0:00:00.760,0:00:05.296
When I was a kid, I was obsessed[br]with the Guinness Book of World Records,

0:00:05.320,0:00:08.776
and I really wanted[br]to set a world record myself.

0:00:08.800,0:00:11.496
But there was just one small problem:

0:00:11.520,0:00:13.680
I had absolutely no talent.

0:00:14.520,0:00:17.936
So I decided to set[br]a world record in something

0:00:17.960,0:00:20.840
that demanded absolutely no skill at all.

0:00:21.840,0:00:24.576
I decided to set a world record

0:00:24.600,0:00:25.800
in crawling.

0:00:27.680,0:00:30.656
(Laughter)

0:00:30.680,0:00:34.200
Now, the record at the time[br]was 12 and a half miles,

0:00:35.840,0:00:39.016
and for some reason,[br]this seemed totally manageable.

0:00:39.040,0:00:41.200
(Laughter)

0:00:42.640,0:00:44.136
I recruited my friend Anne,

0:00:44.160,0:00:47.736
and together we decided,[br]we didn't even need to train.

0:00:47.760,0:00:51.016
(Laughter)

0:00:51.040,0:00:52.856
And on the day of our record attempt,

0:00:52.880,0:00:56.536
we put furniture pads[br]on the outside of our good luck jeans

0:00:56.560,0:00:57.960
and we set off,

0:00:58.720,0:01:01.776
and right away, we were in trouble,

0:01:01.800,0:01:03.896
because the denim was against our skin

0:01:03.920,0:01:05.495
and it began to chafe,

0:01:05.519,0:01:08.160
and soon our knees were being chewed up.

0:01:08.920,0:01:10.120
Hours in,

0:01:11.160,0:01:12.360
it began to rain.

0:01:13.520,0:01:15.960
Then, Anne dropped out.

0:01:17.400,0:01:19.360
Then, it got dark.

0:01:20.680,0:01:23.496
Now, by now, my knees[br]were bleeding through my jeans,

0:01:23.520,0:01:25.736
and I was hallucinating from the cold

0:01:25.760,0:01:28.456
and the pain and the monotony.

0:01:28.480,0:01:32.000
And to give you an idea[br]of the suffer-fest that I was undergoing,

0:01:33.120,0:01:37.240
the first lap around[br]the high school track took 10 minutes.

0:01:37.880,0:01:40.680
The last lap took almost 30.

0:01:42.000,0:01:46.416
After 12 hours of crawling,

0:01:46.440,0:01:47.776
I stopped,

0:01:47.800,0:01:50.680
and I had gone eight and a half miles.

0:01:51.880,0:01:55.536
So I was short of[br]the 12-and-a-half-mile record.

0:01:55.560,0:02:00.096
Now, for many years, I thought[br]this was a story of abject failure,

0:02:00.120,0:02:02.616
but today I see it differently,

0:02:02.640,0:02:05.496
because when I was[br]attempting the world record,

0:02:05.520,0:02:07.016
I was doing three things.

0:02:07.040,0:02:09.376
I was getting outside my comfort zone,

0:02:09.400,0:02:11.656
I was calling upon my resilience,

0:02:11.680,0:02:14.416
and I was finding confidence in myself

0:02:14.440,0:02:15.840
and my own decisions.

0:02:16.440,0:02:17.696
I didn't know it then,

0:02:17.720,0:02:20.640
but those are not[br]the attributes of failure.

0:02:21.480,0:02:24.080
Those are the attributes of bravery.

0:02:25.280,0:02:27.856
Now, in 1989, at the age of 26,

0:02:27.880,0:02:30.120
I became a San Francisco firefighter,

0:02:30.800,0:02:34.976
and I was the 15th woman[br]in a department of 1,500 men.

0:02:35.000,0:02:38.760
(Applause)

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And as you can imagine, when I arrived

0:02:43.120,0:02:45.816
there were many doubts[br]about whether we could do the job.

0:02:45.840,0:02:51.176
So even though I was a 5'10",[br]150-pound collegiate rower,

0:02:51.200,0:02:55.576
and someone who could endure[br]12 hours of searing knee pain --

0:02:55.600,0:02:57.216
(Laughter)

0:02:57.240,0:03:00.256
I knew I still had to prove[br]my strength and fitness.

0:03:00.280,0:03:02.096
So one day a call came in for a fire,

0:03:02.120,0:03:04.359
and sure enough,[br]when my engine group pulled up,

0:03:04.383,0:03:08.416
there was black smoke billowing[br]from a building off an alleyway.

0:03:08.440,0:03:10.656
And I was with a big guy named Skip,

0:03:10.680,0:03:13.416
and he was on the nozzle,[br]and I was right behind,

0:03:13.440,0:03:15.256
and it was a typical sort of fire.

