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I've always coped with pain
by riding my bike.

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In fact, I actually call my bike
"my boyfriend," and his name's Bronson.

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(Laughter)

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Riding opens my mind;

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it makes me a better mother,
and it lets me cry without being judged.

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So, on that particular day
I cried, I screamed,

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and then I had an epiphany.

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I thought to myself, "What am I thinking?
I have no right being angry.

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I get to live on this beautiful world,

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I have an incredible community
of people that I love,

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and I have a daughter
who's expecting me to be strong."

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I also reminded myself
that I chose this lifestyle.

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After all, I married a guy
who does unusual things for a living,

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not a guy who works at Microsoft -
no offence, Microsoft guys.

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(Laughter)

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And this life is my normal.

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Through my epiphany, I also came
to realize how much I learned from Shane

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and made the decision to try my hardest

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at things that I love
and that I have passion for.

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There were times when I was so frustrated;
it was so hard for me.

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Growing up, I always thought
of myself as the dumb kid.

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My siblings had an easy time
at school, and I struggled.

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I never went to college,

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and I've carried out
this insecurity throughout life.

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School didn't agree with Shane either,
but he didn't care.

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He knew what he wanted to do,
and he was going to do it no matter what.

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Shane taught me, if I had
the courage to be authentic,

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hold myself into things that I love,

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anything is possible.

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After Shane's death, I came to realize

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that the people who admired Shane
were grieving for him too.

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So I got together with a group
of wonderful friends,

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and we started the
Shane McConkey Foundation.

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Over the last six years,
we've donated over 250.000 dollars

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to causes that both
Shane and I care about.

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We also started the
Shane McConkey Eco-Challenge,

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a competition for kids,
for schools nationwide,

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to learn about and implement
environmental change.

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The response has been amazing.

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And it's been an incredible process
of healing, self-discovery,

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and figuring out that my passion
is to make a difference in the world.

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I was also part of making
a documentary about my husband.

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Although this movie has been
one of the hardest things I've ever done,

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this movie has won awards,
it's made people laugh and cry,

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and it's inspired thousands of people
all over the world;

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and I've received
hundreds of amazing e-mails

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about how Shane has influenced
somebody's life in a positive way.

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And I cannot explain
how amazing that feels.

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It is through Shane that I learned
the most about myself.

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And it's through his death
that I learned how to endure heartache,

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overcome obstacles,
and become a bigger version of me.

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I persevere through his death,

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and although I can't
and never will be able to explain

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loosing the love of my life,

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I can say

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that through incredible tragedy,
I discovered a new me

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and my story is far from over.

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Being happy is not dependent
on my circumstance.

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Pursuing passion and living life,

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really living life,

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is the greatest choice
I can make every day.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)