0:03:15.280,0:03:18.160
It was smoky, it was hot,

0:03:18.680,0:03:20.376
and all of a sudden,

0:03:20.400,0:03:22.176
there was an explosion,

0:03:22.200,0:03:24.376
and Skip and I were blown backwards,

0:03:24.400,0:03:26.536
my mask was knocked sideways,

0:03:26.560,0:03:28.816
and there was this moment of confusion.

0:03:28.840,0:03:32.256
And then I picked myself up,

0:03:32.280,0:03:34.096
I groped for the nozzle,

0:03:34.120,0:03:36.616
and I did what a firefighter[br]was supposed to do:

0:03:36.640,0:03:38.376
I lunged forward,

0:03:38.400,0:03:39.856
opened up the water

0:03:39.880,0:03:41.760
and I tackled the fire myself.

0:03:42.720,0:03:44.976
The explosion had been caused[br]by a water heater,

0:03:45.000,0:03:47.696
so nobody was hurt,[br]and ultimately it was not a big deal,

0:03:47.720,0:03:50.976
but later Skip came up to me and said,

0:03:51.000,0:03:52.736
"Nice job, Caroline,"

0:03:52.760,0:03:55.056
in this surprised sort of voice.

0:03:55.080,0:03:56.680
(Laughter)

0:03:57.600,0:04:01.416
And I was confused, because[br]the fire hadn't been difficult physically,

0:04:01.440,0:04:05.760
so why was he looking at me[br]with something like astonishment?

0:04:06.480,0:04:08.136
And then it became clear:

0:04:08.160,0:04:11.296
Skip, who was by the way a really nice guy

0:04:11.320,0:04:13.536
and an excellent firefighter,

0:04:13.560,0:04:16.935
not only thought[br]that women could not be strong,

0:04:16.959,0:04:20.000
he thought that they[br]could not be brave either.

0:04:20.760,0:04:22.360
And he wasn't the only one.

0:04:23.560,0:04:25.816
Friends, acquaintances and strangers,

0:04:25.840,0:04:27.896
men and women throughout my career

0:04:27.920,0:04:29.376
ask me over and over,

0:04:29.400,0:04:33.336
"Caroline, all that fire, all that danger,

0:04:33.360,0:04:34.600
aren't you scared?"

0:04:35.320,0:04:38.200
Honestly, I never heard[br]a male firefighter asked this.

0:04:38.920,0:04:40.440
And I became curious.

0:04:41.200,0:04:44.360
Why wasn't bravery expected of women?

0:04:45.760,0:04:47.536
Now, the answer began to come

0:04:47.560,0:04:49.296
when a friend of mine lamented to me

0:04:49.320,0:04:51.776
that her young daughter[br]was a big scaredy-cat,

0:04:51.800,0:04:53.736
and so I began to notice,

0:04:53.760,0:04:56.456
and yes, the daughter was anxious,

0:04:56.480,0:04:59.240
but more than that,[br]the parents were anxious.

0:05:00.120,0:05:03.376
Most of what they said to her[br]when she was outside began with,

0:05:03.400,0:05:07.000
"Be careful," "Watch out," or "No."

0:05:08.920,0:05:11.576
Now, my friends were not bad parents.

0:05:11.600,0:05:14.296
They were just doing what most parents do,

0:05:14.320,0:05:18.320
which is cautioning their daughters[br]much more than they caution their sons.

0:05:19.440,0:05:23.520
There was a study involving[br]a playground fire pole, ironically,

0:05:24.480,0:05:28.576
in which researchers saw that little girls[br]were very likely to be warned

0:05:28.600,0:05:32.296
by both their moms and dads[br]about the fire pole's risk,

0:05:32.320,0:05:35.776
and if the little girls[br]still wanted to play on the fire pole,

0:05:35.800,0:05:38.520
a parent was very likely to assist her.

0:05:39.280,0:05:40.560
But the little boys?

0:05:41.160,0:05:43.936
They were encouraged[br]to play on the fire pole

0:05:43.960,0:05:46.896
despite any trepidations[br]that they might have,

0:05:46.920,0:05:52.040
and often the parents offered[br]guidance on how to use it on their own.

0:05:53.480,0:05:57.440
So what message does this send[br]to both boys and girls?

0:05:57.920,0:06:01.856
Well, that girls are fragile[br]and more in need of help,

0:06:01.880,0:06:05.920
and that boys can and should[br]master difficult tasks by themselves.

0:06:06.520,0:06:09.256
It says that girls should be fearful

0:06:09.280,0:06:11.600
and boys should be gutsy.

0:06:13.160,0:06:15.656
Now, the irony is that at this young age,

0:06:15.680,0:06:18.176
girls and boys are actually[br]very alike physically.

0:06:18.200,0:06:20.856
In fact, girls are often[br]stronger until puberty,

0:06:20.880,0:06:22.120
and more mature.

0:06:22.480,0:06:24.456
And yet we adults act

0:06:24.480,0:06:26.816
as if girls are more fragile

0:06:26.840,0:06:28.776
and more in need of help,

0:06:28.800,0:06:30.480
and they can't handle as much.

0:06:31.160,0:06:33.736
This is the message[br]that we absorb as kids,

0:06:33.760,0:06:37.456
and this is the message[br]that fully permeates as we grow up.

0:06:37.480,0:06:39.936
We women believe it, men believe it,

0:06:39.960,0:06:41.496
and guess what?

0:06:41.520,0:06:44.856
As we become parents,[br]we pass it on to our children,

0:06:44.880,0:06:46.200
and so it goes.

0:06:46.720,0:06:49.216
Well, so now I had my answer.

0:06:49.240,0:06:51.816
This is why women, even firewomen,

0:06:51.840,0:06:53.936
were expected to be scared.

0:06:53.960,0:06:57.040
This is why women often are scared.

0:06:57.920,0:07:01.056
Now, I know some of you[br]won't believe me when I tell you this,

0:07:01.080,0:07:03.560
but I am not against fear.

0:07:04.200,0:07:08.016
I know it's an important emotion,[br]and it's there to keep us safe.

0:07:08.040,0:07:11.216
But the problem is[br]when fear is the primary reaction

0:07:11.240,0:07:13.576
that we teach and encourage in girls

0:07:13.600,0:07:16.240
whenever they face something[br]outside their comfort zone.

0:07:17.760,0:07:20.400
So I was a paraglider pilot[br]for many years --

0:07:21.800,0:07:23.696
(Applause)

0:07:23.720,0:07:26.136
and a paraglider is a parachute-like wing,

0:07:26.160,0:07:29.896
and it does fly very well,

0:07:29.920,0:07:32.816
but to many people I realize[br]it looks just like a bedsheet

0:07:32.840,0:07:34.336
with strings attached.

0:07:34.360,0:07:35.536
(Laughter)

0:07:35.560,0:07:38.016
And I spent a lot of time on mountaintops

0:07:38.040,0:07:39.616
inflating this bedsheet,

0:07:39.640,0:07:41.320
running off and flying.

0:07:42.560,0:07:44.136
And I know what you're thinking.

0:07:44.160,0:07:47.440
You're like, Caroline,[br]a little fear would make sense here.

0:07:48.800,0:07:50.656
And you're right, it does.

0:07:50.680,0:07:53.176
I assure you, I did feel fear.

0:07:53.200,0:07:54.456
But on that mountaintop,

0:07:54.480,0:07:56.536
waiting for the wind[br]to come in just right,

0:07:56.560,0:07:58.776
I felt so many other things, too:

0:07:58.800,0:08:01.080
exhilaration, confidence.

0:08:02.000,0:08:03.776
I knew I was a good pilot.

0:08:03.800,0:08:06.816
I knew the conditions were good,[br]or I wouldn't be there.

0:08:06.840,0:08:10.376
I knew how great it was going to be[br]a thousand feet in the air.

0:08:10.400,0:08:13.016
So yes, fear was there,

0:08:13.040,0:08:15.216
but I would take a good hard look at it,

0:08:15.240,0:08:17.896
assess just how relevant it was

0:08:17.920,0:08:20.256
and then put it where it belonged,

0:08:20.280,0:08:21.696
which was more often than not

0:08:21.720,0:08:25.696
behind my exhilaration, my anticipation

0:08:25.720,0:08:26.920
and my confidence.

0:08:27.400,0:08:29.416
So I'm not against fear.

0:08:29.440,0:08:31.960
I'm just pro-bravery.

0:08:34.520,0:08:37.736
Now, I'm not saying[br]your girls must be firefighters

0:08:37.760,0:08:39.976
or that they should be paragliders,

0:08:40.000,0:08:44.760
but I am saying that we are raising[br]our girls to be timid, even helpless,

0:08:45.600,0:08:49.216
and it begins when we caution them[br]against physical risk.

0:08:49.240,0:08:51.856
The fear we learn[br]and the experiences we don't

0:08:51.880,0:08:53.696
stay with us as we become women

0:08:53.720,0:08:57.976
and morphs into all those things[br]that we face and try to shed:

0:08:58.000,0:09:00.296
our hesitation in speaking out,

0:09:00.320,0:09:02.976
our deference so that we can be liked

0:09:03.000,0:09:05.720
and our lack of confidence[br]in our own decisions.

0:09:06.960,0:09:09.280
So how do we become brave?

0:09:10.440,0:09:12.216
Well, here's the good news.

0:09:12.240,0:09:14.216
Bravery is learned,

0:09:14.240,0:09:15.656
and like anything learned,

0:09:15.680,0:09:17.520
it just needs to be practiced.

0:09:18.040,0:09:19.616
So first,

0:09:19.640,0:09:21.336
we have to take a deep breath

0:09:21.360,0:09:23.416
and encourage our girls

0:09:23.440,0:09:26.136
to skateboard, climb trees

0:09:26.160,0:09:28.720
and clamber around[br]on that playground fire pole.

0:09:29.480,0:09:31.656
This is what my own mother did.

0:09:31.680,0:09:33.456
She didn't know it then,

0:09:33.480,0:09:35.776
but researchers have a name for this.

0:09:35.800,0:09:37.896
They call it risky play,

0:09:37.920,0:09:42.376
and studies show that risky play[br]is really important for kids, all kids,

0:09:42.400,0:09:44.976
because it teaches hazard assessment,

0:09:45.000,0:09:47.176
it teaches delayed gratification,

0:09:47.200,0:09:48.976
it teaches resilience,

0:09:49.000,0:09:50.320
it teaches confidence.

0:09:51.080,0:09:52.536
In other words,

0:09:52.560,0:09:55.856
when kids get outside[br]and practice bravery,

0:09:55.880,0:09:59.040
they learn valuable life lessons.

0:10:00.600,0:10:05.336
Second, we have to stop[br]cautioning our girls willy-nilly.

0:10:05.360,0:10:07.776
So notice next time you say,

0:10:07.800,0:10:09.656
"Watch out, you're going to get hurt,"

0:10:09.680,0:10:11.760
or, "Don't do that, it's dangerous."

0:10:12.480,0:10:16.056
And remember that often[br]what you're really telling her

0:10:16.080,0:10:18.496
is that she shouldn't be pushing herself,

0:10:18.520,0:10:20.696
that she's really not good enough,

0:10:20.720,0:10:22.520
that she should be afraid.

0:10:24.320,0:10:25.520
Third,

0:10:26.080,0:10:29.080
we women have to start[br]practicing bravery, too.

0:10:29.880,0:10:33.040
We cannot teach our girls[br]until we teach ourselves.

0:10:33.960,0:10:35.856
So here's another thing:

0:10:35.880,0:10:38.976
fear and exhilaration

0:10:39.000,0:10:40.760
feel very similar --

0:10:41.760,0:10:44.336
the shaky hands,[br]the heightened heart rate,

0:10:44.360,0:10:45.736
the nervous tension,

0:10:45.760,0:10:47.496
and I'm betting that for many of you

0:10:47.520,0:10:50.336
the last time you thought[br]you were scared out of your wits,

0:10:50.360,0:10:53.296
you may have been feeling[br]mostly exhilaration,

0:10:53.320,0:10:55.280
and now you've missed an opportunity.

0:10:55.720,0:10:56.920
So practice.

0:10:57.560,0:11:00.536
And while girls should be getting[br]outside to learn to be gutsy,

0:11:00.560,0:11:06.656
I get that adults don't want[br]to get on hoverboards or climb trees,

0:11:06.680,0:11:10.136
so we all should be practicing

0:11:10.160,0:11:12.376
at home, in the office

0:11:12.400,0:11:14.496
and even right here getting up the guts

0:11:14.520,0:11:16.880
to talk to someone that you really admire.

0:11:18.360,0:11:22.376
Finally, when your girl is, let's say,

0:11:22.400,0:11:24.496
on her bike on the top of the steep hill

0:11:24.520,0:11:27.936
that she insists[br]she's too scared to go down,

0:11:27.960,0:11:30.080
guide her to access her bravery.

0:11:30.720,0:11:34.976
Ultimately, maybe that hill[br]really is too steep,

0:11:35.000,0:11:38.920
but she'll come to that conclusion[br]through courage, not fear.

0:11:39.920,0:11:43.816
Because this is not[br]about the steep hill in front of her.

0:11:43.840,0:11:45.720
This is about the life ahead of her

0:11:46.400,0:11:48.176
and that she has the tools

0:11:48.200,0:11:50.296
to handle and assess

0:11:50.320,0:11:53.576
all the dangers[br]that we cannot protect her from,

0:11:53.600,0:11:57.480
all the challenges that we won't[br]be there to guide her through,

0:11:58.160,0:12:00.616
everything that our girls here

0:12:00.640,0:12:02.016
and around the world

0:12:02.040,0:12:03.840
face in their future.

0:12:06.200,0:12:07.440
So by the way,

0:12:08.400,0:12:11.176
the world record for crawling today --

0:12:11.200,0:12:13.576
(Laughter)

0:12:13.600,0:12:16.640
is 35.18 miles,

0:12:18.520,0:12:21.976
and I would really love[br]to see a girl go break that.

0:12:22.000,0:12:28.356
(Applause)